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Tid322

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Everything posted by Tid322

  1. I haven't ever gotten over my depression, but I was a bit better at coping and went years without episodes. But the reason I got off, was because they were causing me severe panic attacks and depression, which defeated the purpose of the medication. It's been a long time, so to be honest I cannot remember if it was against medical advice or not (probably was, I was a dumb teenager). I do remember I just decided to not take them anymore, spoke with my doctor, and never got on anything else. If the medicine helps you, I would never suggest not taking it or quitting abruptly. You should definitely seek your doctor's guidance. Maybe a phone call could remedy the situation. If your doctor isn't readily available a pharmacist could probably at least let you know if that is an abnormal symptom to worry about.
  2. I think it's only natural to tie our depression into religion on some aspect, whether we believe or not. I can fully appreciate this and can honestly say I have thought all of this at some point in my life. This post is very accurate. Then I say to myself, if God is real, why does he hate me so much to allow this? Which sends me into a further depressive state. No offense to the deeply religious as well, but I have never felt so much self-hate as I have after joining a church. I feel like the churches I have attended, really know how to make an individual feel inferior, and worthless. I feel like they did this to break someone down, in order to build them up with their own agenda. I'm not saying that's all churches or religions, just my experience. anyhow, well written.
  3. There is a point, your life means something. If not to yourself in the moment, I guarantee to someone else. Even if it's a stranger on the internet that can relate and feel some small sense of comrodery. I am sorry you are struggling with your existence, but know you aren't alone. Life can be lonely, but being alone isn't the end of life. You being here, and this post matters to me, because I understand it and feel it myself. You are worth more than you think and feel. I don't think it's attention seeking, it's just putting your feelings that you've likely kept bottled up finally on display.
  4. I've had a wave of heat or a ring of fire it felt like, start from the tip of my head and work it's way to my toes when I was on medication for depression. I spoke with my doctor and ultimately got off of all medication. I don't think it is normal reaction, I would highly suggest speaking with your doctor about the issue and see what he would say to address it. Best wishes.
  5. I'm sorry that everyone is struggling with this sickness. Depression can be a battle for everyone involved. Although I am sure she doesn't wish it to be that way. It is just a matter of facts. Unfortunately, it isn't a battle you can fight for her, only beside her. I would suggest maybe taking up a healthy new hobby for her. Not consciously tying it into the depression or health aspect of it, but hopefully inadvertently it will affect her behavior. Having something new to look forward to, and put energy into might be something small to help lift her spirits. Since her physical capabilities might hinder far journeys or physically heavy activities, start small. Maybe invest in a wii video game system and every Friday night, have a family "bowling" night on the wii. It'll get her active, which is good for her physically, and exercise releases endorphins (she can do it sitting if standing isn't an option). Also gives her that something special where she feels included and the excitement of looking forward to something. I hope you find something that works to help everyone cope. Know that you're a good daughter for loving her through it all.
  6. What about a rental car? I'd suspect that'd be cheaper than driving lessons. I know locally I can rent one for only $25 (USD) a day.
  7. While I'm not sure of all of the single 30+ individuals sexual history, it remains the same that there seems to be higher amounts of single individuals into the later years in life, and a lot that I have known had not had any significant relationships or any. I know it may feel like you're the only one at times, but I'm certain you are not. I don't know that saying something to a single female customer would be such a bad thing. As long as you don't make it awkward. There's ways to go about it, which wouldn't be unprofessional in my opinion. We all have to meet somewhere, somehow. And the same goes for volunteering. It's not like you'd be 100% self-serving. You'd be providing a service to help others, and meeting individuals with a like-mind set. It really would benefit more than yourself. As for the gym, people do tend to keep to themselves there as well, but I feel like consistency is key. You start seeing the same individuals regularly and they see you. Inevitably it opens you up to talk to an attractive lady. I wish I could offer more ideas. I'm pretty socially awkward, although somewhat of an extrovert. I hope you find something that works for you. Maybe just try complimenting a lady at work, nothing about her body, but her earrings, or shirt, or something that isn't so personal, but she can get a hint of interest, and makes her feel good about herself, and will likely let her open up to you, "thanks! These earrings were my grandmothers." That gives you a pretty wide opening for conversation and shows that she wants to open up to you. sorry I keep rambling on. I better stop. Best wishes to you!
  8. Like Lunachick, I've been doing the same thing. Exposure therapy truly does work wonders. The more you are successful everytime you drive, the more confidence you're going to feel in your ability. If you can borrow someone's car and just try going around your neighborhood at first. Places you are familiar. You can slowly and gradually build up your confidence. I used to make myself vomit, shake, hyperventilate when I had to drive. Luckily I had my husband, who I trusted to help me out. He would go with me, although having someone in the car also gave me anxiety, he was positive and encouraging. And when I would start to panic too much, he would have me pull over and he would take over. So, I was overcoming driving with others and just driving in general. Is there anyone you could trust to help? A family member? Good friend? Coworker? I really feel like an encouraging individual could really be beneficial for you to help you learn to get a handle on things. Its been a few years, but I can even do long road trips with very minimal anxiety at the wheel. Where as when I started I puked my first time going around the block in my own neighborhood. You can do this! You've done it before on a huge scale. Just don't give up.
  9. I totally get you about being out of the social loop. I feel like there gets to be a certain age that friendships just fall apart, out of the fact that life takes over. I'm in the same boat, as I have no real socialization, as I have no friends. It does seem that people tend to stick to themselves and their social circles, and it is pretty rare to hear stories of others meeting randomly like we used to. I feel like it's internet or friends from preschool nowadays. Since you have lack of success on the internet, perhaps you could try and expand your social circle? Maybe take up some new hobbies? Volunteer for a cause you feel passionate about? Join an adult sports team? Go to the gym? Or if you're religious, go to church, and bible study. I've also noticed a lot of attractive individuals that are finding themselves single well into their upper thirties, through no fault of their own. It's something with the times. People are becoming hyper focused on their careers, school, debts, and giving less time to relationships, whether that is on the level of intimacy or just friendship. The times have certainly changed from my perception.
  10. Hey GAJ. I'm nearly 32, and I would find it extremely awkward and odd for me to tell an individual that they're attractive within my age range. I don't think that is as common of a thing as you actually think. I feel like there are other ways someone would divulge their interest, flirting, smiling, eye contact, physical touching. I think it's pretty natural for people to not say this to someone they would actually have a chance with for fear of rejection. Now as for the older ladies or unattractive ladies saying it, I am suspecting they're saying it out of the fact that there is zero chance between you two. I've complimented good looking older men and younger men, because it's a mutual understanding that there is no real interest, though they are attractive, if that makes any sense? I say look for other signs and cues from ladies. Throw out other signs and cues to ladies, you may be pleasantly surprised of their reaction.
  11. I'm sorry you're having a rough time, at a very important part of your life. Have you considered contacting your school professors so that they have a little bit of an understanding of your current situation. It may give some leniency for your school work until you receive help. To be honest, the best way I have found to get things done that just have to get done, is by forcing myself to fake it. I know it may not be for everyone, and might not work, but it's a chance worth trying if you can. I've been very depressed and when I can get away with it, I'm not even showering or leaving the house. But my kids are my motivation, I don't want them to see me this way, so I fake it. I fake being happy, and silly, and it motivates me to get out of bed, off the couch, and play with them. School can be your motivation. If you succeed in this you can move forward. All you need to do is fake your emotions, until you complete your task, or until you actually start to feel a little better. I've found that after faking it for days, my attitude does slightly pick up, and the next days get easier. I will say it isn't a permanent fix for me. I can quickly sink back, but it may just hold you over until you get the help you need. Sorry I have nothing else to offer really, but I truly hope you can find the motivation you need and desire.
  12. Sorry. I've never taken the drug. You say you have been on the combination for nine months. Has this been an issue the entire nine months? Or is this after your recent outing? If after nine months this has become a regular issue that isn't letting up, I'd seriously consider speaking with your doctor about it. Perhaps he can find a new combination that would work for you without the anxiety. I will say I have taken both lexapro and Effexor, which both gave me huge anxiety attacks. If you were taking both of those without issue prior though ignore my comment. But if it is also new to the game, you may consider that a culprit as well. I hope you're able to work with your doctor to find a good match.
  13. Don't let yourself fail. If school isn't an option until the fall semester, then try to busy yourself. Get a part time job, lots of places hire for the summer season. Or volunteer somewhere to get yourself time out of your house away from your family. It'll also keep you busy, accountable and motivated to continue on into the fall. Best wishes.
  14. You don't have to get too specific. Just say there are some personal issues that you are addressing. That way he knows you are working on the issue as well, and it isn't a demise to your work ethics. And be straight forward about what you need from him, the assurance of your job. I hope it goes well. Best wishes
  15. Perhaps a professional email would be in order? It could give you time to help you think out every little aspect of the situation. Rather than blurting out what you may not feel you need to share, or missing an important part. I would leave the message open ended so that your boss can ask any questions that he may need to in order to make it a match in your work relationship. Perhaps write it today, let him know by phone you're sending it, and give yourself a couple days to let him process all of the information, before returning to work. Then hopefully you both can work to address it together. I feel like that way everything that needs to be said, is said, and you can have confidence in what transpires, because you get to control the situation.
  16. I'm sorry you're facing difficult times. Is this your first bout of depression? I know it's hard to admit your emotions with the stigma that depression has attached to it, and the common misconception of how a male "should be", but it is important that you let your loved ones understand. They can help be your supporters. If they can't help, then they can help motivate you to move in the right direction to get help. Have you talked with a therapist? If not, I'd consider that to be the next step. Sometimes talking alone can be extremely beneficial, sometimes more is needed. A doctor can help assess what is the correct course of action for you.
  17. I'm sorry Sailing. I wish I could say it gets better, but in my experience is doesn't. I will be 32 in a little over a week, and it's only getting worse with age. I've lost all my friends along the years. The older I got, the more people gained family and responsibilities, and had less time to maintain a friendship. It makes me constantly question what I am doing wrong when I hear or see other people my age having card nights with other couples, and out having social lives. So for some people, they are completely able and competent. Usually those people have maintained their friendships from childhood. I recently moved to where I live, and have tried to make new friends, completely and embarrassingly putting myself out there. Everytime I have tried has been a huge failure, which makes me not want to ever try. But there is one fact that remains, despite the pain, you have to keep trying in order to obtain that desired friendship. No matter how many failures you endure. It's the only way to get what you desire. Keep at it until you find that special individual, or until your desire fades away. You can always message me on here! Don't ever feel like you're "desperate", if you do. I like to chat.
  18. I was thinking along the same lines as idk. Perhaps you could start your own business? Or maybe consider investing in a keyturn operation where you can hire others to fulfill the responsibilities. That way some of the stress would be off your shoulders and you could be more free. I remember going through the same exact depression back in my early 20's. I remember it felt so demeaning, and that I had to settle for everything in my life. I ended up changing my direction in school to a degree in something I was actually interested in, though I knew it wasn't something as financially sound. It gave me a little bit more freedom mentally. Maybe you could consider a path of education that is more desirable to you? Or if that isn't possible, figure out a way to make your career choice work for you, by creating a business that you can control yourself, or service out to someone to do for you. If none of that's possible, perhaps invest more free time into something you love to offset the constricted lifestyle. Best wishes with whatever you chose.
  19. Although you have not divulged the exact situation, I can say I totally get this post and can 100% relate. Hopefully that is some small consolation. It's infuriating and feels hopeless when no one can connect or understand or they undermine your feelings because they have yet to have the same experience. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. We're always here to chat.
  20. I really appreciate what Stonium had to say. It is exact and precise. You are not your job, and you need to prioritize yourself above all else. I would definitely look to improve your situation with another job, and most companies are understanding and accommodating for those two weeks. I used to hire for two different companies, and we always appreciated and respected any employees that finished out their two weeks with their employers before coming on board. It showed us responsibility, respect, and how much we could trust and expect the same treatment. I really don't foresee that being an issue. You will never know unless you try.
  21. Thanks for the info standup. I do live in the US, but unfortunately my husband makes a lot of money, he is just very irresponsible with it. He just bought a truck that cost more than our mortgage if that gives you an idea. We have been denied healthcare help before, when he was making less money, because of our high income. Unfortunately it doesn't take into account all of his acquired debts for frivolous items. I will definitely give it a try, because it cannot hurt, but I am honestly not very hopeful.
  22. Epictetus, I'm sorry about your tendinitis. I hope it's something that can eventually get better with time. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them, but I am having a hard time believing them. I feel like if I give myself leniency that I'm going to just mess up so many more things. Standup, thank you for your response. I unfortunately do not, nor can I see a therapist. We have terrible health insurance and with a recent financial burden my husband put on us, it just isn't possible. But also, when we were able to afford that, my husband argued with me that I don't need a therapist and that I am wasting my time and our money if I were to go to one. He said if I went that he would feel betrayed because I won't talk to him (I can't talk to him, he just argues with me and makes me feel guilty for feeling how I feel, and then starts a pi**ing contest with why he should be more depressed), but I'd talk to a "stranger". I also am breastfeeding our son so wouldn't take medicine while doing that. But I'd likely never try medication again because the therapist tried eight different medications/and combinations even more and all it did was give me wicked anxiety attacks until I hyperventilated passing out, or vomiting on myself. That was as a teen so I am afraid that medicine and me do not work. I really appreciate having this community. Because I am in no way exaggerating when I say I have no one. Even if it's just to vent.
  23. There has been an overwhelming amount of things going wrong in my life lately. From family members deaths, overwhelming guilt, to financial woes. I've been trying to keep positive but it's piling up. I don't have anyone to talk to, as I have no friends, and my husband only makes me feel guilty and shameful for my emotions rather than loving and comforting. Death is, what it is, and I can't change it. So oddly enough, it's probably affecting me the least. I am a stay at home mom and my kids (3&1) are overwhelming me to the point that I can't really leave the house with them. Their attitudes are embarrassing and atrocious. I know it reflects poorly on me as a parent as I receive dirty looks inside of the grocery store or bank. My husband blames me for their actions and attitudes. At first I rejected it, now I accept it. So I feel like a complete failure as a mom. I ask myself if it would be more selfish to continue being their mother or to leave and give them a better life? My husband could remarry someone better, kinder, more disciplinary, a better guider. Someone not so messed up mentally. He deserves someone better than me. Just another thing that makes me loathe myself even more. Everytime I say "I love you", to my husband it's met with questions and weariness. And when I say everytime, that isn't an exaggeration. It's never "I love you too." And hasn't been for years now. I've asked him to stop, but he says it's my fault because I'm not as loving or nice as I once was. So now I detach when I get upset, because I don't want to argue. I started on a weight loss journey recently and have lost a lot of weight healthily. I was enjoying a new outlet, now I don't care about that anymore. Sometimes I purposely go without meals because I want to punish myself, and I'm afraid that the loss is becoming more of an obsession than the health aspect. I feel like the weight-loss was the last thing I had control of and was at least doing one thing right in my life. Now I'm not even doing that right. I am just fed up and disappointed with myself. I hate myself more and more for my loss of my emotions and self control. I don't deserve to be here.
  24. There's nothing wrong with crying, no matter what gender. Everyone needs a good release of emotions. As for the anxiety, has your doctor given you any tasks to help ease your stress? Money, in general, is usually a big stress factor, so I hope you find some comfort in knowing your emotions are in no way abnormal. Have you considered digging in deep to figure out the issue? Pinpointing exactly what it is financially that is crippling you emotionally? Maybe figuring out and breaking it down may make it easier to logically think your way out of anxiety.
  25. I know this will sound cliche, but it is true. It sounds like you need to find happiness in yourself, rather than an outside source. If you are constantly seeking your self worth in other people, it is bound to fail. People can be flighty, unreliable, and ever changing. If you had a girlfriend, yeah, you'd be happy on the shallow spectrum, but really, would that solve your inner turmoil? Does your job offer therapy for employees? Could you seek a mental health professional yourself and pay out of your pocket? You don't need to let anyone else know about it if you are ashamed. I am sorry that it is so taboo where you live, making it difficult to receive help. But difficult does not equal impossible. I think the reward out weighs the risk, and that you should seek a therapist to help you work through your depression, and gain some coping and self loving skills. You are a wonderful person, that deserves to be treated so. Don't settle for anything less. Don't be afraid to try out new relationships with women because of your past. It isn't fair to base your future off past people in your life. I wish you all of the best, and I hope you can hurdle past the stigma of depression and get yourself help.
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