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Everything posted by Tid322

  1. Paper logic is great. Share away if you feel up to it! Facts are insightful and you never know what puzzle piece someone might have missed. I think that is so cool you majored in philosophy. It shows the kind of great mind and heart you possess. It isn’t a topic for the faint hearted. And sharing others solidarity is always appreciated. I’d love to hear whatever you’d care to share.
  2. I have pondered the thought that God is fallible. That man had perversed the image of God through what is written in the Bible. Because Jesus and the God of the Old Testament are in contradiction. But it was under Moses that he said an eye for an eye, it was under him that the commandments were received. But directly out of Jesus’s mouth he quotes mosaic law, “you’ve heard an eye for an eye..” (sorry, I’m too lazy to look up scripture I am paraphrasing) ..”If someone slaps your right cheek, turn to him your left”. The Bible says he was a pacifist and “a man of sorrows”. Regardless of if he was really the flesh of god, I feel like he must’ve known and endured a pain like no other on earth. Not just in his death but during his life. And I can’t help but ask why? But it’s never met with a equatable response. It’s hard to not wag my finger at the churches because it feels hypocritical. I’m not perfect by any means, but I am also not trying to portray that I am or that I have the answers. Because I sure don’t. I guess I’m not so much bitter at them, they’re just humans trying to exist as best they can. I’m more so indifferent but I should have more sympathy.
  3. From what I gather, only from man’s word about god so take it with a grain of salt, he is still omnipotent because he has the ability to swipe it all away. So then the new question is, do we really have free will?
  4. I don’t know that I agree with this. I don’t think people particularly like evil. I suspect for some narcissists that is true because that may be their only way to feel emotion. However for the vast majority I think it is a matter of preservation. It’s been made nearly financially impossible to display our hearts yearning to help others, so our society has been conditioned to think of themselves and their small group first. Survivability. If you surround yourself only with your small circle and don’t try to reach out and learn you close off experiences, you close yourself to empathy. You become cold hearted and mean. But I wouldn’t necessarily say evil. I don’t think the vast majority is okay with the way things are but what can one person do, is the mentality. Documentaries are my favorite things to watch. I’ve always been made fun of for it. But I have a huge desire to learn about all aspects of life. Especially others lives.And I totally get what you mean by everything is trying to **** you. Probability says we shouldn’t be alive, but since we are, I couldn’t imagine we will last too much longer. So maybe there is a light at the end of our cancerous existence? Thanks so much for writing. I really appreciated reading your perspective.
  5. Exactly! Why wouldn’t a LOVING parent do that? Shit I want to do that for people I don’t even know! How do our hearts compare to god’s?
  6. Oh, I love a good religious debate. I don’t shy away and I always like to listen to any side because you never know where you might learn something. Knowledge is everywhere. As for Jesus “wanting” to, I wouldn’t agree. He prayed for God to take that burden from him, of course of it was God’s will. So we can say without certainty he didn’t want to and I have would go further to say that it was certain death. And even though/if it was a self-sacrifice from Jesus, it was a blatant display of God’s lack of care for humanity. He takes the human in the highest esteem and purity and he watches him being brutalized. I believe church goers are the Pharisees and the sadducees in modern day.
  7. I appreciate your reply. I am not clear if this goes along at all with your own feelings or beliefs. Or if it’s just your interpretation of the Bible. As shocking as it may be, I am actually very well versed on the Bible, and have read it in its entirety. My husband was a preacher for a couple years and pretty much every single male in his family preaches. So I am by no means a stranger to the gospel. I think because of exposure it has only made me more bitter. Still none of it offers me a reasonable explanation to allow the suffering of humanity. I question the benevolence of a God who’s only method of salvation was the brutal slaying of his own innocent son. The fact that churches don’t act Christ like is proving. The fact that they act like it’s a sin to skip services makes me question the techniques of brainwashing.
  8. I’m not sure about what you did to warrant an apology to him. But if it was expressing your anger or frustrations, considering the circumstances and possible deception, I’m not sure why there is an apology. You shouldn’t be apologetic for your feelings or emotions and that is the impression I am getting from your message. Your emotions are righteous and deserve no reprimands. As for the entirety of the email from an outsiders perspective it is well thought out and written. However from his actions, I wouldn’t hold my breath for a reply. Nor invest anymore of myself or emotions into someone unwilling to reciprocate. You deserve better, don’t settle for less than your worth.
  9. Just went to read it. That really resonates. It really makes sense. If there is a god and a devil, I can understand why he rebelled. Maybe he got tired of the same bullshit we endure? They say that hell is the absence of god. But I have yet to see him interact, so maybe we’re already here.
  10. I’m sorry about your mom and I hope there is some happy existence after this life. There should be some reward for our endurance. I lost my dad when I was 13. He wasn’t a very good person to be honest (wow. Think this might be my first time admitting this openly) so I’m not sure how I feel about him living beyond, though I was a big daddy’s girl when he passed and it affected me terribly. That’s funny you said Science experiment. I remember I took a creative writing class in College and I wrote a short story from the perspective of a “God” that was observing us for a science project. A lot of people scoffed at first but I ended up being the hottest topic writer in the class. I guess god is a big seller. I really appreciate sharing the potential scenarios. Who knows what it might all really be? Bending ideas to suit a fallible god is much more alluring than one that doesn’t care.
  11. Having a hard time processing why a “God” would allow suffering. What purpose does it serve? I’ve heard the bull answer of, “free will. We have to learn from our mistakes!” But if you saw your child running in the street towards a semi-truck do you stop them? Or do you go, “aw man, he’s just gotta learn the hard way!” Of course you stop them, of course you protect your child, the love(s) of your life from life’s tragedies and certain death. If you saw someone ******* someone, and you had the ability to undeniably stop it and for everyone to be safe, why wouldn’t you? Or rape? Or even any smaller transgressions. If you had the ability to give someone wholeness and unconditional love would you not give it freely? Why doesn’t God? The debate is always free-will. Free will for what purpose? For an ego boost to some possibly fictitious omnipresent being that can sit by and idly witness every atrocity this world has offered? Yet there is reprieve for the wicked and hardship for the virtuous. What does God gain that is worth the world’s suffering? What do we gain besides the possibility of eternal cohabitation with a “God” that has serious sadist vibes. I’m growing more and more bitter without a valid answer for “God’s” inactions. This post isn’t meant to be a debate or to be offensive. So I’m sorry if anyone takes it that way, I apologize. My intentions aren’t to make anyone hurt or uncomfortable but to vent. If there is some infinite wisdom I am missing, please by all means, share the wealth of knowledge.
  12. Sounds like you have all the potential to continue this. You’ve already had great success. Is there anyone that could help you reign in your emotions if there’s ever another blunder? If so, is there any way to have them sit in on the class? I feel like maybe having back up might reboost that confidence until you’re ready to try again on your own. Also, I think it may be wise to mention the mix of medication to your doctor and or pharmacist to see what they say and maybe receive an alternative mix of medicines for when you’ve got a cold/sick. Best wishes!
  13. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. Happy pre-birthday. I hope that your birthday is better than you anticipate and you have a wonderful day with family or friends that appreciate you. I don’t know if you suffer from depression otherwise out of these circumstances but it can’t hurt to speak to a professional about your feelings. Or maybe just coming here to vent might be enough. Sometimes unloading some thoughts can help stave off the negative feelings of depression long enough to get my head around my issues. Not that it’s a perfect remedy but it’s better than completely ignoring your emotions. Anyhow, welcome to the forums.
  14. I feel like a good amount of society has become so self-obsessed, that ignoring others and their needs is common place. It’s foreign to see others think outside of their own boxes. I’m sorry, not trying to be a downer. But you’re not alone. Not sure if ignoring will help or not but it can’t hurt to try. Just remember not to lose yourself to the mission and become like what you hate.
  15. I had a friend from Minnesota and she’d always call casseroles a “hot dish”, which I thought was just cute. She would also call her backpack a bookbag and gum chewing gum. And of course soda was pop. I grew up in San Francisco so there was always a lot of mixes of cultures and I always enjoyed hearing what words other people would use. It’s interesting that you don’t have to travel far or even out of the US to hear such vast differences in slang.
  16. Relatable. Wonderful. Thanks for sharing it. Keep writing!
  17. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time financially and then have the added inequality your other family members receive, specifically your middle brother. And to top it off, being that far along and doing ANYTHING feels like a marathon! I don’t know the dynamics of you and your mom’s relationship but she could be just venting to you/on you. It seems we sometimes mistreat the ones we love most because we know that person won’t abandon us. Not saying that is what it is, just maybe an idea. That also is no justification. As for the cost of the car, I am assuming that the vehicle is communal? If so, it seems there should be a more equal agreement. If it isn’t a communally agreed cost, than is there anything stopping you from trading it in for a car at a cheaper monthly cost? Wishing you the best of luck. Hopefully things get smoother soon.
  18. I trust no one except you all. But that is still under the anonymity of the Internet. I think this is pretty typical. The very few people I have spoken to about my anxiety and depression have only ever used it against me. Either to threaten me or belittle me and remind me of my failures. I feel like society has been conditioned to find depression and other mental disorders as taboo. It’s a hard subject to bring up and once you do, you’re indefinitely marred with the misconceptions of this illness. There are some things I have never once told a living soul. I don’t think I could ever trust anyone with my deepest secrets. I feel like your feelings are completely understood and valid. It’s hard to trust when you’ve been broken by the ones you thought higher of.
  19. I hate to see a question go unanswered. I’m a NT individual so what I may have to say may hold no merit. Even as a NT individual I wouldn’t be quite comfortable with someone touching me until I knew them for a while. Which by that time I’d assume to know and understand that being touchy and feely isn’t quite so easy for you. And I’d hope that would be something they could respect and appreciate. I don’t know what kind of advice you’re soliciting from these videos but if they’re offering touch as a form of flirting I don’t find it good advice for anyone. As for flirting and making connections in general, I think it’s best you’re upfront. Being intentional, truthful and an open book is going to earn you big points with a possible mate. Explaining your Aspergers but conveying your feelings to someone is allowing yourself a vulnerability that I think anyone would appreciate. Whether the emotions are reciprocated or not. I hope that what I’m saying makes sense. And hopefully you can gain some confidence in yourself, exactly as you are.
  20. I agree with taking some time off. I’d take a sick day if possible. I know more and more companies are finally understanding the importance of mental sick days as well. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I understand anger and frustration. Having those feelings can lead to even more anger and frustration with yourself. Life’s circumstances can seem so debilitating. You’re amongst many that understand. We’re here to listen and let out your frustrations.
  21. It seems you have a lot of self awareness and a good handle on your strengths and weaknesses. To be honest, it’s a little concerning reading all this and seeing your perspective as you being victimized. Though you don’t outright put it that way. There’s an air of confusion and a lack of reasoning to their vindictiveness. So much that I question if you’re missing a big picture or that you’re outright ignoring the real reasoning. Because being anti-social and socially awkward has never warranted myself or anyone else I know to elicit such responses. Forgive me if I am wrong. I would hate to point the finger at the victim but is there a chance you are not looking at the picture in its entirety? I find that the majority of people don’t set out to be so cruel to someone with no reasoning. There might’ve been a point where they felt victimized by your actions but I doubt your social cues or lack thereof to be the reasoning. Maybe I am ASSuming. Either way, I wouldn’t suggest blindly apologizing. I would ask to have a sit down with everyone that is affected. Let them speak without interruption and without your defenses up (which is hard for any normal human being). Then once they’re done addressing any issues with you that they might have, ask them to give you the same respect you gave them, by listening to your response to what they had to say. Even and open communication is best when working in tight quarters. And switching jobs won’t fix poor communication for you or for your coworkers. I hope you confront this head on and can squash any issues. Wishing you the best of luck.
  22. Being pregnant can cause a lot of anxiety. I’m glad you were able to be seen to check on the baby. Just a tip: if you don’t feel the baby move again in the future try drinking some orange juice or something else sugary and give it a few minutes to kick in. That usually did the trick for my kids when I couldn’t feel them or they were being lazy. I hope things get a bit easier for you.
  23. Have you ever had the desire to desire? But you just can’t muster up the will to care anymore? I am at that point. I’m finding myself staring blankly for hours at a time into nothing. No thoughts. Nothing to recall from hours wasted. An empty soul in an empty shell. Every single thing I used to love, I’ve become indifferent to. Nothing sparks joy, excitement, promise. I desire so much to desire but I could not care any less about life. I am not suicidal, because I don’t care enough to be. I feel pointless and purposeless. I find no reasoning in trying to seek help. “Help”, is never the kind I need and is always fruitless. I’m not sure how to fix myself but nothing has worked so far and continuing to do nothing is so much easier. Sometimes I pretend to be doing something on my phone, so I don’t arouse my family’s interest in me. I don’t want my children to know I am literally wasting my life away in a mental abyss. I don’t wish this knowledge upon them. I wish I cared enough to care for me but, I don’t.
  24. I have nobody as well. I can’t talk to the person I am supposed to be closest to and most comfortable with, my husband. He just tells me I have it good and I need to stop complaining. He doesn’t get it, I feel increasingly disconnected from him. I moved away from my family, lost all my friends, slowly changed my personality to make him happy, moved away from all my hobbies. I feel empty and I don’t have one single person to talk to. I’m always fearful to talk to someone. I’m fearful they will treat me as a burden and my feelings as insignificant. Instead I have to constantly pretend I am happy and have a great life to avoid arguments with my husband and to ensure my kids don’t see me sad. I even made an online friend, which I am too shameful to express and explain my mental hang ups to. I wish I had someone. Anyone.
  25. My husband’s family is full of preachers. They all regurgitate the same line your pastor does, “true happiness comes from the Lord”. I’m not saying this to be rude or controversial, I am just trying to give you some perspective. One of his preaching family members we suspect purposely killed himself, one is a pathological liar, and another has issues with severe depression and sexual deviance. Those are the ones we know of with issues, I’m sure like any other humans the rest do as well. All of this to say, I don’t think anyone has it figured out. I think that some people say stuff to reassure others. But I personally think being deep into the word of god can make someone even more depressed. It’s like seeing this beautiful heavenly contrast of perfection and then turning to face the reality of life. We are nowhere remotely rewarded on earth and looking at what the world has to offer us isn’t really pretty. I think what you are doing in and for society is beautiful and amazing and is about as good as it can get. As selfless and honorable as we wish to be in the world, we are unlikely to see that given back. Do what makes you feel your best. Sometimes it’s a hard fight with yourself but in the end I assume as most do, you feel so much better about it all.
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