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Everything posted by Tid322

  1. Hello! I hope that you will find these forums a safe place to converse. You are definitely not alone when it comes to not having support or someone to speak with. Myself, along with many others turn to these forums as our source of support. Whatever it is, please feel free to express it here.
  2. It sounds like you need new REAL friends and acquaintances. It’s hard to imagine someone could be so cruel. I would also suggest that you don’t need to offer this information to anybody. Your sexual life should be no one else’s concern. Don’t feel pressured to present this information so freely. If you don’t supply it they do not have ammunition. With that being said, perhaps you should start highlighting your achievements. If you invest more time into what you are confident in, it should make you feel better and more confident. More time spent doing things you are confident in = more time feeling confident. Maybe make it your new hobby or focus. Maybe make new friends with that similar interest. Just some ideas. But I really think it’s important to rid yourself of toxic people that put you down or avoid them as much as humanly possible. Also, sorry people are assholes.
  3. This is quoted directly from national cancer institute .gov: A type of human papilloma virus (HPV) that can cause cervical cancer and other types of cancer, such as cancers of the anus, V*****, vulva, penis, and oropharynx. Most high-risk HPV infections go away on their own without treatment, and do not cause cancer. Also called high-risk human papillomavirus. I hope this helps alleviate some anxiety.
  4. I would also like to add that the HPV that causes genital warts is not cancerous. I worked with OB clinics for a few years and learned this from the doctors. Genital warts may be annoying but they are treatable and not deadly. Like above, most people have HPV and it is more likely to not be cancerous.
  5. I think “weird” as usually an attractive quark in individuals. I’d also much rather be perceived as weird than not interested. But it is ultimately you that has to make the decision of what they are comfortable with. From an outside look I’d much prefer someone to tell me why they wouldn’t want to be touched and seem weird than maybe have that fear that there is something wrong with me. If you are as blunt as you say you are I don’t see how that could be misconstrued. I think leaving it up to others imaginations could be a poor choice. But like I said, ultimately it is what you are comfortable with. And you don’t owe anyone an explanation. I’m only stating how someone might feel, perhaps inadequate or otherwise without prior knowledge. Best wishes in your decision.
  6. I had some years where my anxiety and panic attacks completely stopped. I used meditation, breathing techniques and loads of walking. I wish I could utilize the techniques I used back then but they just don’t work. I don’t know why I’m so ****ing broke. My panic attacks have gotten so intense lately that twice within the past two months I have had to pull my car over while driving my son to school because I thought I was going to black out. Then I feel like the world’s worst parent. I can’t even do something as stupid and simple as get my son safely to school. How ****ing pathetic. Once I dropped him off at school, I would be okay with the thought of my anxiety getting me killed. He doesn’t need a useless parent.
  7. My interest is piqued. Which two songs? Just out of curiosity.
  8. You’re right. It isn’t helping. And I loathe the “hang on” jargon immensely. But I figure the ones saying it are coming from a good place, regardless of the useless banter. Regardless of how meaningless this all feels, I try my hardest to see it from someone else’s perspective. No matter the outcome of my perception and pointlessness. I question infinitely the purpose of all the bs. I feel like if there is a god there should be some sort of revelation for the absence of purpose. But life keeps on trucking through the abyss.
  9. Random: I was literally just thinking of you and about to send you a PM to see how you were doing. I hadn’t seen you post in a while. Though I’m sure it’s no consolation, and out of selfishness, I’m glad to see you posting here, because I know you’re still here. I’m sorry, there is nothing to be said or done from myself. I can commiserate. I don’t know if you have better days than others, but I hope you do. And I hope you can hang onto those days, no matter how meager they may be.
  10. In my experience it depends on the individual’s personal preference. I know I generally don’t like to touch or be touched as a NT individual most times. But I think a lot of people do expect touching as a way to flirt, eventually, not immediately. And if your discomfort is not explained, I could see how your body language has been misconstrued. I think as someone looking from the outside, it would be in your best interest to be upfront and informative to these ladies. Explaining how it is a struggle for you, will help educate them as well as teach them that your lack of touch or desire to be touched isn’t synonymous with lack of interest in them. Autism, I feel like is just finally getting the recognition it needs. Which means a lot of people aren’t really educated on the matter. I feel like explaining and educating people is key to the world understanding Autism better. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone but I think it would be beneficial to you in the long run.
  11. I remember growing up watching my mom suffer with chronic pain and migraines. A simple day of laundry would turn into her having to sleep off the pain all day. Doctors tested her for lupus, ms, amongst many other ailments and either denied her pain or pawned her off on another doctor. It was hard and I tried to help her as much as I could growing up. Finally a doctor believed her and diagnosed her with fibromyalgia. All this to say, the whole medical system is the worst culprit of disbelief in people’s physical pain. It’s infuriating to watch someone you love suffer because they’re hard to medically diagnos or denying them is easier. I’ve also seen loved ones deny medical care because of their fear of being labeled by medical personnel. I wish more people would have compassion. It’s already so hard for them to get by daily from the pain, then they have this stigma tattooed on their face.
  12. It is hard to put on the mask and be strong everyday when I just want to crumple. I imagine the strong loner lives on a deserted island where no outside influences can falter their sense of self. If one really does exist. Thank you both for the support and understanding and not making me feel like shit for my shortcomings.
  13. I’m sorry you don’t feel accepted. I feel like we would make great friends IRL. I can relate to you on a lot of levels so many times. I find myself shaking my head in agreement reading your posts often. I don’t think you’re strange, I think you’re real and a beautiful soul. I agree that it isn’t their right but I know I can’t control others. I’m embarrassed that I let their opinions affect me. Somedays I let that roll off my back then other days something just strikes me. I feel weak admitting such ludicrousness.
  14. That song is already a hate for me, no matter who sings it. And the same, any of the new renditions with now famous pop stars is a travesty to the Christmas music genre. I prefer the classics like Nat King Cole, Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald and Bing Crosby.
  15. I’m not a Christmas music hater. However I can totally see and get why anyone doesn’t enjoy it. It’s repetitive, it’s always the same songs rewrapped and performed. There really isn’t anything imaginative about the same music over and over. Just here to say as a Christmas music liker, I fully support and understand your dislike. Not that you needed my acceptance in any way. Just saying there’s many validities to this. I think the main reason I like Christmas music isn’t because of the music, but for the nostalgia and memories associated with the songs. I only enjoy particular singers for particular songs because those are the classics I grew up with. Any other version will not do for me. Anyway, sorry for the long rambling.
  16. Just like the title reads. I guess I am seeking advice on acceptance of not being accepted. It’s a struggle for me currently. I have gotten myself in a living situation where not only am I not accepted but I am shunned and treated as a burden. And the worst is my children are being treated that way too. I feel like I can accept my own dismissal but theirs is what kills me. It is only one of the smaller things in my life bothering me but I for some reason can’t let it go. I feel like if I can accept our non-acceptance into society that maybe some pains and my self-loathing may diminish. Maybe this is just a pathetic attempt to defer my attention elsewhere. My hopes with acceptance will be less caring and less let downs in life. Some days I have no cares because I have no desires. Other days our solitude hurts and I want to learn to control the pain of those days. Any advice would be appreciated.
  17. I’m sorry. Nostalgia has me depressed too. It seems relationships do not hold the same merit as they did back in the day. I wish there was something to say that would make things better for you but there just isn’t. Hopefully with time you will find some comfort or contentment. At least you and your father have one another. I hope you can find some happiness in that.
  18. I have hopes for my family. I constantly wonder if me being alive is hindering those hopes. The fear that I am ruining their lives being me consumes me and I battle what would be better for them in my head. I have nothing for myself. No desires. I know I am hopeless.
  19. 1. I do “travel in lousy social circles”, but I think I speak for most here, if I am wrong I apologize, but with the selfishness of society we literally have no choice. We can not control others actions or inactions. I’ve tried making friends with the most random of people and it doesn’t happen. I’m always there for others but nothing is ever reciprocated. Maybe you are the other side of this equation that is leaving others high and dry when needed and that’s why you can’t understand our plight. 2. I’m not misinterpreting exact words from others mouths. Or the literal lack of interest in anything but themselves. Just because YOU haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean it isn’t real thing for us. Your post is kind of proving our point. It’s always what that ONE individual’s experience is and no one else’s matters. 3. I don’t watch TV.
  20. I’m sorry to hear you are struggling, if it’s any consolation you’re not alone in the grand scheme of things. Statistics show that there is a loneliness epidemic with nearly 50% of the American population reporting to be lonely. It’s certainly depressing. I think it’s due in part to the outreaches of the Internet and social media. Although it’s the greatest tool to be ourselves in anonymity on the web and to find others like us, it’s also our downfall. We’re all locked into this virtual self and ignoring those around us. To the point it seems nearly impossible to make real connections without the help of the World Wide Web. I say “we” and “us” as a generalization to be inclusive or non-inclusive. Take the information as you will. My suggestion is to use that anonymity to your advantage. Find some local forums and test the waters with your beliefs and personality. Or if you feel brave enough maybe find some other local artists to chat with. Or some other place or hobby you’d find interesting and put yourself out there. There should be no shame in who you are, and your self importance doesn’t hinder on what others believe you to be. Do what makes you happy. If others don’t like it, they have the ability and right to look the other way. Best of luck.
  21. Talking, writing, journaling are all great ways to get your thoughts and emotions out. However I wouldn’t say that any of those things can solve problems. I kind of look at coming here like releasing some of the extreme pressures of my life and letting my emotions be known without fear of repercussions. But after it’s typed out, I still have the same problems that haunt me. I just feel a tiny bit less shitty about it all, then carry on through the muck.
  22. I’m so happy to read that you found this place when in need. I’m so grateful it is here for an array of people from every age and every walk of life. And even for those not suffering that have a true passion to help and understand their loved ones. I can’t imagine how many times this place of commiserations has saved someone. I haven’t met anyone on here that hasn’t readily held out their hand to me despite their own drowning. It shows the kind of selfless beauty I hope to see in the rest of the world and a glimmer of hope. Having everyone that understands or at least tries to with sincerity is so foreign these days, but not on this forum. You all don’t make me feel bad for my thoughts, or guilty for my shortcomings. I love that everyone here can come together and celebrate the small victories that others might not understand is so incredibly arduous. This place has saved me time and time again from my own despair and mental anguish and with it being the only place I can openly express myself, it will continue to be my place of refuge.
  23. I agree, sympathy is hard. It’s especially hard when they demonize others for doing nothing wrong, but go about their lives doing deplorable things by anyones standards and hiding behind the cross. And saying they’re covered by the blood. So in their book it’s bad for two consenting adults of the same sex to truly, deeply and completely love one another. Which affects no one but those two consenting adults but because Christians have Christ it’s okay if they molest children, rape, ****, because they have the blood or Christ. It’s so hypocritical and gross. I know most aren’t like this, but I know some that are cheating on their wives and using drugs and have beaten their children but it’s okay, god covered them. Sorry I am rambling. It’s infuriating. I think it’s wise of you to cling to Jesus and not the church. I think that actually gives me a good perspective and a good feeling. I really like that aspect of what you’re saying. What I am getting from it and correct me if I am wrong: Don’t look at the perversed Jesus of Christianity but look at the humanitarian that loved all. Regardless of his actual status and hierarchy.
  24. Really, what is so great? Sorry, I really chuckled at this comment. I appreciate the laugh and honesty. I’ve gone back and forth on the idea of creation vs evolution. I do feel like our intelligence doesn’t seem random. But who knows. We’re all randomly here. On this forum. Life seems like a series of random bull shit. Yet I still honestly do believe there is intelligence and a god. I’m just not certain why, and why us?
  25. Do you believe that him turning our suffering into eternal good is why he allows the suffering? Where does this belief come from? Is there an answer for the suffering that we experience now? Also, what kind of revenge are we talking about? Is the revenge hell in your understanding? If hell is the absence of god, can we say we’re in it now since he has left us? Or does the Holy Spirit stand in restitution? You left me with so many questions. I am intrigued. Sorry I hope I’m not bombarding you.
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