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About Tid322

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  1. Tid322

    HELP!!!! Everything inside me hurts

    I'm so sorry you are struggling with this enormous ball of pressure and emotions. I am sorry that you feel used and that you feel you have no one to speak to freely. This website is a wonderful tool to speak open and freely with anonymity. I honestly do not know how I would handle your situation with her. Does she give you any signs that she may be interested in you more than just a friend? I would find it hard to not acquire strong feelings for someone that I am sharing my secrets with. Beyond professionals and anonymity of the internet, I feel like sharing those feelings builds a sense of intimacy naturally. I'd give it time. Test to see if your feelings subside. I'm not sure that coming out to her would ruin the friendship for her side, so as long as it doesn't ruin it for you I think you should venture forward when you feel it is necessary and you are ready. Best of luck!
  2. Tid322

    But I think that time has passed.

    How much vacation time does your current job afford you? Could you accumulate your time and even some personal non-paid time to travel extended yearly? It could be a good compromise to what is needed for your father and grandmother, the stability and ability to afford said travels. And it gives you more time than a few days or week to get the taste of the country you rightly desire. You are still young yet. I know physically it can all be taxing and draining day after day but it doesn't mean its impossible. If it is something you truly desire, and you have the means to have zero attachments for an extended vacation, I say why not take the time and go? Maybe having that yearly upcoming break may invigorate you and excite you out of your slumber. I don't know. I may just be talking out of my ass.
  3. Tid322

    So Frustrated

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and I can assure you, you’re not the only one. I can say I went through this for a long time and then went into what I describe as a time of recovery. No therapy or medication worked, I changed the monotony even though it made me writher inside. I did things out of my comfort zone and eventually a veil lifted. I was happy for a long time. Then the monotony struck again. Have you tried changing your routine? Adding a new hobby to preoccupy your mind?
  4. Tid322

    Nothing is working

    Cosb. When I was 20 I called an apartment complex in a big city and asked if I could work off my rent to live there because it was close to a school I wanted to attend. They didn’t offer me full rent, but a huge reduction: 1/4th the cost. I literally packed my life into one suitcase, a backpack and a purse and moved out there by bus for $14. I secured a second job at a coffee shop three blocks away. It cost me nothing for my first months rent because I started working halfway into the month which covered the costs of that month. I didn’t end up attending school until a year later but I had a full plate. Point being, there might be options out there you hadn’t thought about. Maybe try looking for apartments offering jobs to secure a roof over your head and spread from there. I’m not saying these are definites and you should or will be able to obtain these because I had. Everyone is fortuned a different opportunity but I am saying maybe look outside the box of where you’ve looked prior. If you haven’t already. Also, just to let you know, it was the most of unglamorous and smelly jobs. I handled the garbage and cleaned the shoots of a 65 unit building.
  5. Tid322

    Nothing is working

    Being 33 myself, I can attest to the same feelings glfinding. I feel so wasteful when I look back at my late teens and twenties. Teenage years are hard, because you’re thrown into a world of possibilities with little direction, compassion, and understanding. 18 is exceptionally hard because you’re of legal standing now. You’re liable for yourself and your own actions. All of these things can mount but there sounds to be possibilities and ways. You just have to decide what you are willing to do to obtain what you want. Then once you’ve decided you’re willing to do them, you have to assess if they’re truly possible. Is moving to a city a possibility for you? It may open you to all of your desires of a school in the degree you want to obtain and a job to secure your future. It sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders. It’s hard to sift through the muck of depression and overwhelming problems. But if you can find a glimmer of happiness in any of your ideas, try your hardest to pursue it. Best wishes.
  6. I think your dad may need some time. Emotions are rightfully high given the circumstances. Maybe you all could ask to reconvene in a couple weeks so things can be worked out. But just incase, eviction isn’t an overnight thing. There are court legalities that have to be followed if you have lived there for 30 days or more. Family or not. It is a long process and usually not in favor of the owner but the occupant. With that said, it sounds like you could use a healthy outlet to vent your frustrations or maybe to speak to your therapist about a healthy way to express your emotions about your bombarding surroundings. I have a family member with high functioning aspergers and it is common for them to be irrational or to say or do inappropriate things. So although it is hard for you to deal with, it is even harder for her to understand and control those feelings. It is a vicious disorder. Have you talked to your therapist about your interactions with your sister? If not it may be helpful. I know one of the things we were told to practice with our family member is: five things you can see. Four things you can touch. Three things you can hear. Two things you can smell. One thing you can taste. We use this formula before a fit, to ground her and make her more aware and calm. I know it’s hard always being the bigger person, but in this instance you are the one better equipped. But I do think you need to find an outlet for your sanity. You deserve better than you’re treated.
  7. Tid322


    You’re still here. You still open your eyes. You’re still making the decision to be who you are. I would consider all you’ve done a huge accomplishment. It isn’t the act in themselves but the will behind them that means so much. When severe depression hits, being alive can be so consuming. Just get by day by day. However you see fit. You are capable. You’ve done it thus far. Keep on and I hope your days get easier with time a repetition. If you ever need someone to listen, we are all here. Anytime any day.
  8. Tid322

    Depressed because of... everything

    I was literally just reading an article about this very situation yesterday. It is infuriating. In our society it was ingrained: you go to college, get a degree, and you can obtain the American dream, living comfortably and securely day by day. But that is completely and utterly ridiculous. The economic divide is greater than ever. In the article, big name companies stated that in order to secure a position with their company you had to have a BA/BS but they were only offering $11-16 an hour. Yet the CEO/CFO/COO’s we’re averaging in the millions for their yearly salary. Some didn’t even have a degree. It is completely stacked against the hardest working and completely unfair. Worse yet, the debt acquired to obtain said degree is atrocious. Most people are going more in debt than they would make in two years of salary for their job they acquired the degree for! It isn’t you. It really isn’t. The system has set most up to fail. Maybe not all but not everyone can be included in the ability to live beyond paycheck to paycheck. Dare I say most, if not all, that I know are one big bill away from bankruptcy. With the ever growing economic gap, financial freedom is an impossible, with retirement age exceeding mosts expectations. I feel like the only time we will finally be able to rest is at death. Sorry to be so sad and morose. This has also been something heavy on my heart. When I see family on their death bed, still struggling to feed themselves. Even after they served our country for years, only for their bravery and sacrifices to be forgotten. It is depressing. I am sorry. But I do hope that someday you can find some happiness outside of it all. When you snag your job, find happiness in the assurance of your paycheck. Best wishes friend.
  9. Tid322

    post ECT brain problems

    I’ve never done EC therapy personally so I cannot attest to it’s efficacy. However, I did know someone that while in a mental detention center was given this type of therapy as a means of recovery from his disorder. He swore it did absolutely nothing for him with no ill affects. Hopefully this will bump your post and grab the attention of someone else with actual experience to help you. Best wishes!
  10. Tid322

    Non depression people here ?

    Crazy. A depression forum is too negative. Imagine that. Sorry we inconvenienced your mindless chatter with our problems. Perhaps you’d be better off finding a hobby forum to chat it up on. I hope I am just being an a****** and this doesn’t make anyone else here feel just as inconveniencing as we do to the rest of the world. It isn’t easy to be vulnerable and this is the best outlet I have found to come clean about my emotions. I am unapologetic that it may be negative. This post, to me, is a prime example of the issue of mental illness in society today. People are told what they’re feeling, sharing, saying is too negative, sad, annoying, etc. If you don’t like it, than why seek it out purposesly on a DEPRESSION FORUM? We shouldn’t have to be shamed for what we feel or share. Especially on a website where we can do so freely with anonymity.
  11. I’ve never heard of that but it never hurts to ask a physician about the possibility. They would have a much better understanding of the mechanics of depression on the body. Best wishes.
  12. Tid322

    Cured my depression with a quote

    What a beautiful, truthful, and honorable quote. I’m glad that you found solace and peace in something beyond your control. Thanks for sharing. Cheers!
  13. I have personally utilized the chat room two times and found a friendly and welcoming moderator. I cannot remember how I accessed it nor the ease of the access. I do know I would definitely be more inclined to use it had it been more active. If the designated time for group gatherings happened during a time I was available I would likely utilize the chat room. I don’t know how many moderators you have available through this website or their availability, but if anyone has the time and dedication maybe switching off with each other to sit in the chat rooms otherwise. Or if there is a way for someone not on the website to be alerted to when someone does sign into the chat room. These are probably not probable ideas, but just some I had to make the chat room more accessible by all. thanks for posting this!
  14. 33 here and decidly came here and continue to come here to have some sort of human interaction. I have no one I can speak to about my depression and have a severe fear of therapy so that outlet isn’t an option for me. So this place is it for me. This and a journal I have begun to write down my thoughts somewhere. I hope you find some comfort here in the forums. If not seeking or finding answers; than at least in knowing there are others like us here and you are not alone.
  15. That’s a good one. To kind of piggy back off of your question and answer, I know someone that portrays themselves and their life with their family absolutely amazing and effortless on social media. Anyone that doesn’t actually know them would assume they’re just born privilege and amazing. I’ve come to find out that there is infidelity, substance abuse, emotional abuse, and severe depression riddled throughout their household. I think most people put on an amazing facade. I don’t think anyone truly has their together. My question to myself daily: why can’t I control my emotions better? Answer: It took years to learn those emotions and will take years to unlearn them. Thanks for the fun mental exercise.