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About mikeb6901

  • Birthday 05/11/1977

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  • Location
    Boston, MA
  • Interests
    smiling through the pain

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  1. like a worm on the end of a hook, waiting for something to consume me & end it all.
  2. No, that is the last thing you need to do. If you feel that strongly towards her, go after her. Don't give up. Giving her space only implies you don't really care. Trust me on this, I've been married for 20 years. Going silent is the worst thing you can do.
  3. First of all, take a breath. You are ok. I was in a situation like this a long time ago, however I was the older. I was 26 & the girl was 19. Regardless if she was legal or not doesn't matter. I was in a relationship at the time & knew I shouldn't be doing what I was doing. Like you I was just having some harmless fun & really didn't think much of it. Until my girlfriend found out. We had a huge fight but honestly it wasn't a fight. A fight usually means each side has a different feeling about something and argue their points. In my case we both agreed it was a dumb thing to do. So it was more her telling me how much it hurt her, and me agreeing I effed up & desperately apologized. In short, if you have something real in front of you, don't do stupid things life flirt on instagram. You said you love your girlfriend correct? If that's true then knock it off. Some day, or the next time (because there is always a next time) she may not be so forgiving & understanding. She's not saying it's ok & to keep doing it. She's giving you a pass. Be grateful & let that be the end of it. I get those feelings you have when you flirt, trust me I do, it's an ego boost & gets your 17 year old hormones rushing. Honestly though, think about the shoe being on the other foot. How would you feel if your girlfriend came to you about her flirting with some older guy. It would be a kick in the balls and you know it. So yes, it really is that simple. I hope that helps a little. Good luck.
  4. In general I am a very shy & reserved person. I would have to say the best thing that helped me with this was a job i had years ago. It was in retail & it more or less forced me to come out of my shell. It wasn't easy & it didn't happen over night. In fact it took quite a long time for me to not shy away from customers. After a while it became more routine as I realized, this is my job & to do it right I have to be more outgoing & approachable. Especially in social situations where I used to sit in the corner & hope not to be noticed. So the job itself, as well as my own, I don't know, self-pushing lol, helped me a great deal.
  5. I've tried video games, reading, anything to try to keep my mind occupied. honestly what works best for me is a fan in the background or one of those ocean sound machines. But everyone has their own thing...I hope you find yours soon.
  6. You're definitely not being targeted here & for sure can open up to us. Either in the forum or in private messages, we are here for you. reach out any time
  7. like the horse chasing the carrot. happiness just dangling within reach & just when you think you've caught up to it, it's gone...it was just an illusion all along.
  8. Thank you @JD4010 It was a rather crappy week. I pretty much lived like a hermit. But it's a new week & it's time to get back into the world. Sorry to hear about your job. That happened to me in 2019. After 23 years of a job that was my second home, I was let go because the company was sold and I was upper management...so naturally I get the ax. No grand send off, no package, just "ADIOS"...my boss actually said that...Adios. So I know how you feel. Good luck to you though & I hope better things are heading your way!
  9. Thank you for your kind words. It's just an awful cycle. You are definitely not alone @Rach4masaya if there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to reach out.
  10. Im just the opposite here. I know I am not alone. I have a lot of loving and wonderful people who care for me and only want to help. The problem is I don't want them to. I would rather live my life alone like a hermit in the woods. I just want to be left alone so I don't mess up anyones life and bring them down to my misery level.
  11. Well yesterday I got fired from my job that I loved...Oh and today is my birthday. I've worked around COVID patients for the past 7 months in a hospital & not once did I have an awful a day as I am today. So yeah, that's my work thread.
  12. I feel like everyones life would be better without me around. sure they would be sad for a moment, but then they could move on and enjoy their lives. Rather than having me around and always pulling them down with me. I **** up everything I touch & ruin everything I am a part of. Everyones life would be better if I wasn't in it, or never was.
  13. i usually just stay in bed or I drive to the beach and sit there all day. The ocean has always been my happy place. Most of the time I don't even leave my car. I crack open the window a bit so I can hear the sounds and smell of the salt air. I lay my seat back and just think or sleep. Maybe you could give that a try. Or if you don't live near the ocean, get one of those sound machines. It may not be exactly the same, but maybe it's close.
  14. Just an update. After being left in limbo for 2 weeks by HR, I was called in yesterday to tell my I have been terminated. I am crushed. I never saw this coming. The reason I was given was because I talked to a co-worker about my marital status and it made them uncomfortable & they didn't feel good working with me anymore. So instead of letting me transfer to a different department, or even a different location, they decided termination was the best way to go. I know it will pass but I am absolutely gutted.
  15. So apparently I said something to someone who made them feel uncomfortable. I did no such thing towards this person. However there needed to be an investigation & today I got to hear this and defend my actions. A decision will be made at the beginning of next week regarding the “next steps” that need to be taken. So basically it sounds like I was accused of something I didn’t do. But to cover their asses legally I’m the one who’s going to get ****ed. The kicker is, this persons last day was today. She quit to go back to school. Nothing like trying to drag someone down on your way out the door. Why is it every good thing I have in my life turns to shit? marriage, gone. Work, soon to be. I’m forced to live at home with my parents who come home from down south next week. I’ve got one foot over the ledge & the rock I’m standing on is starting to give way
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