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About mikeb6901

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    Senior Member
  • Birthday 05/11/1977

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  • Location
    Boston, MA
  • Interests
    smiling through the pain

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  1. That's the crappy thing about depression @NeverCryWolf, it doesn't care who you are, it will get you. You could have the perfect life, but it can still mess with your head. It's an awful disease. First and foremost you have to see it as that...a disease. It's not something you can just shrug off or rationalize. Trust me, I've tried many many many times lol. Our minds can be our own worst enemy, even when we know it shouldn't. This place is a great help to help you sort some things out. There are LOTS of wonderful people here. Never feel like you can't say how you are feeling, we will be here for you.
  2. I don't think there is a person on here who doesn't have that as one of their concerns. I just lost my job after 22 years. I have no savings. I have a home, a wife & 3 kids...so needless to say I'm scared shitless of what the future is going to bring. Not even the distant future, who can look that far ahead!?! I'm worried about next week, and the week after. So see, we all have our financial hells we are going through. You are definitely NOT alone here my friend!
  3. @Rattler6 @Camellia Thank you, everyone really, for your well wishes. The hard part isn't the job search, it's getting by with no income until I find something. I qualify for unemployment but that could take 3-4 weeks to kick in. I have a wife & 3 children depending on me & I'm feeling like the worlds worst provider right now. As you all know it just takes one trigger and you can spiral. I know it will eventually be ok & I know my family will not be better off without me...but it doesn't stop the thoughts. Thank you all so much for listening. I almost forgot how wonderful this place can be
  4. Thanks Epictetus, I remember you also! Sadly we are both still here but at least there is a place for us. Maybe together we can figure out how to get our shit together!
  5. Thank you everyone. I truly appreciate the well wishes. Hopefully within time things will be back to "normal" I always knew there would be relapses, but this one hit so quick and hard. The trigger was losing my job last week. Things since then have gone down hill rapidly. I want to either scream & run away, or just die. But I have a family that depends on me so those aren't really plausible options. I know it will all come together like it did before. It sucks.
  6. After a long & dare I say happy hiatus from DF, I feel I need you once again. I'm not even sure where to begin. My head is a jumbled mess once again. Scattered thoughts, none of them positive. God how I hate this feeling. I met so many wonderful people here over the years that I knew I had to be here if I wanted a chance to get well again. Hope you all are doing ok!
  7. I'm sorry. I would have hoped things would have gotten easier for you since I last checked this thread. I can't believe there are really people out there who have nothing else to do than put others down. Are their lives better because they made you feel like ? I was raised better than that & I assumed most people were too. Some people just suck...there's no other way to say it. I hope you have a better week ahead
  8. Thanks Cariv, to you also :) I've commented before on how weather can effect a persons mood. Such a strange phenomena...but it does happen. Hope your days are bright & sunny for a long time to com!!!!!!!!!
  9. Good News: My oldest son got called up to play on the top level soccer team in his age bracket. Bad News: I have to miss it to coach my daughters team at the same time
  10. I got back onto the soccer field & didn't want to rip the head off the person who sidelined me for the last 8 months. the old me would have taken a run at him the first chance I got...I'm maturing
  11. that I woke up feeling pretty well today, after having a massive panic attack last night & assumed I was going to die.
  12. Welcome :) I'm sorry for all you are going through, but you are definitely in the right place. There are some wonderful people here, just like you & I who really can help. We're not professionals but in my opinion, sometimes the words of someone who can relate to my struggles helps more than anything. I hope you find that here also. One thing I wanted to point out is your lack of sleep. I'm sure your tired (no pun intended) of hearing about it, but exhaustion is our own worst enemy. It puts our minds & bodies through so much strain & can make things 1000x worse for you. I'm not going to preach about a "sleeping pattern" because I think that term is BS. Every one of us is different & I don't know anyone who has a "regular sleeping pattern". With the craziness of every day life I think it's impossible. Running yourself down is going to do so much more harm than good in the long run. Basically your mind is just too tired to function properly other than necessary motor skills. I even tried it a few times. It's worked for a short period of time but the depression & anxiety always came back hard & fast, sometimes worse than before. As you're working on yourself mentally, don't forget to take care of yourself physically. :)
  13. I'll never understand why if someone is genuinely happy, people have to question why. Like being happy is abnormal. Or they assume it's induced by something else like narcotics. I'm sorry @MayzeeDog0518 but he sounds like the type that will only drag you down. I would be over the moon if someone went out of their way for me on my birthday. To put so much thought into a gift for someone you care about only to have them act like it doesn't really matter really sucks (& I've been there also). Not to mention it's also a real s***ty thing to do or say to someone you supposedly care about. You can love & be loved. Adequate? I'm not sure any of those exist, either male or female. But you are on your way to being an RN. It takes a huge heart to want to be in that line of work & that is the most "adequate" quality a person can have...caring. Stay true to who you are. It sounds like it took a lot for you to get here & is working great for you! You give off a wonderful vibe. Don't sacrifice that for anyone! The right person will feed off your positive energy & reflect it back towards you. Hell we've never met & you've already made me smile
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