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About mikeb6901

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    Senior Member
  • Birthday 05/11/1977

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    Boston, MA
  • Interests
    smiling through the pain

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  1. You have definitely come to the right place. I've been here off and on for many years now. It's not constant, but it's a comfort to know the people in this forum are here when I'm at my lowest. Someone is always here to help you through. And trust me, we've heard it all so you are not alone! Welcome!
  2. I'm sorry to hear this, truly I am. If there is any way I can help please don't hesitate to reach out. I know from personal experiences, life long and daily, that things do feel like they pile up all at once. Like life is giving you one giant kick in the balls after another. But things do get better. Maybe not in the sense that all your problems go away, but they do become easier to deal with. Hang in there, we are all here to help any way we can.
  3. I know, it's amazing how everyone is being effected by this in one form or another. People out of work, losing their homes, being barely able to put food on the table. Those are just the healthy ones! Lets not forget the people who have actually caught the virus. It's a scary time. I can't see the country rebounding from this any time soon. I can't say I blame the doctors though. I live in a city, and the shut down has definitely helped here. I'd hate to think how many more infected people there would be if we were allowed to roam freely like we used to. Most people have good hygiene & shield their coughs & sneezes, but you always have those few who have no manners that mess it up for everyone else. All is takes is one person on a bus to cough without covering their mouth & everyone is screwed. So I feel in our case here, the stay at home was a good thing. Although i do have to say that the old woman who called the police on her neighbor for having a fire in their own yard is a bit extreme lol. But some people are just assholes, you can't blame Covid for that.
  4. I & everyone else on here for that matter, have been going through so much these past few months. Most of us on here were close to the edge as it is. Now dealing with all this extra Covid shit & the wake that comes along with it is really getting to be too much. I've been out of work since September, my unemployment ran out the end of March, so my income is practically $0 right now. I can't find work, because no one is hiring due to Covid. The ones that will interview, still won't make appointments for at least another month out. Its enough to make any sane person want to scream! Or any person suffering from anxiety/depression crawl out of their skin. The SI thoughts have also been an unwelcome addition to my list of issues. Every day the little bit of energy & like force I have feels like it's just getting drained like I'm attached to a faucet. Spending days in bed or taking an extra pill here and there to help me function through the day. It's exhausting, physically as well as mentally. I feel extremely lucky because i actually have a great relationship with my therapist. She is an LICSW, which I think makes a huge difference. In my experiences, doctors, well I'll be honest, are full of shit. They seem to either want YOU to figure out what your problem is (i.e. "tell me what you think that means, or how it makes you feel") or they just want to pump you full of meds. It is kind of an unfair blanket statement for me to make, but all I have to go on are my own personal experiences, the doctors I've had are awful. Not to say there aren't good ones. I just haven't found one. Now, I've gone to two LICSW's in the past and loved them both so much. It's like talking to an old friend. The one I'm seeing now I've told her I wish she wan't my therapist because she's the type of person I'd love to hang out with. So she really seems to be helping me the most navigating this insane time. I make light and joke a lot about things & she picked up on that shit the first day. Instead of masking my problems with humor, she's actually making me deal with them, hurt, pain, sadness & everything in between. If anyone can get it out of me she can. I just wish it wasn't taking so long. I'm ready to feel better. I know the depression and anxiety will always be there. i'll never be fully free from it. Control of my mind is what i need to regain. But like I said, the SI feelings are making it so much worse. Never dealt with this before & it suuuuucks. Sorry to keep on ranting everyone. my mind is so scrambled right now, I feel like I could go on endlessly for page after page. So I'll just end this here. Hope you are all having success in getting through what's hurting you these days.
  5. I've been doing therapy chats once a week. It's not the greatest, but it helps me to unload. Otherwise I've been doing a lot of reading and Netflix therapy. Finding people to talk to is always helpful too. If you can find people here you connect with or friends at home, chat them up.
  6. I have felt this way my whole life. 42 years of people faking enthusiasm when I'm around & really just waiting for me to leave. Thought I was the only one. That's why i love it here. I'm never truly alone. now as for how do i feel today? beyond shitty. I can't find work, someone in my family has accused me of something absolutely horrific, and one of the few people I DO care about in this world told me she wants to die....and it's only Wednesday. Thank god for dogs.
  7. I'm here to talk too. Depressed, 42 from the US. Nice to meet you @mmd
  8. I'm sorry to hear you are going through all of this. I can't even imagine being lied to and bounced around like that. I know it feels difficult, but it will all get better in time. Time to work through the shit. The days will still pass by, so take one at a time & try to make each better than the last. I found that out the hard way today. So it if can help me, maybe it will help you. Good luck and feel free to reach out any time.
  9. Anything from sleeping to coloring. Yes I'm 42 & i color. There is a great app called Happy Color. Believe it or not its a great way for me to take my mind off things for a bit. I get lost in the pictures, even though it's only for the short term, it helps.
  10. You know, it's funny. I never thought about it until now. Even in my worst periods, i always wanted to be cleaned and well maintained. Kind of silly because the only one to see me would be the dog. Ive always loved showers. The type that are so hot you can melt your skin. I always escape when I'm in there just letting the water run over me. Its soothing & i always do my safest thinking in there. Everything is great...until i step out
  11. My friend, you are certainly not alone. Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully you will find what you are looking for here. Thats what i love about this group...no one ever judges. We're all here to help each other. We've heard it all good luck and we hope to hear from you!
  12. Like despite of how good i think things are going, and they may be at the time, it's all foolishness. That one day, maybe not soon, my world will crumble. Part of me wants to end it, but I won't because i don't have the balls. Another part of me wants to ride it out and enjoy what life i do have before it's gone.
  13. That's the crappy thing about depression @NeverCryWolf, it doesn't care who you are, it will get you. You could have the perfect life, but it can still mess with your head. It's an awful disease. First and foremost you have to see it as that...a disease. It's not something you can just shrug off or rationalize. Trust me, I've tried many many many times lol. Our minds can be our own worst enemy, even when we know it shouldn't. This place is a great help to help you sort some things out. There are LOTS of wonderful people here. Never feel like you can't say how you are feeling, we will be here for you.
  14. I don't think there is a person on here who doesn't have that as one of their concerns. I just lost my job after 22 years. I have no savings. I have a home, a wife & 3 kids...so needless to say I'm scared shitless of what the future is going to bring. Not even the distant future, who can look that far ahead!?! I'm worried about next week, and the week after. So see, we all have our financial hells we are going through. You are definitely NOT alone here my friend!
  15. @Rattler6 @Camellia Thank you, everyone really, for your well wishes. The hard part isn't the job search, it's getting by with no income until I find something. I qualify for unemployment but that could take 3-4 weeks to kick in. I have a wife & 3 children depending on me & I'm feeling like the worlds worst provider right now. As you all know it just takes one trigger and you can spiral. I know it will eventually be ok & I know my family will not be better off without me...but it doesn't stop the thoughts. Thank you all so much for listening. I almost forgot how wonderful this place can be
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