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Tilted

Senior Member
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  1. Sad
    Tilted reacted to JD4010 for a status update, I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.   
    I'm the chronic failure that allows others to succeed.
  2. Sad
    Tilted reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I am so full of crap I should just flush myself down the toilet. I hate myself more t   
    I am so full of crap I should just flush myself down the toilet.
    I hate myself more than ever.
  3. Sad
    Tilted reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, My life as a stage act and failure. I hate myself and everything else too.   
    My life as a stage act and failure.
    I hate myself and everything else too.
  4. Sad
    Tilted reacted to gandolfication for a status update, Thanks to all. I've had this bad anxiety building for some weeks and getting worse in   
    Thanks to all.
    I've had this bad anxiety building for some weeks and getting worse in recent days.
    I have been sleeping a lot, and took a sick day from work yesterday.  I reached out to some people today, and just now wrote out about 2 pages of CBT negative thoughts, errors and corrections.
    I'm just having trouble pushing through the fear.  I keep thinking, sui * ide is better than fighting through this again.  It's very hard for me to spot the fallacy here, or to fully believe there is one.  'This too will pass' just doesn't seem to cut it, because 'this too will also come back,' as it has now with vengeance.
    To be clear:  I am not at immediate risk, lacking access to means as I do presently.  I'm just feeling increasingly desperate, hopeless and unable to cope.  this has always been what this forum is here to share. 
    I suppose if I could waive a wand and have one thing, it would be a break, but there is not one to be had.  There must be a better way to handle this than I did last time in 2008.  I guess it would entail going to my boss, and ... ?saying/asking for a break?  how does that go?  That's the one thing I have to bargain with - I can do this work, d*mn it!
    thx.
  5. Sad
    Tilted reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, Anger and frustration. So much of both. I wrote elsewhere on df, I squander all my en   
    Anger and frustration. So much of both.
    I wrote elsewhere on df, I squander all my energy. And there is so much energy. 
    I wish the energy I possess would be enough to k I’ll me. 
    I wish I could just fcking k I’ll myself.
     
  6. Sad
    Tilted reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I want to stab myself in the heart with a kitchen knife.   
    I want to stab myself in the heart with a kitchen knife.
  7. Sad
    Tilted reacted to JD4010 for a status update, But my good times are all gone, and I'm bound for moving on.   
    But my good times are all gone, and I'm bound for moving on.
  8. Sad
    Tilted reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, My mind isn't lying. Everything else is. That or the truth is too harsh to bare.   
    My mind isn't lying. Everything else is. 
    That or the truth is too harsh to bare.
  9. Haha
    Tilted got a reaction from APFSDS for a status update, Hey apf - this made me think of you: https://www.dresslily.com/autumn-and-winter-mode   
    Hey apf - this made me think of you:
    https://www.dresslily.com/autumn-and-winter-models-solid-product7098066.html?lkid=1982201&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-7Cbk8783gIVhMTACh3zsAmWEAEYASAAEgLNQPD_BwE
  10. Sad
    Tilted reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, Today is one of those days when I want to k ill myself more than I usually do. I thin   
    Today is one of those days when I want to k ill myself more than I usually do. I think of doing it nearly every day.
    God I hate myself for my shortcomings.
    I hate myself for the constant failure in being me, whoever that is.
    I hate myself for never being enough. And I haven't, whatever you try to say. My life is proof for all the failures and shortcomings that are this "me". 
    I hate myself because I will never see the light. Is there lighf? No, there isn't. 
    I hate myself because I am me.
    I wish I were never born. 
     
  11. Thanks
    Tilted got a reaction from APFSDS for a status update, Hey buddy - good chatting with you today... Hope things go as smoothly as possible fo   
    Hey buddy - good chatting with you today...
    Hope things go as smoothly as possible for you tomorrow...I'll be on around 3pm my time if you are on.
  12. Sad
    Tilted reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, What doesn't ki ll me just makes me weaker and more hopeless. There is nothing to fig   
    What doesn't ki  ll me just makes me weaker and more hopeless. There is nothing to fight for and nowhere to go. Pain misery and death is all there is.
  13. Sad
    Tilted reacted to samadhiSheol for a status update, I hate myself and the sheer failure I am in coping with life. If I met my younger sel   
    I hate myself and the sheer failure I am in coping with life.
    If I met my younger self and had to tell him something about life I’d probably end up on my knees crying, telling him life is hardship, disappointment and death.
    “There’s no fcuking treasure at the end of the rainbow, laddie”.
    I am a hopeless loser. I wish I was ****ing dead.
  14. Like
    Tilted reacted to BrokenLink for a status update, Hi Surv - former member freckledface - just wanted to say Hi. Sending you hugs.   
    Hi Surv - former member freckledface - just wanted to say Hi. Sending you hugs. 
  15. Like
    Tilted reacted to gandolfication for a status update, I'm struggling to hang in here at work. I've been mostly in avoidance mode for over a   
    I'm struggling to hang in here at work.  I've been mostly in avoidance mode for over a month, and wasn't doing great before then.  I know I need a change either internally (which I don't know how to accomplish, let alone quickly) and/or in my job.  This has been the case since 2008 now.  I waffle back and forth between thinking I can do it and it'll be worth while for my family and me, vs. just ending everything, though I doubt I have what it takes to go through with this.
  16. Like
    Tilted reacted to gandolfication for a status update, Tired & Anxious That's how I'm feeling. I'm struggling to stay focused on work. I   
    Tired & Anxious
    That's how I'm feeling.  I'm struggling to stay focused on work.  I hate this.  It feels like such BS.
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