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Everything posted by Tilted

  1. Tilted

    Post your day in 1 word.

  2. Tilted


    I feel the same way. Sorry you are struggling so much.
  3. Tilted

    How Do You Feel Today? #32

    Make that 1,476 days in a row...
  4. JD - Your pain is evident in your words. Some losses are unbearable and while I'm sure people will tell you to "move on", it is easy for them to say when its not their heart that has been ripped out. Thank you for sharing your experiences here. You can see from the responses that many people have been touched by this. I wish you the best my friend, as much as I wish you never had to endure this. Its just not right that anyone should have to experience this kind of suffering.
  5. Tilted

    Four years ago today

    Four years ago today I was hospitalized for the first time for severe panic. It seemed like a good idea at the time - and maybe it would've helped if it had happened earlier. But instead it ended up making things much, much worse. I was at a crossroads, and the path I chose (and/or was coerced) to take ended up turning what was a temporary crisis into a permanent one. Since then I have learned far more about depression, anhedonia and "treatment" than I would ever care to know. I am worse off now in every way than I was then, and I've lost hope for any sort of real recovery. I can't wait until this life is over.
  6. Tilted

    Four years ago today

    @Steveab63 - You didn't specify in your response who you were replying to, but I'm assuming your message (quoted below) was directed at the user with the name 'Just This' and not at me. I don't want to escalate things here, but since I am the one who originated this thread in the first place it seems appropriate for me to respond. I'm glad that you clarified your intention, and I hope that something can be learned from this exchange. Although I expect that you meant well, everything else you might have been trying to express is basically invalidated by the words "stop crying". I think almost anyone would chafe at these words, especially when they are trying to air some grievances. And to tell anyone on a depression forum to "stop crying" is inappropriate in too many ways to mention. I don't know who 'Just This' is - and I can see how their response might be considered vulgar or excessive - but I have to admit I had a similar reaction to theirs when I read what you wrote. If "everyone else in [your] life" takes what you say the wrong way, maybe it is time to try and modify the way you communicate. For example, you seem to be wanting to offer an apology - but then you follow it up with "Whatever..." which makes it sound a lot less sincere.
  7. Tilted

    Prozac induced anhedonia apathy/motivational pssd

    As someone who also suffers from extreme anhedonia, I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that you are experiencing this. I can't imagine anything more awful, and I can tell from your words that you are really in the depths of it. Definitely message me if you ever want to chat - I find it is one of the only things that sort of helps.
  8. Tilted

    "In My Garden"

    Wow JD, this really struck me. Those unexpected moments of despair and regret can come from anywhere, and the bittersweet memories sting.
  9. Hope you and the cats have an enjoyable Sunday

    1. JD4010


      Thanks, bro! I'm hanging out in the office because it's so blasted hot outside. Free air conditioning here, and no boss today.

      Hope you are having a decent Sunday as well.

  10. Good to catch up with you yesterday buddy

  11. Tilted

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Thanks JD. Sick, sick, sick.
  12. Tilted

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Coming up on the four year "anniversary" of the emotional collapse that turned me from a content human being into the suicidal wreck I am today. In some ways I am more functional now - I'm able to do some part-time work and I am better at hiding my distraught from others. But on a personal level I feel no better, and in many ways worse. My thoughts are with everyone who suffers from emotional dysfunction today and every day - it is appalling to me how this condition destroys lives and families.
  13. Tilted

    "Just be Happy"

    I can relate. Thanks for speaking your mind JD.
  14. Tilted

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

  15. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    Summer’s almost over and every hour has been brutal. This life can shove off as far as I’m concerned...
  16. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    July 4, 2014 was one of the last days I was truly happy. I had no idea then that just 3 months later I would completely fall apart. This is the fourth Fourth since then and every moment of every single day is complete agony. Sort of numb and distracted is the "best" I ever get. The rest of the time I am looking for an exit. Severe depression and anhedonia have destroyed my career, my family and my life. Treatment has not made a difference. My thoughts are will all of you who are struggling today and every day. I can't think of anything worse than losing a life to emotional dysfunction.
  17. Tilted

    I think I’m done soon

    I feel exactly the same way...guilt and fear are the only things keeping me here.
  18. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    Thanks LonelyHiker for your message - I know you are struggling and it means a lot for you to take the time to reply. I should be more grateful than I am for my family. I am envious of the person I used to be, the person who was able to appreciate them and return their affection. Now my interaction with others almost always leads to conflict, as it did last night.
  19. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    This weekend is the occasion of an annual family trip that I've been taking for most of my life. It is also around this time that the events were set in motion that turned me into the suicidal wreck I am today. Although it means time off from work and days spent in beautiful surroundings, this vacation also means painful reminders of the past and things that have been haunting me ever since. I'd rather just think and feel nothing at all than be exposed to these kinds of thoughts and feelings. I'll be checking in to DF often, as it provides some useful distraction from the worst. Today my thoughts are with everyone who is experiencing emotional suffering which no human should endure. I'm extending a big middle finger to the horrors of emotional dysfunction that destroy lives and families.
  20. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    Thanks for the message Lynn, I'd been thinking about you and glad to hear from you. My inbox must be full, so I'll fix that now - thanks for letting me now about it and hope things improve for you.
  21. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    Hi Tim - Thanks for your message. To answer your question, I am "fortunate" enough to live in a place where I have access to some of the best medical care in the world. I can't even count the number of therapists, psychiatrists and specialists I've consulted with and I've also tried more complementary approaches such as hypnosis and EMDR. I know that some people get frustrated because those who care about them refuse to believe that mood disorders are a health problem that needs to be treated. In many ways, I have the opposite problem. For the most part, my circle of family and friends subscribes to the idea that any emotional problem can be "cured" if only one can find the right doctor, the right medicine, the right supplement, the right therapeutic approach. They believe that Science and Doctors have the answer to everything, and if the treatment is not effective it must be the patient's fault somehow for not trying hard enough. Meanwhile, I've spent years participating in many different medical approaches to treatment and I am no better off. In some cases it has done more harm than good. I know that some - perhaps many - people do benefit from mental health treatment, and that was also true for me earlier in life. But in my more recent experiences I have come to find that not all emotional disorders are necessarily medical problems, or at least not problems that have medical solutions.
  22. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    I can so relate. Although I've always been somewhat moody, SEVERE depression and anhedonia did not enter my life until relatively recently. I suppose I should be grateful that I had many years of fulfillment, but now even my happiest memories just serve as bitter reminders of what has been lost. Like you, I can barely leave the house because of it - when just a few years ago I was travelling the world for work and pleasure. I seriously do not want to go on like this.
  23. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    Thanks for your kind words Patrick
  24. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    Thanks Katzenjammer - yes, it is so hard to go on when it feels like this will never change. I never expected my life to be free from suffering, but when there is no joy or peace to balance it out I don't see any point.
  25. Tilted

    "Independence" Day

    Thanks Rozzie86 - I appreciate the thought!