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Everything posted by Tilted

  1. The end of another stupid day. Thank for nothing life.
  2. I get a little better at faking it all the time, but I'm still depressed af all day every day....
  3. This sort of abuse is far too common. And yet people will disbelieve you unless you accept a doctor's advice as the word of God. Its as if receiving a medical license imparts you with superpowers - people forget that doctors are human and many of them have flaws and are dishonest, just like any other profession.
  4. Jay Deeeee - where you be?

    1. JD4010


      I beeee here. I was out of the office for a week. It's so nice to wake up in the morning and realize that I didn't have to subject myself to torture all day.

  5. Major setback after a month or so of feeling ~3% better. Ideation never went away but now it is back in full force. Very hopeless and uncomfortable.
  6. When you run out of things to say, you can ask questions. Almost everyone likes to talk about travel/trips that they have taken. So "Do you have any trips coming up?" is usually a good conversation starter. Most people also like to talk about themselves too, so if you ask them questions about what they enjoy or what their home town is like people will usually respond.
  7. Good luck buddy. Think I mentioned I will be on vacation this week also, and I can be a little toxic myself - so I know how it is...
  8. It is totally unfair, and you deserve to have all the things you've wished for here.
  9. Sounds like you are making some strides. As a father who has experienced dramatic salary loss and continually faces the prospect of an empty bank account, I can relate to your position. Your determination is admirable.
  10. What a horrible existence. This nightmare is unbearable.
  11. I can relate to both of these statements It is so hard not to feel resentful towards most people who are able to live a life free from emotional dysfunction. My 'agoraphobia' is the result of severe anhedonia and depersonalization. Unlike sober I have not always felt this way, but ever since an emotional breakdown 5 years ago there is no setting - no matter how pleasant or "fun" - where I can actually enjoy myself. It just hurts to be in those situations and feel so out of place.
  12. Unfortunately this attitude from therapists is far too common. There are some good therapists out there but I've found that they are few and far between. The bad ones do more harm than good.
  13. I for one know that things which others might consider "trivial" can personally be tragic. Hope you are making the best of the situation(s) and able to find some silver lining if possible...
  14. I admire your determination. Will you be able to count on your former employers for a good reference at least?
  15. Wow, somehow I missed the part earlier about you losing your job. That is just so wrong - my heart goes out to you. I can relate to much of what you say - going on for family's sake and no other apparent reason. When you struggle so hard, even finding a foot hold - and then get kicked in the groin like this, it is just beyond brutal. I am always up for a chat Gando, so please do get in touch any time if you need someone to listen or just want to chat to take your mind off of things.
  16. Welcome @Time Machine. It is the same for me. I could have avoided all of this misery if I could just redo a couple of days or as little as 10 minutes even.
  17. Ugh. I have the most disturbing dreams almost every night. So much for "rest".
  18. I say this all the time, but somehow I feel worse now than ever.
  19. Living with the knowledge that my child's life is being shaped by my own mental/emotional dysfunction is the most painful part of this whole experience for me. Outside of some sort of fatality, I can't imagine anything worse. Occasionally I will get some small reminder that my child feels loved and nourished by me, despite the severe depression and depersonalization that has crept into every part of our lives. But these moments are few and far between. The rest of the time it is the heaviest of weights, as you describe.
  20. At least working you have some focused distraction I suppose. I hate my job but at least when I am there I am exposed to fewer painful reminders of the past, and the monotonous tasks provide some temporary diversion to destructive thoughts. Hope you made the best of it, Hiker! Lakeside Park, Willows in the breeze...
  21. Right, festivities just throw our on misery into sharper contrast - or at least that is my experience.
  22. This was last year, although it could have been any time from 2015 on. Today is already shaping up to be worse than last "Independence Day" by a wide margin. To everyone who is suffering, my heart goes out to you. It is unbearable beyond words.
  23. Took the words right out of my mouth.
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