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SqueezeWax

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Everything posted by SqueezeWax

  1. Goddammit. All I want is for someone to help me. **** this place.
  2. I've been in psych wards several times. I would never want to discourage anyone in serious danger of harming themselves from going. To be honest though, I've personally always found them to be completely useless. Essentially all they do is scramble around your meds, and you go to six or seven groups a day, where no one talks. You are talked at by a social worker, or somebody like that, and are given generic advice about depression, but more often about how to handle stress. It's not like in TV movies, where people are pouring their hearts out and crying and hugging each other. I truly have never known what any of the other patients I've been around were specifically in for. Everyone would just shoot the breeze and watch TV between groups. I luckily don't have any horror stories to tell. Being at Linden Oaks in Naperville, IL was the worst, because to be brutally honest I hated the other patients. It was like being back in junior high, only everyone was in their 20s-50s. There seemed to be 200 people there at once, and the staff obviously loathed speaking to you. That was as bad as it ever got for me, though. The experience has always been painfully boring and uncomfortable at the same time, but I do realize people go through far, far, far worse. I don't believe I was ever made to go cold turkey on anything. I don't think I was ever prescribed anything new, either. They would only change the dosages of what I was taking.
  3. So I met up with this other guy at the park yesterday. He has this women's lingerie fetish that I don't understand at all, but he's really handsome and sexy. Unfortunately, I'm having an STD scare (possibly gonorrhea or chlamydia) from the first guy I met, and this guy is under the impression I am still a virgin. I don't want to give this guy an STD. We obviously can't do much if I don't want to possibly infect him. I also told him a few lies about where I live, and about my family, and my job situation. I spoke to him extensively online and was truthful about everything. Once I saw him face to face, I got a little scared and threw in some things that weren't exactly true. Including the fact that my former psychologist is my father, and I live in a fairly upscale neighborhood. This guy wants my address and phone number. He's also into me spending the night at his house, and going camping and boating with him. Am I a fool to believe he is very lonely, and to feel a little sorry for him?
  4. Why is it so difficult to get a job at Mariano's or Whole Foods? You practically need a masters degree to bag groceries for them.
  5. Moog music is strangely depressing. I buy these cheesy Moog albums from the late 60s, and I can't listen to them because they're so oddly dreary.
  6. How people who post on GlassDoor about interviews will write something like "It was a really easy interview. The questions were all simple". It is not at all helpful, and in my experience is usually not accurate. Let me know which damn questions they asked!
  7. Anything I might want to have doesn't seem worth the trouble to go through to get it. I'm not sure I want anything at all. I've been in this black hole the last few weeks, because I can't imagine there is anything I want enough to live for. I don't want to be broke. I don't want to have a boring job doing work that means nothing at all to me. Being rich and doing something creative seems just as boring somehow. I don't know if I really see the difference. They both come down to making a living and supporting myself like almost everyone has done since the beginning of time. If I were the most handsome guy in the world, I would still have a face with eyes and a nose and lips and ears like everyone else. There was a young English guy my same age who I met on a Morrissey message board that I used to talk about this stuff with. It didn't end well between us. I'm dying to talk to him again. We haven't written to each other in five years.
  8. I'm scared I'm going to try to use sex to bring me the momentary pleasure material objects once did.
  9. I'm trying to be careful by limiting this to this one guy. I'm more afraid of catching an STD and having no choice but to tell my parents what's been going on than I am of being raped. It wasn't the guy who wanted the unprotected sex I met, by the way. I like the guy I did meet because he was cautious himself, as far as who he was getting involved with. He gave me a little lecture about safety in regards to doing this kind of thing, which I appreciated. It felt like an honest, simple, clean transaction. I'm sure I'm making myself sound like a complete idiot, though. I feel like I'm in a TV movie. I'm also afraid that now that I've had my first taste of this, I'm going to be more preoccupied and in need of sex than I even was before. I can feel it starting already. I'm afraid nothing else is going to have any value to me at all.
  10. I'm not ready for a relationship. I never really cared about romantic relationships. All I want is casual sex with clean, disease-free, easy-going, responsible people. I have gotten over thirty responses by now. I figured older men would find it a turn on to deflower a younger, boyish looking guy. Yet they have continually expressed doubt that I could possibly be a virgin at my age. It's unheard of to them. They've apparently never heard of all these 'incels' online. The issue is how I'm going to keep this a secret from my parents. My father still protects me like a bloodhound at my age.
  11. This guy says he must ejaculate inside me. No dice otherwise. I don't know if I should have been surprised a guy looking for anonymous sex online would suggest such a thing, but I was. Is this normal? I've been reading online about how often gay guys risk this, and lot of act as if it isn't any big deal. He says he's clean, but how would I know?
  12. At 31 years old, I've never had a sexual experience. I placed an ad online a few days ago asking if there were any men in my area interested in 'meeting up' with an 'inexperienced' individual. I've received at least 15 responses since then, to my surprise. I figured they would draw the worst possible conclusion about a 31 year old virgin. There is one guy who responded I've taken an interest in, and who wants to meet up at a hotel. He is 41. I asked specifically for older men. I've never even been on a date before, never been close to having a boyfriend, and here I may be on the verge of meeting this stranger for sex. I talked to my therapist about it today, and unsurprisingly he has some reservations about this, to say the least. I was afraid he would immediately speak to my parents, but he didn't. He understands I'm of age, and it's normal for a 31 year old to be sexually active. He acknowledged that 'hooking up' isn't exactly unusual or taboo, but he's worried about my safety. He suggested I text him where I would be if I went through with this. Before I talked to my therapist, this guy suggested I meet with him tomorrow. I told my therapist it would be at least a week until this could happen. He wants me to give this more thought, and to be as sure as possible I won't be endangering myself, but I don't want to put this guy off. He's the only one I've talked to at any length who isn't suggesting a 'friendship', and that we 'get to know one another'. This is something I found off-putting from others who have responded. One guy even asked if I would consider going camping and traveling with him. Another guy sounded like a cult leader. Another one suggested doing it in the woods.
  13. Why did people in the late 60s-to-mid 70s always look a tad dirty? I'm talking about how you see them in family photos, or actors on sitcoms, or grainy low budget movies of the time. Even the most clean cut, preppy people looked like they needed to shower, or at least wash their hair. I'm not talking about just hippies, I mean almost everyone. I guess the reason female sitcom character of the era made such a big deal out of washing their hair was because it was something they didn't often do. Was this all about the quality of film at the time, and people 'photographed' dirty? I'm completely fascinated with the subtle ways people looked different from one decade to another. Teens in the '50s and early '60s tended to look more mature than their age in a way that kids since haven't. They looked like they could be in their 30s.
  14. The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. I read it when I was 15 and absolutely hated it. I don't know if I've ever hated another book as much. I get tense just thinking about it.
  15. Roseanne Barr's standup comedy. I was shocked when I finally got around to watching her old standup appearances, and saw how lame they were. In her books, she describes her material as being edgy and confrontational and completely off the wall. It's all corny battle of the sexes and fat jokes. She's also complained about how she hated the first scripts written for Roseanne, and that the writer's didn't 'get' her. It would make sense if they were terrible because they were likely based off her standup.
  16. The writers said that the idea was the characters were distracted by sex and drugs, and therefore weren't aware that they were in danger, making them more vulnerable. John Carpenter said the same thing about the characters in Halloween. They people involved in the films were perplexed that anyone thought they were condemning the victims. I suppose that logic is still moralistic though.
  17. They definitely established the relationship in the second film, but even the writers and producers knew it didn't make sense. They assumed nobody would care, and I don't fans ever did. I think his identity should have been ambiguous.
  18. What if the character 'Jason Voorhees' wasn't Jason Voorhees at all. What if he was just a maniac that happened to be living in the woods on Camp Crystal Lake, who people mistakenly thought was the son of Mrs. Voorhees? It would make more sense, because Pamela Voorhees's entire motive was that her son had drowned due to the negligence of his camp counselors. Fans have theorized that Mrs. Voorhees was motivated simply by his almost having drowned. Or that Jason had survived without her knowing and was living in the woods for 22 years without them ever bumping into each other. Those theories don't hold water with me.
  19. I have reoccurring dreams about being in antique stores or thrift shops and finding something I've always wanted that's hard to find, and then realizing its some kind of knockoff of whatever it is I thought it was, and is therefore worthless.
  20. Taylor Swift. She can't sing that well, all her songs sound vaguely like ripoffs of other songs, all her lyrics are cliches. She's the Shania Twain of her generation. Critics love her, she's the only artist in this day and age that can actually sell albums outside of Adele. I don't get it.
  21. Today was my birthday. I remember posting on here at this same time of day exactly a year ago. I feel better today this year than I did last. It seems like every other birthday I feel lonely and melancholy. Today I have thankfully felt relatively at peace.
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