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  1. Goddammit. All I want is for someone to help me. **** this place.
  2. I've been in psych wards several times. I would never want to discourage anyone in serious danger of harming themselves from going. To be honest though, I've personally always found them to be completely useless. Essentially all they do is scramble around your meds, and you go to six or seven groups a day, where no one talks. You are talked at by a social worker, or somebody like that, and are given generic advice about depression, but more often about how to handle stress. It's not like in TV movies, where people are pouring their hearts out and crying and hugging each other. I truly have never known what any of the other patients I've been around were specifically in for. Everyone would just shoot the breeze and watch TV between groups. I luckily don't have any horror stories to tell. Being at Linden Oaks in Naperville, IL was the worst, because to be brutally honest I hated the other patients. It was like being back in junior high, only everyone was in their 20s-50s. There seemed to be 200 people there at once, and the staff obviously loathed speaking to you. That was as bad as it ever got for me, though. The experience has always been painfully boring and uncomfortable at the same time, but I do realize people go through far, far, far worse. I don't believe I was ever made to go cold turkey on anything. I don't think I was ever prescribed anything new, either. They would only change the dosages of what I was taking.
  3. So I met up with this other guy at the park yesterday. He has this women's lingerie fetish that I don't understand at all, but he's really handsome and sexy. Unfortunately, I'm having an STD scare (possibly gonorrhea or chlamydia) from the first guy I met, and this guy is under the impression I am still a virgin. I don't want to give this guy an STD. We obviously can't do much if I don't want to possibly infect him. I also told him a few lies about where I live, and about my family, and my job situation. I spoke to him extensively online and was truthful about everything. Once I saw him face to face, I got a little scared and threw in some things that weren't exactly true. Including the fact that my former psychologist is my father, and I live in a fairly upscale neighborhood. This guy wants my address and phone number. He's also into me spending the night at his house, and going camping and boating with him. Am I a fool to believe he is very lonely, and to feel a little sorry for him?
  4. Why is it so difficult to get a job at Mariano's or Whole Foods? You practically need a masters degree to bag groceries for them.
  5. Moog music is strangely depressing. I buy these cheesy Moog albums from the late 60s, and I can't listen to them because they're so oddly dreary.
  6. How people who post on GlassDoor about interviews will write something like "It was a really easy interview. The questions were all simple". It is not at all helpful, and in my experience is usually not accurate. Let me know which damn questions they asked!
  7. Anything I might want to have doesn't seem worth the trouble to go through to get it. I'm not sure I want anything at all. I've been in this black hole the last few weeks, because I can't imagine there is anything I want enough to live for. I don't want to be broke. I don't want to have a boring job doing work that means nothing at all to me. Being rich and doing something creative seems just as boring somehow. I don't know if I really see the difference. They both come down to making a living and supporting myself like almost everyone has done since the beginning of time. If I were the most handsome guy in the world, I would still have a face with eyes and a nose and lips and ears like everyone else. There was a young English guy my same age who I met on a Morrissey message board that I used to talk about this stuff with. It didn't end well between us. I'm dying to talk to him again. We haven't written to each other in five years.
  8. I'm scared I'm going to try to use sex to bring me the momentary pleasure material objects once did.
  9. I'm trying to be careful by limiting this to this one guy. I'm more afraid of catching an STD and having no choice but to tell my parents what's been going on than I am of being raped. It wasn't the guy who wanted the unprotected sex I met, by the way. I like the guy I did meet because he was cautious himself, as far as who he was getting involved with. He gave me a little lecture about safety in regards to doing this kind of thing, which I appreciated. It felt like an honest, simple, clean transaction. I'm sure I'm making myself sound like a complete idiot, though. I feel like I'm in a TV movie. I'm also afraid that now that I've had my first taste of this, I'm going to be more preoccupied and in need of sex than I even was before. I can feel it starting already. I'm afraid nothing else is going to have any value to me at all.
  10. I'm not ready for a relationship. I never really cared about romantic relationships. All I want is casual sex with clean, disease-free, easy-going, responsible people. I have gotten over thirty responses by now. I figured older men would find it a turn on to deflower a younger, boyish looking guy. Yet they have continually expressed doubt that I could possibly be a virgin at my age. It's unheard of to them. They've apparently never heard of all these 'incels' online. The issue is how I'm going to keep this a secret from my parents. My father still protects me like a bloodhound at my age.
  11. This guy says he must ejaculate inside me. No dice otherwise. I don't know if I should have been surprised a guy looking for anonymous sex online would suggest such a thing, but I was. Is this normal? I've been reading online about how often gay guys risk this, and lot of act as if it isn't any big deal. He says he's clean, but how would I know?
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