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About Crumpet

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  • Birthday 04/11/1990

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    Indie games, nail art, sci-fi novels, trashy TV shows
  1. Thank you neurotic_lady, I'm glad you're out of that relationship. Letting people close means you trust them with your vulnerabilities and it must have been incredibly painful to have them exploit that privilege. :( The week of the break up I had a regular check up at the doctors and I was told my BMI is 35, which is categorised as severely obese. I know BMI isn't reliable, I don't feel unhealthy or unfit, have never had any cardiovascular issues, but being told I'm severely obese by a doctor does carry a punch to your self-esteem along with adding anxiety about not knowing your own body and health. Obviously I'm making changes to be healthier but I don't want to feel undeserving of attention or even a relationship (further down the line) in the mean time.
  2. Great to see people's thoughts. Thanks for everyone's honestly! I agree with a lot that's been said. It's always easier to be objective about this stuff when considering others rather than yourself. I wanted to address this post though. It took a lot for me to make this thread and explain something that I'm struggling with and that makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. While I understand this is a topic that is an issue with a lot of people, I made it to try and help myself, to see how others think and that others are probably not as critical of strangers as I am of myself. Your post made me feel ashamed for doing that and I don't want to be shamed when I'm seeking a healthier outlook. I don't like the fact I feel need for assurance, that I need someone to tell me I have attractive qualities and it's ok if I don't have the build of a fitness model. But I do. I get some peace of mind from it. I got dumped recently and couldn't help but feel bad about myself as the only person who was reminding me I was attractive left my life. I don't want to seek someone to fill basically just that role in my life when I'm not ready for a relationship so I'm seeking insight into strangers minds, so I don't feel as vulnerable. Thank you for being understanding.
  3. Sorry to hear you've had a rough week. Hope the weekend lets you breathe a bit and that the next week is much better. x
  4. Hi, So recently I've been working on turning my low self-esteem around. I am self conscious about my weight and always compare myself to the younger thinner me and feel unattractive. At the same time I kind of realise that I like most girls am suffering because I don't look like women in magazines do. Personally I want to hear the opinion of men as I feel women are either too kind or too critical of each other depending on the dynamic. What's attractive in a woman? How much her weight matters? When does it matter? How much does physicality factor into attraction and how much is it behaviour and personality? Please be honest. Trying to be objective and not too hard on myself I would say I'm 5'6 chubby(UK/EU/US size 16/44/12) but with an hourglass figure. I've got fairly large breasts and a large round bum. I dress relatively well for my shape, I carry myself with confidence (even if I am critical internally). I am flirty, have a great/wicked sense of humour and have been called sexy by friends/lovers. And yet I don't feel attractive. I'm looking for justification I suppose because media can skew perceptions of reality. I want to know the honest opinion of strangers because I always feel like friends are just trying to be nice. How much am I actually being judged for being on the heavy side?
  5. It's like the later in the day it is the harder it is for me to keep a relatively positive outlook and not feel like crap.
  6. Made steak with horseradish, spicy sweet potato fries and cucumber, radish and wild rocket salad with sour cream dressing. Fusion of global influences in this meal lol.
  7. Just to add to what seashellocean said, it's good if your goal is quantifiable as well - it's measurable in some way. I was starting to feel very anxious about nothing in particular so I just took out a notebook and I'm trying to set big goals like "lead a healthier lifestyle" and break them down into tiny achievable steps. I've filled 3 pages today, it's peppered throughout with positive things I believe to be true about myself. I hope this will help me feel like there's order in the chaos. So the goal for tonight is to break down all my big goals into smaller steps and develop a short-term plan to follow. I've already started by phasing out as much carbs as I can from my diet as currently my diet is dominated by unhealthy carbs. I should also get some graphic design work done but as soon as I try to tackle it I'm engulfed by anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and guilt (for having put it off).
  8. Hi! We all certainly understand that feeling, it's like trying to run through water when everyone else is running on dry land. Simple things can be hard, it takes a lot of strength to work on getting better and I'm glad you're making progress! The important thing is to understand that we are living by a different set of rules than healthy people and we can't compare our current abilities with those of us when we were healthy. We'll get back on dry land eventually. Take care x
  9. Thank you, I know I will. But it's terrifying how much all of this feels like a bad dream, like things are "wrong", "broken" not "like they're supposed to be". Now some friends are "mine" and some are "his". I can't listen to music, because he's a musician. I know he's stressed as hell by university right now and I desperately wish to help him, while also knowing he's not worth it. My life right now is too much about wishing things were different.
  10. Reality is making it hard to breathe right now. I hate waking up having forgotten that the man I love abandoned me. When reality comes crashing down it takes my breath away.
  11. Hello, thank you for joining. :) Lacking any real adult role models while growing up, I find that sometimes the only thing that helps is the advice of an "adult" - someone I perceive to have much more life experience than me. Im sure your experience and advice will be helpful to many. x
  12. Meer, I'm an atheist myself, but I found reading about your experience with starting going to church very lovely to read about. I'm glad your faith can be so positive for you.
  13. Hi truestory, I'm glad you've been feeling good this week. That's great news! I looked back at your past posts and was surprised at how recent they were and how different your outlook was. I would suggest explaining to your doctor that the last week has been good and why you think it has been so, however you still should address your underlying worries, the things that were weighing heavy on your mind just the week past. Life has its ups and downs. I was doing really well the last week, so when I spoke to my doctor last it was all positive and we arranged the next meeting to be two months away, after I finish a Building Confidence class. Since that appointment however I've been back in the dumps struggling with the same issues I was a month ago. I feel addressing them in the last meeting would of helped me deal better right now. Keep taking care of yourself and I hope things keep going up for you! x
  14. You deserve to be happy and get better. By not letting yourself go to therapy you aren't helping yourself in any way. I know the masochistic feeling of "no, I need to suffer for longer" but that's not productive. I hope you can push past it. I always find that having a plan of action is better than trying to wait things out. Fight your depression, schedule an appointment.
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