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About psycholuigiman

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    Junior Member
  • Birthday 03/22/1992

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  • Location
    College Station, Texas
  • Interests
    Video games of many a genre, psychology, and friendship.
    That is to say, true friendship that lasts a very long time.

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  1. Can depression make you upset with everyone?

    Well, if that's how you feel. Not here to force you to change your mind. I do think we sometimes have a habit of putting high expectations on our friends. Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't think people should just know what to do or if something is bothering me if I don't say anything about it. I just feel that between friends, there should be no reason you don't talk about it before calling off the friendship. No joke, every time I thought I shouldn't or couldn't talk about something, even if it was something they were doing that p***** me off, ithey'd chastise me for not talking sooner, then laugh cuz I made such a big deal over nothing, then change what they were doing or at least help me deal with it better if they couldn't change. Bleh, that was a mess, but I hope I still got the point across okay. Not a very good speaker. Sorry.
  2. Can depression make you upset with everyone?

    It might sound reasonable since I left out the part where it was the cleanest, nicest break up ever. Turning my back on all of the people who care about me over that was extremely unreasonable. Especially when they tried to help me cope with it. Anyway, I get that anger you have though. I was the same way. Ended up just straight up asking if they were only talking to me out of pity. Turns out one just thought I was always busy cuz of school and din't wanna risk interrupting my studies. Another felt she wasn't worth the time and thought I was contacting her out of pity. Another told me that he just habitually waited for me to contact him. Do ya think you can just talk to them about this? Maybe they have a good reason or maybe they'll be more proactive if you let them know it bugs you. Just throwing out ideas. It worked out alright for me so maybe it will for you too.
  3. Can depression make you upset with everyone?

    Do you mind talking about your anger? I know you mentioned you feel your reasons sound good to you usually, but well. . . I had similar problems a couple months ago. In my head, I was right to be angry after losing my girlfriend to one of my more talented friends, but part of me knew that I was overreacting. Especially when I shut down and isolated myself in anger. Just saying that while it might be a good reason in your head, there is also a chance it's pretty petty. I mean, I don't think anyone could tell you if the anger you're feeling lately is normal or linked to depression/bipolar without more specific details about the situation. Please, don't feel like you have to share if you don't want to though.
  4. I'm a loser and my life is going nowhere.

    I also feel like I'm in a similar spot. 25 years old, male, bachelor's in psychology, live with parents almost no friends, and seemingly everyone I used to hang out with are much more successful than me, whether that success be in the workforce or in romance. Only, I've never even had a job. If I'm being honest, I can't remember the last time I felt so hopeless in regards to my future and getting where I want to go in life. I have no confidence, I see myself as more and more of a loser every day, I can see all of my faults and none of my strengths, I have no clue what to do, and even if I did, I have no faith in my ability to do whatever it is I need to do. Now that I've said all that, I'll say something totally different. Much as I may not feel it, 25 is still young, and a college degree is better than a high school diploma. I may live with my parents, but after looking at the cost of living, we've come to agree that the people who get out on their own and succeed are insanely lucky because around here (in Texas), it is very expensive to live comfortably. My friends are few, but I've been in a spot where I had literally nobody and anything is better than that. The people I used to know in my graduating class, turns out I just hung out with the winners. Some of them are already being forced to pay alimony, or are dead. I don't have a job, yes, but I also graduated without a single cent of debt to pay in student loans. And the rest, i attribute to the season, the confusion that comes right after graduation, and the natural depression everyone gets after recovering from their first break up, and they'll probably get better if I keep moving forward and stop beating myself up. It's your turn now. I just broke down every stupid thought I've had and fought them all with facts. I'm not saying it's easy. Far from it, but as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing else to do. Even if you had something you were passionate about, I doubt you would be doing anything with it while carrying all of this emotional baggage. Write down the facts that counteract your negative thoughts. Try to see a therapist. Get medicated. Do whatever it takes to claw your way out of the pit of despair, because nothing is worth feeling like that.
  5. the last things i like have been taken form me

    Hey, don't apologize for the post. Venting is totally healthy and you've come to the right place for it. I don't wanna be super offensive to your friends, but to some extent, I'm not so sure people who would turn their back on you based on someone else's lies about you are worth being friends with. Like, if it wasn't this, chances are some other poor excuse would've caused this. At least, that's my experience with people. So, unless you have a desire and a way to disprove these lies and get back in the group, might want to consider your life being better without them. Don't know what to say about the tinnitus problem. I assume you've done the proper stuff to try and treat it. I do know what it is like to have so few friends. Once spent a full year where I didn't talk to a single person other than my brother or parents. It sucks, but while you have less friends to hang out with, you probably have more time to improve yourself in ways you've been putting off. Maybe now is the time to improve your cooking, or take up another hobby like sewing. Whatever you do though, don't worry about being a burden to that one friend who will still talk to you. People are free to make their own choices and if they decide to spend time with you, chances are they don't feel too inconvenienced by that. More likely, they actually really want to spend time with you. If you're looking for new friends, maybe you oughta start a new topic with that purpose in mind. I'm sure people here aren't opposed to something like that. I'm not opposed to making a new friend, but my depression has been hitting me pretty hard lately and I'm not sure you'd want to help me deal with that. You can PM me if you want to get to know me though. Way into games, so we at least have that in common.
  6. So, I Graduated, but. . .

    Well, at the very least, I'm glad Mattymatt felt encouraged to share his own story. I hope it helped you vent a little, because it kinda opened my eyes a little. I've been to therapy before for PTSD. Had a near-death experience followed by more than 3 months of suffering that only eneded after a gallbladder removal and huge lifestyle changes. I mean, I always had issues before that, but I guess I thought I'd be okay after coming to terms with almost dying that one time. Didn't think I'd need to go back to therapy so soon. I'll have to wait before I go back though. Currently uninsured, but once I get insured again, I'll start looking. It's gotten a little better though since starting this topic. I think I really am just way too hard on myself for not feeling a certain way. After 7 years, I really thought it'd be the most exciting moment of my life. When it wasn't, I just thought something was wrong with me. I've seen my friends graduate and they get all excited and hopeful and they instantly get into their next phase, be it work in their field, or graduate school. It always looks like such a grand and glorious transition. I guess it just isn't like that for everyone though. Probably not even for most people. Thanks for talking to me everyone. I've been told many times on this forum to not be so hard on myself, but hopefully this will be the last time anyone has to tell me that.
  7. So, I Graduated, but. . .

    Sorry I waited so long to reply. I wanted to give it more time to set in and see if I'd feel better eventually, but still feel pretty crummy. Okay, so I've always had confidence problems. Never had much faith in myself to do anything right outside of a video game. I guess the biggest disappointment here comes from what I thought this degree would give me. Like, I know a piece of paper or trophies or other marks of achievement won't validate my existence completely, but I guess I was expecting the biggest, toughest accomplishment of my life so far to at least get me to stop ripping myself apart over my mistakes so much, and maybe feel a little more hope for my future and stop doubting myself so much. I just really thought this would help me. I don't know what to do anymore. My normally helpful family isn't very helpful right now. They've told me what I need to do. That I need to accept my victories when I get them and let go of my failures after I learn from them, but I don't know how to do that, and continuously pushing forward with long term plans for long term goals has led me to ignoring this terrible flaw of mine that leaves me wide awake at night, alone, wondering why any of my friends or family have faith in me or think I'm worthy of love. I don't need a long term plan. I already have one. I just have no faith or confidence that I can even get that plan to start. Hell, I didn't even think I'd make it this far. . . . Sorry. I think I might've let my frustration get the better of me in that last paragraph. I appreciate this forum and the people who try to help me. I'm just tired of failing to find my confidence and having no hope for any aspect of my future. I've been trying to work on my confidence for years with no results and the one thing I thought might finally help me didn't do a thing. In fact, I'm probably worse off since going to college led me to my first romantic relationship and subsequent break up, which really destroyed my confidence and as a bonus, planted the notion that I'll be alone forever in my mind. God, I'm such a mess tonight. This must be horrible to read. I'll just shut up for now I guess.
  8. So, I Graduated, but. . .

    I'm extremely confused about my feelings and thoughts right now. Earlier this month, I finally graduated and obtained my bachelor's in psychology. It took seven years to get and I even lost my gallbladder along the way. I oughta be ecstatic, on cloud nine, and totally satisfied and content with the fact that I accomplished a massive goal and have made progress towards my ultimate goal of being a psychologist who can sustain himself. Yet, I don't feel any of that. The only happiness I feel comes from not having to attend that particular school anymore. I'm worried. Like, if finishing something that I've been working hard on for 7 years doesn't leave me with any satisfaction, what will? I guess I might be overreacting. Surely I'm not completely numb, but is this normal? Any college graduates or big achievers out there go through something like this? I really can't tell if this is my brain messing with me, or if this is a normal reaction to such a big accomplishment. I was so expecting a confidence boost, but now I'm just lost and trying to figure out what I'll do next. I was prepared for that part, but I thought I'd at least feel more confident in myself.
  9. I just want people to STOP asking me if I'm ok.

    Yeah, probably just repeating what everyone else says, but the best way to get people to stop bothering you is to keep them informed. Let them know that you're trying some new stuff to fight your depression and how it is affecting you. The more info you can give, the better. Otherwise, they'll continue to worry about you and try to alleviate that worry by finding out what's going on.
  10. Inferiority Complex, the Bane of My Psyche

    Thanks everyone. I really do appreciate the advice. I was just at a complete loss. My depression and anxiety used to come from an obsessive concern for my physical health after certain events back in 2011. That, and always trying to predict the future. I guess my lack of experience with larger groups of friends and romance made me vulnerable to some extremely bad thoughts that I just didn't know how to deal with. Growing up, gaming and school were pretty much all I did. Never really thought that the positive accomplishments of the day might counter the negative crippling loneliness of night. That's some sound advice and I'll be sure to try and do my other hobbies a bit more. I actually just mended my old sweat pants pocket yesterday and it was one of the most relaxing things I've ever done by myself in a long time. Also, I'll really try to not devalue that time I had with my ex. My brain is working overtime to try and tell me the only reason she went along with me in the first place was because her life was even worse than mine and she'd have taken anyone that showed her some affection, and I don't know what to say to that thought, but I know that people hate it when I dwell on the past. If my chances of being loved were already low in my mind, they'll hit rock bottom if I keep thinking like that. So, thanks again for the advice. If it all pays off, I'll try to remember to come back here and thank everyone again.
  11. Dealing with Physical Symptoms of Depression

    I was just about to suggest some stuff, but you're already doing all the things I could think of. I live in the South, where the season is pretty nice all the time, so I don't have personal experience dealing with this sort of thing. Got a friend who deals with it though. He once told me that cooking his own food would help sometimes. Not sure if that's even an option for you if you're still in a college dorm though. Sadly, that's all I've got. You're really on top of it with everything else. Hopefully somebody else will be more helpful.
  12. Dealing with family members opinions of your depression?

    A lot of folks don't really get that it's not just a mood or state of mind. Older folks especially hesitate to put much stock in psychological stuff like mental disorders. Hate to say it, but unless you can sit them down and calmly explain to them in great detail that this has a lot more to do with uncontrollable brain chemicals, as opposed to just feeling kinda down in the dumps, you might be dealing with them for a very long time. Some folks come around once they understand exactly what you're dealing with. If not, well, try to make peace with their inability to understand. Very few people that haven't gone through it themselves will fully comprehend it, but the ones that are willing to try, like your girlfriend, oughta be kept close to you. Having any kind of support in real life will go a long way. I know it's frustrating and hard, but nothing good about depression is easy. You can totally get through it though. After all, depression is one of the most common mental disorders around and loads of people eventually get passed it somehow. Eventually, I think you can too.
  13. Inferiority Complex, the Bane of My Psyche

    Thanks for the reply folks. My Mama and best friend said similar stuff, but I guess it's still something I needed to hear some more, cuz it just won't sink in. The one talent in question is actually gaming. Probably the one thing my talented friends still make me feel good about is my gaming ability. Before I met them, always thought I was average, but it turns out not every gamer blows through a new game in just a few days to a week after they buy it. Even did a few streams, but stopped after an embarrassing internet mishap led me to invite everyone to a stream that wouldn't start. Maybe it's time to buck up and force myself to stream again. I'm pretty desperate at this point. Anything to make this awful feeling go away. Speaking of making this awful feeling go away. My dreams are ludicrously long term. Since I was in junior high, I've wanted to be a psychologist. There's a growing need for that kind of help and that kind of work is fulfilling to me. Aside from that though, I sing, and took up sewing not that long ago.Also enjoy writing, but my lack of creative juices keeps me from writing much these days. Between all these hobbies and school, I do okay during the day. It's just at night when I start to lose my mind. It's like as soon as it's time to wind down and rest, my brain just goes to thoughts like the ones in the OP, sometimes worse. The thing about me and my ex is that she was my first. Wrap your head around this, I'm 25 years old and I just had my first break up with the first girl I ever worked up the courage to put myself out for. I was a weirdo in my teens who understood that my hormones made it hard to tell if my feelings would last, so I didn't ever go for it back then. To this day, I'm still a weirdo. This is really the only place I talk this much. In real life, I've got anger issues, I'm hyper introverted, I don't ever put myself out there cuz I have trust issues, On top of all that is all of the mental stuff we're talking about here AND on top of all that is the fact that I'm legally blind and there's still more that I'm either forgetting to mention or just not telling cuz this post is too long already.. Why am I bringing it all up? To really hammer home the point that it was a freaking miracle that a nice girl that I liked ever even agreed to go with me in the first place. I'm told it's always the worst when it's the first, but I don't know. I feel like so much is stacked against me. I Know it's not healthy to think that way, but it's hard to have any kind of hope that I'm worthy of that kind of love when just finding the first girl who could tolerate all of that for the 8 or so months we were together was such an impossibly unlikely event.
  14. I'm an absolute disaster lately. I thought I was getting better, but I guess old mental habits die hard. Basically, a while back, my girlfriend introduced me to a handful of artist friends. Everything is fine, we're all getting along, talking about our lives. Eventually, we all become good friends. Then I realized something. I'm nobody next to these people. I'm no artist. I'm not really part of any community that needs or respects or even likes me. Heck, I don't even have a job. In fact, with graduation coming up, my future is so high up in the air, I'm not sure it'll ever come back down to stable ground. I have a talent or two that might be considered exceptional, but I'm too cowardly to put them on display like these guys. I'm not brave enough to put myself out there and say "This is what I do". The feeling that I don't compare to my peers has been eating at me for months and it's only gotten worse as I've found out more and more about them. I tried to improve myself and put myself out there, but I failed to do so. That failure makes me feel even worse. Then, as if I wasn't feeling inferior enough, my girlfriend left me for one of the other guys in the group. It was a clean break up, but the message was clear to me. The message being that a loser like me doesn't even deserve to be loved.That all of my fears and concerns and thoughts about being too inferior to my peers were true. Worst part is, I can't tell any of them that this is how I feel. What kind of an a****** looks at his friends and feels nothing but jealousy and anger because of his own inferiority complex? If they didn't hate me already, they'd surely want nothing to do with me if they ever found out how petty I truly am. Surely no good person worth having as a friend ever thinks the way I do. I despise myself right now.
  15. Fear of Academic failure is driving me crazy

    I don't know why I'm here typing this right now. I've got my own school stuff to take care of, though likely not as much as you. In fact, everything about my situation is a lot better than yours. In other words, I have no right to say anything or give any advice. Having said all of that, I put myself on the pedestal before too. In some aspects of my life, I still am on my self-made pedestal. It sucks being up there. For me, I felt like I was all alone, trying to look down on everyone because I thought that without my pedestal, everyone would look down on me and see me as inferior. Someone not worth being around. I'm not gonna sit in my chair and pretend that I'm not subconsciously trying to prop myself up on that pedestal again. That'd be a big fat lie. I mean, you spend most of your life doing it and it becomes hard not to, right? However, I can tell you that I suck at staying up. I've fallen off of my perch more times than I can remember by now. After awhile, Mama could see it was destroying me. At a pretty young age, she told me it wasn't worth it and that as long as I was prepared to face the consequences that come from performance in school, and still put in enough effort to pass, then she wouldn't hassle me about it. Midnightgrey, you gotta ask yourself how far you're willing to go to please somebody. How many all-nighters would you pull? How many extra hours of studying? How much mental pain or torture will be too much? I think you need to ask yourself this stuff, cuz a lot of folks don't know they've been pushed too far until it's too late. You sound like a college student. Look, I'm 25 years old. Due to certain events, I've been stuck in college for 7 years and I haven't even graduated yet. I've seen what happens to people who stress over the grades this much. Sometimes, they drop out of school and stay depressed for years. Sometimes they turn to drugs or alcohol and end up having to deal with those addictions on top of their school life. Worst case scenario, they drop out of life itself. I know your mom might not approve, but you need to get professional help. You won't make it like this. Very few people do. Now, I'm still assuming you're a college student. If that's not the case, disregard this next part. You're an adult. A young adult, but an adult nonetheless. That means that you not only have the right to seek professional help, but it's your obligation to do it. Even more so if it's through the school, cuz then it might even be partially payed for by your tuition. And if your mom gives you flack, tell her it's the only way you're gonna keep up your grades, because there is just no way you can spend the rest of your academic career struggling like this, and these problems will only get worse over time if they aren't addressed. At least, that's my perspective. I was lucky enough to be born into a family that is okay with psych stuff, so my advice isn't based on the same kind of experience. In fact, my parents were quick to support my choice to get psych help. I do know that I never would've made it this far had I not gotten help. This forum will only take you so far.