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psycholuigiman

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About psycholuigiman

  • Rank
    Junior Member
  • Birthday 03/22/1992

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    College Station, Texas
  • Interests
    Video games of many a genre, psychology, and friendship.
    That is to say, true friendship that lasts a very long time.

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  1. psycholuigiman

    Am I toxic or are others around me toxic

    Howdy, June. You've helped me out a lot in the past. I was beginning to wonder if you still had problems at all. This is an interesting issue. That word, "toxic" has a lot of different meanings to a lot of different people nowadays. I see it get thrown around so often that it has lost some of its meaning to me. I'm getting totally sidetracked though already. Anyway, I'd say that nobody in the world is pure. We've all got our personas that we think are best suited for society. Even if we have a kind heart, we know we shouldn't say or do certain things that we want to sometimes. Try to think of the "toxic" part of you as your shadow. It's with you always and can sometimes take on a shape that is much larger than you, making you think that it is all you are. It's not like that though. You're so much more than that. I hope that makes sense. I'm not very good with analogies sometimes even though I try to use them all the dang time. For what it's worth, I don't think being "toxic" around your friends makes you a bad person, nor do I think taking jabs at each other is bad either. I would think that your circle of friends and family ought to be the safest place to let your shadow out. After all, you can't suppress anything forever, so why not let it out a little bit around people who know you are more than that? I know I'm making low-brow jokes, taking jabs at my friends and family, and saying racist stuff for a cheap laugh around my friends and family on a pretty regular basis. That doesn't make me a racist or a bad friend, and by the same logic, you're not a bad person for saying bad things around your friends. Of course, it has to stop somewhere. There is a line that shouldn't be crossed and lucky for me, my friends will eventually tell me so if I cross it and I'll know never to go there again. My family won't even let me cross it. If you still feel bad about it, I suggest asking your friends to set the record straight for you. Ask them in all seriousness if you've gone too far recently and if you need an attitude adjustment, and then go from there.
  2. psycholuigiman

    General Sense of Hopelessness and Loneliness

    I accept your apology. Now quit apologizing. If you ever doubt that putting yourself out and trying is worth anything, you should try to remember that you and I never would've met had you not given me a chance. I mean, I still like talking to you. One day, I wanna play a game or watch a show with you. I know I don't regret offering a hand to you or the times we've just hung out in Discord. Anyway, you know where to find me. If you think you can't give up, then that's good. As much as you're apologizing, you ain't wronged me nearly bad enough for me to turn my back on you. I'll still be around when you're ready to just talk friendly like and stuff. Good luck, and I hope I ain't ever said anything to offend you. If I did, I'm sorry. I know I can get a little aggressive and desperate with my words sometimes and I end up saying stuff that can hurt more than it helps.
  3. psycholuigiman

    General Sense of Hopelessness and Loneliness

    The time for being sorry is over now because I've already forgiven you. IIt's not really that wanting to be happy is too vague. It's that you seem to stop at that want and don't consider all the ways you can do that. You don't plan to be happy, you want it to fall in your lap. You're too impatient with yourself and the world. When you try to improve your life and the change isn't immediately noticeable, you get frustrated and decide it isn't meant to be.If you have an uncomfortable or awkward interaction with someone, you blame yourself and decide you're not a good fit for that person. If somebody doesn't share all of your interests, you decide for them that you wouldn't be a good friend for them. At least, these are things that I've noticed you do. Quit deciding for everyone what they want from you. Quit telling me I've wasted my time. I say when it is a waste of time, not you. Think about what might make you happy. What has made you happy in the past? I know you've been happy before. For crying out loud, you got a compliment and encouragement from one of your favorite voice actors in person! Did that make you miserable? Might I add she is a model example of what we can accomplish by overcoming our mental issues too AND you held a perfectly normal conversation with her. Proof that it is possible and that it can lead to wonderful things. Don't be afraid to get sappy with yourself. I happen to have a note with an encouraging message written by me posted right next to my monitor. Acknowledge this much: There is some goodness out there with your name on it. Times are bad, but they will be good and then they'll be bad again, only to become good again. Happiness is earned through hard work and determination much more than it is given freely.
  4. psycholuigiman

    General Sense of Hopelessness and Loneliness

    Maybe this is really rude to ask, but do you even want help? I mean, I want to help you. I even tried to help you. Clearly these nice folks want to help you. Yet, you shoot down every suggestion and perspective. I've known you for a little while now and I think part of you doesn't even want to try anymore. That same part of you revels in being a victim who has their life set in stone by other people. So could you set the record straight for me, your friend who is STILL your friend, psycholuigiman? Do you want to be your better self or not? If not, then I'm done trying to help you on this for a while. I'll never give up on you forever, but I know better than to keep trying to think of ways to help someone who doesn't really want my help. If you do want your life to be better though, then you have to expect your life to get better. It's not enough to want something in life, you have to expect it, make plans for it. I want a Nintendo Switch, I have no plans in motion to save up the money for it, thus I don't expect to get one soon. Understand what I'm saying? Is it gonna happen over night? NO. Is it gonna be easy? NO. Are you gonna want to give up again? YES. Is life gonna put you down? YES IT WILL and it will keep you there if you let it. I happen to think that you're too young to just give up and resign yourself to what others have put before you. As bad as the stuff you've seen and dealt with has been, I don't think you've earned the right to give up on everything you wanted out of life. But what do I know? I'm just a little bit older than you and my life has been stagnant for the past 7 years. Maybe I should give up too. Lord knows many people didn't expect me to get this far in life in the first place. You seem to have life figured out, so maybe I should be following your example. Since we're talkin about a general sense of hopelessness and loneliness, how about the approaching Winter, right? Boy I hate this time of year. It's cold, the skies are usually overcast, the year comes to an end with a ton of things being unfinished or not even started, friends leave me to spend time with their family and romantic partners, I get to be reminded of my single status and my failed attempt at romance almost every day until after February, my mom gets depressed if she gains weight and I have to see her go through that, there's a convention I won't be going to this winter again cuz of my travel anxiety, and so much of the food of the season is hard for my stomach to handle. Of course, then Spring comes and it warms up, the sun comes out, I remember to do a few things before I get bogged down by the rest of life, friends come back with funny stories, romance stuff goes back down to a more tolerable level, my mom eats healthy and loses that weight again, I can take more day trips to see my grandparents and wok on my travel anxiety since the weather is nicer, and with Summer around the corner, my favorite veggie (zucchini) will be in season soon. Boy, that Winter sure is hopeless and lonely though. Not like Spring, which comes right after Winter. Please tell me some of this is getting through to you.
  5. psycholuigiman

    Political Anxiety

    Wow, I'm kinda surprised at the response to this topic. It certainly is refreshing and encouraging to see so many people are just as tired of the state of things as I am. From different walks of life and perspectives too. How about that? I feel like I could actually discuss specific political issues with you guys (but I won't cuz I know that's very stressful even among friends). I guess a lot of it just comes from me being lazy. I don't have any job and I'm a bit lazy to do any productive hobbies on a routine basis, so I just end up going on 5 hour binges of alternative media videos and articles on the web instead. One thing leads to another, and before I know it, I've read or heard about every politically fueled violent act that's occurred in the last month. I don't watch the TV news anymore cuz I think they're all more about entertainment and propaganda than reporting these days (except for local news in the morning before I see my dad off to work), but one of the downsides to internet news is the comments some people leave. Bad enough I'm hearing Antifa is talking about bringing pipe bombs to someone's house, but then there are a lot of people condoning and even supporting such actions. That's the stuff that really scares me because I know that to the likes of Antifa, I definitely have the wrong opinion.
  6. Alright, I've tried to be nice and a little vague about this in the past, but I can't take it anymore. I'm so freaking stressed out about the political and social climate of the U.S. right now. It's slowly gotten worse and worse ever since 2008, and now, 10 years later, it's no longer safe to have an opinion, let alone talk about it. I see it everyday, not just on the news, but on the web too. People attacked or harassed, property damaged or outright destroyed, cowards inciting mobs into violence and terrorism, voices shouted down and silenced. It's just all so much and a new act happens more than twice a week every week. I've voted. I've written to my congressman, my senator, my president, and my local government officials. Every new week I expect to wake up to the news that another civil war has broken out. I'm lucky to live in Texas. Antifa doesn't seem to terrorize places that are known to have a lot of guns in the hands of citizens. That's the only good thing about all this though. At least if those crazy extreme leftists come to my town and start attacking people and damaging homes, I know somebody won't stand for it (I don't use guns cuz I'm legally blind, otherwise I'd get a CHL and carry protection). Sound extreme? Well, it is. There have been over 600 reported incidents of people harassing just Trump supporters. That's not including all the people who get harassed just for having the wrong opinion. Over 180 of those reported incidents were physical attacks on people and/or their property. What am I supposed to do? Half the country has gone crazy and the other half isn't even allowed to defend themselves in a lot of cases. Even if they do defend themselves, sometimes their lives are completely ruined anyway, their private information is doxed and put on display for the whole world. False accusations stick with them to ensure they never advance in their career( assuming they still have one or can get one), College professors attempt to indoctrinate all who enter their classroom, yet I need a Master's to land my dream job one day. I don't even want to talk about the blatant racism and sexism that is now approved by the worse half of the country. And no matter who is in charge, they will vote along party lines, not along moral values. You might be thinking, "Oh, every side in every issue has some moral merit to it." I implore you to show me the merit in ruining somebody's life based on false accusations with no evidence and so called witnesses that can't even remember the time, place, who was around, and what they were doing other than "He did it for sure." You know, I said Texas was safer earlier, but I forgot about the caravan of people about to force their way into every Southern border state. So many of them, fleeing from a country that they already messed up in. I've even heard of one guy who got deported and is hoping to break back into the U.S. and somehow get pardoned for his crimes.Sometimes I think I'll do like them and just head somewhere else. God knows I love my country, but I'm tired of dealing with this. Then I remember that most places in the world are going through the same thing right now, or something even worse! I can hardly vent about this to anyone. My mom is probably even more stressed out and frustrated than I am. My Dad just gets angry and makes threats that would get him in trouble were he to ever carry them out (not that he would), my brother is oblivious because he can't remember who's doing what anymore, my best friend is the same, and my other friends sometimes mock me for living in a red state, so I doubt they'd understand or be willing to listen. Hell, they might even be under the impression that Antifa actually fights fascism as opposed to blocking traffic, harassing people, and doing property damage. I don't know! I'm too afraid to ask them! I'm too afraid to say almost anything. I actually wrote this out twice now. I deleted it the other time, but for some reason I'm trying to submit it again. Sorry this is so long, this has all just been driving me nuts and it doesn't seem like it's getting any better. I hope I'm not breaking any rules.
  7. psycholuigiman

    Alone an in pain. I want to live

    Howdy, Alone27. Thanks for sharing. Your sharing of your problems has really put my own problems into perspective. I wish I knew of a way to help you deal with it all. It would be nice if we could just put every old day behind us, forgive ourselves, and not be burdened by what we did or didn't do. Still, we're here to support you. I do believe therapy is an excellent idea in your case. You might not think you'd talk all that much to a total stranger in person, but a good therapist is trained to ask the right questions. The kind of questions that make you want to express yourself. A good therapist will use their experience dealing with similar cases to help you on the road to recovery. As for the dating thing. I actually do kinda know how you feel there. We live in weird times where despite all of the social movements to accept and love people of all kinds, no matter what they look like or what conditions they have, looks and social status still matter a lot. I'm just gonna try and wait it out. Either I'll luck out and somehow find a nice gal who shares a mutual and unconditional love with me, or enough time will have passed for more peeps to treat romance like it's actually important and not just a trip to the store to find the best man or woman on the market. (Seriously, I see stories about people in their mid to late 20s breaking up so they can "trade up". Makes me angry hearing about that). Try not to lose all your love and hope. My grandpa didn't get married to my awesome grandma until he was 42 from what I've been told (I guess he's actually my step-grandad, but he's around more often than my real one so. . .), and my dad tells me one of his coworkers has just recently found a girl he could get serious about at the age of 54. Hell, one of my good friends is now engaged to my ex at age 32. What I'm trying to say is that you never know how old you'll be when you find someone to settle down with. So, just live your life one day at a time, take a chance on someone every so often, and I'm sure you'll find who you're looking for. (Now I just need to repeat this to myself and take my own advice for a change. Haha!) Good luck. We're all hoping you feel better soon. Shine on.
  8. psycholuigiman

    General Sense of Hopelessness and Loneliness

    I'm not happy. Not at all. I enjoyed talking with you. I got exposed to an old anime I never would've watched without your nudge. I was looking forward to talking more about it. I was looking forward to hearing what you thought of my amateur writing projects once you got a break from school to read them. I was eager to one day see that video you were slowly working on. I wanted to help you proofread your essays for those crazy professors you told me about. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not doing me any favors, so I doubt you're doing anyone else a good service either.
  9. psycholuigiman

    General Sense of Hopelessness and Loneliness

    Well, I tried. I've told you time and time again that I enjoy hanging out with you, that logically speaking, if one person likes you, then there must be other people who like you too, that life is cyclical, that you have a bad habit of focusing on the negative, that you have an even worse habit of blaming yourself for every bad thing that has ever happened. It hurts to see you like this, but I guess I can't stop your or help you. So, I'll just say good luck and hang in there. I'll still be around if you ever need a friend.
  10. psycholuigiman

    A Friend Needs Help

    Thank you, everyone. It's a bit embarrassing, being a graduate with a degree in psychology and only knowing how to spot autism, but not help manage it, but there's no time to learn like the present, and there's no better reason to do it than to help my good friend in whatever way I can. I've DM'ed him the advice you all shared and the links too. And of course, I told him that we all wish him luck and hope he feels better soon. He said thanks. I'll be sure to come back if he has any noticeable change. In the meantime, please share more advice and experiences with autism and depression. Every bit of info can be helpful. Maybe my good friend will decide to come out of his shell and join a support group of some kind if I keep telling him a bunch of total strangers on this forum were kind and generous enough to offer a helping hand.
  11. psycholuigiman

    A Friend Needs Help

    Thank you. He is on medication that was prescribed to him by a psychiatrist, and it does help him a lot. However, he claims his doctor isn't doing much more than just continually filling his prescriptions. He says he has been taking it for a very long time. He also says that he thinks improving his social skills and understanding might help him, since he feels a lot of his depression and anxiety come from constantly feeling uncomfortable and like an alien around other people. Sorry for all the "he said" talk. I suggested that he come here himself and make an account to try and get help directly, but he's too uncomfortable on forums. I think he had a bad experience with a different forum in the past.
  12. Hey! I'm doing that thing I was always told to do growing up, but was always too stubborn to do. . . use connections! As the title implies, this is actually NOT my problem (for once). A close friend of mine has confided in me that he thinks he is suffering from depression and anxiety fueled by ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Back before the DSM-5 came along, he was specifically diagnosed with Asperger's. Thing is, I barely understood the autism lectures back in college. I know how to tell when someone might have ASD, but I'm at a total loss when it comes to helping them cope with it. I couldn't find a section on this forum about the topic, so I'm asking everyone who reads this for help. What can I do? Are their any good books on the subject I can read? Are their any good books that my friend could read that might help him cope with what he's trying to deal with? What about videos? My good friend reports always feeling like an alien and never being able to get comfortable around people or make eye contact, among other social issues. It's not like I can tell him to do the things that worked for me. Having ASD means what works for a normie (relatively speaking) won't have the same affect on him, right? Any and all advice and help is appreciated. There's just so much that gets revealed with a Google search that I'm not sure where to begin. A lot of it seems so vague that it'd be of no use.
  13. I don't know why I do this, but I always think my friends roll their eyes when I ask them for something. I've got a small group of online friends and we haven't done much of anything together lately. I keep thinking it's just cuz we all want to do something new instead of playing the same game we always play or drawing together, but every time I see a new and affordable game that we could all enjoy, I just go "No, I'd only be wasting everyone's time." I freaking hate that my mind just goes to that automatically. We always have a good time when we hang out, and everyone is honest and doesn't pretend to have fun. They'll say no if they don't have time, but they usually do have time somewhere in the week. Yet, all I ever do is assume they'd rather spend their time doing other things. I have every reason to just freaking ask to spend some time together, but I go and invent reasons not to. I assume that they'd always rather spend time with their romantic partners, or that they have work to do, or personal projects, or family stuff. It's like, because my own life is so barren (no job, no schedule, no obligations, no girlfriend) I feel guilty about asking people who have less free time than I do to spend it on me, as if that makes any sense at all. Hell, even when I had a girlfriend for a while, I ended up not spending nearly enough time with her because I felt bad for taking up her time even though she never gave me a reason to feel bad (probably one of the reasons we're not together anymore). I hate this. I'm trying not to be hard on myself, but this is just pathetic. Last night, I was just sitting around with nothing to do, bored. I knew one of my friends was even more bored and had no work this week due to a scheduling error. Yet, I sat their in my room, thinking I'd just be wasting his time until he contacts me asking to play a game with him. There's a $5 mini golf game that we could all just have a stupid good time playing, but I'm not even mentioning it to anyone because in my mind, that would be a waste of everyone's precious time AND five dollars. I don't know what the goal of this post is. I doubt anyone can tell me useful advice that I haven't heard already. My weird mental issues on this won't go away either. I guess I'm just ranting to vent my frustration. Just another case of me making relationships with other people harder than they need to be. It's like, why can't I have the same attitude towards my friends that I do towards the forum? I'm not worried about wasting people's time on here. I ramble on all the time here and never feel like an imposition on whoever replies or might read the whole thing. I don't freaking understand myself at all.
  14. psycholuigiman

    I've had enough

    Logan, it sounds like you've got something more severe than you're willing to talk about. I don't think most people your age see their father covered in blood when they close their eyes. Does anyone know about these things you can't stop seeing? I assume by "counselor" you're referring to the high school counselor, who is more suited to overloading students with busy schedules than helping them through severe mental health issues. I'm happy to help you and point out the contradictions in your thoughts, like how everyone else is happy, but they're starting a group to prevent self-destructive behaviors. I'm happy to tell you the fact that people apparently love you, based on a couple of the things you've said, is plenty of reason to not harm yourself. I don't think that's gonna do it though. Logan, my advice to you is to explain to someone with authority in your life, be it your parental guardians, a halfway decent teacher at school, local authorities, or a suicide helpline to name a few examples. Explain to them in as much and as graphic detail as you can. It's great that you're speaking up on this forum, but you have to speak up outside of here as well. Maybe i'm presuming too much, but I'm having a hard time believing that your counselor understands the severity of your mental illness. Point is, find someone who will listen to you with authority in your life. Not just hear you, but listen to you. There is a big difference between the two. Keep us updated, Logan. The path to greatness is long and arduous. It is not pleasant and it is not short. It kicks our butts and it makes us want to die, however inside every human being is the strength to see it through to its natural conclusion. Your life is worth whatever you have to go through in order to achieve. Doesn't matter what you achieve, even if that achievement is survival in a cruel and unforgiving education system on a daily basis, it is still worth it. Don't worry about how many months or how many years you have left in this hell. Take it day by day, starting as you read this out. Again, good luck, and shine on.
  15. psycholuigiman

    I've had enough

    Logan, high school is one of the worst places in the first world countries that almost everyone goes to at some point in life. It's only gotten worse as time has marched on. I promise that you aren't the only person who feels this way and I implore you to seek these other people out. Share your experiences with them in as much detail as you are able to. You can probably find some on this forum. Maybe you will find some comfort in sharing your experiences with people going through similarly bad times. I remember when I was finishing up high school in 2010. My school was mostly run by cynical adults who believed in punishing the entire school for the transgressions of a few stupid kids. I'll never forget how we weren't allowed to use the bathroom because some kids were caught having sex in one. We were only allowed to go in between classes, which always resulted in tardiness and some form of punishmnt. Some teachers told us to give up on our long term goals because "None of you have what it takes to accomplish anything after high school". I remember 30 minute lunch breaks in an overcrowded cafeteria where we spent 27 of those minutes in line just to get a lukewarm meal that we'd have to eat as fast as possible (I ended up just skipping lunch every day my senior year). Teachers intentionally coordinating their test schedules so that you have 3 - 6 tests in one week that you have to study for. Assigning 2 - 3 pages of homework and expecting it be done and turned in the next day, with no thought or consideration for the possibility of other homework assignments from other classes or extracurricular activities that demand more time after school in exchange for a better grade (choir sometimes made me stay until 7:00pm). Then you get home, barely have time to eat before needing to do homework. If you're fast, you might finish before midnight just to go straight to bed and start all over again at 6:00am. Of course, it's not enough just to survive for some people. Some people expect you to excel in this hell. Get those perfect scores or have your forms of entertainment revoked on the weekends. Now that was what it was like in 2010. I know for sure that it's only gotten worse over the years based on what I've heard from the two good teachers I keep in contact with and a handful of younger friends. I didn't even mention how it feels like you're going crazy all alone when you look around and see everyone enjoying themselves without a care in the world or doing well without even a hint of anxiety. Please, Logan don't do this to yourself. I promise things can and will get better someday. I'd bet my life on that claim (and that's not something I say lightly). Do whatever it takes to survive until then. It will be worth it. It will always be worth it. Get creative, and if you can't be creative naturally, then get desperate and then you'll stumble into creativity. Most of all, talk to people who understand the struggle to some extent. I'm here for you if you want to talk privately. The rest of the forum is here for you. I wish you all the best of luck. Shine on, Logan.
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