WhyAreWeHere

In retrospect over the past few years because of therapy and talking to a professional, ESPECIALLY the past few weeks, I notice I'm getting more angry about my life and allowing myself to be pushed around, belittled, disrespected by everyone from family to friends and everyone in between. I grew up in a very broken family, terrified by seeing my parents physically attack each other. My cousin sexually assaulting me at the age of 7, he was 15, thankfully nothing happened, but the mere fact that he tried - that obviously did something to me, not sure how it affected me. Bullied and picked on through my grade school and high school years. A drunk father who terrorized me for a decade easily. Jealous friends whenever I was with a girl (they were gorgeous) but the comments from my one "close friend" condescending.. It just never ended.. Here I am at 48, my life isn't anything to be proud of. I'm struggling to keep my sanity and my life together. The point in all this, I just wish I had never realized what happened to me in my life because I'm hating myself for not standing up for myself. The obvious reason I didn't was, because I never felt I was cared for or loved by my parents, even though they had their "moments" which in retrospect was probably more abou them in the moment than actual "love" ---whatever the fk that means. Anyone else with me in thinking it probably is best to not have dug deep in their own history and just let it be.. because looking back really hurts and makes me wish more I wasn't alive.

I've managed to stay away from my the main 3 for quite awhile. Just recently I went back to twitter and thought, "ehh, I'll just for my movie and animals, nothing more". Then you can't help but getting sucked into the vortex of vitriol and negativity, politics. It seems like everyone has gone mad and with good reason(s) of their own. I am staying the hell away from all that insanity. I miss the 90s, no internet, no nothing, things really more simple, a much better vibe and the music was nowhere near as dark and negative as it is today. I wish I could say I feel sorry for the future generations, but I don't. They have to know it's bad and if they don't, well, no one else to blame but the parents. I'm only 40, but the world in 30-40 years from now is going to be a really scary (more polarized?) place

Great replies.

Man I can completely relate to this post. Thanks for sharing. I hope things get better for you.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad... I hate to be so simplistic with this and give you this advice because I hated hearing it when I lost my dog (who was the only one that gave me unconditional love)... time and acceptance. It's not going to be easy, but what has helped me a little bit lately (4 years later) is to start thinking along the lines of "this is the path that I was put on, these are the things I am supposed to experience". I'm not fully there myself, but it's SLOWLY creeping into my mind...again, FOUR YEARS later. I hope this helps in some way.

Good luck Rose, I agree and very well said "a cross I have never had an interest in bearing..."

I'm hoping we get into a nuclear war soon, simply because we don't deserve this beautiful world we live in. When I say "beautiful world" I mean all the natural things in it, the other species of animals (since we humans are animals afterall), the land, the waters, etc... We're destroying ourselves so slowly, it just doesn't make sense. I really don't get "life" and maybe we're not supposed to, but a world which seems to be dominated by hatred, conflict, more hatred, greed. Let's just get it over with already.

This isn't even a joke, but I've been meaning to come to this forum through a different browser and save my login credentials onto the new browser. But I just didn't care to open the old browser, get the login details (password mainly) and open the new browser, but I finally did it. The simple reason is, I've been in a deep rut the past couple of months and the "S" word has been on my mind a whole lot, I just don't want to wake up anymore. Anyways, yeah, browser/password thing.

Welcome to the club :)

Do you drive? If so, how about taking yourself out for a drive somewhere, anywhere really? I ended up going to a park, going for a walk and connecting with nature. It felt pretty good and I had left my phone in my car to "disconnect", not really from calls or texts because like you I don't get very many of those, but to prevent myself from surfing online on my phone. How about catching a movie by yourself? Actually did it a few weeks ago, felt good to keep my mind occupied. Diego's suggestion isn't bad either, maybe try to reconnect with your friends, start the spark see what happens. Maybe it'll work out for the better.

*youtube link removed* what blows me away is between 1:09 and 2:33 It's just so crazy and cool, how can we honestly not think we aren't alone in this universe.

Just go. You'll feel great. Fight that initial feeling that holds you off.

Agreed 100%. Something has to give, why not positive vibes right. Great post Kabuto