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stolenmile

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Everything posted by stolenmile

  1. I missed this forum. I tried to be out of the computer, because people told me I'd be happier hanging out with real people. But being back here makes me feel safe and relaxed. Best wishes and hugs to everyone here! :)
  2. I am exhausted. I usually like this, because I have no time for depression when I am busy or tired. But today this is overwhelming, and people keep pushing me. so tired.
  3. Hang in there. Facing the world is not as scary as it may seem. All you need is make the first step. Do you have anyone who can offer you some support?
  4. Focus with Will Smith and Margot Robbie. That was a light a funny one.
  5. I feel scared. Tomorrow my med results will show whether I am getting pills or just "talk therapy". I am not sure what is better... Perhaps pills can change my mood and make me happier... or they add problems to my list... I was always scared of drugs and stuff.
  6. "Mad Max. Fury Road." I found the action part rather amazing, but... did they make the dialogues so stupid on purpose?
  7. They always say that if you're angry at someone you can either confront him or just ignore. And ignoring is even worse, than an actual confrontation. Well, I have a mother who practices ignoring every time I do something wrong. I can forget to buy washing powder and then she ignores me until I come to her, say how horrible I am and ask for forgiveness. That always work and I swallow my pride and do it, but sometimes I just don't feel guilty enough. Come on, I didn't bought some powder and we still have enough, so what's the big deal? So from time to time I ignore her back. But for some reason I can't do it right. The more I ignore her back -> the more I think of it -> the more I analyse -> the more guilty I feel -> the more I suffer. Any tips on how to behave when someone close to you is using the "i won't talk to you until you beg for forgiveness" practice?
  8. I feel like a horrible person. Just found out my sort-of-friend has a new boyfriend and she's going on a fancy vacation and she's having a new job. The worst part is that she always tells me about that and never even asks me "how are you". It's always all about her... So now I am comparing my lonely and sad life to hers and feeling jealous... And I hate myself for feeling that!
  9. I feel empty. Unlike many of you here I have no problems with sleeping, but it's also kind of a problem. I have no sense of time and I just cook, eat, sleep, watch movies, sleep, eat, sleep... It's like I just wake up when I am hungry and then go back to my dreams. I wish someone or something could wake me up.
  10. Finally watched the Birdman. Most of the time it was fun, although the main character's story is supposed to be serious... But it still was was fun, I liked it very much.
  11. Interstellar. I've heard a lot about it, so my expectations were extremely high... It's a good movie, not "the best movie of all times" for me, but still quite good.
  12. Jarrod, DarkRain, petbunary, I hope you guys have a better day tomorrow! ((Hugs)) I am feeling surprisingly good, so I am sending best wishes to those who are depressed now!
  13. Yeah, I may have been paranoid a little, but that's because opening up to a therapist is kinda hard for a first time. Thanks anyway ;)
  14. MessedUp, Thanks for the advice :) It took me a week to call the studio, but I did. And I paid for it and told some people about it (they said 22 is too old for a dancer, but I intended to do it for myself, not for a career). Anyhow, when the day came, I stayed at home. I didn't care about the money or what people would think... The couch just never felt safer... Eden, Yeah, I do dance in my room, but I am talking about making more hard decisions. Like dating, looking for a better job, studying all night for an exam, getting out. I am comfortable and confident here, in my four walls, but I still don't have a goal in life.
  15. Hi all, I've been in a very bad condition due to several things: 1) my usual depression 2) few failed exams, 3) my abusive brother is gonna live with me the whole summer, yay... 4) Mom's giving me her usual "you don't have a depression, stop lying about it", and 5) I can't meet a guy or a friend or anyone who would understand me. But here's the thing: I try my best to solve every one of my problems. My therapist says that then I will live happily ever after. And still I can't make myself speak up or move out or get out and meet somebody. I feel safer here, in my bed with a laptop. I've read a lot of articles, advices, books... They all say something like "Get up, find out what you are good at and just be yourself. Find a silver lining. Find your motivation to live and to smile." And the catch here is... I don't know how to find a motivation to look for motivation... All I have to do is look around me in the University and see a 100 people who are ready to work 7 days a week to be successful. I don't have that... neither in work, nor in personal life. Last night I was overwhelmed by bad thoughts, so I wrote to a online support service, and a woman there said "Just find some extra activities". And I said, why? How can I motivate myself to go there? I was a dancer half of my life, I loved it, but now I can't even make myself go to the dance studio. It's easy to say "just do it". But how? How to make this first step? Because honestly, I don't care about anything anymore. My brother can walk in right now and punch me with a baseball bat, and I won't run away, because I can't make myself care. (btw, he won't do that, because he's on pills... I hope). So, please, can anyone give me some tip on what to do? How do you motivate yourself not to give up? How do you find emotions and feelings to care about your life and your future?
  16. I accomplished nothing :( That was one of those crappy days when everything falls apart...
  17. Angry and tired of proving something to someone
  18. I finally made myself wake up earlier, so I could study! Yay! Now I just need to figure out how to make myself study...
  19. Hi all! Three months ago I finally realized I don't wanna live in a dark lonely place anymore, so I found a therapist. I have never done therapy before, but it was either get drunk or get help, and I don't actually understand how I decided to go to the therapy. In the morning I just opened my laptop, selected a therapist with best reviews on some website, made a call and in a few hours I was already sitting there. So it's been 3 months, I wasn't honest with her from the very beginning. It took me awhile to tell her my really deepest secrets that ruin my life. So, one day I just opened up. I told her everything, I cried, I was a mess, but I told her all the ugly things that happened to me and why I think I am depressed. It felt so good to admit it and to speak. She told me we will find a strategy for me to move forward and finally enjoy life. It was so good! And then, few days after that session, she called me and said her prices changed. I am a student with a small income, no help from Mom, and she knew it. Maybe I am being paranoid, but after I really opened up to her (it was the first time in my life I ever talked about this), I think she thought I can be an easy way for her to make money. I mean, I can afford her with new prices, but it's gonna be really hard. On the other hand, I can find someone else with lower prices, but I am not sure I can go through this again - new person, trust issues, etc... Can therapists do this? Can they get someone to feel safe and strong and then just ask them for more money when we are most vulnerable? Or am I really paranoid? Have anyone had this situation before?
  20. I am gonna destruct myself one day. My therapist said I got used to people abusing me and taking advantage of me, so now I can't live without it. She says that subconsciously I want to be a victim, and eventually it will ruin me. Yeah... I feel like I'll never want to be around people again.
  21. Dizmo, don't be sad! We are here for you! I am sure a lot of people will come to this topic, just give us some time. I know how it feels when you need some support, a simple human being to talk to, and it sucks if there's no one around. Unfortunately life sucks and sometimes we all feel abandoned, worthless and miserable, but you know what? There are people who can listen to you and talk to you. Just don't give up, Dizmo, and if you feel too lonely, you can send me a message. I wish you best!
  22. My goal is to do my freaking term paper or they would kick me out of Uni... Any tips on how to do your homework when you are wrapped in a blanket?
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