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Everything posted by womanofthelight

  1. So what? I haven't read all of this thread, but based upon your last entry, there seems to be a conflict between your being yourself and your desire for approval. The only approval you might want to worry about is that of family, friends (and most of the time, not even them) and whoever signs your paycheck. I'm old enough now, emotionally, to live by that standard. Not doing so made me miserable.
  2. That name sounds familiar, and if I'm correct, he's been on the show for about a century. And when characters reach that age and position, they're shortly thereafter assigned to the dumpster and brought in only occasionally as Holiday Relecs. They "get no respect; no respect at all . . . "
  3. It seems that there has been nothing said here in this thread to help you. I'm sorry about that, and wish you everything that you wish for yourself.
  4. Feel like . . . belching. (I'm drinking diet Ginger Ale)
  5. You could explain yourself (if you feel the need) by saying your boundaries are different from him/her and you'd appreciate their respecting them. No need for you or them to think "weird." You just want to maintain your space.
  6. Well, since 9/11, which happened on a Tuesday. So, Airlines dropped Tuesday fares to get people--those who might be superstitious--to travel
  7. That must be EXHAUSTING! And still, you have the clarity and the courage to do it!
  8. I hate myself. I want to die. I failed my brother, Paul, even though he never told me how. I must know, somewhere within me, though. Was it because we didn't communicate as frequently as we did when I lived in L.A. and I made him feel unimportant? He never told me, just wrote me a note that said he wanted "no more personal sharing." And like the rest of my family whom he'd dumped, I fell right in line. My health began to fail, and I started to wonder if I'd ever make it out of Ohio again. But I meditated and prayed about him EVERY SINGLE DAY, that we would be reunited, and felt close to him even though we weren't any more. And then the news came that he'd died without even telling any of us he was sick, and the painful way we found out. I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN. I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN. I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN. I can't bear it. I'm making amends to friends I may have hurt. I'm getting rid of all my stuff, just in case. I don't have any courage. This pain may end me. The Distance He brought light to me. Now, the time it takes star light to reach me in the deep of night is the distance I am from him now that he’s gone. He gives me a nudge to love The time I have left (they’re so wise once they’re dead); To love purple blossoms In springtime and Night blooming jasmine in February Trees and winter sunsets in Ohio The sparsely flowering buds of Western deserts And storm clouds that come and go. I rarely do as I am told. But you know those orders really come from somewhere else (and with a cryptic delivery system). You want answers, and if you don’t get them, You’ll settle at least for the courage to go on Because you’ll never get him back in life as you know it. And what you want is the life you don’t know, the one that was promised, the one that’s still hiding. 12/1/19
  9. Hopeless to feel better. I want to leave this earthly plane and explore others.
  10. Maybe you've identified one challenge, one purpose for your life? Generally speaking, I think we all have gifts to share with the world, and each of us shares one or many of those gifts every time we write here! Most lessons in life are . . . painful? Yes, I think so. (I look at my past sometimes and think "I've been a foolish woman . . . ") But you have plenty of ears here to listen, and emotional connection to care. Don't give up. Just practice on us!!!!
  11. Did your boss (Benjamin-fu*&ing-Button) just graduate from Kindergarten?
  12. “To never have been born may be the greatest boon of all.” Sophocles No. Sh#t.
  13. OH. MY. GOD. YOU ARE ALLLLLLLLLL SOOOOOOO TALENTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  14. Is that why it's called a Cat Nap? (tee hee)
  15. Bust my buttons (isn't that what the guy at the door to Emerald City said?)
  16. One of those nights when I've been hijacked by grief. I don't think I can live like this any more. I'm so anxious and full of regret . . . the pain is too much.
  17. Mark - I'm sorry I haven't read this entire thread, but I am impressed by your commitment to bring about your end to physical life. I wish the things happening in your life weren't happening at all, but I, too live in dread of the great unknown: what will happen to me if my parents precede me in death?; how will I afford a place of my own? What will I do with all my stuff in the basement that I've only visited on occasion? etc. I returned to Ohio for what I planned to be an 18-month "break" from my painful emotional life, and nine years later, I'm still here. My health began to decline surprisingly quickly--I've had two unsuccessful back surgeries, a knee replacement, and I'm looking ahead to my second knee replacement next month. (My other knees will just have to wait! ) But I want to talk to you about trying for SSDI benefits. I was turned down the first time I applied, but I think there must be a list of some kind available online, because a law firm from Chicago contacted me about securing my benefits, and they got them for me! They took a one-time percentage fee for their time and effort, but my first check was backdated to the date I first applied. I got a windfall of thousands of dollars, and then, a decent amount every month. Might you try again or find an SSDI lawyer? Thinking of you, Mark. WOTL
  18. I'm with you there! I did go to my senior prom and had a terrible time. I looked at all my classmates and even then I thought about how silly it all was. As for reunions -- what a JOKE. I NEVER want to see any of those people again. And the 2 that I would want to see again I've lost touch with.
  19. I think it is possible, if not in a general way, but specifically. Nobody is happy all the time. What would be our purpose here on earth if some of that purpose were not how to get through the day????????????????? (Aughhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!) Anyway, the best I can do for myself is take pleasure in small things--like a beautiful day, or a full moon. I've often rued the fact that I can't string all my happy moments together into a continuum with the momentum to create more happy moments all the time. Instead, I have to pluck those moments from memory, and be conscious of new happy moments as they happen. (And they don't happen all the time.) I think there's a term for this . . . ? "Mindfulness," maybe? Eckhart Tolle proponent? Thinking of you, and wishing you at least one moment of happiness.
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