Wish there was a way to say thank you to everyone here. Those who replied, those who did not, but are staying aboard this ship, riding turbulent seas. It does help to know you all understand what this is. Depresssion is so . . . insidious and confusing, particularly if you're prone to judging and criticizing yourself. Cried some today and yesterday. Don't feel the better for it. I've been on and off medication for years. Where do you go when something stops working? Back to the drawing board. Thought I'd tackle it with supplements, aiding certain hormonal systems. Helped a great deal for a while--till the money ran out. I can get pharmaceutical assistance, but fear the weight gain side effect of chemicals, as body image has been an issue all my life. Looking for a way out of the darkness.