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Everything posted by womanofthelight

  1. CNN ) MSNBC FoxNews Myfox8.com Officer.com USA Today abc.go.com. I think it best to carry on this discussion through PM. I will reply within the hour.
  2. "Misdeeds of our forefathers?" "Our forefathers" didn't stand on a black man's neck until he died, while 3 other white cops looked on. "Our forefathers" didn't k. i. l. l. a black man, as though he were a hunted animal because he was out for a jog. “Our forefathers” didn’t try to get a black man arrested in Central Park just because he told a white woman she was in the Bird Watching section of the park and should leash her dog. She pulled a tool from her racist tool box and called 911, saying a black man was filming her and threatening her, and the police should come immediately. And WHY did she think this would work? Because of everything she’s seen recently in the news, by the grace of updated technology. By grace of that same technology, her ploy backfired and she was fired from her job and temporarily surrendered her dog. These instances are merely an update of what was formerly called “lynching.” (or in this case, attempted lynching) You think you’ve heard it all before, but that stance is indicative not only of naivete, but blindness and ignorance; history is always told by the conquerors. Only in recent years has history also been taught to include a perspective of the defeated and their insistence upon establishing their value—not just in theory—in a culture which heretofore (and really, ongoing) has been content to ignore and/or m.u.r.d.e.r. them. The indigenous peoples of this country have even gone so far as to withdraw from this culture altogether (much to their detriment, by the way) on land “given” to them by the race of greater numbers. YES, tribes and races around the world have been k.i.l.l.i.n.g. each other for centuries; EVERY country has a violent origin story. But the crime of m.u.r.d.e.r. in these countries, apart from the Holocaust, has not been held to the same standard as the US simply because the US established itself as the big kid on the block centuries ago by rebellion against Britain, m.u.r.d.e.r.i.n.g tribes of native peoples and calling it “manifest destiny,” “independence” and “civilizing” a nation. Added to this façade of civilization, an American president abolished slavery in his own country, which, by the way, was not born of humanitarianism, but economic necessity. The authors of the Declaration of Independence, by writing “all men are created equal,” were by no means talking about brown people, black people, or women. My intention in this reply has not been to accuse you, or to teach you a lesson. I’m just saying that, as in all things, we must turn the kaleidoscope even by one move just to broaden our perspective and see the world from another relevant and important point of view. The scary part is that, not only in this matter but in all others, humanity seems bent on self-destruction. “A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.” Ariel Durant
  3. Have you ever seen Broad City or Better Things? Comedy Central and FX are very stingy with their on demand function, but maybe Hulu or some other platform has them, if you're interested. Glad you're enjoying Kominsky. I like it, too.
  4. The Dirty Dozen!!!!!! Lee Marvin Charles Bronson Jim Brown John Cassavettes Donald Sutherland Telly Savalas . . . just to name a few. Gods! They were so young. They're in the castle of the Evil Nazis! (I have felt the German language calling me all of my life. Probably a past life thing. But I think I'll attempt to learn a bit.)
  5. Are you taking an antidepressant now? SSRI or MAOI? I know nothing of MAOI's but I've been on just about every antidepressant known to man. SSRI's killed my libido. So I asked to be put on Wellbutrin (I'd been on that many years ago and was switched to Paxil. I don't remember why.). Anyway, Wellbutrin works on the dopamine in your brain, and though doctors will say they don't know why dopamine affects libido, or how Wellbutrin affects libido, it REALLY REALLY kicked my mine back into gear. Every body is different. But it has had this result in a majority of cases of depression. I'm very happy with where my libido is today, even though I have NOT ONE TO SHARE IT WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, search it online and read about it. Maybe it's for you.
  6. Feeling like I want to die. Praying I die in my sleep. Like I'll never have the things I've wanted, worked for and didn't get. There is no way out of the darkness
  7. "Dreaming My Dreams with You" - Cowboy Junkies: The Trinity Session
  8. "Dawn" - Jean-Ives Thibaudet (from his score of Pride and Prejudice)
  9. I agree wholeheartedly with Tid322, on all points!
  10. Hmmmmmmm . . . think I'll go get a fudgecicle . . .
  11. Hi, JD -- Just for kicks, go to Despair.com and check out the "anti-motivators" line of posters, designed specifically for office slaves (I used to be one, so I know). My favorite is one with a bunch of hands in the center, displaying solidarity with the caption: "Meetings: None of us is as dumb as all of us." (I'd like to work for that company.)
  12. I can't imagine what it is to live with parents who think they are entitled to every penny I make. They're not, you know? Maybe give them only as much information as is absolutely necessary. Was mom pushing you to tell her how much of a refund you received by asking and taking and pushing you? Are you beholden because your parents stay with the baby while you're at work (pre-Corona, of course)? This situation is tough. I have a cousin in the same circumstances and I don't know what to say to her because I've never had a child to support. I'm sorry this is happening and wish I knew what to say. Thinking of you -- WOTL
  13. Samadhischeol: It looks (and reads) to me that you kick yourself when you're already down, to keep you down, regardless of other peoples' opinions. (And god knows giving a f uck about what other people think is the fastest way to self hatred and feelings of inferiority. WOTL = Exhibit A, but leaving much, but not all, of that behind.) But that kicking thing may be easier than coming up for air and giving yourself a break by taking a risk. I don't know. You're self aware, but turn that awareness back on yourself, chew yourself up and spit yourself out, making painful judgments (what you may call observations) about yourself, and humanity, which shares the same flaws, along the way. (Did that sentence make any sense? Can't go back and look now. . . .) Maintaining this stance looks like it's a full time job. Is it? You must be exhausted.
  14. Hi, ChrissyNoelle, I've not seen your other posts, but I will look for them. I'm glad your boyfriend is being more present with you. It is NOT a lot to ask for someone's internal attention when you're lovers, or even close friends. Or even here at DF. Friends. Yeah . . . I made friends in my college and grad school years that I just KNEW would be my friends the rest of my life. But that didn't happen, and it hurts to look at it. I've been back-burnered with every friend I had who decided to have children. And then we just lost touch. It was hurtful to hear that division in their attention ("When we talk, just show up, will you?" I said to a man I wanted to be in a relationship with--he was not "involved" with someone, married or having a child. I scared him away, I know.); to receive the Christmas card written to someone else and stuffed in the envelope for yours. I think sometimes I expected too much. When my emotional investment is big, I want it back and have learned I cannot expect it. I can ask for it, but I'll rarely get it. I always enjoy being alone. Until I don't. And you know the difference between "alone" and "lonely," though they do sometimes cross party lines. Nice to meet you, ChrissyNoelle. See you 'out there.'
  15. Has it ever occurred to you that you're an excellent writer? Have you thought that maybe all the pained and painful posts you've made here could be compiled into a book--a journal, of sorts--to give the public a better idea of what depression and hopelessness are about? I'm sure people tell you that your life does, in fact, have meaning, and I know that thought has been completely unacceptable to you. But your passionate vitriol cannot be ignored in this forum. It might eventually be ignored in a publication or book but, as repugnant this idea may be, you will actually have given something to the world you hate before you go. You have talent and--just this woman's opinion--I think wasting talent is a painful mistake.
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