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Everything posted by womanofthelight

  1. The Jumbo full moon that I can still walk, though with great difficulty. My ssdi -- I applied and was denied. Then a law firm from a completely different state contacted me and got me the benefits. the new suv lease my parents and I are sharing. (Gotta love a Honda!) my hearing my vision my senses of smell and taste my sense of TOUCH!
  2. Memories of things that I regret I did. Memories of loss. Anxiety. Many many purses. Boxes of paper that, if I haven't seen in 10 years, I clearly don't need.
  3. Is death "bad?" Especially when we have the choice and the power to end our bodies? I'm sure we go on after the body is dead. On to what I'm not sure. If we have the will and the power to go on our own terms, what can possibly be bad about that? If we wait for death to come, we could be waiting a long, long time.
  4. Hello, LSYC1027, Wow. I read your post in its entirety and I must say you've been through some turbulent emotional times. So, the guy who wouldn't call you his girlfriend and said you were "average . . . " WTF? He's clearly not the guy for you, so let's move on. I think consciously or unconsciously, we seek out a romantic relationship based upon the stronger template of our two parents. It sounds like you've never gotten what you needed from your father, so maybe you found a man who was emotionally remote as well, because it was familiar. Because you thought that that's the best you could expect from a romantic partner. It's hard to come out of uncertainty and feel attractive to the opposite sex -- or the same sex, depending upon your orientation(s). Confidence requires commitment to one's self and those things about yourself that you like. It might be good to just sit down with a journal or just a piece of paper and write down -- without thinking too much -- what you like about yourself. Only write down the things you like, and why you like them. You might be surprised. You have value and brains and talent and I'm sure you are above "average" looking. I think the depths of one's emotional well has much to do with how we appear to the world, and your well is very deep and beautiful, and will only deepen with age. That said, some people will say you're "too much" for them. I've had a couple, maybe three, men say that to me in my lifetime, and now that I look back, OF COURSE I was too much for them! Because they wouldn't address their own feelings. How could I expect they'd ever have the time or the inclination to address mine with me? So, is it love or sex or the combination you're craving? (I hope this question isn't intrusive.) Determine which or both you want -- you REALLY have to be clear about what you want -- and address how you may go about getting it. If you're seeing a counselor who can prescribe medications, ask him or her what they think might be best for you. If you have the kind of therapist that cannot prescribe, try to lower the veils of yourself (metaphorically speaking, Salome's "Seven Veils,") that is, revealing yourself to another in your own time, as you see fit and do so. Also, keep sharing yourself here. We do not judge, and will NEVER deliberately hurt you. (You might connect with someone who puts her foot in her mouth -- yours truly, as I hope I have not done! -- but I think I can speak for everyone when I say, no one here is unkind and that we all want the best for you.) Take care, my friend.
  5. I have taken ashwaganda for sleep in conjunction with other supplements. It worked for a short time.
  6. I've never been married, but even in friendships, I get TIRED OF BEING THE COMMITTED ONE. These friends don't realize they're being incredibly selfish, and after telling a couple of them, I've had a mixed bag of results. One friend says I am eager to find fault in him; the other says she doesn't want to appear needy by making overtures in our friendship. The bottom line for me is this: why would I want to be with someone who doesn't see me, relate to me, give a crap about me? I hope you find a way to create a continuum of contentment either with your spouse, or without him. Wishing you the best -- WOTL
  7. Thanks, Sober. Alaska is another place I want to see! And I understand exactly how you feel about walking in nature.
  8. Soundtrack from The Descendants, A song called 'Ka Loke '("The Rose"), by Makaha Sons and Dennis Pavao This music takes me to places I wasn't particularly interested in until about 20 years ago. I was very curious about geology even then, but my attention turned to the arts and it took me along time to look back at the beautiful world. I've visited many amazing places on the North American continent, but I'm afraid of flying over water! How will I ever get to Hawaii?
  9. Sure on this Shining Night, Morten Lauridsen with James Agee's Poem of the same name: Sure on this shining night Of starmade shadows round, Kindness must watch for me This side the ground. The late year lies down the north. All is healed, all is health. High summer holds the earth. Hearts all whole. Sure on this shining night I weep for wonder Wandering far alone Of shadows on the stars. It brings tears to my eyes. The good kind.
  10. Hi, there. I have no children, but my mother actually said to me "every pregnancy is selfish; every pregnancy is a risk." I believe this is true. But we were made with all the parts required to reproduce, and I think this must be a drive in the human animal, whether conscious or unconscious. You are answering the call of your body and your deepest needs. This, I think, is good! You have a husband who loves you and the child you're carrying. This is a blessing. Maybe you can see your child as a blessing, too. What you're feeling is absolutely normal. (I've seen it with a couple of friends!) And rather than anxiety, maybe the wait can be a source of the anticipation of a great adventure.
  11. Hello, Bos -- Have you ever been medicated for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder? If you have access to mental health services, you might look into it. Of course, they won't just give you pills (hopefully), but spend some time with you, familiarizing themselves with you and your physical/emotional/mental history. I'm so sorry you're hurting your hands by washing them to the point of injury. Certainly this pandemic has been a breeding ground for behaviors we have not, until this point, experienced. I wish I had better advice for you, but you've come to the right place if you want to be accepted and listened to with compassion. Also, the longer I live, the more I see that no one is just one thing. We are composed of myriad desires, truths, and needs, so being attracted to both guys and girls is nothing to fear or be ashamed of. Thinking of you, WOTL (womanofthelight)
  12. Oh . . . the way I feel most of the time . . . like I wish I was dead.
  13. I feel like I shouldn't have chugged that bottle of diet A&W root beer. Aspartame gives me migraines and tinnitus, so I'd better go to bed before the s h i t hits the fan.
  14. This is a terrible idea. You're both needy right now; yours is sexual, his is emotional. It sounds as if you know what you want, and it doesn't seem to be compatible with what this guy wants. Your instinct is telling you to maintain boundaries. So do that. Listen to that voice inside you that says "no," or at best, "not now." When I was in high school, I had a teacher who had a very helpful approach to making a difficult decision. She said that If ANY part of you says "no," then "no" is the best answer. That advice has been proven to me to be correct. When I got into a relationship with the last man I was involved with, I was emotionally needy and physically h o r n y, and I ignored that doubting voice. I should have listened. My best wishes to you, whatever you decide.
  15. Hi! I've been seeing a great therapist (since Covid-19 we've been doing phone appointments) who recently said the same thing to me. He posed it as a question, of course. Something like, "Would it be so bad if you just accepted this as part of who you are?" I gave it a great deal of thought, and though that thought doesn't help when I'm particularly anxious or weepy, in the scheme of things, it makes sense. For me. I've been depressed since early childhood, and my hoping to get over the next hill like a jolly rancher (!) is putting to much pressure on myself for results. And I'm a result-oriented person. Process is therefore painful for me, but as I age, I see that life has always been a process and my wanting everything resolved according to my expectation has added to the difficulty I have in this life. This world. This . . . whatever. Anyway, nice to meet you. WOTL
  16. Like throwing all my belongings out the window; like they're just encumbrances.
  17. Discussions of this nature are prohibited on this site, and we've been fortunate thus far in that we have not been shut down or penalized. Once again, I invite you to continue this with me in private.
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