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Posts posted by womanofthelight

  1. I take generic Wellbutrin (bupropion), 300 mg., but I do not relate my tinnitis to it.  I've been on bupropion for years, but my tinnitis didn't start untl 2020.  Maybe it's  exposure to Covid?  I don't know, but that's the closest thing I can see that might be related to it.  Or maybe it's artificial sweeteners in diet soda pop. Sorry. I really can't say.  What does your prescribing MD or psychologist say?

  2. Feeling lonely for the company of a man/men.  When I was in college, all of my friends were men.  It just happened that way.  I had two brothers growing up, and though my elder brother and I didn't become friends until our thirties, my younger brother and I were close as late teens/early twenties and now we're just . . . he's very busy having a life and my elder brother is dead.  (It STILL smarts to think of Paul as "dead;' to see it in writing is even worse.)

    My two sisters and I are close, though we live many miles away from each other.  I'm living in the family home with my parents and they're becoming more dependent upon me as we age.  I worry about what will happen to me should they precede me in death.  I don't get enough SSDI to support the running of this house, and they're so close that when one of them goes, the other will not be far behind.  There's really nothing to do in my home town and even if there were, I don't know . . . I never really feel good enough about myself to go try to make a friend somewhere.

    I'm tired and want to sleep until . . . when?  I wake up d*ad, maybe.  With my luck, I'll live until I'm 173 . . . 

  3. Feeling dazed and confused.  Listening to music I love, but cannot seem to find the right music to inspire the writing of my novel.  I have a lot of pages and words, but need to add a few scenes, characters and just can't seem to do it.  I wrote a nonfiction book a few years ago which was easily inspirable because it was a travelogue of sorts, about the shift in spirit that comes with the connection to nature.  (The stars of the book were places out west, which I long to see again . . .  🚗 )  Hell's bells . . . 

  4. The Batman.  I don't go to superhero universe movies--they're all innately silly.  I was drawn to this one by the music in the trailers.  I appreciate it when composers and directors make their intentions clear--i.e., am I punctuating beats of action/dialogue in the picture? Am I using silence as though it were music? 

    I liked this Batman mostly for the score and the concept of BM being a weirdo vigilante instead of a superhero.  

  5. That sounds awful; I'm sorry you suffer so! 

    Sleep has always been dangerous ground for me, too.  Actually, the lack thereof.  My insomnia started at puberty and has stuck around all my life.  In order to sleep without waking, I take 4 over the counter sleep meds (2 Alteril, 2 "Rest,)" my nighttime anti-depressants (that have a side effect of drowsiness), futz with my gabapentin, taking half the daily dosage, but all at once--then top it off with another over-the-counter sleep med called "Sleep Optimizer."  I kid myself by thinking "At least I'm not addicted to Ambien or some other prescription sleep med."  I also sleep in a slumber mask.

    Has sleep always been this way for you?  I used to have a sleep paralysis recurring dream where something beneath me would clamp its arms tight around me and sometimes touch me inappropriately.  I used to dread sleep, yet hope for it every night.  I left that apartment, that state, and moved West to CA.  It took a couple of years for me to realize I hadn't had that dream since I moved, nor have I had it since leaving CA.  This, compiled with a few poltergeisty incidents led me to believe that whatever it was that wouldn't let me go, let me go once I left NY.  Was it a spirit?  I don't know.  Was it simple paralysis?  I don't know.  I rarely have sleep paralysis now, and on rare occasions if I do, it's usually a nightmare that wakes me.  

    Maybe buy a slumber mask (Amazon: about 6 dollars); try an over-the-counter aid; and/or meditate once you lie down for the night.  Meditation can be simple as counting each breath--in and out equals one whole breath--up to 4, and start over: rinse, repeat.

    Here's hoping you get the rest you need and deserve, however it comes.

    WOTL (woman of the light)

  6. On 2/18/2022 at 7:38 PM, chumly said:

    Thanks so much for the very helpful response and yes, that is so true! Perhaps that was all just alot of talk from them to get me to sign up for their program. 😞

    I agree with what you have said about work at home jobs too. I have had a few legitimate ones but there are so many scams that it is hard to know what to trust...:(

    My neighbor is a work at home medical biller so I know in her case it is legitimate and that is part of why I wanted to get in the field myself but now I need to find out what exactly they are referring to when they say there is no work in the field so I guess I need to follow up with them. I have just been too upset to do so this past week but I will next week.

    Anyway, thanks for the very helpful response! I really appreciate it! 🙂




  7. I've found that many organizations go fishing for skilled people and then say they can't or won't do what was promised in the ad.  It's a shitty way to get a stable of skilled people on a waiting list, that they won't even say is a waiting list!

    I'm sorry this hasn't worked out.  I've looked for at-home jobs many times, and when I go through the motions of their "registration" process, I find that I have to PAY for that "registration."  It looks like the job market and the scam market are linked in ways we can't even imagine.  You have a right to be upset.    

  8. Unfortunately, the insensitivity of man towards man is a factor that many refuse to talk about or acknowledge. I'm sorry you're feeling the effects of it. 

    Is there any way you can take a paid sick leave?  A car accident and follow-up treatment like you've had warrant a MINIMUM of 90 days to recover from, both physically and emotionally/psychologically!  And it's possible the soft tissue injuries you've sustained won't kick in with all their pain until maybe weeks later, at which time you'll know you need musculoskeletal repair/treatment.  Do you have insurance?  Did anyone take x-rays while you were in the ER?  If not, that's okay.  But you'll need some if/when the pain kicks in.  I was in a bad car accident in February of one year and didn't take leave until three months later for 90 days--during which time I had massage and physical therapy, and eventually steroid injections in some of the discs in my lumbar spine.  Trust me, when/if you're recovering, you're not doing ****-all with your time!  You may have to go into battle for yourself with this job, but that is a worthy cause!

    You have my thoughts and good wishes.  PM me if you need to talk or have any questions.



  9. Hello -- I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  The family situation is quite challenging.  HOWEVER, like the order the flight attendants give you on a plane, you need to take care of YOURSELF FIRST, so that you're able to assist someone else.

    I would suggest that you look into getting SSDI.  Your health is bad, so you would qualify.  Apply for it.  The government ALWAYS turns down the first application.  It happened to me.  I thought I would have nothing to contribute to my parents' household--I would hate living off them.  After all, they are retired and on a fixed income.  

    HOWEVER, don't let that first refusal get you down.  There must be list of rejected applications available -- just "out there," because a lawyer from a firm in Chicago (I don't live in Illiinois!) called and offered to assist.  The deal was that he would take his fee off the top of the RETROGRADE benefits and take that as payment in full.  It happened! I get a monthly deposit of SSDI benefits in my checking account.  

    This is just a suggestion.  But taking practical steps to help yourself will surely diminish your feelings of helplessness.

    Thinking of you --

    WOTL (womanofthelight)

  10. Start making a plan, with the end game being your leaving.  Look into a new place to live, the financial requirements of living apart from your spouse, the logistics of your child's special needs/education and a possible loving home for your pet.  Accomplish one thing per day to this end, whether it be posting here on DF, or window shopping ads for homes/apartments/whatever.   Keep your eye on the prize of your making your life peaceful, joyful and guilt-free.  

    Baby steps produce hope, which is priceless. 

    Good luck to you.

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