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womanofthelight last won the day on August 27 2016

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About womanofthelight

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  • Birthday April 6

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    Tornado Over Kansas Seeking Rainbow
  • Interests
    Desert southwest, geology, getting paid for doing what I love, cultural anthropology, exercise, road trips, writing, reading, music, acting, teaching, meditation, (T.V. shows: Louie, Game of Thrones, The Leftovers, Homeland), movies, aliens. history

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  1. I haven't read the whole thread thus far, but I tend to agree with lonelyforeigner. I went on a date a couple of days ago (first one in YEARS), and the guy was introverted compared to me (at least that's the impression he gave). And I understand what you say with the "at this stage" regarding "changing" your personality. There will come a time, I believe, for you, when you won't give such weight to the importance of being extroverted in order to get into a relationship. When you're willing to just show up and be who you are, rejection, attraction . . . nothing will be able to stop you from being who and what you are in front of others. I KNOW people think I'm crazy when I complain about something -- like burnt or cold food at a restaurant; lousy internet service . . . whatever. But I don't care. However, that didn't come for me until I reached the age of 40. I don't even have to be a b.i.t.c.h. to get what I want because there is such power in being who I am. And trust me, that power will begin to feel good, and "right" and propel you through any circumstance in your life. You have a right to be "quiet." If you think there's something wrong with it, it will take you much longer to get where you need to be in accepting yourself. Best of luck to you. Keep practicing accepting yourself. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
  2. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Crying now because my back surgery has made no difference. Pain keeps grinding me down. I try to be grateful for . . . a lot of things, but I fail to see what there is in this situation to be grateful for. LET THIS BE THE NIGHT . . .
  3. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Thanks, Duck. I've missed you, too.
  4. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I've had back surgery from which I was expecting miraculous results, but I feel no different. Maybe I'm doing too much, but it's hard to remain horizontal for days at a time. I had pinched nerve pain thanks to thickened tendon and thickened bone in the lumbar spine. The surgeon trimmed off some tendon and trimmed off some bone to release the pinching of the nerve, but I still feel like I want to scream if I stand more than 3 or 4 minutes. I guess it's better, though. It used to be 45 seconds before I felt like I wanted to scream.
  5. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I wish I could put my arms around you and let you weep until you release all of today's pain and you feel a bit better. Sometimes tears really do help. Love you, dear friend.
  6. God's Love

    The unfathomable beauty and complexity of nature.
  7. I've been on bupropion XL for over a year now (I think) and I really like it. I take a small dose of diazepam to thwart any anxiety that may be roused as a side effect. Do, check your blood pressure from time to time, though. I was on this drug about 15 years ago and the doctors took me off of it because they THOUGHT it raised my blood pressure and would not listen to me when I said I worked in a very toxic environment which was probably the real cause of the BP rise. You may find the XL version a little better for you, but do consult a physician about it. As Siegfried said, antidepressants work differently for everyone. I'd make an appointment with a prescribing shrink, and share my concerns and go from there with any knowledge you've acquired on the internet. Hoping you feel better soon.
  8. Depression Haiku Thread

    A day without tears is a day that I love myself.
  9. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    As far as creativity goes, we have to be willing to fail, whether at acting, writing, sculpting, music . . . because it's the only way to get better. I've lived in my parents' home for a few years now and there is a grand piano in the living room which I play only sporadically because I don't play well. I've been given the opportunity to improve and I don't take it. It's one of the things I don't like about myself. So, if you think your writing is s h i t, work at it to get better. Saying your work is garbage and that you're a failure is a bad way out of something you love to do.
  10. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Thank you, Duck.
  11. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Duck -- I'm sorry your therapists and doctors suck. My therapist guided me back to THE MOMENT when I was set up for much of my adult behavior. But she says that memory can be "re-processed" in such a way as to deal with it and let it go. We will be using EMDR tomorrow at my session, but instead of reprocessing using Eye Movement, we'll use binaural sound to affect the brain in such a way as to release and reprocess the pain of that moment so that I can look at it without feeling the emotional pain any more. Sounds like a plan.
  12. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    My physical pain is at a ridiculous level. Had an appointment with a surgeon who explained that I have tendon and bone thickening in the facets of the lumbar spine, pinching all the nerves there. Surgery is scheduled for 9/20. He will shave off slices (?) of tendon and bone to release the pinching and says my pain will be so diminished as to leave me 80-90 percent pain free. Can't wait.
  13. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Better, too, perhaps to mitigate the suffering in good works, creativity and/or social change.
  14. What is your apocalyptic fantasy?

    Sometimes I think the human race needs an extinction event because we're the ones who f u c k e d up the planet. If we were gone, the world would thrive again.
  15. Broken Engagement

    I'm sorry for the loss of your relationship, Break. I, too, am fortunate enough never to have lost a loved one to death, but I have been through painful breakups (one BF broke up with me by not returning my calls, and we'd been together 1.5 years). They say there are five stages of grief, and for the life of me I can only remember one of them: anger. You will forgive me, I hope, for not understanding why your prescribing physician has you on 4 medications for depression and anxiety. I, too, am on buproprion, and diazepam to tame the anxiety that can be a side effect of bupropion. I function well, other than when I hold myself down or keep myself away from my talents in the anticipation of failing in my own eyes. I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea to take a 3 month disability leave -- then again, work may be the best thing for you. At this point, you need to think of a reason to get out of bed. Can you? Can getting a good workout be enough on a day to day basis? Or seeing the eclipse? Or visiting one-on-one with a trusted friend. When life blows up in your face, it's important to have a support system that "gets it." We all here "get it," so continue to communicate with us. We care. For real.