womanofthelight

The unfathomable beauty and complexity of nature.

I've been on bupropion XL for over a year now (I think) and I really like it. I take a small dose of diazepam to thwart any anxiety that may be roused as a side effect. Do, check your blood pressure from time to time, though. I was on this drug about 15 years ago and the doctors took me off of it because they THOUGHT it raised my blood pressure and would not listen to me when I said I worked in a very toxic environment which was probably the real cause of the BP rise. You may find the XL version a little better for you, but do consult a physician about it. As Siegfried said, antidepressants work differently for everyone. I'd make an appointment with a prescribing shrink, and share my concerns and go from there with any knowledge you've acquired on the internet. Hoping you feel better soon.

A day without tears is a day that I love myself.

As far as creativity goes, we have to be willing to fail, whether at acting, writing, sculpting, music . . . because it's the only way to get better. I've lived in my parents' home for a few years now and there is a grand piano in the living room which I play only sporadically because I don't play well. I've been given the opportunity to improve and I don't take it. It's one of the things I don't like about myself. So, if you think your writing is s h i t, work at it to get better. Saying your work is garbage and that you're a failure is a bad way out of something you love to do.

Thank you, Duck.

Duck -- I'm sorry your therapists and doctors suck. My therapist guided me back to THE MOMENT when I was set up for much of my adult behavior. But she says that memory can be "re-processed" in such a way as to deal with it and let it go. We will be using EMDR tomorrow at my session, but instead of reprocessing using Eye Movement, we'll use binaural sound to affect the brain in such a way as to release and reprocess the pain of that moment so that I can look at it without feeling the emotional pain any more. Sounds like a plan.

My physical pain is at a ridiculous level. Had an appointment with a surgeon who explained that I have tendon and bone thickening in the facets of the lumbar spine, pinching all the nerves there. Surgery is scheduled for 9/20. He will shave off slices (?) of tendon and bone to release the pinching and says my pain will be so diminished as to leave me 80-90 percent pain free. Can't wait.

Better, too, perhaps to mitigate the suffering in good works, creativity and/or social change.

Sometimes I think the human race needs an extinction event because we're the ones who f u c k e d up the planet. If we were gone, the world would thrive again.

I'm sorry for the loss of your relationship, Break. I, too, am fortunate enough never to have lost a loved one to death, but I have been through painful breakups (one BF broke up with me by not returning my calls, and we'd been together 1.5 years). They say there are five stages of grief, and for the life of me I can only remember one of them: anger. You will forgive me, I hope, for not understanding why your prescribing physician has you on 4 medications for depression and anxiety. I, too, am on buproprion, and diazepam to tame the anxiety that can be a side effect of bupropion. I function well, other than when I hold myself down or keep myself away from my talents in the anticipation of failing in my own eyes. I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea to take a 3 month disability leave -- then again, work may be the best thing for you. At this point, you need to think of a reason to get out of bed. Can you? Can getting a good workout be enough on a day to day basis? Or seeing the eclipse? Or visiting one-on-one with a trusted friend. When life blows up in your face, it's important to have a support system that "gets it." We all here "get it," so continue to communicate with us. We care. For real.

Watched "Nocturnal Animals" tonight. There really is such a thing as a ruiner. I am not, nor will I ever be one, or be ruined.

I have often found that in professional (and academic) workplaces, guards, security personnel and cleaning personnel often are not employed by the office/business itself, but by (a) firm(s) contracted with the workplace--almost the way a temp would work. Maybe you could find out if this is the case with the security guard, and try to track him down from there.

Me, too -- even though I've never been there!

LoneSquirrel, or "Squirrely-Girlie," as I used to call her. Miss her.

Der Rosenkavalier waltzes - Richard Strauss