womanofthelight

Marshel-- Your circumstances are very very difficult, and I'm sorry you feel bad physically, too. There are some other threads that lift me up out of the pit. They're in the "DF Watercooler" section of the website, and are light hearted and help me forget for a while. Thinking of you and wishing you a good night's sleep, WOTL

I'm so sorry for your loss. 😔

THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL!!!!!!

hotter than hell

😖

Oh, dear . . . I'm so sorry you have that feeling of not being good enough! It's painful, debilitating and paralyzing. I understand how hard it is to put on the "normal" face so people around you don't get uncomfortable! It's EXHAUSTING. I just want you to know that you matter to me and that I can relate to some of your pain. Hope today was, and tomorrow is, better. Thinking of you. WOTL

. . . Like I should have died a long time ago.

Dark news. Let's hope he finds the light. 😔

Thanks for thinking of me. I appreciate you and your taking the time to reply--even though I can't see it. That you replied in an effort to help, means everything.

Worthless and afraid. I don't know why, but I looked up an old lover's Facebook page and compared my life to his. WHY, WHY, WHY DO I TORTURE MYSELF WITH THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR???? I realize he is a stranger to me now and that as such, I'm not privy to what really goes on inside him. I'm grateful to have an outlet here with all of you, and an outlet with my own Facebook page, on which I have a mere 43 "friends," and only share myself with a select few. But I feel like I've fallen behind; that I'm losing this race, as time seems to be moving forward exponentially. Since my brother's death, I REALLY FEEL what has always been so: that every day I am alive I move closer to the end. I'm flummoxed. I don't know how to get what I want, sitting here on my ass, writing books and poems. How do I ever expect to make a living at that? I'm an actor who has not acted or taught in nearly 8 years because my health continues to deteriorate. Two back surgeries and both knees replaced . . . I expected to feel better. I went back to the doctor who did the surgeries (after ANOTHER MRI -- I'm going to glow in the dark pretty soon), and he says, and I can see, that he accomplished with the two surgeries what he expected to accomplish: to free pinched nerves in my spine. So why do I still hurt? My knees are better, but cartilage replacement doesn't help the arthritis pain in the bones. As a last resort, I'm going to give PRP a try: [ "Platelet-rich plasma (PRP) therapy uses injections of a concentration of a patient's own platelets to accelerate the healing of injured tendons, ligaments, muscles and joints. In this way, PRP injections use each individual patient's own healing system to improve musculoskeletal problems."] It's worth a shot. Ah, me! Poor me. Poor, poor pitiful me . . . (😉) Thanks for listening.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I like the way the director takes his time with the stories he tells, and though this is not my favorite of his (that would be Pulp Fiction), I appreciated it nonetheless. It took QT a long time to get his voice out of the character's mouths; to write them as unique beings, not just extensions of himself. His movies are exaggerated fantasy, but I like that.

JD, if you think you're going to be fired, there are some steps you might take. Consult a lawyer about what recompense you might receive if, in fact, you were fired. I know companies are trying to get rid of people over the age of 50--my brother went through that and ended up bitch-slapping the company for TWO YEARS' severance, by getting an out of state lawyer (He works in NYC and his employers had their fingers in all employment lawyers' pies! He found a Chicago lawyer who specializes in employee rights and has a track record of success!)! If it comes to your being let go, you might consider going after them for age discrimination. Just a thought . . .

I dreamed I was a shape-shifter, from snake to eagle.

Natasha, forgive me if I'm not understanding, but dbt is "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy," yes? What harm can it do? It's to help you "accept and change," is it not? (I just graduated from the school of "Web MD".) So, if you know what it is and how it is supposed to work, why hide what you're feeling? It can't work if you don't participate and aren't truthful. That's what it's for. It seems lying would be SO COMPLICATED to keep up with, and, would be a toxic drain on you emotionally. Why act like you're okay if you're not? Your husband doesn't have to know anything that goes on in your therapy, and maybe therapy would better arm you against his emotional and verbal assaults. Whatever your condition or circumstances, though, you DO make a difference here. You know yourself better than anyone and again, I ask you to forgive my ignorance. You're a poet! Your work produces such imagery for me. You let us see who you are through your posts and your poetry--and your courage is such an example for me, especially since I feel I've lost mine. Anyway, thinking of you, ❤️ WOTL

My younger brother, in his early life, was the object of both my grandfather's (mother's father) and my father's projections of the things they liked least in themselves. They didn't know it at the time, and since my grandfather is dead, I don't think my father would admit to that 100%, though he has evolved a lot. It was very painful for my brother to be snapped at out of the blue with no apology or explanation. It was behavior my father endured from his father, so at one point, we had three generations of men suffering at each other's hands. I'm sorry you have been hurt by your dad's behavior, and I hope it stops. It's unfair and you don't deserve it. Thinking of you, WOTL