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Everything posted by pen4alex

  1. I think about the codependency that I agree with Fizzle, though I do see both Follena and 20years' points. It's true you (Starsea) have been going through a lot with this. Though I think you've been handling it well. Getting a motorcycle, spending time with your kid, and becoming happier with yourself is pretty much the best reaction to this situation I think anyone could have. Nonetheless, it's always a good idea to make sure you're putting your own needs high enough in your priorities not to have codependency become a problem
  2. Well, answering whether you're being "unreasonable" or not is kind of hard. Is it fair for you to not be comfortable with it? Sure! Of course! Is it fair for that to mean that she shouldn't do it? Well .... harder to say. Part of that depends on the nature of your relationship. Part of it depends on why she wants to do the play. And part of it depends on whether you *can* be comfortable with it. Honestly, I'd be just fine with a spouse or SO doing a racy play in their underwear. Or nude. Or in lingerie. Or in a nude-coloured body stocking. I had a partner that once did the last of those, which is why I list it, though that was a movie for film class! *Laughs* Also, honestly, if I were the spouse in question, I would likely resent having to quit. Obviously, your mileage may/will vary. My opinion on these things may not really be what someone would consider "typical." In terms of "why" I feel that way, it's a few things. I mean, I'm very heavily on the side of people in a relationship having their independence - or at least, their option for it. Mind you, I get that's not necessarily going to cover a situation like this. But at the same time, if she really wants to, it could really be good for her in a lot of ways. Given how much your wife's been having trouble with ... I'm not sure ... finding herself maybe? - it might actually be good for her to do this. It might boost her self esteem. Might help her confidence. (And that "might" is pretty likely.) I can kind of get why it bugs you, with your comment about how underwear is just for "special" people to see. But it's a play. She's going to be wearing a costume, even if it just underwear. I mean, actors and actresses have full-on sex scenes, but no one would call that "cheating." (Mostly because they're not actually having sex!) Also ... I mean, I don't know your wife. But I think I'd get a little upset if my partner felt the way you do. That's not to say I don't understand! I just ... would imagine that this experience is going to be empowering for your wife. And I often feel like the traditional institutions kind of limit women. Like this for example. I guess a question to ask would be whether she would be comfortable with you doing the same. If so, then that kind of implies that only her body "needs" to be covered up. If not, then hey, that might just be how your relationship is! But specifically for me - and please understand I mean no judgement by this - I would feel like there's an implication that I need "permission" to show off my own body. Now, hey, if you absolutely CANNOT get behind it, that's cool. Fair too. This is just my two cents! :)
  3. Went to my own doctor today and talked to her. Got everything (relatively) sorted out. She pretty much just smiled and brushed it off. I get the impression that's just the kind of guy he is. Oh, and he's kind of my doctor's boss. *Shakes her head* I can't imagine having to work for that guy ...
  4. I think about doing this a lot! Actually, when I was a teenager, my main plan for life was being an international house sitter. I'd read about someone that did that in some magazine, and it seemed perfect! Go from country to country every few months, with no fixed address, looking after other people's houses, pets, farms, and plants. I still think about doing that a lot. Still haven't decided if I'm going to one day or not. :)
  5. *Nods* I've got an appointment with my regular doctor tomorrow, and I'm going to let her know what the other guy said. I'm kind of surprised they work at the same practice - I mean, my doctor is really up on the mental health options. It's weird to think that two doctors working at the same place could be *that* different. Thanks everyone! :) Also, the ice cream was exactly as needed!!
  6. Like I tried really, really, really hard. But there's still nothing positive to be said about it. As a result, tired. EDIT: And quiet. Forgot about that.
  7. I will!! Both of those things! :) *Offers the spoon around* I shouldn't be the only one eating terrible (yet delicious) things!! :)
  8. I bought myself a tub of triple fudge chocolate haagen daas. Sitting at my desk eating it. Probably all of it. NO SHAME!!!!
  9. This is a rant. Fair warning! I'm just p*****. I take citalopram for social anxiety. Been taking it for two years. Don't know if it works for other people, but it works really well for me. I also have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). It causes hormonal imbalances. So, about a year ago, my doctor started me out testing birth controls to find one that works. The one I'm taking right now isn't doing well. It's making me act kind of crazy and panicky, and it's actually making my anxiety issues in some ways worse than they were before I started taking anything. This birth control has the potential for some people to interact poorly with citalopram, in pretty much the way it's interacting now. It's not really surprising or anything - it's listed on drug interaction sites. My doctor's office has something like a dozen doctors working there. Book an appointment with *my* doctor to get a new birth control. Turns out, my doctor's out this week. Guess they didn't listen. Whatever, I figured it doesn't matter. A doctor's a doctor. Nope. This guy doesn't think citalopram "works" for anxiety. Doesn't think there's a difference between general anxiety and social anxiety. Snorted at my hormone imbalance, brushed off my desire to switch birth controls, and didn't seem to believe I have PCOS. Despite it being a big thing in my file. I was only diagnosed last year. At that clinic. :P Didn't look at my blood test results from last week. Didn't even discuss them. Even though they were tests for *this issue.* :P He thinks I should just go cold turkey off citalopram. Forget the fact that's not a good idea. Forget switching birth controls. Didn't even check my dosage before telling me that. Just dump the anti-anxiety because he doesn't "agree with it being used for that." No suggestion on a different anti-anxiety. Just stop taking one. Oh, and go to a therapist to "try and fix the anxiety." I've been seeing a therapist for years. But, you know, the part that makes me angriest is when he called me "honey." I felt like he was patting me on the head. "Oh don't worry girly, big doctor man will make everything better." There's only *ONE* guy that gets to call me honey, and I don't think he's ever called me that. :P *Grumbles* I was all excited about getting in and finally switching my birth control so I could *maybe* stop feeling all panicky and crazy. Now I've got to wait until next week. At least it's on Tuesday. Going to have ice cream for lunch as a result. /end rant
  10. Panic, panic, panic. I *hate* the panic part of anxiety. Especially when none of the things I can usually do to relieve it are working. Stupid medication problems. *Grumbles*
  11. What's that quote from Men in Black ... "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it." I feel the same way about people being good or bad. I think that "people" in general aren't either good or bad. A person has the ability to be either. People in a pack move the same way a herd does - all in the same direction regardless of where it's going. Which is why you have packs of people moving subway cars off trapped people or helping out after tragedies in just the same way you can have packs of people rioting or looting. But individuals do a lot of little things that make big differences. It's funny, because the media makes it seem like everything that's going on is always terrible. But there's just as many good things happening as bad ones. They just don't "sell newspapers" (or get views, make money, however you want to put it.) Often, they don't get noticed. But try googling "restore your faith in humanity" and look at the google images. There's tonnes of them - about people helping little kids, animals, and others. Here's some of my favourites: 71 images From 2014 Tumblr blog Or, how about things like this picture about ALS research, this cop or this cop or this cop giving a homeless man shoes or boots (note: three different states), or any of these Cracked articles (some may be more helpful than others). Admittedly sometimes we need to look a little harder to find things like this. But it happens all around us. The world is equal parts good and bad. I just think that sometimes the good things fade into the background or don't get noticed as much.
  12. ... this is the advice I've given other people. And what I've said to people in the past when they wanted to end things for my "benefit." Funny how different things look when the shoe switches feet ...
  13. ... I ... I guess? I mean, I've tried really hard to support him, though I likely haven't always been successful. But the difference ... at least, it feels different to me ... is that when we started the relationship I knew what I was getting into. This is a whole new thing. It almost feels like the classic bait and switch. You know - "she was really great for the first couple of months and then things started to change." That kind of thing. I don't like that ... and I don't like how it's making me behave. Honestly ... I don't even know what support I'm looking for. He's obviously being supportive - encouraging me to go out and do things or just take time for myself. But I don't even know what to ask for. I'm 99% sure if I asked him for some form of support, he'd be happy to give it to me if he can. I guess that's part of what makes me wonder if I'm actually someone that should be in a relationship if I'm going to be like this, you know? Like, if I can't even figure out what I need from him, and I'm getting grumpy about it, then what the heck is he even supposed to do? Just listen to me get grumpy? That seems like a really crappy deal. :(
  14. No arguments about that. He's a good guy, and I never questioned that. *Laughs* I really don't know about maturity ... I feel like I've been pouting and kicking and stomping my way through this like a three year old. :P Yep, I know I've probably got a bunch of things to work through ... but I have no idea which issues are real or not. Like, I'll feel upset because ... I don't know ... maybe I want to hide in my apartment today. So I work on that for a while, only to find that it's suddenly not an issue anymore. Suddenly I want to make all of the social plans and see all of the people. I haven't worked through anything. I just feel differently all of a sudden. :P Or, like a recent example. Last night on the phone, in the middle of talking about how we wouldn't be getting together for the next two weeks, all I can think about it how I don't wanna do all the things I need to do. Even though most of them are fun or needful things. I could feel myself getting moody about it. I know I was. But I couldn't figure out why or how to stop it, you know? Nor could I figure out why, of all things, I could feel myself getting moody *at him* about it. I've been talking a lot to my therapist, and a tiny bit to friends. Other than therapy, I don't really talk about myself outside of relationships, or this board - a notable exception. *Shrugs* it's funny ... I actually have a pretty wide social circle. But I'd usually way rather be the listener than the talker I guess.
  15. Thanks for the reply Follena! It's weird ... I needed to tinker with the meds last year to get the right mix, and it seemed to work really well. It was the second mix I tried, and things immediately seemed to shift in the right direction. I've been on this mix since then, and I thought there were no problems. Looking back, I can see that my behaviour changes were just really super slow, but everything seemed fine at the time. I only noticed an issue maybe a month or two ago, and then I attributed it to life circumstances and relationship problems. You have a really good idea here! We've been spending less time together already, because when things came to a head a month ago, I concluded it was the relationship and broke up with him. He was insistent, so I gave it another chance and we got back together. After that, we decided that part of the problem was that I hadn't been getting enough time to myself, or enough social time. So we agreed to cut down on the amount of time we see one another. He's been trying to encourage me to do that, and I've been oscillating between wanting to spend all of my time with him, wanting to hide in my apartment, wanting to break up, wanting to move to another country, getting angry when he seems to miss me and getting angry when he seems not to. Yes, I know how insane that all sounds ... so I've been trying to keep it to myself as much as I can. :P Maybe you're right though. Maybe I should wait and see how things go ... it seems ridiculous to try and keep up a relationship when I have no idea how I'm going to be feeling tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year. But I suppose all I can really do is talk to my doctor and then talk to him about it, and try as hard as I can not to get all crazy. :(
  16. A little more context might be helpful: I'm the partner that needs to tinker with my medication. I'm aware of it, and I do plan to actually do it, but as noted above, I have no idea how that will work or how long it will take. I'm used to being stable. I mean, even if I'm a little off, I usually know that I am and can compensate for it, if that makes sense. Normally, if I feel a certain way, there's a good reason for it, and I can count on that. But I can't right now. When I entered the relationship, almost a year ago, I billed myself as stable, because I was and had been since I was a teenager. Also confident and put together. Because, again, I was and usually am. And, I had no reason to suspect that might change. But right now, and possibly for the forseeable future, I don't think I'm that person.
  17. Thanks for the reply :) *Hugs!!!* So if the person's willing to tinker with their meds, and is actually working on it, do you think they're in the right mind set? Despite what's going on?
  18. Okay, let's say that you know you're being irrational. Not about one thing, and not at one person. Just all over. (I'm sure there are probably some people here that can relate.) Now let's say that's getting worse over the last little while. To the point where you're not really sure whether you're being reasonable about things. To the point where you're starting to find it difficult to get up and go to work in the morning - you have stomach aches and anxiety about leaving your home. People, some who don't even know you very well, have commented on how "different" you are lately. You're trying to force yourself to do certain things (like going to work or being social) just so you don't let yourself slide. You have a suspicion why it's happening - it's your medication. Or, more specifically, your mix of medication and how it interacts. For the moment, we'll assume that suspicion is true. The assumption is that you're going to try and change your medication around. Let's assume there are dozens of other options that you can try. But you don't know how those other options are going to affect you. It could be drastic, it could be nothing. Realistically, it's more likely to be *something* though, given that your current mix is already causing problems, and it seemed originally like a good combination. Also, you have no idea how long it's going to take to find another working combination. Nor even if that working combination will cause the same issue as your current one. It's all a little vague, unclear, and theoretical. Now, let's also assume you have a significant other. That person is being affected by your behaviour quite a bit. And you're being affected by theirs. No one is meaning to be hurtful or anything, but it's happening anyway - and has been for longer than you realized. You're trying to stop it, but it seems like you can't do anything about it. You get wrapped up in things. Overwhelmed by things. Things that wouldn't have bothered you before bother you a whole lot now. In retrospect, after conversations, you don't like the person you're becoming. You don't like the way you're acting. But in the moment, even when you realize you aren't being yourself, literally the best thing you can do is go quiet. Because anything else means you're just going to say things you're unhappy you said, at best. Your significant other is already affected by depression (and was long before they met you), and these kinds of things hit them harder than they might hit someone not affected. They're trying to deal with it, but it's a lot to deal with - even for someone who doesn't have their own stuff to deal with already. You can see that it's making them feel even worse about themselves. At what point do you decide that you're not in a good place to be managing a relationship? I mean ... at what point does irrational behaviour, even though it's caused by medication, become more than just a little unfair to your partner? At what point do you need to look up and realize you shouldn't be inflicting that kind of thing on someone - especially someone who finds conflict and discord difficult enough on its own. Or, for that matter, when do you need to back away from a relationship for yourself and recognize that you're just not a good partner right now?
  19. Hi there, I'm just wondering if anyone here has ever had a problem with their citalopram and birth control interacting? The birth control I'm taking is known to have some side effects when taken with citalopram, but I'm having trouble telling if what I'm experiencing is actually an interaction issue or not.
  20. *Hugs* also consider the possibility of a post-fight seven-year style itch. You needed to embrace the idea of possibly moving on from the relationship, and you did a lot of work to try and get past that. Part of that work is easing the emotions that you have for someone. You don't even know you're doing it, but you are subconsciously. It might take a little bit for that spark to come back. She might look at you a certain way or say something particular and suddenly it'll be back to what you remember. Or maybe something brand new. Doesn't mean you don't need to consider whether you still love her of course. It just means that what used to spark might not spark as quickly and easily right now.
  21. Also, keep in mind that if this medication has a negative effect on him, his doctor can move him to another one. Sometimes it needs to be a trial and error kind of thing. More than likely what you'll notice from the outside is minor changes and effects. The bigger changes seem to happen on the inside. He might get quieter or louder. Or less energetic or more energetic. He might want to talk about what he's experiencing, or he might want to pretend it's nothing. It's all individual. One thing to be cautious about is that sometimes medication allows a person to process or become aware of some of the things their minds are going through. He may seem to be doing worse because of this, but it doesn't necessarily mean he is. Communication will be hugely important for both of you. He'll need to talk about what he's experiencing, and you'll need to talk about what you're seeing.
  22. I personally look at life goals kind of like the goals in a video game. You level up as you complete them. For example, when I was in high school, I had the goal to graduate. When I did that, I "levelled" up and was able to go on to University. Same thing with University, and again with post-grad. Sometimes I gain experience, sometimes it's an item, or sometimes it's something else altogether. In terms of the point, I guess for me, the point is partly about the achievement. Also similar to a video game. But it's more about that little boost of pride because I did something difficult. Because I accomplished something.
  23. ... I ... I don't even know anymore ... Lost I guess.
  24. Sorry - could have been clearer. The "he" is my boyfriend. My therapist is suggesting I take time to myself, and my boyfriend really wants a chance to fix our relationship. I'm kind of caught between feeling like I need to do something for me and on the other hand, a man that I do very much love. Aww, Pen I am sorry that things are so tough right now. I know you love him so so much, but you have to take time for yourself.... I hope you guys are able to work out a solution. (((hugs))) Thank you. *Hugs* I do ... and I do. It's just getting really hard to tell if it's fair to end things, or it's better to give things another chance.
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