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Everything posted by pen4alex

  1. All I can offer is *hugs* Camellia, but you can have all the ones I've got on me right now.
  2. Like I really have no idea what people expect from me sometimes. Seriously. ***?!
  3. *Hugs* havehope ... I'm sorry your day isn't going well either. :( Maybe we could combine our day and somehow turn it into something better? In the meantime, upgrade angry and add confusion on top. I think "done" is now the best word for how I feel. Just. *******. Done.
  4. And now add angry to the mix. This is just not my day.
  5. Well, if you can order from Clearly Contacts (I'm pretty sure they ship internationally) you can click through the types of lenses until you find one that doesn't ask for a base curve or diameter - shown as the BC and DIA fields when you click on a type of lens, in the ordering section of the page. I just did a quick look through the ones that I recognized, and the FOCUS dailies don't require those measurements. So, you could try those. The Proclear, Biofinity and Air Optix Aqua ones also seem to be "standard" though I've never tried those three brands. I'm sure they'd be fine, I just don't have any experience with them. And those are just on the "best sellers" or "featured" pages. You'd likely be able to find a dozen or so that are "standard."
  6. When I worked at a music store in retail, every morning when I woke up before work, my stomach *hurt*. Not cramping, not aching, it literally felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. There were days when getting myself out of the house on time was almost impossible. I thought for a long time that I was having physical stomach issues - saw a doctor, tried some things, nothing helped. And the more it happened, the more stressed I felt, and the more stressed I felt, the more anxious I got. It would always fade after being at work for an hour or two - the job actually wasn't a bad one. I just found that particular brand of retail to be really anxiety provoking. I don't get the stomach pains now that I'm working an office job, but every morning I feel a little panicky when I'm getting ready for work anyway. Now it's more like the shakes a bit. Doesn't seem to matter if I'm on time, early, late, or whatever. Just always kind of jittery until I get in the car, and then I'm okay. It gets a little hard to tell when you're *actually* sick in the morning when every morning you feel a little sick. It'll probably fade a little bit with time and experience in the job - mine has. Whenever I start a new job, it's the worst, and the more comfortable I get, the less intense it is. It's likely because the less you have to provoke anxiety, the less your anxiety gets provoked! But no, you're definitely not alone. I think it actually may happen to a lot of people with anxiety. Especially if you have a kind of anxiety that gets irritated by the kind of work you do. Mine's socially based, so retail was pretty hard. My therapist told me it's often called "morning anxiety." You can google it and find articles on ways to maybe reduce it or deal with it a bit - it's actually common enough that websites talk about it! *Hugs*
  7. As someone whose worn both contacts and glasses since she was 14, I can tell you glasses really aren't that bad. I didn't want to be caught dead in them when I first got them, but my mom wasn't a fan of contacts. Now, even with the choice between the two, I tend to prefer glasses. When your eyes are tired, sometimes contacts aren't particularly appealing. Plus, with all the different frames and stuff now, glasses can actually look pretty cool. :) Also, I should mention that you will almost definitely want a pair of "backup" glasses, even if you intend to never wear them. For the days when your eyes hurt or you don't want to bother with the contacts. Obviously you don't have to if you're really *super* against it, but I'd recommend it. Nonetheless, contacts are pretty great. If you've literally never worn those or any other eye products, you likely want to consider going to an optical place to get a "fitting." A lot of places that sell contacts in stores and things will require you to get a fitting before you can buy the contacts. At least for prescription ones. The reason for that is that contacts are being put directly on the eye, and eyes are different shapes and sizes. With the fitting, you get a "contact lens prescription" which includes the curvature and diameter of the lens. (Unless you have an eye issue, in which case there'll be other information as well.) With a fitting, you usually get a trial pair of lenses to test out, and they also teach you how to put the contacts in and how to take care of them. You can usually do that at pretty much any place that sells contacts, though you mention not having access, so I don't know if that means you don't have access to any optical place at all. I've gotten a fitting done at a Walmart vision centre before, so I don't think it actually needs to be an optomistrist, but again, it just depends on what you can get to. Now, under the assumption that you don't have an astigmatism or anything, and you don't want any help learning how to put them in or take care of them, or you really can't go into a place for the fitting, you *can* order lenses without the fitting online. Be aware that it may still ask you for base curve or diameter, though you can get some that only come in a "standard" size. (Which is different for every lens and brand - an example of how there is no real "standard") If it asks you for a base curve or diameter, you'll likely want to avoid those rather than guessing and go for one of the "standard" ones. You could always try them out and see how they feel. But if they feel really itchy or not quite right, it's a lot better to take them out and get the fitting than to put up with it all day. If you do end up "guessing" at your eye size, try to pick a brand that only has a couple of options, and go with the option in the middle. I'd suggest you just order enough for a single month to begin with too - you may end up having to throw them out if they don't fit. As for where to order, Clearly Contacts is my personal favourite. They tend to have coupons, sales, and promotions that make them a lot cheaper than buying in the stores. Make sure you poke around online a little before actually ordering since they may have one of their promotions on, but not list it on the website. (I've gotten a couple of free pairs of glasses that way.) Mind you, there's tonnes of websites out there - I just like that one. In terms of actually ordering them, you want disposable lenses. I don't even know if Clearly Contacts sells the non-disposable ones anymore. For your regular ones (not special effect, coloured, or special prescription), they come in daily, weekly, two-weekly, and monthly disposables. Basically, if you don't want to bother cleaning them or storing them in solution, buy the dailies. If you buy the weekly or monthly ones, you need one of those little partition cases and some solution. I've worn all three types, and I personally prefered the monthly ones. But the dailies are nice when you're starting out. Not only do you not have to fiddle with keeping them, but they also tend to irritate the eyes a little less because they're only meant for a single day - no chance of getting any particles on them. For brands, you can get whatever looks good to you really. I've tried the Acuvue and the Focus types, and both were good. If you're *not* ordering off Clearly Contacts though, make sure you research the brand name if it isn't one of those two. While the lenses that are sketchy are the special effects ones (because they're not prescription, they're not regulated and you need to be careful about brands), some of the prescription ones are less comfortable than others. They come one box per eye, so no matter what the price listed per box, it's going to be double that for the whole order. Once you have the lenses, you're going to want to "introduce" them to to your eyes. They're going to feel a little weird to begin with most likely. The first day you wear them, wear them for 2-4 hours. If your eyes are a little irritated before the four hours, take them out when they start to get uncomfortable and increase by 1-2 hours of wearing each day. If they're not uncomfortable at the 4 hour mark, take them out anyway, and wear for 6 the next day then 8 the day after that. I know with dailies that seems like a bit of waste, but it's worth it to avoid the irritation later. Resist the temptation to wear them longer than recommended. I've done it. We probably all have. It's still not great for your eyes. Also, resist the temptation to wear contacts while you sleep, unless they're specially labelled for it. (Even then, I had irritation and movement. I'd honestly say even getting the ones that you *can* wear overnight isn't great, but that's pure opinion.) I think the only other thing to mention is that disposable contacts are "soft" lenses. They're less likely to cause eye damage than something like a "permanent" or "hard" lens. Mind you, if your eyes hurt or are really itchy, there's a reason for it. Some people find them too itchy overall. Some people need drops to wear them, and you might want to consider getting some if you tend to have dry eyes. Try to resist rubbing your eyes vigorously to scratch them like you might if you weren't wearing the lenses - rub them gently, and if you need to *keep* rubbing, say for more than 30 seconds, then take them out. They likely will be a little bit itchy from time to time, and that's pretty normal. But once your eyes are used to them, you generally don't feel them at all. That was long! *Laughs* But I may have missed things ... just kind of an overview. Hope it helps!
  8. *Hugs Els1e in celebration .... of my win!!!* :)
  9. Wow ... that really sucks. :( *Hugs* I don't really have anything valuable to say ... just that your friends don't sound like they were particularly helpful or understanding. You're right ... with friends like that, who needs enemies? At that point, you may actually be better off without them. :(
  10. Just to shake it up, group hugs for Cupcake_girl!! :) (((((Cupcake_girl)))))
  11. Painfully cute kitten hugs for (((((Marie241)))))!! :)
  12. *Stuffs the bank with extra hugs and turns around quickly to close the door!* No ... we're good!! :)
  13. Happy tiger hugs for desperados!!! :) (((((desperados)))))!!! :)
  14. *Checks her pockets* I've got two extra shoulder-rubbing hugs on me Kaniro! I'd be happy to trade for a couple of bear hugs! :)
  15. *Checks the balance* We're low!! *Stuffs the overdraft with extra long hugs* *Hugs Marie241 with the interest* :)
  16. Personally I'm not a fan of shaming anyone for anything. People get to live their own lives however they want to. I don't see the value in judging someone else based on my own personal moral beliefs. It limits me and is unfair to them. It's kind of like those body shaming campaigns that talk about how "only dogs want bones." Do we *really* have to shame other people just to say "I like how I look!"? :P Is that *really* the only way to be proud of oneself? By disparaging others? I mean, I'm not thin. Those types of ads target women like me. But it doesn't make me feel any better about myself to see them insult other women on their looks. It's pointless and just repeats the same vicious cycle. Personally, I don't think anyone's "value" is determined by things like this. I think everyone's got the same "value." And pinning a "value" to something like someone's sexual history ... well, I find it kind of disgusting. If I'm being completely honest. Edit: That goes for both men and women.
  17. It seems that a lot of survivors of abuse, especially childhood abuse, hesitate to actually call it abuse. Sometimes they think it wasn't bad enough to warrant the term. Sometimes it's denial. Sometimes they feel too much responsibility. Sometimes it's easier for them, psychologically, not to call it that. There's probably as many reasons as there are survivors, to be fair. That's fair, because you feel how you feel. It's important to acknowledge that you were a kid and the circumstances greatly contributed to your actions. But you'll likely still feel bad about it. And you're right, you'll likely continue to have the memory of having done it. The important part about those regrettable things we did as kids though is that it shapes us into the people we are as adults. Do you think you'd be as driven to tend abused animals as you are if that hadn't happened? Do you think you'd be able to confront your demons now if you hadn't taken some action as a kid to let out some of that anger? Those questions are legitimately unanswerable - highly theoretical and circumstantial. But they still demonstrate the point. You're the sum of your experiences, and those experiences have clearly led you to be a good person. To be honest, feeling a connection to what happened isn't the worst thing. Though ideally, you can learn to forgive yourself for what happened.
  18. Children that are going through some form of abuse often have pent up anger. It's actually pretty normal, and a totally understandable response. Kids have a lot of reasons to feel powerless in a situation like that. I found this interesting: Maybe this means something significant - although maybe not. It sounds a little like you may have seen your cat in your own position with your abuser. If so, it would make sense why you got angry. And it would make sense why you reacted the way you did. You may have been angry about your own position - about what was happening to you. And the cat was kind of ... well ... there. Cats are a lot smaller than kids, and you mentioned your abuser was a lot bigger than you. Plus you saw something in the situation that likely reminded you of your own. I can see a kid, in that moment and headspace, acting out of instinct to try and regain some of that control. Or even just acting out their anger. (Note: of course, this is just an observation! I can just as easily be way off base!) To be honest, I'd imagine that your cat has both forgiven and forgotten. It's one of the best things about pets - they don't hold grudges. It usually takes repeated aggressive behaviours to damage an animal's psyche. And if he still sought you out for affection and still slept around you, that means he wasn't/isn't angry with you or afraid of you. But the thing is that you don't need to be punished - by the universe or anyone else. You've been beating yourself up about it already. You went towards a profession to try and help abused animals partly out of atonement. You're making the world a better place. You did something when you were a kid that you regret. And that's totally fair - I think probably everyone has a couple of things they did when they were a kid that they feel terribly for. I know I do. But that doesn't make us bad people. Kids do things like that partly because they haven't learned better, and partly because they're not matured enough to think it through beforehand. Just as a thought - you questioned why this was coming up now. Why it's only surfaced in the last couple of years. So I'd wonder if it's surfaced since you've started undergoing therapy? If it happened because you saw yourself in the cat, it's possible that this is surfacing as something jumbled up with your other issues. Possibly strange question, but do you pity yourself, for what you did? If not, why do your aggressors get pity and/or sympathy, but you feel like you should be punished? You don't seem to see what you did as "unfortunate in hindsight," but you do see what happened to you that way. A lot of times victims of abuse have feelings of guilt - thinking they're somehow responsible. Perhaps the feelings of guilt you might have theoretically had about the situation was transferred to what happened between you and your cat? Which might be why it's been so hard to get past it.
  19. I love the way you express yourself Abandonedalways!
  20. Wow. Just wow...that's all I can say to this one. That's ... new. I've never heard that before. I think you might actually win the thread 6dantex6!!!
  21. Yep, Wellbutrin is used as a smoking cessation aid - my doctor actually talked at one point about me trying it. I had a friend who tried it, but he wasn't on any anti-depressants or anti-anxieties when he did. He found it really difficult to come back down off of it, but it did help him to quit. So I guess it's a toss up - it might help you stop smoking, but it might be hard to get back off of.
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