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whit0619

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About whit0619

  • Rank
    Newbie
  • Birthday 06/19/1989

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Virginia USA
  • Interests
    Reading, watching movies, family get together, at times social events.
  1. My social phobia began to take over my life in high school. I was barely going to school and as a result lost friends and no longer socialized or talked much with anyone. This lack of exposure made everything worse. I forgot how to talk to people, how to socialize, make friends, be myself...the list goes on. I now find it hard to even be around my family, my cousins especially whom I was always close with. Every time I am around others, my face quivers, my voice shakes, and I just want to runaway. It's hundred times worse when around a large group. I always feel this desperation creeping up my chest, making it hard to breathe. It's horrible. Today I had a presentation in school. Usually my nerves reach an all time high before the presentation and sky rocket during it, but today I didn't feel as nervous as I thought I would before I presented. So, stupid me, I thought "Oh, this must be a good sign and I'll be alright." I don't know what's worse, psyching yourself out and preparing for the worse and therefore not having so much disappointment afterwards or thinking positive and failing miserably. Every time I close my eyes I hear myself in those two minutes I was up there (shaky voice, on the verge of tears, and out of breath) and want to do nothing less than scratch my face off. I'm going to talk to my therapist tomorrow and see what she suggests but I'm sure it'll be the same stuff online (breathe, visualize, don't think about what others will say)-none of which have worked thus far. Maybe I'm not doing it right. This was part of the reason I quit my good job a few years back-a mixture of feeling inadequate, alone, and wanting but not wanting to be around others. Maybe it's time to give Paxil another try. Or take some diazepam...
  2. Paxil Withdrawal

    Hello, I was on Paxil for 62 days before stopping cold turkey. I started at 10mg and my psychiatrist recommended that I went up 10mg per week until reaching 60mg. I forgot to take my medication for a few days once reaching 60mg and since I didn't feel a difference, I decided to come off of it cold turkey. I have been off Paxil for 19 days, but haven't felt the withdrawal symptoms till 5 day ago. I have the intense, crippling headaches, electric shocks that vibrate through my body, trouble sleeping, pain in my chest, ribs, and stomach along with crying fits, feelings of hopelessness, and suicidal ideation. At first I thought these symptoms were due to lack of sleep because of preparing for an exam, but as I Googled my symptoms I realized it was due to the Paxil. I really don't want to go on Paxil to wean off of it because I really can't think of going through this again. I would like to tell my psychiatrist but if I do that, he and my therapist will think I am being uncooperative and not wanting to get better or follow the program. I was hesitant to take medication for my depression, anxiety, and insomnia that reached an all time high this year, but was convinced to after things kept getting worse. I was on Celexa and Remeron for about a month or more each without any withdrawal symptoms, so I thought it'd be the same on Paxil-but I was sadly mistaken. This has really rocked my core and sometimes I feel like I won't make it. I don't think my therapist and psychiatrist will understand and may decide to stop seeing me as I am receiving these services through the government. I guess I'm just looking for support through these tough times and similar stories. I just need assurance that their is light at the end of this tunnel. Doing this and going to school is so hard, especially with all the physical pains, lack of sleep and concentration. I'm just afraid and thinking of going back on the med to do this again in the future is to cruel to imagine. Right now I'm just trying hard to concentrate on breathing because my chest pains are intense. Has anyone else gone through something similar and if so, for how long? I hope this last less than a month, I can't imagine doing this much longer. -Whit
  3. Hi dawn28, As others have mentioned, you are not alone in your thoughts and anxiety! I've always suffered from mild social anxiety, but one night my anxiety went through the roof. That night I found myself unable to sleep and for some reason my thoughts turned to death - the death of my sister, my mom, how alone I would be, thinking about suicide, and then being scared of what happens to a person after they die...It's awful. As the hours ticked by, I was able to calm myself and in the sunlight I saw hope. I know right now you feel like the anxiety and thoughts are too much to handle, but trust me, it gets better with time. Three things I highly recommend you do are 1) Distract yourself. Since you're not working, maybe you can look for something part-time or take a few classes. Do anything that will take your mind away from your problems. You can maybe take walks to calm yourself, write in a journal, read, exercise, or do anything else you like. I know at first it's hard to try and do something else, but it helps. 2) Talk to your family about what you are dealing with or friends. It's always important to talk and not let those thoughts and emotions consume you. You coming here is good because you're venting. When I talk to my family about what's going on I feel the anxiety and thoughts get lighter and sometimes I realize how trivial the thoughts are. 3) Seek a doctor. A doctor can provide you with medications and refer you to the help you need, Like you I was having panic attacks, my body felt so tense I felt like I was holding myself together, I couldn't eat, think, sleep (still can't but working on that). My doctor prescribed be Klonopin .5 mg along with an anti-depressant and my depression and anxiety have eased though not disappeared completely. I'll tell you what a psychiatrist told me, everything takes time, you'll get back to the normal you but it takes time and work on your part. Take it easy and come here and vent whenever you want. I hope you feel better and get some rest. -Whit
  4. Thanks @freckledface for understanding and sending good energy my way. In my darkest moments, I always forget that there are millions of others like me taking it day by day. So, it's nice to have a site like this where I can find others who understand what mental illness feels like, the ups and downs, the struggle to remember who you are and find yourself, and stay in a somewhat level state. Thank you! I guess for now it's all trial and error. I don't know if it's time for me to switch ADs or if I should keep with the Remeron. I'll ask the psychiatrist and hopefully he'll take more time in our appointment to get to know me and can decide the best route to go from here. This upcoming appointment I'll speak up for myself and not let him brush me off (though I don't want to seem aggressive). Wish me luck! And for the others, my question remains the same: how does your AD make you feel? Are you "cured," feel no sadness, crying fits, negative thoughts, etc.? I know that ADs are not magic pills but they're supposed to help, right? Right now my week consists of equally good and bad days, with nights all being bad because of the insomnia and the thoughts the night brings. Again, I just want to know your all's AD experience, how you felt, other actions or things you did on top of (or instead of) the AD? If it's helped? How you all got/get through it? I just want reassurance I guess. Reassurance that this one day will pass and I'll be back to the carefree me, who wasn't sad or anxious all the time and slept well at night. I just need to know that people have gotten through and have returned to their normal state (even if only somewhat). Sorry for rambling and seeming like I may be whinning...I just need hope is all... Well thanks for reading :)
  5. Some of you may remember me, some of you may not. I first came to this site about two months ago when I was having a hard time dealing with my depression, anxiety, and insomnia after not being able to daydream/escape to my imaginary world. Thanks to some of your suggestions I am beginning to get the help I need to deal with my issues. I have a counselor at my university who referred me to our local Community Service Board (CSB). Now I have a therapist and am in the process of getting a psychiatrist and hopefully am on my way to recovery. I'm still having trouble sleeping, meaning I will not sleep unless I take a sleep aid. I'm now on 45 mg of Remeron and 10 mg of Vistaril 3x per day. The Remeron has helped alleviate my anxiety and my depression but I still have good days and bad days and it usually gets worse at night because of the anxiety of not sleeping. I know Remeron has helped me tremendously because I'm no longer crying all the time or in a panic (even when I don't sleep). I feel better and sometimes I feel like myself. Then there are other days (like today) were I feel like crying and just want it all to end. I have been on Remeron for 28 days now and sometimes I'm still confused on what an anti-depressant is supposed to do and whether my AD is working or should I switch. The reason I was put on Remeron is because of my anxiety, depression, and insomnia. It was supposed to make me drowsy but doesn't and then I was put on Vistaril for the same reason - but it doesn't make me sleepy. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel on an AD. Am I not supposed to want to cry, feel depressed at any time? I just wish I was back to the old me, the one who had hope and was more optimistic. I guess my question to you all is how do you feel on your anti-depressant? Do you no longer have negative thoughts? Crying spells? The psychiatrist I saw at the CSB doesn't think I should be on medication and I just need therapy. I felt like he brushed me off and didn't think my situation was serious enough to be seeking services, even though I am still having suicidal thoughts, crying spells, and feelings of hopelessness (thought not as frequent as before). He didn't even want to prescribe me anything for sleep although I told him there were days I would not sleep for 3 days straight if I didn't take one of my mom's Ambien. He said that if I dealt with my depression and anxiety that would resolve my sleep problems. Like always I didn't stick up for myself and kept quiet though I don't know how I am supposed to deal with not sleeping in the meantime. Did anyone's insomnia or sleep problems resolve themselves after dealing with the underlying issue (anxiety, depression). I guess I'm just afraid. There are times I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel... Thanks for reading :)
  6. Hi @slowski. Thanks for that. I'm having a tough time keeping my promises to myself about getting better. I keep finding myself getting desperate about sleep, having some sort of brain fog, and the inability to daydream (which kept me occupied the whole day before). I just don't know what to do with myself. My days are so empty now that I am not constantly daydreaming. I don't know what's worse not being able to sleep or not being able to daydream (and therefore distract myself). I try to distract myself with the present. Watching TV, reading, attempting to study, talking to my family members, walking. It just feels like there's nothing in my brain, almost like there's a cloud up there. I don't know if it's because of lack of sleep or what - I just don't feel like myself and that's because of not being able to sleep and not being able to day dream. I know I used daydreaming as a way to cope with my life, not having any friends, social interactions, and etc. and rather than it being some sort of outlet it damaged me because now that I can't think or day dream I don't know what to do. I feel so empty, so desperate, like there's something wrong with me. Before when I was constantly daydreaming I wanted to find a way to stop because it was taking over my life and I came to not want to interact with other because I had enough people in my imaginary world. Now look at me, I'm a mess. I don't know if I should be on meds, if I should be in some center, if I should just try to work this out with myself. It's hard to explain how I feel unless you have had maladaptive daydreaming. It takes over your life and now I would give anything to have it back because I feel that if I can't daydream I can't think in a way. Maybe I need some sort of brain scan. I don't know. It's two months to meet a therapist through the government. I don't know if I'll last that long. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just need help. I act as if it has everything to do with sleep but in a way I know it doesn't. I don't now, I don't know. I thought sleep would solve everything. I mean I was always a person who slept late and sometimes would go a day without sleeping and not sweat it. I feel like there's something wrong with my brain. It's not working the way it did before...I just don't know. I feel like one day I'm going to snap and either end up in a mental hospital or six feet under. I don't know which one I'm more scared of. I just need help.
  7. I wrote so much just now, poured my heart and most of my thinking power into this entry for it all to disappear within an accidental click of a button - that pretty much sums me up just now. Part of me wants to rewrite all of my anguish and other part wants it all to disappear. I'll attempt to sleep again and in a few hours when I am back here, I'll write what I had previously written if I don't forget what I wanted to say by then...
  8. Thanks for your post @Maverick7777. Your story seems very similar to mines, only that for some reason I think all of my problems stem from trouble sleeping. On my good days, when I am able to sleep 8 or less hours, I am calm and optimistic. I feel like I'm getting back to me again. It's the night that kills me, I try not to think of sleep and whether I will get some or not. I try to do as I've read online, not be negative, take it day by day, think of it as "oh, I've had one bad night, tomorrow will be better," or to think of it as "well I got one hour of sleep, not every night is a bad night or equally as bad as others." I don't understand how one day you are okay and the next day a complete mess. I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with all of my thoughts and emotions. I have panic attacks when I go two days without sleeping (this has happened twice in the past three weeks). The night before yesterday, I took a 5 mg Ambien and slept around 3am - 12pm (9hrs, maybe less). I woke up yesterday wanting to cry. I find myself wanting to cry now. I'm afraid I'm not going to sleep tonight. I'm afraid of how I'm going to get. It's just very exhausting. I know it's my anxiety that makes me cry and have panic attacks. I don't know if I have depression. I don't know why I'm suddenly having all this anxiety about sleeping and having trouble with it to this extreme. I was thinking today that maybe it's due to my being unable to daydream (I day dreamed excessively before - I think it's called maladaptive day dreaming) and my mind isn't getting the workout it did before because of this and therefore isn't tired. I don't know. Sometimes I feel so hopeless. My school counselor isn't any help. There's a two month waiting period to see a therapist with a financial assistant program. I don't know how I'm going to make it. I keep thinking about how much of a burden I am and on my really low days, how much I want to end it all. I know I should do more to distract myself and have the will power to do it. It's just hard sometimes and at times I just want to drown in my misery. I want to do so much: work, go to school and do well, help out my family, pay off my bills, get insurance, exercise, be more social, get over my phobias, anxiety, and so on. I guess I have to start somewhere. Wake up even though I don't sleep the night before, exercise, start looking for work, catch up on school work, focus on being a good sister, daughter, student, try to find my way back to God, and go to bed at the same time every day. I'm just afraid that if I wake up early I'm losing valuable hours of sleep that I may not get the next night if I can't sleep. But I guess, I have to start somewhere and really put effort in order to overcome this. I wish I could day dream like I did before constantly to distract myself even though I know it's not the answer, I just feel so empty, sad, and desperate all at once. Maybe I'm just exaggerating and need to put my big girl pants on and deal with this. I mean other people have it way worse and don't act the way I do. I'm just afraid, so afraid...but I need to try to be positive and keep going for my sake and my family's. KEEP GOING... on that note, good night.
  9. This probably isn't the right place or site to post this but I just want to get my thoughts out there so I won't have to hold them in or bother my family with them. Today I went to class. It started out great - no bad thoughts about sleeping, hurting myself, going crazy, nor the death of my mom or sister. Then we had to get into groups to discuss the films we had watched in the previous weeks (narration, framing, symbolism, etc.). Ding, ding, ding, my social anxiety kicked in. I felt so dumb and out of place. I found myself nodding to whatever was being said and averting my eyes every time someone stared at me for a comment. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, my anxiety, my pessimism, or if it's all in my head, but I feel like I can't really think. I find myself losing my train of thought, not being able to form a thought, or come up with the right word. Adding to my anxiety, each group had to present their findings. I informed my professor of my situation and she suggested that I take a course another semester. Really? Thanks for the help. I don't want her pity, but I want some sort of understanding. Tomorrow I have an interview with a recruiter. I was thinking of not going due to my lack of sleep, inability to properly think (at least according to me), my overall sour mood, nausea, and just feeling sick (as if I were coming down with something - but that's probably due to my lack of sleep). I think I may go though. I need to distract myself, I need fill up my day doing something other than worrying and being an overall pain to my family. I took Melatonin last night. 5 mg at first, another 5 an hour later, and 5 this morning at 6 am. I slept a total of 2 hours. Coming home from school, I felt the same way I had during the summer crash studying for my accounting class (2 days with little sleep, studying, and little eating). When I got home at 2pm I attempted to go to sleep. I honestly don't know how long I slept for because I refused to look at the clock. I know an hour passed by but I don't know how long I took just laying there try to go to sleep. I opened my eyes at 4pm and again attempted to sleep. Maybe I slept a little I don't know, the headaches gone and I woke up nauseous, wanting to throw up something that wasn't there. As my sister and I were driving to a place to pick up food, I wanted to cry so bad, my eyes kept welling up but I tried to stay strong. We came home and ate. I ate almost all my food but still feel nauseous. I don't know whether I should eat more or throw up. I find myself calm now but also very tense and head is beginning to hurt. The melatonin does not do a good job of keeping me asleep. I find myself waking after about an hour and that includes the time it takes me to sleep. My sister said I should take two 5 mg capsules today, which I will do. I kind of also want to take Klonopin to help calm me but she said no. Okay boss - I guess. I just need to find a way on how to deal with this, school, and working (because I need to work - I need help). Well, thanks for reading. I think I may go walk on my treadmill to help distract myself and hopefully day dream. Will I ever be myself again? I keep thinking about the girl in the news who jumped off a building and Heath Ledger. Will that be my future? I kind of want to go to a card reader (fortune teller), but I'm afraid of what my future holds. I just need Jehova to help me make it through. My brother went through insomnia as well as my sister, mother, father, and millions of others. They keep on going without any panic episodes or bad thoughts - why can't I. Okay I got to get off here and do something with myself...
  10. I agree with the above posts. Take it day by day and just try to breathe. I'm new to this site as well as trying to deal with my issues, but the advice I've learned online and from the few people I've spoken to includes getting help (speak to a therapist/psychiatrist), exercise (meaning walk outside, breathe in nature), try to distract yourself from your worries but also acknowledge your worries and just let it go, try breathing exercises or meditation. It's always important to express yourself and tell someone how you feel - let it be on this site, to a friend, or whomever. Never hold it in, in my experience it just makes it worst. Try to relax and let your girlfriend soothe you. Sometimes you need to feel another person's touch and know you are not alone.
  11. Thanks for responding @JaLee and @neurotic_lady89. I tried a 5 mg capsule of Melatonin yesterday night. I don't know if it was the pill or the fact that I slept maybe 1 or 2 hours the night before, but I did feel drowsy and managed to sleep 1 or 2 hours last night. Today I feel so achy and my body feels tired. It kind of feels like coming down with the flu - not full blown, but on the verge of it. Every time I close my eyes though, nothing happens and I find myself either trying to daydream to not think about the fact that I am not sleeping or silently crying and asking myself why I was not sleeping. A few days ago when I managed to get some shut eye (6hrs) I began to think about why I was reacting the way I was about not sleeping. I mean it 's not like I've always been a person that got her 8 hrs+. When I was working full-time a few years back or even recently, I could go a day without sleeping at all and not think twice about it. If there was a second night of not being able to sleep I still wouldn't sweat it. I think it has to do with the fact that I was busy throughout the day and had no time to think about sleep. Nowadays, even when I'm not thinking about it and trying to focus on something else, I think subconsciously I am and that may be affecting my sleep. A few days ago, when I was able to think more clearly, I believed my insomnia was caused partially by my anxiety. See because of my social anxiety and past depression (don't know if I still have it) I developed maladaptive daydreaming (excessive day dreaming). It was the way I coped with being alone, working and coming straight home, anger, resentment, lack of interaction at work and outside - basically everything. I once lost the ability to day dream while I was working full-time and I remember the emptiness I felt, but it never lead to me losing sleep or having panic attacks. When I first noticed that I wasn't able to sleep three weeks ago, it was due to the fact I could not day dream, which lead me to think of other things (death, suicide, etc.). I didn't know what to do with myself. How to fill up my time being so present. A few days ago, I was able to day dream and I found myself attempting to dream Saturday night to gently drift away to sleep. Though I was able to day dream a bit, it was never concrete (couldn't follow through with my thoughts and make a storyline). Partly because I was afraid of not being able to sleep and partly because the thoughts kept drifting. Maybe my doctor was right regarding my anxiety. Maybe the stress of going back to school, social anxiety, along with my poor sleeping habits during winter break caused my insomnia (by poor I mean pooorr - sleeping at 2:30am-5am, once at 9am watching movies/shows - in part because I couldn't sleep and in part because this was my escape). I lost my train of thought. I just don't know why I'm acting so crazy about not being able to sleep when it's happened before. Maybe it was the combination of not sleeping plus not day dreaming. I no longer know what to do during those hours I have my eyes closed thinking of nothing yet not daydreaming? Question, what do you all do? I read a post from someone once that it took him 3 hours to fall asleep. I wonder what that person did all that time? Did he lie in bed, did he day dream, did he just think random thoughts? I just grow impatient laying there, staring at the inside of my eyelids, and then becoming desperate. I tend to have suicidal thoughts when I can't sleep, especially the day after unsuccessful attempts at sleep. The thought of never going back to normal makes me desperate. I find myself thinking about how to do it. I rarely think of the pain it will cause my family, though I know it would **** my mother. I know I seem pathetic to some if not most, but God sometimes I can't make those thoughts go away. I'm afraid of going crazy, of ending up in a mental hospital, and on top of that I've been having derealization episodes more frequently (have occurred in the past, but I have usually been able to snap out of it). I have to begin getting ready for school. Last Tuesday was the first day I attended school since it started on 1/20. It was a complete failure. I hadn't slept two nights before and that morning I slept 3 hours. I found myself holding back tears during lecture, gripping myself to keep from falling apart, and attempting to distract myself by listening to the professor. Yes I was thinking about not being able to sleep and probably not sleeping that night either, but I was also just very sad. I had a derealization episode right before class as well. Needless to say, I had a panic attack walking to my sister waiting in her car. For a moment I thought I was going to lose the ability to breathe, but thank God I was able to catch my breath and get to the car before I broke down. I did see a counselor as you suggested @neurotic_lady89. She managed to calm me down after my panic attack. Talking to someone other than my mom and sister felt good. I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow to see if I qualify for counseling or if I need another type of assistance. I don't want to burden my mom and sister any longer. They're kept awake because of my panic attacks, my stupid thoughts, my lack of sleep. Every time I move, they ask if I'm okay. It breaks my heart because I'm ******* them. I read somewhere that lack of sleep shortens your life span. What the hell would I do without them? I'm so selfish and ungrateful. Anyways, does anyone have any suggestions on the dosage of trazodone or melatonin I should take? My doctor prescribed me trazodone for sleep last week and I've tried 50-75 to no avail. I took 5mg of melatonin last night (made me drowsy) and 5mg more an hour or two later (finally slept 1 or 2 hrs)? Also, what do you all do when you can't sleep? What do you think about? Do you day dream, do you try to keep your mind clear? If so, for how long? Sorry for the long post. Writing this cleared up my mind, made me feel more awake and better than I felt this morning. Wish me luck in school today. I really don't want to end up taking klonopin...
  12. For the past two weeks I've had major trouble sleeping. Sometimes I am able to sleep in the morning for 3-6 hrs if I'm lucky and other nights nothings at all. I went to my doctor because I was having panic attacks about not sleeping and the thoughts that came with it and he prescribed me Klonopin and Celexa which he said would help me sleep. I no longer have the anxiety but I still can't sleep till the next day and wake up around 2:30pm. I'm going to call him tomorrow to let him know but I wanted to know if I should stop sleeping in the morning (which is when I finally drift off) and stay up the whole day to try and sleep at night. I'm just afraid I won't be able to sleep at night either if I do this (has happened before). I also want to know what you all think of when you are trying to sleep? Do you day dream (which is what I used to do to make myself sleep eventually - haven't done this since I started having the panic attacks and bad thoughts two weeks ago since they were the only things that would enter my mind). Or do you just lie there in the total darkness of your mind, aware that you are awake, and waiting for sleep to come? What does it mean to shut off your mind? Is it when you think of nothing, have your eyes closed and are just in the total darkness of your mind because I've been in that for hours before and still can't sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've forgotten how easy it was to sleep before and what I used to think about and how naturally it came. Especially with university starting last week this is the last thing I want my world to revolve around and I don't want to become addicted or depend on pills, but I'm becoming desperate. List of things I've tried: Tea , Hot Showers, 30 min exercise, going to another room reading news. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic and just need to relax. Focus my energy on something else? Tips? Suggestions? Advice?
  13. Hi, I'm a 25 years old female and full-time university student. I really hope you guys can help and provide me with feedback/suggestions/advice. I've always had a bad sleeping habit starting from when I was a kid. However, I never had anxiety about falling asleep and if I had school or something to do early the next day I could fall asleep within minutes. This past December I began to sleep at 2am-5am and wake up at 3pm. Two weeks ago my sister began school, so we had to start sleeping early. Even though all the lights and electronics were off, I found myself unable to sleep and falling asleep around 2am-9am and waking up at 3pm. I didn't freak out and attributed it to sleeping so late before. This past week my anxiety began to grow regarding not being able to sleep. This past Saturday I found myself crying about not being able to sleep. I began to think that I would never be able to sleep, that I would continue with the headaches, feeling light headed, and just not there. I also began thinking of the deaths of my mom, sister, brothers, and everyone I knew and how alone I would be and that I would probably snap. As the night progressed I began thinking of my own death, ending it all, being scared of the unknown. I found myself walking from room to room, crying on my bed and later in the bathroom until the sunlight started coming through the curtains. Once it was 4am or 5am, I calmed down and went to bed until 3pm - this was last Saturday. Sunday night was pretty much the same only that I couldn't fall asleep until 9am. Monday I couldn't fall asleep until 12pm and slept till 2:30pm. Monday night I didn't sleep a drop and had a headache this past Tuesday which is when school began for me. I ended up not going to school due to feeling light headed and just not there. I attempted to sleep in the morning as I had previously to no avail. Around the afternoon, I began crying uncontrollably, feeling like I was dreaming and reality wasn't truly reality, and just wanting to end it all. I felt desperate, extremely upset, and felt that I would never be normal again, unless I ended it all. Thank goodness my mom and sister were with me since they were able to calm me down after about an hour. From Tuesday to Wednesday I had 3-4 of these episodes and finally went to see my doctor this past Wednesday. He prescribed .5mg of Klonopin for the panic attacks he said I was experiencing and 10mg at dinnertime of Celexa which he said would help me sleep. I took the Klonopin and it did help me calm down. I later took Celexa awaiting the blissful sleep I thought would come. I ended up sleeping sometime between 2:30am and 5:30am and woke up shortly later in a panic feeling like I couldn't breathe. I went back to sleep and woke up at 12:30pm-1pm. This past Thursday I couldn't fall asleep and slept on Friday morning for about 3 hrs. I'm not taking Klonopin because although it makes me calm, I don't feel anything, it's weird. So I'm just taking Celexa. Friday night I wasn't able to sleep but I was able to day dream which I couldn't do before. I ended up sleeping sometime this morning until 4pm. I can't keep going like this, especially after missing my first week of classes because of panic attacks, the inability to sleep and everything that comes with it, and the normal social anxiety I suffer from plus this anxiety of not sleeping and being scared of freaking out (feeling this isn't really reality and I'm daydreaming). I haven't felt any anxiety for the past two days which I attribute to the medicine calming me down but still cannot sleep till sometime the next day. I lose track of how long I sleep for because I avoid all clocks and lie so still in my bed while my mind is still fully awake (but thinking of nothing) that I lose track of time and don't know whether I've slept or not and if so, for how long. I keep having these chest pains on my left side and feel short of breath. I know this could be because of my anxiety or the medication. My reason for this post is because I want to stop taking Celexa but don't know if I should. I feel like it's causing that chest pains and the shortness of breath and helps nothing with sleep (I found out it's anti-depressant, though my doctor never mentioned it). These panic attacks I've had recently I feel are due to not being able to sleep, however, my doctor believes it's because of my social anxiety. I've always been able to control my social anxiety and it has never caused me great problems (only in interactions and presentations). I know I need help for that as well as I avoid contact with almost everybody other than my family but believe these recent problems are due to a lack of sleep. I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions? I don't have insurance nor a job at the moment. So going to see my doctor again for this is a pain if he's just going to tell me to ride it out. I just wanted sleeping pills to be honest. I just want to be myself again, daydreaming, thinking, feeling, not dreading the night, not lying awake till the next day wondering if sleep means lying still even though you're mind is awake and losing track of time and just everything. Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to give you the whole picture. Maybe I'm not tired because I spend all my time worrying and not doing school work or distracting myself by something that takes up all my energy. I'm just afraid that when I go to school next week it will be same and I won't be able to sleep and then the anxiety and everything will come back if I'm not taking the medicine. But I also read that Celexa causes insomnia, so...I just don't know what to do.