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Claiken

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  1. someone i care about seems to be cutting me out, but ive done nothing wrong. ive always been supportive, understanding, patient, offered to talk (about the depression) but didnt force it either, never told them to suck it up or just cheer up or anything stupid like that... theres no one else, cuz theyre the type to have that stuff all over social media..... i minored in psych so i know at least how NOT to treat someone with depression i just dont know what the heck to think. they recently had a bad episode but almost a month ago now.... but i did nothing wrong... we always agreed wed be friends even if nothing else worked out since we were friends beforehand... but im literally hearing nothing... today, i saw an acronym on facebook he posted, and i literally just posted those letters with a question mark as a comment. nothing deep, nothing emotional... and i got nothing. yet plenty of random bored looking buzzfeed quizzes and whatnot being shared... i just *DONT* get it, at all... can someone help me out here? its been a month since weve talked for real, but about 2 weeks since anything at all... i asked if i could tell him something, made *sure* it was okay that day, when he said yes to both i said s small part and asked if it sounded good to that point... and nothing, jumped ship. but what i dont get is why... it was nothing deep or emotional, in fact the opposite. i offered to *stop* telling him about my feelings at random, basically because i dont like being here. wondering what i did or said wrong, possibly making his mind swarm more... even though i had good intentions every time i realized the timing could be bad. if you were a guy does that not sound like heaven? to have a girl feel for you but not spew about it several times a week? keeping it as a fact and nothing more, unless the mood called for it in an active conversation? would that not be win-win?? win for him because guys are like "eww feelings" usually, and win for me because he would no longer feel the need to push me away - or so i thought. a month ago he really liked me and wanted to see me and said he wanted to be with me.... and now to this. i just dont understand what the hell i did so wrong to push me SO far away, so shortly after wanting to keep me so close. it just boggles the mind completely. ive stopped sending supportive whatnots since it got no responce anyway, bit my tongue real hard when he shared something about being rejected by everyone ( wanted to say nobody can ever reject you when you push them so far away, youve rejected them first. even relating to friends thats true, theyre only gonna push back for so long before giving up) right now i pretty much feel like i could fall off a cliff to my death and he wouldnt even care or have any regrets... but with the past like 6 months of talking as if we want to be each others... i know theres got to be more to it. he wont let me in to his depressed mind, so i am hoping that maybe someone else might be able to explain where hed be coming from. i hate saying nothing, i hate it. i feel like im giving off the message that i dont care, but i do. probably more than he knows. i just dont know what else to do? if i didnt want to be with someone, i wouldnt say i did. id flirt maybe, here and there, cuz lets admit it its fun sometimes, but to outright say you want to be with someone, just to push them SO far away... youd think im the one who put im in a depression by telling him hes a piece of crap or something, but that couldnt be further from the truth. i just needed to vent somewhere but would also be curious for others inputs. im at a total loss here.
  2. But, what if im his only option around? i really truly do believe him when he says there are no other girls around in that way... so with that being the case... is it not possible that he truly doesnt want the out? not only does he have depression hes very shy... im shy and nerves alone can make me afraid to do things... so imagine not feeling great about yourself ("im not good enough") on top of that... its really no wonder hed shy away from talking about feelings im nowhere near telling him to "take me now" or anything, its not like were friends with benefits. i just really like the idea of being able to be his light among darkness, but i know its not a quick or simple task letting someone in.
  3. So, why would a buddy say several times that he likes me? With winking faces and such? buddies dont do that. I have other guy buddies and that couldnt be further from how they treat me. he doesnt seem to get uncomfortable every time i hint at something... when i confessed to liking him still, he was right there the whole time, but also saying he liked me too, and he knew it wasnt a joking flirt at the time, i was being real with him. he does seem to get uncomfortable when i want to discuss deeper feelings... but honestly what guy doesnt depression or not? i feel like half of the falling out is due to some pretty extreme nerves, getting in our own way, etc. if the nerves were worked through, things that way i feel would be different. im more than willing to give space when things get bad. ive done it many times. and no, i dont have trust issues. his facebook is honestly an eye into his world when things get bad for him... i can still see hes around, hes okay, without having to directly hear it from him. ive given him outs before... more than a couple. saying if he honestly just doesnt feel that way for me to please just tell me, that id rather it hurt but id know. then id know where i stand, and where he should stand. he never takes them. normally thats when things would flip the other way and hed say again that he really does like me and think about me, etc. who would do that when they *want* the out?? Nobody i know of...
  4. The basics of it is i like a guy who has depression... weve been talking off and on for a long time, but recently had been more on. as recently as this morning, he mentioned still liking me. he seemed in a good mood. i had had something i wanted to tell him, for a few days now but timing was just off between schedules. so since we were talking today and things seemed okay on his end, i asked if i could tell him what i wanted to, he said sure. the short version is that i also have an illness (which he knew about) but i hadnt thought of it before that its made me have to be strong mentally, just as his depression makes him have to be strong mentally. basically making the point that he needs someone strong, and i am... he ignored it. completely. i havent heard a word in return, not even that he needs time to think or even just plain doesnt know what to say, nothing. i care about him deeply and he knows it, and has admitted to caring about me as well. i know for a fact he has seen the message, as i saw him active on facebook, even reaching out/commenting on stuff from friends. I just feel so hurt. its like the few flirty messages before hand was fine, but then stuff got real and he abandoned ship. I purposely asked him first if i could tell him, rather than just coming out with it. we were in a conversation already. i had send him something last night but just a minor little nothing. he reached out to me first today. even replied when i couldnt sleep and responded to him. so basically i made sure he kept the conversation going before even asking if i could tell him something. i dont know what to make of it at all. at first i gave him benefit of the doubt as he works midnights and i thought maybe he had fallen asleep, and said that if he had fallen asleep i hoped he would let me know his reaction to it when he woke up. after seeing facebook activity, i sent him basically, i guess i should have checked that the topic was okay before i just told him, that i thought it would be okay today but sorry if it wasnt. still havent heard a word. he may or may not have seen my last message about the topic part, i suspect yes but i cant be sure. just last week, he specifically (and sober-ly just as a side note, not like "the alcohol was talking") said the words he thinks he would like to be mine. that was a bit more of a playful flirty convo, but still, he said it. over time weve had several falling outs, but weve found our way back each time (so far). over a few years now including one really bad year on his end. we arent anything official but, we certainly both mean something to each other. or else, why bother keeping contact or reinitiating contact after a silence. especially with depression, saying screw it is surely easier, and put shyness on top of it, in his case it would be so much easier to just let it burn but he hasnt... after some time he always reaches out again, even if its just a simple "hey". he says there are no other girls, and with how shy he is, and the strength and patience it requires to even think about liking someone with depression, i believe him. i hate to diss my own gender but i know aLOT of girls wouldnt even consider sticking around for long, if at all. they want what they want when they want it and exactly how they want it. i feel like i should have proven to him by now that ive got "staying power" before, i used to just kind of spew feelings at random to him whenever i felt them, not knowing good or bad day, good or bad mood. so this time around, ive been asking first, can i tell him something. if i have feelings i want to remember ive been making little notes in my memo on my phone so i remember, but i havent been that feeling spewing stressor this time around, unless its okay to (or at least, i thought it was. like today). Hoping for a responce, even something as simple as a smiley face, i wanted to then ask him if theres anything i do thats not helpful, and tell him a couple other kind of followup things. but i didnt even get the chance. i really feel like we could be so good together, if only he allowed himself and we both worked through our nerves. i dont even know if i should just stay quiet or tell him it hurt to be ignored (at least thats how it appears, even if he loved it and didnt quite know what to say back, or needed time to think). i feel like telling him it hurt will only make him push me further away... Our most recent falling out, was a bit longer, and since it was just after seeing each other, i was pretty hurt by it and backed off. at first mostly but then entirely. after a while, a couple months about, i was still missing him, and decided to send him a message on facebook, saying i know he probably didnt want to talk about whatever happened but could we still be friends. (i did notice at that point that my things were not marked as seen anymore, which hurt a little that he removed everything, but i didnt know if he thought things were truly over and that was easier, or something? he doesnt know to this day that i noticed that). so basically, we started talking again, just simple less often small talk. but soon enough, he started dropping hints that he still liked me. i didnt know what to make of them, for quite a while, so i kind of laughed them off or whatnot. But, when he persisted with them, intermittently but noticably, eventually i confessed to still liking him, but it took me a long time to admit to him. my basic point here is, this time around, he is the one who tried more than once to reinitiate that part. eventually suceeded but it took some doing. effort. which if it wasnt worth it or something he truly felt, again i wonder, why bother? id love anyones perspective on this... i really just am at a loss. just having a really bad day with it also and just needed to vent, somewhere.
  5. as someone without depression, i feel shut out by the person i care about who does have depression.... maybe it goes both ways? theyre not one to vent they just hold it in, and i wish they wouldnt
  6. Well, i know hes shy. so thats a curveball by itself. but for me that only confirmed him liking me, cuz to do those things that happened in person would have taken lots of guts. so if it wasnt for something real why bother going thru the anxiety type thing is what i was thinking. i know its been a long time for him, and i know that i dont know what his past was like that way. (a possible thought i had was that if he feels "rusty", you know, physically cuz its been a long time, but figures im good to go and he wuoldnt be able to please me... orrr something along those lines.) i just wish he would let me decide if the depression is too much or not, rather than deciding for me and pushing me away... he has said a while ago (probably like 6 months ago), he admitted to liking me but was afraid of hurting me, and that i was a great girl and he didnt want to hurt me. but what he doesnt realize is this distance hurts more than any "demon" from his past he could possibly talk to me about. if it were the other way around i wish hed realize that im not her. if someone hurt him in the past doesnt mean i would. i know hes probably afraid to let me in on it all, which i totally get. ive offered to listen but never tried forcing him to talk about it. i wish i could make my own brain stop doing the "what if"s about it all... id also hate to become "one that got away" for him... because hes being stubborn and taking too long while on my end its interpreted as not giving a crap. i sent him a facebook message (inbox) where i basically said exactly how i feel. not a naggy finger pointing type one, just calmly talking about my feelings. the only things i didnt think to mention were not to worry about hurting me, and ill decide if im hurt type thing. i did say id "walk thru hell with him"... cuz i would.... if he had the courage to let me. he has seen it. i *hope* he read it all. Ive yet to hear back but i hope it got him thinking, and he didnt just brush it off as if it were spam mail. he still has it, so maybe thats something (only know that because of the "seen at" thing facebook does... if deleted or marked unread i wouldnt see that). i dont want to hang on for no reason but i dont want to make this mistake of making myself let go too soon when things could have been amazing. I really dont know what to do :/ depression stuff aside, we seem so compatible. similar senses of humour, taste in music, movies. we even both have a small friend circle and highly value our family. even incorporating the depression... mine is a different cause but i can have it at times, due to life events though, not chemicals in the brain. i have things he would have to be understanding about too. its not like im perfect and hes packed full of issues. ive got my things too. ive stayed quiet since i sent that facebook message.... should i continue staying quiet? if i had to figure how he thinks in one specific way:... is that depressed guys wont chase a girl they like, or even maybe love or starting to. i feel like theyd think "well i guess she doesnt want me around anymore either" and just sit back and take it, maybe be depressed about it but not be proactive in wanting to do anything to change it. is that accurate?
  7. So maybe im just too stubborn for my own good im not sure... ive been talking to this guy (who has depression, untreated), off and on for about a year the past couple months though.. things were going really well, in touch often, we were flirty with each other often, it has already been said that we both like each other... tried making plans but it seemed the timing was always off a couple weeks ago now... we were having this talk, where i was basically figuring nothing to lose, so i told him i wondered if we should let it go, even though we both like each other, just cuz theres no time, and i felt by asking i was just geting in the way. made sure he knew i didnt want to but that it was a thought that crossed my mind. this thought seemed to upset him. but he didnt agree with me. said hed rather be with me. went so far as to call himself "mine". he asked what i was donig that day. we ended up hanging out and having a fun dinner out. afterwards, we stayed talking a while, it worked out that he eventually put his arm around me, after a couple hugs. kept his arm there for a long time (so wasnt just trying it but didnt like it). before we both left he gave me another big hug and said very truthfully he missed me... basically, since that day ive barely heard 2 words from him. i dont understand what happened. nobody did anything wrong. that day we knew we were both going home... so there was no reason to fake it to get lucky at the end of the day or something like that...... i dont get it at all. does this make sense to anyone here?? hes had a couple of things, indirect things, up on facebook that may or may not have been about me. good things. but basically, directly from him, that day i thanked him for inviting me out, said i had a good time. he said he was glad so did he. but... that was basically it. so i cant figure out, with there being absolutely no reason to fake it..... why act like he likes me, and even go so far to call himself mine... just to vanish away?? im thinking if he had a choice between me and someone else and he chose the someone else, even if he couldnt bear to tell me and hurt me, id be seeing things on facebook about her by now, almost 3 weeks later. hes a big facebook guy and if he had news like that im SURE it would be out in the open. but nothing of that nature, at all. ive been a mess about it. if he told me he was starting to have a worse time again, but that he needed time, but i knew that.... id be okay. the timing would suck but id survive, knowing hed come around. id ask how he was every few days but back off other than that. i just cant understand it. at all. cant imagine he would do those things he did in person if he just plain werent interested. maybe a quick friend hug... but not like what actualy did happen. it totally lingered you could tell neither of us watned to go home, but he had work so we had to. if anyone can offer any of their 2 cents... id be greatful. maybe another depressed-but-not-because-of-a-tragic-event mind can help me solve this puzzle.
  8. But, surely guys must put some emphasis on timelines as well? im sure if a guy had a girlfriend that he suddenly stopped hearing from for months... hed be wondering what the heck is up, rather than just continue on with his life as if nothing is wrong? even just with friends, i would think if enough time passed he would begin to worry about the well being of his friend? especially taking facebook out of the picture. i know guys arent much for talking, but say if you and a friend billy meet for a alcohol once a week for... 6 months. then you dont hear from him at all about going for a drink for about 3 months... youd start to wonder, wouldnt you? if you had not much on facebook to go by? i only mention that because i am not one to post on facebook a whole lot... so he may or may not have an indirect way of knowing i am okay or not, for weeks at times. so to the woman, that feels like youre about as important as the crud that gets stuck in the imprinted pattern on the bottom of your shoes. not at first, but once significant amounts of time go by with not a word... thats about how important we feel. especially if you have previously but recently enough claimed to like this woman. its like youve changed your mind about us entirely. all it would take is telling us, im going thru such and such, can we talk later. at least then he took the time to get back to me, so id know whatever was going on recently was not anything negative to do with me. 2 seconds is really all it would take. but the nothing at all looks like they dont care anymore. i also dont understand about guys in general why when theyre going through things like that (rebuilding themselves, life changes, etc), they need no support or encouragement, advice... or at least wont admit to any of that is my theory. lol.
  9. ... well a few things i guess. Why would you push away someone you like having around? and then go posting on facebook about being alone and often thinking of (likely) you? if youre having a terrible time and need support you wont accept it from them? not even go so far as to say its an awful time can we talk later. Things have honestly gone from great, to crap, so many times. im ready to believe he wants to be alone. no matter how much you tell him youll be around and support him, he just screws off on you for weeks on end. tells you he is glad youre around and even that he likes you and we need to hang out soon.... and than not a word for over a month. seriously, talk about dysfunctional.... im thinking if he wanted me around he would... i dont know... make an effort to keep me around, or at least up to date in the most vague way possible on occasion during the bad times. theres being depressed but then theres, being an ass. im starting to think the second is more true...
  10. Well, i did end up hearing back... basically, everything boiled down to fear. some miscommunication on my end (he thought i wanted to move faster than i did)... but fear on his end. probably even alot more fear than he let on. But he opened up to me quite a bit the other night, so i guess well see how things happen. At this point we havent made anything official or written anything off... just gonna get to know each other better.
  11. Thats just it tho... he doesnt "have" me. at all. havent seen him this calendar year. hes claimed to have wanted to, until the idea of actual plans comes aorund.... its not like hes had me around to sleep with or something... i have wondered tho if he cares about the idea of me more than actually me. i guess well see....
  12. Well, i decided to send a message... just not sure what to do from here. half a year seems like too long for it to just dwindle to nothing.
  13. I know im important. but i meant, important to him. I felt like im not important to him. I wouldnt say im "done" quite yet, but i do feel he needs to know ive been hurt. all this time ive been this invincible girl who was never hurt or bummed when we didnt talk at times... because of his depression. even if i thought about stuff for days i never let him know that, i didnt want to make him feel like a failure, i dont want to send him into a further depression. im already worried that even now if i tell him i was hurt, depression may worsen.... then ti could look like he truly doesnt care on my end.... while in reality he was forced by me into a deeper depression, or feels its not fixable, or something even with where im at now, i would still hate to maek him feel worse. im alright with not being able to make him better. but id hate to make him worse. but i feel like he needs to know.
  14. Actually for me, knowing the reason would help... alot. even if that reason doesnt end up being what i wanted. whether its that he was never interested to begin with and was just protecting my feelings.... or whether he is interested but scared and fear is winning.... maybe he WAS interested but has since had eyes for someone else and didnt know how to tell me (tho with the time hes been having i doubt it).... maybe hes gay but hasnt come out of the closet yet (tho i highly doubt that scenario)...... the possibilities are endless but anything, at all.... would be preferrable to thinking that im not even important enough to come up wtih some excuse for, let alone be honest with. i feel completely not important...... but then according to things that he has said, as recently as a few days ago, i am..... i really dont know what to make of it. complete and total confusion...
  15. Ugh, it just hurts. I've given it overnight and still nothing back... I feel at this point like j at least deserve to know why he doesn't want nee around. He could have said he didn't think it would be the best time, he could have said sounds good and backed out later, he could have said he's already got plans... But i get nothing. Should i tell him I'm hurt? Should i ask of he has anxiety about me? It was literally just the other day he said he was glad u didn't friendzone him, and that he felt a connection too, and then last night happened.... So incredibly conflicting and confusing But I asked here hoping to get the depression angle of it., There's gotta be more to it, or he'd simply be around, or not. He'd care, or not. But do i tell him it was hurtful? He supposedly can't be a jerk if he tried but... Until i know the deeper reason, that was pretty intense jerk right there...
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