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  1. How are you doing Elicia? I hope dealing with the loss of your birdy has been easier lately. Just wanted to see how you were doing in that regard. I hope this post doesn't bring up thoughts you don't want to think about, If so I hope you ignore it.
  2. English. I've been trying to learn Swedish after moving here. I was born in Japan but can barely speak Japanese. If I could learn another language It would probably be French.
  3. My fever and cold is a lot better, so I'm a little less vulnerable to feelings like this now. But the panic and despair was coming on stronly again today, so I came and read this thread and felt better. I'm happy that I can come back and read all the nice things you've all said when I am feeling especially alone. I wish I could give you all hugs in real life if you wanted that. Thank you.
  4. I think I was depressed at your age, or at least I was going through some scary and emotionally difficult things. I felt compelled to hurt myself as well, and my school and social life suffered at some points, when things were getting worse. But I definitely didn’t understand what was going on with me, or have the words to describe what I was feeling like you do. It sounds like you are very intelligent and self aware, and I think that could really help you at this point. You don’t even have to concern yourself with labels like “depressed” right now. The fact is you are feeling bad, and no matter if you have depression or not, you deserve help and you deserve to have support in figuring out what is wrong. That’s all that matters, in my opinion. I think what could help you the most right now is reaching out to someone and telling them some of what you told us. It doesn’t have to be all of it, of course. All you have to do is tell someone you aren’t feeling good, or don’t feel like yourself anymore. Maybe there is someone that comes to mind who you could talk to? Someone at school or in your family. For some people, I think it is maybe easier to talk to a stranger, like a school counselor, than to your parents or someone you know. You shouldn’t feel pressure to sugar-coat anything, or protect any one else’s feelings by pretending you’re ok. You deserve to get support, you shouldn’t have to be alone in this. If it helps, please update us on how you are feeling or what you would like to do. There are lots of very knowledgeable people here who have felt a lot of what you’re feeling, and are here to talk.
  5. Feverish, lonely, and a little delusional I think
  6. HI there, I'm sorry that the state of affairs in the world is bringing you down. It's so unfair for you to have to deal with cruelty and prejudices coming from the outside as well as your own internal struggles. I hope you can meet some people here who can be good friends to you and be apart of a support systems for you. I think there is always hope to find people like that, esp. in a place like this where people can empathize, and truly want to be kind and helpful to each other. Welcome, and I hope your day is as good as it can be.
  7. No, I don't have anyone like that. Thank you all for the hugs and well wishes.
  8. I haven't had a hug in years. I think the last real hug I had was from a teacher in middle school maybe, which must have been 6 or 7 years ago. I really want a hug. Sometimes I hug pillows or blankets and feel so bad because I can't get anything in return. I know I will probably never get a hug again. I've been thinking about this a lot today because I'm sick and have a fever. Often when I get sick I start feeling extra lonely and needy, wishing there was someone here that cared that I am sick at all. I usually have fever dreams or hallucinations that someone is in the house who's going to take care of me. I dream they are standing over me telling me it's going to be alright, that I'll feel better soon, or that they're going to bring me something to eat. Then I usually wake up wondering where they went, or realizing it was all just a dream. That happened this afternoon during a nap and I haven't been able to stop crying. I have pains in my chest now. I know I should get over it, and that it's stupid. But I can't stop thinking about it.
  9. Oh sorry...I guess I must have misstyped
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