LSATYD

I suffer from depression and anxiety and I am currently working now as an interpreter from my home. I just started a couple of weeks ago and thought I could handle a full shift but my depression has proven me wrong and I am now asking to have a shift change for medical reasons, since at the end I'm extremely fatigued. I really don't want to work (or do anything else for that matter). I just wish I could lie down and let everything fade away... on the other side I feel really bad about letting my mom down (even though she doesn't ask for anything from me, just to stay alive) and sometimes feel the need to get better, so I start treatments and then I stop, like a vicious circle. I've never been able to keep a job longer than 3 months. I definitely know how you feel. =(

Today I started working again after being unemployed for 2 years (ok I tried to start a business but it isn't going so well, it's still "running" though) I was able to make it through my shift and I think I didn't embarrass myself too much. Fortunately it's a work at home job, so even though I have to deal with people, at least I don't have to see them. I wouldn't be able to stand working in an office environment, so I'll try to keep this job. The longest I've lasted working is 2.5 months...

I would, and I have. I always care a lot about my SO. Maybe it's an issue I have, since most of the time I'm left alone caring and the other couldn't care less. It would be great to find someone who is as willing as I am, my last partner was great, but even though I supported him all the way, he just got owerwhelmed. Oh well... I'd do it all over again for him, but for now I'd rather be alone and work on my issues.

I started taking Lexapro again, and I even managed to do some squats and eat, no luck for getting out of the house yet, but maybe soon.

Happens to me all the time, that's why I mostly stay home now. It is difficult to relate to people, especially if they do not know you are depressed, don't care or pretend not to notice/avoid the subject. Even if I try to hang out with some friends, most of the time I really dunno what to say, I've always thought that people consider me their friend, but I have a hard time considering someone else a friend. It gets worse if i have to go out with more than one person, because then I just hear them talk and laugh and I feel isolated and dead and I just want to leave. Today I am trying trying to start again, by taking the meds I stopped a year ago (Lexapro) maybe they will help. I hope you can find something that you can enjoy, and please know you are not alone. Sorry for the not-cheerful-at-all post

Wow that's great! I wish my insurance would cover such things, I'm happy for you!

I don't know... the "optimist" in me says I should try to help some other people, at least share the burden so it's a bit lighter on all of us. The other side of me says that if suicide wasn't an option I'd just take whatever I'd have to take in to numb the pain until it's time to leave. .. so depressing...

I can totally relate, I've never understood the point of all of that. Why are we labeled loosers or lazy if we just want to be left in peace without the burden of work etc? I have never been able to keep a job for more than 3 months. And all the time I'm in I just cry whenever I have to leave the house. I feel defeated. Every time I think of something I need to do, I find a way to postpone it, until I have a large list of tasks ahead and I feel overwhelmed and just curl up and feel like such a failure. I hate procrastinating but I find no motivation to do anything. =(

I wish I could find some support groups in my area... but now that I think of it, I don't know if I'd go even if I did find one. I struggle a lot with going out of the house... online it is for me!

Thank you both so much for your replies, it means a lot right now. I am trying to hang in there but it is very difficult since it seems I just replay the same scenario, just with a different person each time. I try to do better to no avail. I don't know how to focus on myself, I've obviously never been good at taking care of myself, wouldn't know where to start. @funkytown I am sorry you are going through the same as I am *hugs* but I see from your signature that you are doing better than a couple years ago. I'm happy for you in that sense and I hope you can work things out with your boyfriend. I feel ashamed to ask but, would you care to be my mentor/friend? (Or something like that) I would really like some pointers on how to start a life, and I don't think I can do it on my own. I don't know if I'd be of much help to you though... Thank you both again...

Hello This is my very first time posting on a forum asking for help, ever. I usually just stick to reading other people's posts and comments and that usually gets me through and makes me feel a bit better. But this time I feel I'm really hitting the bottom of the abyss I'm in. I would appreciate any and all advice. I feel I should give a little background. I am F turning 27 next week and I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I have been in several relationships but they mostly ended because of the guys cheating on me so I have some trust issues (or should I say a lot). Because of my depression I haven't been able to keep any job for long and I mostly keep to myself. I have a "business" which I started last april but it was taking a toll since I was doing it all alone and had an eyelid twitching for 4 months. I was advised by my doctor to slow down so I'm really not doing it anymore, since I can't do it all by myself and I can't get myself to ask for help (the only time I did everything turned out really bad). I live with my parents. I am now in a LDR which has seriously been the best relationship I've ever had. I dunno if that's good or bad. He has been very supportive, never talked me down (on the contrary) and despite all my trust issues, I trust him. We met half a year ago and we said we would be meeting in april. Because of me not having a job we had to postpone it for the end of the year and he said it was ok, that he would wait for me to be able to go. We have talked everyday since we met. The idea was me going to live with him, since we live in different continents and as far as I could see everything was going ok... until last night. I sensed something was wrong but mostly attributed it to my paranoia of being cheated on and so forth, since he has given me no reason to think he would do something like that to me. He told me that he felt suffocated by the relationship, that it was taking all his free time and that he actually felt glad that I was getting a job (so I can save up and move) because he would have more free time and that he felt it was wrong, that he shouldn't be feeling like that, and that he should be focused when he talks to me, which lately is not. He said he liked me very much but he needed some time to figure things out. He said that he felt as if i was building on top of him instead of building my own and just creating a road that would link us. I am his first girlfriend and he told me he doesn't know how he is supposed to feel or what he is supposed to do about this, that he has been feeling like this for months but he thought it was normal and he just needed to get used to it, but he can't do it like this anymore. Now, the thing is I get what he is saying and I do understand how he feels. I am seeing a pattern here since other exes have told me the exact same thing. I really do have nothing besides him. I have no hobbies and I am really not interested in anything else. All I do is sit in my room all day. The good thing is the job I got actually allows me to continue doing that with no live interaction. The bad thing is that since I feel this will go to sh** I no longer have the motivation to keep it. Moving with him also required me to learn a new language which I have been doing with his help, but I dunno how to get inspired to just do it without him. I know I am a very incomplete person and have given him the burden and responsibility of completing me. I just don't know how to make myself whole. I feel very sad that I have managed to screw things up again and I'm afraid to lose him. I feel at a loss and I have no one to talk to... What makes me so unlovable? How do I fix my broken self?