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About nocturnesky

  • Birthday 05/16/1991

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    United States

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  1. MarshaMarshaMarsha: That is such a great idea to make a list of everything you have accomplished! I should really do that too because usually I'll think "wow I actually did that.... but it's really not good enough". I beat myself up too much. I think I'll make a list on my phone because then I have no excuse not to do it right? :) radiohead: I have considered it but I wasn't really sure how to go about looking for something like that... I teach music so thats a bit different than english or math... but I guess general music or music theory is different.. I actually never even thought of that. I will have to try and look into it. Thank you so much everyone for your ideas and input... I was always too afraid to post on a site like this. I knew that there were obviously others out there that felt like I did, or could relate to how I feel... but it is comforting to see everyone on these forums that have similar circumstances, and can support each other.
  2. RockoBoy: Yeah you are totally right about there not being enough jobs. Actually by me there are practically none. I guess I should have said this in the first post, I'm not even trying to find a full time job. Just subbing work. EVERYONE I graduated with is subbing. It isn't hard to get subbing work. I can't interview well. Even after going on that 7 I am still horrible. I have gotten "better" in my eyes but for everyone else I look like someone with severe issues. Being realistic with just what "should have happened" after I graduated, my situation right now and how I can't even get subbing work is completely pathetic. I know I shouldn't "go there" but most of the time I can't stand myself because of how pathetic all of this is. I feel like I wasted four years of my life at school and wasted all of that money. I don't know if it is even realistic for me to be a teacher. I taught part time for a summer school last summer and everyone there said I did fantastic and the kids and teachers loved me... but I was hiding how horrible I was feeling and I was so stressed and upset that I did start to have suicidal thoughts. Now I am on medicine and I don't have those anymore but I am worried about working and them coming back. I'm just so lost and I'm not sure what I should do.
  3. Hi everyone. So...I have chronic depression, very horrible social anxiety, and I am trying to find a job in the teaching field (I have my bachelors in education). I somehow got through school even though I was miserable and even had some professors ask me if I was sure that getting this degree would work out for me. To be completely honest, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for some of the amazing teachers I had in school. I have always respected what they do and wanted so badly to be one too so that I could help others and bring joy to other students lives like they did for me. Now I even just surprised myself because lately I have been feeling the opposite. I have no confidence anymore and the thought of working terrifies me. I worked at a store for a year with horrible bosses and finally had to quit because I started to have crying breakdowns there. I have been on like 7 interviews and no go. Yeah I've been getting better at them but still no where near where I should be. Honestly I feel like I don't know what the hell I am doing anymore and maybe my teachers were right and I'm a total ***** for even trying. I really don't know what to do. I just feel completely lost.
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