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About JaLee

  • Birthday February 3

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Middle of nowhere, Kansas
  • Interests
    Getting on with my life and letting go of the past, being if not happy, at least content with my world and my self.

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  1. My grandbaby is a year old now. I am scared to be around her very much because as she gets older she will see what a terrible person I am and will not want to have anything to do with me. I am rejecting her before she can reject me and she is just a baby, sigh. I hate feeling like I am so worthless I don't deserve any kind of relationship. I am married but I am waiting for him to leave. I have kids but I am waiting for them to look at me and tell me they want nothing to do with me. I need to talk to a therapist about it but there isn't one I can go to close enough to me yet, sigh. The community health center is supposed to be getting mental health services soon so maybe then.
  2. I agree with everyone. Take your kids and run to the nearest shelter! It isn't you doing anything wrong.
  3. The world is very overwhelming isn't it. I think if you are open to it, seeing a therapist might really help you, talking to your doctor about some medication might be helpful as well. I am on several medications for mood and assorted disorders and have been seeing therapists on and off for years. Don't be afraid to seek out the help you need to take care of your safety and well being.
  4. walked 3 miles did arm work drank some water (yuck) 'cause trying to be healthier Took care of chickens did some laundry trying to take care of my mental state, just depressed and anxious and don't know why really
  5. Thank you. I wish I could find a therapist I feel like I can trust and/or a group close to where I live.
  6. walked 3 miles did arm work drank coffee watched tv came on here to try to feel better
  7. I am tired, tired of hurting physically, tired of hurting mentally. I don't have anyone who I feel really cares or is concerned about how I am doing, unless it interferes with their routine, then they want to know what is going on. I miss my mom but I can't seem to let myself really cry for her. I am tired of hearing about my poor poor sister and all her troubles from my father. I have problems too but they don't seem to matter to anyone. I wish I could just crawl into a hole and hide from everyone and everything for a while. Hubby is sick and while I am glad it isn't the flu I want to just smack him for being so needy right now. I just don't have the real energy to take care of him. I am doing it because it is expected of me, not because I want to. When I am sick I don't feel like I get taken care of. I want to ****** until I feel better, but I haven't self injured for over a year so I will fight to not do that to myself, but it is just so hard. I wish i could just scream but no one would hear me. I want to just hide in bed and not get out of it. I want to run away but I have no where to go and no way to get there. I just am so confused and depressed and angry at everything and yet I don't really care about anything. I go through the routine of being "normal" with people, I am sympathetic and caring and I listen and talk to them but inside I am just thinking shut up I don't care. And yet I am so lonely I could scream. I wish I had just one real friend that I could be myself with, honestly myself, not have to pretend anything with them. Of course the real me is such an ugly person I don't know who in their right mind would want to be around me. I am on medications and maybe they are out of whack or something but I don't think so. Or maybe I just don't care right now. This is really a mess of a post but I had to try to get some of this out of my head, sorry.
  8. You are not alone, I have multiple illnesses as well. I have little to no support from my family and I have no friends in real time and very few in cyber world so I feel alone 99.9% of the time. Even sitting next to my husband I feel very alone. Nobody around me understands what I am going through and so they don't really care. Medication is such a hit or miss thing with illnesses, talk to your doctor if one doesn't seem to help, maybe there is another you can try. This isn't much help but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.
  9. I am grateful that while hubby is sick, it is not the flu.
  10. Got up early instead of laying in bed until 10 3 miles Walk Your Belly Flat Wii PT Hard Arms w/2.5 pound weights
  11. 2 1/2 miles Walk Your Belly Flat Wii PT Hard Arms w/2.5 pound weights Laundry (again, sigh) Sweeping and vacuuming Dishes put away and dishwasher reloaded Coffee made Now I want a nap. LOL
  12. 2 miles Walk Your Belly Flat Wii PT Hard Arms w/2.5 pound weights Multiple days in a row exercising! Hooray for me!
  13. 2 miles Walk Your Belly Flat Wii PT Hard Arms w/2.5 pound weights Laundry (I hate laundry, I really do, sigh)
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