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SimplyShelby

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About SimplyShelby

  • Birthday 08/10/1993

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States, Ohio
  • Interests
    Drawing, video games, animals, hiking, making jewelry, cartoons, rabbits.

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  1. Having good and bad days. Today is, eh... Started off bad, getting a bit better. Called in for my refills of my meds. Just anxious and bored. And exhausted even though I've done nothing today.
  2. My legs and lower back hurt. D= Work was nice though. 8 hour shift tomorrow. Not feeling too bad.
  3. Thinking about how awful my new job is going to be at times. Blugh. Making myself anxious.
  4. Actually put effort into my outfit for work today. Accessories and all.
  5. Not too bad. Relieved after a day at the new job.
  6. Went to a local festival yesterday and had fun so I'm feeling pretty good. And my new meds have minimal side effects so far. ^^
  7. Unfortunately when I'm feeling depressed I'm devoid of any energy or motivation to create so anything I come up with in that moment is usually forgotten soon after. I can't even make myself get up to write it down or anything. Sometimes I get inspired by some of the things I like to watch or listen to to help me cope and after that wave has passed I'm able to make a piece of work from it. I have a few ideas inspired by depression but did not come up with them while feeling depressed. I've never really noticed a surge in my creativity while depressed though. The last thing on my mind at the time is my art. ^^' Next time though, I'll try my hand at drawing during if I can make myself. Reading and looking at the works of people in this thread has been really nice though and I think it's great when depression can be channeled into something positive. =)
  8. Well firstly she's being a bully if she's trying to hold you to some sort of standard of manliness where you're not allowed to express emotion and shames you if you violate it. If she were my partner I would personally consider that abuse. Snapping at someone for mentioning cake is just silly to me tbh, and that she's probably unhappy because that isn't something I feel is a normal thing to do. If she has been diagnosed as bi-polar she really should still be taking her meds... What you mention as her complaining could be a psychotic breakdown. It sounds like the two of you really need to have a serious discussion about where you feel you are in the relationship and what you want for the future and such. If she doesn't want to have a conversation that could save your relationship or open up to you to put you at ease then idk... I think moving on might be a good idea. Fostering a relationship where you both feel comfortable talking about problems you have individually or as a couple really needs to happen or else you're left not knowing where the other person stands. Communicating properly is so important and it sounds like she's not holding up on her end. Relationships have their ups and downs but if panic attacks (what you described definitely sounds like a panic attack) are being induced that's horrible. If you can sensitively bring up her mental illness and how she may be suffering as a result and that you would like her to look into seeking treatment again for not only your relationship but for her health then that could get you somewhere. You may have to do a lot of reassuring that you're just concerned and are considering every option before deciding to go your own ways if it comes to that. I need people to be sensitive and emotionally available, and to really listen when discussing my mental illnesses and think it's a good rule to go by.
  9. That was a tough read... I'm also extremely sensitive towards animals and I don't know what all of that would have done to me. Several years back though, when I was still in high school, one of my dogs was developing tumors and had to be put down. I'd had her since I was in kindergarten so she was old. Just a few weeks before, my other dog had gotten sick and died though he had seizures up until then that were getting worse and worse. Now I have a dog and 3 rabbits and feel like such a bad caregiver because I don't always have the energy to play with them as much as I should... I obsess and worry over them constantly though. As a human I have ways of coping with my anxiety that dogs cannot. When they feel that irrational fear they don't have the ability to rationalize it or something like we do. Anxiety feels so much like being trapped as it is, because I cannot do everything I want to because of it. I couldn't imagine not being able to use the tools I can, the way your baby Muggle couldn't. At least we are capable of knowing what is going on with us and can then try to fix it. She was just in a constant state of fear with no hope of getting out. I am so sorry that you had to witness someone you love pass like that, but you did what you thought would be best for everyone involved, including her. Are you still wondering if you made the wrong decision? Or what she thought of you in that moment at the vet? Or maybe you're still grieving her loss because you had such a strong bond? I think try not to focus on what the right or wrong decision was because I don't think there's an answer to that. You just did what you could with the information you had. You tried training her and working with her. She was well cared for and had play and cuddle time and things to occupy her that could help her cope. You never gave up on her and loved her right down to the last second you shared together. She was no longer able to do things she used to love and her quality of life was quickly deteriorating despite all that you did for her. Also know that grieving for a pet is perfectly valid and don't let anyone try to devalue this loss. There isn't a timeline that you have to abide by and there's not a specific way you have to feel. Expressing your grief in a blog post and in these forums is a good step I think. If it's something you'd be comfortable with, you could hold a funeral for her to bring you closure and express your feelings openly. Sometimes just putting it out there can be really therapeutic. So can creating a sort of memento of her. She spent her last moments with someone that she clearly loved and felt safe with. You gave her all that you could and I truly believe that she knew how much you loved her.
  10. I needed this thread... I just got a retail job (my last one was retail as well) and I hate how fake it all is. At the interviews how you have to pretend your entire life is about how to use a cash register and the interviewer tries to reassure you that respect for employees is #1 when everyone involved knows the job is crap and the pay is crap and neither the interviewer or you would be there if you didn't have to be else you'll lose your house or something. But I got the job after 3 interviews. 3 interviews for an entry level retail job. I must say, I deserve an Oscar for the acting I did at those interviews too because on a day of guaranteed anxiety I am not doing well. Become a damn good liar and actor after so many job interviews. At least I'm not a cashier again. I was real sick of that thing where a customer asks you to do something you've been explicitly told you're not to do and the customer asks for the manager and asks them and then the manager does it and makes you look like an *****. Every day, I swear. Customers trying to get stuff for cheap or free or return something like 10% of a cake they bought or can I use this coupon from 4 years ago? Being a cashier was too much. Stocking shelves and pointing customers toward the item they're looking for has gotta be better. Right? Abandonedalways has the right idea: Avoid everyone. That's what I do.
  11. Didn't freak out waiting for the background check for my new job to go through. The anticipation up until that first day makes me too anxious, I hope it goes through soon but am dreading it at the same time. I also did some drawing today and made sure my rabbits got their exercise.
  12. Was doing fine because I got a job today but now... eh. Still had to go home to my family being crappy. Can't put aside all their for one day.
  13. It really depends how I'm feeling at the time. I avoid the things that I think will make me feel worse and if I'm already feeling that, I go into those threads and they can be really helpful. Sometimes I go into them anyways because I can be self-destructive at times... It's kind of the same thing where when I'm feeling decent I'll purposely go through everything contributing to my depression in my head until I feel horrible again. I don't know why I do it, I can't stop myself. Not right now anyways, I hope to work on stopping those behaviors. I suppose it depends on how you use the site. I try to monitor myself as much as my depression will let me.
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