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notexactlysure

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  1. I'm 21 and I've always considered myself to be...for the lack of a better word: normal (at least in my opinion). Lately, I've found myself fantasising about ******* myself. It's confusing. Although I have recently found myself in an extremely low point in life, I still consider myself to be "normal." I don't exactly have a broad spectrum of emotions and I am quite honestly sociopathic in nature (I do have APD if that is somehow relevant), so I've always fancied myself to be immune to such thoughts. These recent thoughts about ******* myself are alien to me. It's almost romantic how lovingly I play the thoughts out in my head. I will point out that I thoroughly enjoy living, but--even before these daydreams--I've never been one to see my death as something to be prevented or feared; I just view it as an event in life, and that it should not matter when it does happen. So basically my state of nature is that of the Stoics. I don't feel like I should be concerened with what's happening, but it is frustrating that these fantasies blind-sided me and are persistent in their seduction. I can't make heads or tales of it so I rationalized that this behaviour was depression related; thus my reason for visiting. Should I be worried?
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