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Antivenin

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    North Carolina, USA

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  1. It has been a while since I posted. I had to go through hip surgery and they made me wash with PhisoHex 5 days in a row before I went in. Now THAT was a drag. But I was in so much pain, and didn't want to go into the hospital a god awful mess, I did it (well, 4 days ha ha). THe operation was 2/2/16, and was successful, and the vicious, constant pain is gone, so maybe I can slowly get back to "normal" activities. THe thing I am dealing with now is withdrawing from long term pain medicine, and man, that is no fun. I still get depressed and stay in bed for a few days, then I will drag myself out, like today. I hope everybody out there is doing well. Up until the surgery, and now I still struggle with the shower issues. I hope I will someday again like the feeling of the water.
  2. I went through a 4-year period where I felt that way every single time I opened my eyes, and the sun was shining. It was like I could not get to sleep, knowing I needed my beauty (ha ha) sleep. So I would end up finally going to sleep sometime right before dawn, and wake up when the sun was fiery up at at 'em. Ugh. Fortunately, that long episode resolved. THank goodness!! So, when I feel that coming on, at least I know it will "pass." Dreading the sunlight---whoooo, not a good feeling at all.
  3. Antivenin

    Sleep Is Overated

    If I don't sleep one night, I know I am in for 2 to 4 more nights of it.
  4. I like what you said about collective struggles. It does help to talk with people who understand. I write for a while and then go away, but I still read posts and it does help. So, to everyone who posts, remember, you are helping someone you don't even know is out there!
  5. To MoreLostThanFound: You put into words how feel a lot of the time. THanks for sharing. I look around me as well and wonder why I don't "get it." I had a friend in high school who dropped out, moved to Daytona Beach and everybody thought she was a goner. I made straight A's since Kindergarten, and everybody thought I would be successful and well off, etc. Well, my friend straightened out, went back to school, and now has a great life, self-sufficient with money to spare, etc etc., and I am hiding in my trailer, afraid of life. Go figure. I reached out to her last year, and she responded to me, and I am going to visit her in April, if my health permits (I am 52 with orthopaedic problems). So, maybe she can show me how it is done! I guess the gist is, keep reaching out and don't stop trying. Never give up---you are never too old for an eipiphany!!
  6. I feel unable to move. I am unable to sleep. It is hard to care about myself, getting to where I don't want to eat. That is a bad sign. I hope this won't last too long. It comes and goes, but each time I think, how long can I take this? What kind of life is this? Not a good one.
  7. This thing we have is so baffling. I know I need to get out of my house and get around people but that is the hardest thing to do. Since it is just me here, I don't find anything all that important to do---I mean, i just don't care if things are dusty--nobody is coming over. That's for sure. I won't let anyone in. I am so so so tired of this. I have insomnia now, so I feel so tired anyway. Can't believe I am actually writing this even. Rough night. What can we do but slug along every day? Slugging is a Fr***ing drag. THanks for letting me vent.
  8. Tomorrow is always better than today, it seems, at least for me!
  9. I got my shower the night before the MRI, Tuesday night. Now it is Friday night Haven't even thought about doing it since.
  10. I am making myself write, because it makes me feel like I am trying, at least. A long day, been fighting anxiety, plus the thoughts of being tired of it all. Just thoughts, though. I live alone, and spend a lot of time isolating. That makes it worse, I know. Anyway, just wanted to check in. Thank you all for being here.
  11. I fear closing the shower curtain around me and feeling like there is somebody out there I look out repeatedly, and they lose the feeling of having a safe place and plenty of time. That takes some talking to to get past that. Plus my bathroom is rather stark. Will have to take suggestions to make it more inviting.
  12. Got to do it now....got towels, soaps (Dove), shampoo (not my favorite), and running out of excuse time . OK here goes......
  13. Sventastic--I hope you do not have to do without your medications, re your sentence about medicine being taken too soon. Keep us posted. I agree that as far as anxiety is concerned, meds can be a life saver. I am glad you have your rescue cat, Dasha. She will give you unconditional love. I rely on my cats for that reason. They take me as I am and don't judge! They just want my love. I am sure Dasha needs you and your love as well. I know that will bring you happiness and calm. I look forward to this forum every day. Thank you for sharing--it helps me!!
  14. Hi Sventastic. I am glad I found this forum, too! I hope your doctor's appointment goes well. It shows you are a caring person that you don't want to hurt anyone else, no matter how despondent you get. I look forward to your posts. I am just existing today--but I guess that is okay for now. Better than some days, for sure.
  15. PS--I have had addiction problems myself, so I understand that, too. I have chronic, severe pain, so it is a constant struggle. Only YOU know how you feel, and you and your doctor seem to have a good, honest relationship, which is great. Hang in there, friend.
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