Michelle38
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Status Replies posted by Michelle38
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I walk up to a building that at first appears to be a Catholic Church or something similar, how I got there is have no idea. I walk to my right arm now it's an old school elementary school, the type in attended: many rooms in straight line with large windows on both sides. I hear women's voices and low music, I try to peak in but the windows are either dirty or foggy, not sure; I find a small clearing on the glass and I spot two women and a female child around 10; all three are dress very elegantly in Spanish clothing from the 1800s, very colorful and full length. I know there's more people and activity but I can't see them. It's the grandmother, mother and daughter. They are discussing something that at first I can't make out but I then realize that all the men are miners and there has been a serious accident, they don't know who has died; these women are leaders in the community and they all live in these buildings. The mother is telling her daughter to move away from the conversation. Suddenly up in the corner there's an old school radio where news of the mine accident is blaring but there's no electricity yet only candle power. Then suddenly the scene starts playing over and over like an old fashioned movie reel. Then I realize that they are caught in a time warp, this actually happened many years back but they are reliving it over and over. I've always wondered about this dream, it'll suddenly pop into my thoughts. I get the sense that I'm to help them but of course I don't know how. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Txs.
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Oh Vega, I am so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for trusting me enough to share it. It really is important to get it out and processed. I can understand how hard growing up must have been. My father was critical of everything I did and he seemed angry all the time and it really did a number on me as a child so I can imagine how immensely more difficult it was for you. Not understanding why and her being different with you than with the other siblings can really do a number on our psyche. Why you a child would naturally think. I do know that a woman's hormones do change around menopause. I had a life stressor and then slipped into starting the change at the same time my severe depression hit so I know part of my issue was the hormone changes but that still doesn't give her an excuse. I am glad you forgave her mostly for you so that you don't let anger towards her fester inside you but it is very likely that how she treated you affected how you feel about yourself and that isn't your fault. We are simply too young and unable to know what is what during those formative years so it is not surprising you struggle with depression. And it is ok that you still loved her. Unfortunately when we repress our sadness and grief it can come out in the most unfortunate ways. Your mother took hers out on you but it isn't because you deserved it. It is really important that you know that. It is important to separate what happened to you from who you are. Your worth is beyond measure even if your mother or siblings couldn't show it to you. I am glad you have a good relationship with your family. It is now time to show yourself the kind of love and affection you show them. Your soul is indeed kind. Remember that when the sadness strikes. Take care. I am always around if you ever want to talk.
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I walk up to a building that at first appears to be a Catholic Church or something similar, how I got there is have no idea. I walk to my right arm now it's an old school elementary school, the type in attended: many rooms in straight line with large windows on both sides. I hear women's voices and low music, I try to peak in but the windows are either dirty or foggy, not sure; I find a small clearing on the glass and I spot two women and a female child around 10; all three are dress very elegantly in Spanish clothing from the 1800s, very colorful and full length. I know there's more people and activity but I can't see them. It's the grandmother, mother and daughter. They are discussing something that at first I can't make out but I then realize that all the men are miners and there has been a serious accident, they don't know who has died; these women are leaders in the community and they all live in these buildings. The mother is telling her daughter to move away from the conversation. Suddenly up in the corner there's an old school radio where news of the mine accident is blaring but there's no electricity yet only candle power. Then suddenly the scene starts playing over and over like an old fashioned movie reel. Then I realize that they are caught in a time warp, this actually happened many years back but they are reliving it over and over. I've always wondered about this dream, it'll suddenly pop into my thoughts. I get the sense that I'm to help them but of course I don't know how. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Txs.
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Though I am sure your mother didn't mean it what happened to her very well had an impact on how she treated you. When we lose someone very close to us we can shut down a bit in an effort to protect ourselves from being hurt again. As a baby we depend completely on our parents. We trust them fully and I read that babies tend to internalize because they have to believe that their caregivers are all wise and all knowing otherwise they wouldn't be able to trust that they will be cared for so they misidentify things to be their fault. The radio is simply trying to alert you to the situation with your mother, why she may have treated you the way she did, because of something that happened well before you were even born. Any sense of rejection you got from her was likely triggered by how you were treated by you extended family and why the two scene seemed to be intertwined. So maybe take a look at the idea of feeling rejected and abandoned if only abandoned emotionally by your mother and see how it has affected your self image. If you can heal from that then you may gain some good traction with your depression.
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I walk up to a building that at first appears to be a Catholic Church or something similar, how I got there is have no idea. I walk to my right arm now it's an old school elementary school, the type in attended: many rooms in straight line with large windows on both sides. I hear women's voices and low music, I try to peak in but the windows are either dirty or foggy, not sure; I find a small clearing on the glass and I spot two women and a female child around 10; all three are dress very elegantly in Spanish clothing from the 1800s, very colorful and full length. I know there's more people and activity but I can't see them. It's the grandmother, mother and daughter. They are discussing something that at first I can't make out but I then realize that all the men are miners and there has been a serious accident, they don't know who has died; these women are leaders in the community and they all live in these buildings. The mother is telling her daughter to move away from the conversation. Suddenly up in the corner there's an old school radio where news of the mine accident is blaring but there's no electricity yet only candle power. Then suddenly the scene starts playing over and over like an old fashioned movie reel. Then I realize that they are caught in a time warp, this actually happened many years back but they are reliving it over and over. I've always wondered about this dream, it'll suddenly pop into my thoughts. I get the sense that I'm to help them but of course I don't know how. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Txs.
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Did you have this dream before or after you visited Spain? If it is was after it could be a direct reflection of the rejection you felt from the men. If you had it before your visit it could actually have been a foreshadowing dream. We actually have those kinds of dreams when something is going to trigger our hurt. I get storm dreams when I am about to have an emotional melt down and had a pretty profound dream that preceded my fall into severe depression a number of years before it. I totally missed the mark on the dream because at the time depression wasn’t on my mind but looking back at it I can totally see the message. In any event, being rejected by your family heritage made you feel like an outsider unable to see clearly about yourself. The radio brings us messages and news from our subconscious. The message that is trying to get to you is that your male side, your doing active masculinity side or you specifically, your spirit so to speak, has been buried causing a loss of energy and vitality. All you are left with are your emotions. Emotions you may not be comfortable facing. If there is a tendency to use alcohol it could be a way to numb the emotions but unfortunately the only way to get past them is to full on feel them. I know for me having my spirit broken, lacking drive motivation and even a simple desire to care has been a really hard thing to deal with but as I am getting close to recovery and starting to get inspired to change my life into directions that are more in line with my values and truth I am starting to feel like I am getting my spirit and energy back so even if it is nonexistent for you right now it will return.
Also, the fact that your mother and mine cave ins was central to the dream there could be some childhood imprint that you picked up from your mother that is contributing to your depression. Your mother losing a husband to a cave in could very well have affected how she raised you which could have affected how you feel about yourself. Maybe she pushed hard to try and help you avoid falling into the menial job trap where you could be at risk but pushing too hard caused you to become a people pleaser. This is just a possible scenario and not what I believe to be true for you. This is where reflecting on your childhood will come in handy. What messages did you get growing up because those messages are what shape our minds and form our psyche and unfortunately children can take things in whole negative directions even if what we were told or how we were treated was not intended to hurt.
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I walk up to a building that at first appears to be a Catholic Church or something similar, how I got there is have no idea. I walk to my right arm now it's an old school elementary school, the type in attended: many rooms in straight line with large windows on both sides. I hear women's voices and low music, I try to peak in but the windows are either dirty or foggy, not sure; I find a small clearing on the glass and I spot two women and a female child around 10; all three are dress very elegantly in Spanish clothing from the 1800s, very colorful and full length. I know there's more people and activity but I can't see them. It's the grandmother, mother and daughter. They are discussing something that at first I can't make out but I then realize that all the men are miners and there has been a serious accident, they don't know who has died; these women are leaders in the community and they all live in these buildings. The mother is telling her daughter to move away from the conversation. Suddenly up in the corner there's an old school radio where news of the mine accident is blaring but there's no electricity yet only candle power. Then suddenly the scene starts playing over and over like an old fashioned movie reel. Then I realize that they are caught in a time warp, this actually happened many years back but they are reliving it over and over. I've always wondered about this dream, it'll suddenly pop into my thoughts. I get the sense that I'm to help them but of course I don't know how. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Txs.
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I walk up to a building that at first appears to be a Catholic Church or something similar, how I got there is have no idea. I walk to my right arm now it's an old school elementary school, the type in attended: many rooms in straight line with large windows on both sides. I hear women's voices and low music, I try to peak in but the windows are either dirty or foggy, not sure; I find a small clearing on the glass and I spot two women and a female child around 10; all three are dress very elegantly in Spanish clothing from the 1800s, very colorful and full length. I know there's more people and activity but I can't see them. It's the grandmother, mother and daughter. They are discussing something that at first I can't make out but I then realize that all the men are miners and there has been a serious accident, they don't know who has died; these women are leaders in the community and they all live in these buildings. The mother is telling her daughter to move away from the conversation. Suddenly up in the corner there's an old school radio where news of the mine accident is blaring but there's no electricity yet only candle power. Then suddenly the scene starts playing over and over like an old fashioned movie reel. Then I realize that they are caught in a time warp, this actually happened many years back but they are reliving it over and over. I've always wondered about this dream, it'll suddenly pop into my thoughts. I get the sense that I'm to help them but of course I don't know how. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Txs.
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Interesting dream. Are you very spiritual? Given the historic significance I would not rule out a past life connection but regardless the historic nature may simply mean that this is your history, heritage in a way, even a family heritage being passed down generation to generation. Things like a family history of alcoholism or abuse get passed down. It's more like learned behavior but a pattern that a family can't seem to break past. Either way it is a lesson you are trying to understand but are not yet seeing clearly about. Your emotions are front and center and you are fearful of the danger of going actively into your subconscious to bring out the reasons for your troubles. Digging deep can bring up wounds we really don't want to face. A this point you are only hearing things second hand. You do not have a true line of communication with your subconscious thoughts yet but possibly some inklings of what the trouble below. Do you by any chance have a tendency to get down on yourself for your mistakes? It is possibly that your brain has a tendency to replay all your mistakes in your head causing rumination and a spiral into self defeating thinking. In dreams we usually tend to play all the parts so to speak so there are the characters that we don't necessarily know and an aspect of us watching those other parts of us and we can sometimes take the role of being the one who fixes and saves things. In the end we all have inner wisdom and the ability to guide our own way out of the dark. Maybe healing yourself will heal a long lost past life but even if it is purely symbolic it seems like some wounds may be buried deep and you are trying to get to the root of it all. Very possibly a major spiritual lesson for you this life. take care.
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I hope you are having a fantastic day today Michelle :)
