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Everything posted by Kad33788

  1. Acid Reflux Migraines Joint Pain Overeating (and overeating the wrong foods leading to malnourishment)
  2. Oh gosh, being laid off is a difficult situation. I am sorry, you must be going through a range of emotions (anger/sadness/fear). This was out of your control. Be gentle with yourself and remember that you are doing the best you can. You will get through this!! ((hugs))
  3. A 160 IQ is genius level. Doctors and lawyers tap out at about 135. It sounds like your mother is confused about the meaning of the term "special needs". It also seems like attention seeking behavior, "Woe is me, my daughter has 'special needs, I deserve sympathy'." My advice: Trying to convince her of the truth (that you really are smart) wont work. She has clear proof from the professional who administered your IQ test; you have a 160 IQ. You have no diagnosis of autism. It is irrational that with this unbiased proof of your intelligence, she persists in her belief that you are special needs. This line of thinking is silly and you cant do much to change someones mind who wont listen to reason. I would point out to her that a science based diploma wont ensure that you will make money. And a degree in art doesn't mean that you are resigned to a life of poverty! If she truly believes that you have a mental deficiency, they how can she expect you to make a ton of money? I put up with a mother who had distorted thinking patterns until I realized that her thinking was jeopardizing my good sense. If I hadn't started to think for myself, I would have done what she suggested and not only would have regretted it, but made major financial/career mistakes. Id ask your college tutors about what they have learned in life, their career paths and what has worked and what hasn't. It sounds like they have been able to give you objective feedback on your intelligence level, so maybe they can help guide you in other areas.
  4. Why do your parents expect you to get married within the next 2yrs? Is it a cultural/religious thing? Most of my friends got married young. I am now 28 and 90% percent of my friends that got married are either divorced or in the process. My friends weddings looked perfect, their lives looked perfect....but when I would sit down with them alone, they had the same problems as me, if not more problems and issues that were worse! My point is, it is good to wait (you are only 26!) and concentrate on yourself and getting to a place where you feel more confident instead of rushing into, or trying to make a marriage work. It seems like you are good at self introspection and thoughtful about the path your life is taking. This will help you make the right decisions in the future about picking a mate. As for disappointing your parents...I would pose the question: "Would you rather me marry soon and get divorced in 5 years? Or wait for the right person?" Its difficult when you feel that family members are not proud of you.
  5. How do people find their way back to being able to be compassionate enough on themselves in their thoughts and actions, while tough or firm or disciplined enough on themselves to begin to get better results again? This is a tough one. My problem: I am an insecure overachiever. If I am not the best at something, or at least not ******* myself (mentally and physically) to become the best, I feel like a failure. Things that help me, or things that I try to remember: -Being angry with myself isn't helping my mental state. My worst enemy is my inner bully. -Being realistic about my goals (this one is difficult as I set my standards extremely high, and I still struggle with this). I may accomplish a goal, but it may not be within the timeframe that I had planned. I take this into account. -I try to not compare myself to others. Doing this is the kiss of death. When I am wondering what everyone else will be thinking when I fail I am not doing the best I can. I reexamine my priorities. Am I doing this bc I really want to? Or am I concerned about my image. -Remembering what worked before to gain success, and being proud of what I learned in during the down times. I congratulate myself on being open enough and mature enough to reflect on what I have learned. -Being mindful of the fact that yes, I am going to die someday. Do I want people to stand over my grave and say "Wow, she was a really good CFO. She saved the company from bankruptcy." No. I want them to talk about the good times that we had together and how they saw how much I enjoyed life even though it was a struggle. This helps me put work into perspective, and that maybe, I shouldn't work every weekend. -I think: "How much would I be accomplishing right now if I just pushed my emotions aside and just do what I need to do." - I need insight from those around me who have a clearer perspective on my goals and my mindset. My thinking can get distorted, so I draw on their observations as they are objective. It is a delicate balance. Hopefully, once I get this emotional regulation thing down, I can throw my antidepressants in the toilet.
  6. Get a cat! They are incredibly intuitive beings. When I am physically sick or if I cry, they are right next to me in a heart beat. I read a study that discovered cats purring sound and the vibration has positive therapeutic effects on humans. I am not a religious person, but if there is a god, he gave me my pets as a precious gift and a blessing. And there are so many that need good homes!
  7. Oh my, I sympathize with you. Have you asked your company about the option of FMLA time off for your health issues? FMLA covers time off of work due to depression too. Maybe your HR department can help you out with seeing if this is an option? Could you start looking for another job, maybe focusing on making your work situation better would help? Sometimes working towards creating a light at the end of the tunnel can be therapeutic and help feel more in control of the situation. Can you talk to your family about your anxiety? Could they be helpful? (hug!)
  8. I get motivated by: It's awesome when somebody gives me a complement on my skin or my hair When I'm out, I want to blend in and look like a normal person and not be stared at My soap and shampoo smells really good The hot hot water is soothing Number 1: No one has a good reason to bother me while Im taking a shower
  9. Therapy simply provided a place to be able to talk about anything, get it off my chest, cry, get angry, ect., without having to burden those closest to me. The great thing was...if I needed to talk more about a problem or a situation, I could schedule another appointment instead of getting the reply from friends "If you stop talking about it you'll feel better."
  10. It sounds like you are going through a lot, hopefully you can find these forums to be of help, its nice to know that there are others out there. . I agree with JanePlain, goals do help. I agree with djmixer too, that sometimes we have to accept the current sadness as apart of our lives at the present. Putting the two thoughts together, if you choose to make goals, be kind to yourself along the way. You feel depressed right now and may not move towards a goal as fast as you think you should be. Can you communicate with your loved ones more? maybe that would help... If just one good little thing happens in your life it can bring on a whole lot of hope!!
  11. It is a difficult job, I commend your dedication! You are at the front lines, and that is no easy task. It sounds like your management is not supportive and rigid...Is there a co-worker that can relate to the situation? Sometimes it can help if you feel that you are not the only one dealing with the pressure. Let us know how you are doing...
  12. Are you still at the job? how did you like your first job? Was the interview difficult for you? It helps to know that I'm not the only one who has been through this. It is a blow to my self esteem...but I hope....and I think in the long run I am a stronger person for it. Its 2015..and I am going to try to make this a positive year....
  13. I have been unemployed for almost a year. I moved in with my grandparents to help care for them (multiple surgeries/dementia) but the rest of my family does not understand my major depressive diagnosis/ADHD or anxiety issues. They tell me I'm lazy, a bum, unreliable, irrational, and that I don't help out enough (This is coming from my Aunt and my Mom who have made only recent attempts as caregivers to my grandparents.) I get my confidence up for an interview, and I don't get a call back or get turned down. If I get an actual response its: "Youre overqualified" " We have more tenured candidates (this means that I'm too young)", and some answers that have been downright inappropriate and discriminatory. I've been practicing my interview skills, and am getting better but I find it hard to keep practicing as I feel that I will just get rejected again. I feel like I am not living up to my family's standards, nor it seems, good enough to be hired. Of course, this makes my depression 10x more intense. Has anyone else been unemployed and gone through this rejection/depression/hope/rejection cycle? How did you handle it? How did you get the courage and the self esteem to keep going? Thanks...
  14. Fizzle, I'm sorry you are going through this, it is difficult. You have shown amazing courage though. Have you thought about going to therapy? Sometimes I find it helpful just to talk and get it out. I can express my problems and not have to be worried about how those close to me will react. Its a "safe space", maybe it wouldn't make you feel so isolated? I cant imagine what you have gone through alone for 47 years....
  15. Being stood up is terrible, I am so sorry! Is there a place that you could go to frequently to meet people?
  16. Have you been seeking companionship frequently? I tried in vain to get a guy to commit to me. I wanted him to prove that he truly loved me(therefore validating my self-esteem), but what I really was in love with was the idea ...of being "good enough". I guess subconsciously it was easier to hang my self worth on that as opposed to having to figure out where my self esteem should come from. Thats not easy....and probably takes a life time to really figure out. I know now that it was a just a fantasy of what "could have been", or what "should have been then". It was clouding my judgement of what the situation was actually like....and that he was a huge jerk. I got rid of the fantasy...I just got tired of beating myself up about why I wasn't good enough. I realized that I was a loser for trying to be perfect for a total dumb*** and that I was never going to get from him what I wanted, and that what I wanted was something impossible to give. Are you seeking companionship frequently? Do you think that you could put yourself "out there" more? Would that help? 2015 is already a great year because it isnt 2014 anymore. And it will get better...
  17. This is a difficult situation, and you are making a step in the right direction by seeking advice here as there is no textbook that can compare to actual personal experience. I have had major depression, anxiety disorder and ADHD for as long as I can remember. My mom made the following mistakes (in my opinion): 1) Not seeing therapist for herself to deal with her feelings. This is difficult for you and you need to take care of yourself as well as your daughter 2) Not attending psychiatrists appointments when invited. I want/wanted my mother to know more about the medications that I take and to hear it from a medical professional as to why the medications are needed and how they can be of help. Also, it is helpful to know about possible side effects of medication that can make some emotional issues worse or cause odd physical symptoms (rash). 3) Using/saying the label "mentally ill". Being called that just feels like a slap in the face. 4) She talked behind my back to family members about my depression. I wished to keep knowledge of my depression confined to only those I specifically confided in. I have found that I can become embarrassed about my depression as some believe "its not normal". I told her about issues that I didn't want the whole family to know about. . If your daughter confides in you, it may be appropriate to keep the information quiet (unless of course there is talk of suicide or harmful actions) 5) Trying to pull me out of my room/house. Depression and anxiety makes us isolate. My mom took it really personally when I all but went mute during some of my lowest points. Since she took it personally I then was worried about how to fix her emotions. 6) Not considering medication as an option. If it is agreed by everyone (including medical professionals) that medication can be beneficial, by all means keep her meds regulated and on a regimented schedule if she cannot do so herself. For me, medication has helped tremendously: I can get up in the morning, focus, not have panic attacks...If I took more or less of a drug prescribed, or didn't take it on a regular basis it can be hard to determine what is working/what needs to be changed, ect. 7) Downplayed my biggest concerns: unemployment and debt. These are two issues that I cannot relax about, they are on my mind constantly. Unemployment = loss of self esteem = no confidence in interviews = no job offers = more depression = feeling paralyzed by doubt and failure. It felt a lot better when she said she understood how hard it is, as opposed to "dont worry about that so much". 8) Thinking that this is a phase of depression. In my case, it will be a life long struggle. Everyone is different 9) "Snap out of it!" Major depression consumes you, there have been times from when the moment I wake up till the moment I fall asleep I am in emotional pain that is incredibly intense. And sometimes you can describe why you are so pervasively unhappy... Nevertheless.... it can get better! She will be able to see that you are making an effort to understand the depth of her feelings... and that can make a huge difference!
  18. Today I kept going on rehearsing my answers for job interview questions. I have been unemployed for a year, I have a bachelors and an MBA. It has been a struggle trying to stay positive. I try to pat myself on the back if I can do the simplest things some days. I did laundry, fed the cats, and painted my toenails, worked on reducing my negative self talk. I also joined this forum today, I hope that I can be helped and help by sharing my experiences. Positive note: I have been able to get up early in the mornings this week! 6 A.M!
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