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lostinwords

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Everything posted by lostinwords

  1. Finally got a second opinion from the neurosurgeon about my chronic back pain, and he says--he can clearly see the problem with my disc between L4 & L5, but there's nothing he can do about it. So, he just told me that I was fat and that the only thing I can do is lose weight. When all of this started, almost a year ago--no one said anything about my weight, not the ER doctors, not the Hospitalist, not the Spine Specialist. But now that they can't do anything, they are saying the same thing: you're fat, here's some pain pills, go work out. Lovely. I can't even walk for forty minutes without my back erupting into spasms to the point I can't stand. But, sure, I can for a five mile jog. I'll be right back. Lemme just push myself so hard that I'll be in the ER again, and maybe then the doctors will have something new to say.
  2. Second day of classes on campus in almost a year. .-. I thought I could do an hour or two sitting, but I don't know if my spine can take it. I broke out in a cold sweat during the first hour and had to stand for the last fifteen minutes. Hopefully this will get better... otherwise, I'm back to online classes.
  3. My goodness I'm so sorry to hear that renee. My heart goes out to you, your family, but especially those poor kids. I feel horrible for them. No child should ever have to go through something like that. If there is anything I can do, please let me know in a PM...and never worry about wearing us out!! That's what we're here for! (((hugs))) Mike~ Same here. <3 Feel free to talk or ramble, whatever you need. Good luck.
  4. Terrible. I have a splitting headache, and every time I sneeze, it feels like my spine is trying to jump through my skin.
  5. It's been a long week of dealing with medical insurance, college financial aid, and bills. We're so broke, and it was my husband's birthday yesterday. Just feeling sad that I couldn't do anything special for him when he made my birthday amazing.
  6. Heya. That sounds like a very frustrating issue. I also graduated from college, but I shortly realized that my degree (Secondary English Teaching) was not something I was cut to do (school politics and student behavior) despite my 3.7 GPA. While I can write, I don't know or have the software to be a business/technical writer and i don't have the experience to be a grant writer. And creative writing jobs are like trying to shoot something in the dark. I can be a secretary, but I could be a secretary without a degree. So, I'm going back to college for a second degree, which is frustrating and exhausting. Anywho, enough about my job and academic woes. I want to double check a few things--do you have letters of recommendations from your professors to go with your cover letter? Did you get an internship? Have you looked inside your local community for jobs (not just online)? Also, your first job tends to suck. Even with a shiny degree, you will start at the bottom and have to work your way up. The point of the first job is just to get it and to stick with it for at least a year. So, maybe go back to one of those jobs with the crappy review and say you've changed your mind and you'd like to demonstrate your skills and ability for them. It might be a sucky job, but you just need to get your name out there and build a network. If you don't want to have a sucky job but still improve your resume for right now--there are options. There are lots of post-graduate internships for any degree, ex: the JET program. Likewise, you can join the Peace Corps. Peace Corps is super awesome for several reasons: 1) you gain cultural and international awareness, 2) they usually pay 75% of your school cost, and 3) shows employees that you are dedicated to social/political/humanitarian causes.. The Peace Corps is a 2 year mission often in a foreign country. Many companies are impressed with foreign experience.
  7. Dejected.My spine decided to check out last night in the shower. Since then, I've had piercing pain through my lower back and some numbness down my left leg. w00t. Any improvement I made during the summer has been lost and/or put on hold for a while. Back to being completely bed-bound besides potty breaks. ;_________;
  8. My depression was triggered by chronic pain and immobility following a six day stay at the hospital nine months ago. :( Still not fixed. Doctors say it can take up to 2-3 years for my spine to repair itself. I'm currently seeking a third opinion, because, right now, I can move around for about 2-3 hours before I have to lay down for the rest of the day. This health disaster has negatively impacted my life in every way, and I tired of waiting for my life to restart.
  9. Okay, which is pretty good right now. My sister was in a car accident the other day, and I spent so much time worrying about her that I forgot about my own problems/pain. After four hours in the ER and CT scan later, sister is fine--just a little bruised. So, to make her feel better, I made her a chocolate cake. ^0^ Because everything is better with chocolate, especially as a cake. :3
  10. Read a chapter, knitted two wash cloths, swapped dinner plans for easier dinner plans (breakfast dinner), and did my exercises.
  11. I'm doing better today than yesterday. On Tuesday, I received bad news from my spine specialist regarding my spine's healing prognosis: 2-3 years of limited duty to (hopefully) restore full function... I, like most people, cannot take a 2-3 year break from everything--not to mention being in chronic pain the entire time. So, I'm seeking a second opinion. I spent all of yesterday moping, crying, and spacing out with intermittent bouts of anger. Today has been much better--although I feel numb everywhere, and I was hoping to hear from that other surgeon by now... Sigh. Overall current feeling: Etiolated.
  12. Heya. I can understand how you are feeling. I'm a really talented writer, but sometimes I'd rather carve out my own eyeballs than see another word. It's really hard, especially when you know you're supposed to be working on something and the white page is glaring at you. I imagine it's very similar for you, whatever canvas you happen to be using. I found the best thing to do is to create something for yourself and try to chip away at the project bit by bit. By creating something for yourself, you're free of expectations and restrictions. It can be anything; what's really important is getting started--putting pen to paper, brush to canvas, etc.--and allowing yourself to create, explore, and appreciate your art.. Its really nice to be hear from someone who can understand - talking to my Therapist about how much doing art hurts me seems pathetic, he can't understand because it is such a specific thing. I have started my project after overcoming the initial bout of anxiety. I am still not enjoying it though, constantly thinking about what is expected, how much care I should take in it and if I am taking too much care in it. Having to present it to a bunch of people I have never even met at the end makes me all the more paranoid. I understand. If I think that everything I try to write is going to be published or presented to someone, I end up stonewalling myself--trying to figure out if my audience will like it, if it meets genre expectations, etc.. It's no fun when you're putting so many expectations on your work--whether those expectations are real or imaginary. You do not always have to create something for others. So, allow yourself the freedom to create something for you.Try to doodle, sketch, or explore a different style of art. Rediscover why you love your craft. :)
  13. Currently Feel: Awake. And it's only 1 PM.
  14. Heya. I can understand how you are feeling. I'm a really talented writer, but sometimes I'd rather carve out my own eyeballs than see another word. It's really hard, especially when you know you're supposed to be working on something and the white page is glaring at you. I imagine it's very similar for you, whatever canvas you happen to be using. I found the best thing to do is to create something for yourself and try to chip away at the project bit by bit. By creating something for yourself, you're free of expectations and restrictions. It can be anything; what's really important is getting started--putting pen to paper, brush to canvas, etc.--and allowing yourself to create, explore, and appreciate your art..
  15. I haven't done much today, but I came across a cute webcomic that I feel has changed my day to be something better: http://www.robot-hugs.com/for-science/Hope it gives you all warm fuzzies, too.
  16. Yesterday's medial branch nerve block test went better than the last time, but not as good as the first...Likewise, I only crashed for ten hours after the testing period, instead of a whole day. So, I have a follow up appointment next Tuesday, where we'll decide if I'm going to get the nerve block or surgery.
  17. Boredom happens a lot to me right now. I'm trying to fill in the time with mindless activities, like knitting, drawing, or cooking. I try to find something to do with my hands but not have to think too hard about what I'm doing. In the end, I've usually produced or created something, which makes me feel better--that whole sense of accomplishment thing. Likewise, studying or brushing up on a subject, like The Purist mentioned, is also a good way of keeping yourself busy. Edx.org offers free courses from a variety of universities covering lots of different subjects.
  18. Anxious and desperate. I have an appointment with the spine specialist tomorrow to get stabbed six times. I've lost track of how many needles have gone into my back, and I still have severe lower back pain. I'm hoping this works, but so far--MRI's all show the same: little to no improvement. Yay to be 27 and an invalid. I'm so tired of all this.
  19. Pretty good. Had a nice, relaxing weekend with lots of yummy food. It's amazing how creating something can make you feel better, especially spaghetti and meatballs. Nomnomnom.
  20. lostinwords

    Spine Update

    It's been more than six months since my last post. While I can say a lot has happened over the last six months, I can also say there's been very little change in my condition. Since January, I've had many more injections into my disc. After additional testing and further injections without improvement, I had a follow-up MRI to check the status of my bulging disc. And guess what--it's still there. Just glancing between the two MRIs, it looks like nothing has changed. Even the orthopedic surgeon was like--it looks pretty much the same. And quickly add--there's nothing we can do for severe back pain. Just wait around for two years and see if it heals on its own. Appalled by the doctor's response, I went back to the spine specialist and started working on other ways to fix my pain. Life has been pretty stable--still painful--but stable for the past few months as we tried new things. However, I've gotten to the point where I'm just so tired of feeling so miserable. I had to call in and cancel my appointment today because my back is sooo bad that I knew the test wouldn't take. If my back is already having spasms, trying to numb up the nerve roots just sends misfires through my lower back. I'm starting to feel that these tests aren't working. Sadly, while surgery is still a valid option--back surgeries for low back pain are rarely successful. At this point, I've exhausted pretty much everything my spine specialist can do. I feel like I'm bashing my head against a wall. I don't know if I'll be able to do anything when I grow up. I should be finishing my second degree in two-three semesters. And then what? What can I do? How can I pay off my student debt if I'm stranded in my bed? I can't even move around for four hours without my legs collapsing from underneath me. I'm so depressed. I'm so dependent on everyone else. And my spine specialist is going on holiday for two weeks. I wanted to talk about getting a second opinion or a new pair of eyes on my case this week, but now I have to wait. And when he gets back and we finally set up an appointment with another doctor, it'll probably be another two weeks--and then classes start. I've spent this entire summer living at the ******* doctor's office--almost every week--to be better by school. And now, it's like--Nope--you're ****ed. if surgery takes place now, it's going to be in the middle of a semester. And as much as I loathe incomplete coursework, I have to get better. I'm so depressed. I'm tired of doing nothing. This is not a vacation. I would give up one of my kidneys to have my back functional again.
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