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morelostthanfound

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About morelostthanfound

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday 10/01/1966

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    North Carolina
  • Interests
    all things nature, hiking/trekking, backpacking, camping, canoeing/kayaking, travel and reading
  1. II intrepret it as all the worries, problems, and cares of today will one day be borne away, to become meaningless and impotent.
  2. My dad told me that when he was younger, he would often drive to work with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had a mortgage, 5 children to support, and an unrewarding, poor-paying job that he despised. He remembers being consumed with anxiety and worry and feeling completely inadequate as a husband and a father. On his route, he would sometimes stop at an intersection along the way were there was a wooden bench beside the sidewalk. Engraved on the back of the bench were the words of Abraham Lincoln, "In the end it will be all one thing" Somehow these words bolstered his resolve and gave him the courage to make it through another work day. I think of these words too and also feel a sense of peace and liberation!
  3. Virvellian, I struggle with these same thoughts and am also quite certain that I will never understand what motivates many people. I always say that my depression doesn't stem from cognitive distortion, it arises instead from seeing the world as it truly is, with the greed, insensitivity, narcissism and cupidity that has become so ubiquitous in our society. It reminds me of the bumper sticker, "If you are completely appalled, you haven't been paying attention". A good example; if you have $65,000 allotted for a new car; instead of the new BMW, why not purchase a Toyota or Honda that will safely, efficiently and comfortably transport you from point A to point B and give the $40,000 difference to someone who may not even have a car, or a house for that matter. I know, that Toyota won't stroke your ego or puff up your sense of self-importance but think what it could mean to poor person? I know that's not reality and it makes me sad!
  4. I sometimes look back over my life-all of the many roads I've travelled. I've had many failed romances (and two marriages), lots of moves and a whole host of jobs (fortunately my profession allows this). The common thread was, and continues to be. the eternal search for happiness. Yes, I know what you'll say-that happiness comes from within-that I just settle down and count my blessings. The thing is, that the house in the burbs, two cars in the garage and a nice family did little to fill this void. I know that happiness is self defined-I am an educated, intelligent and rational person, however, I have this notion that it's out there somewhere. I'm not expecting utopia or anything like that but have always just been restless and unsettled-chronically unfulfilled. The irony is I don't really know what it is.
  5. I likewise believe that "therapy" is an enormous waste of time. I don't believe I suffer from cognitive distortions or any of the other clinical buzzwords de jour. The world is a corrupt, violent and uncaring place and the worst traits of humankind (aggression, anger, avarice, greed, hate, jealousy, narcissism, suspicion) are all center stage. That isn't "cognitive distortion," but reality, and no amount of "therapy" will change that one iota. How I wish every morning, not to awaken, but to step off instead, into oblivion!
  6. That is absolutely me-I used to care and want to care but don't anymore and it's sad!
  7. feelinglostagain, I recognize this in myself! Whenever my life feels upside down and I am in a depressed mood, small irritants really gripe me! I just can't dismiss these petty grievances and it's me who is consumed by these and suffers in the end. I know it's trite but I love the saying, "It's going to be OK in the end and if it's not OK, it's not the end"!
  8. I just finished visiting my elderly parents(Dad 88, Mom 80). Both are frail but enjoy fairly good health and live together independently. I also have 2 brothers who live near them; I, however, live halfway across the country. Everytime, I do conclude a visit, I wonder if it's the last time that I will see one, or both of them. My Mom always hugs me close and with sadness, tells me how much she hates for me to live so far away. I'm close to them and it just rips my heart out of my chest, hearing her say this. The problem is that I absolutely hate where I'm from (the midwest), nothing there but corn and soybean fields and very limited opportunities, as well as, scorching hot summers and long, cold, gray winters. I also have bad memories associated with the area and in all honesty, never want to return. I feel so trapped, guilty, sad, depressed and ashamed. Anybody else have a similar predicament or know anyone who does?
  9. I really relate to this post too! I've "job hopped" quite a bit in my career but I just get so restless, bored and to a point where I can't stand the BS, drama, and politics. I hate to be a wage slave but what is the alternative? Add to that, that I've worked continously since age 17 and I'm damn tired of all of it!
  10. Wow, man, can I relate! I really, really mourn the person I used to be and don't even sometimes like the negative, pessimistic, sour shell of a man that I've become. Yeah, like everyone else, I'm living with the consequences of poor life choices but want to again have zest and passion and a belief that true love exist. I feel old now and of little use to our youth obsessed culture. On a more positive note, it truly does my heart good to commiserate with others who walk that path also. Thank you all!
  11. I love it too(rant) Man, never thought it, or I, would end up like this! BTW, would love to know what part of the country you're from?
  12. Lynn, I think your wise in your thinking-postponing joy isn't the answer because all we really have is now! I delight in a brisk walk on a nice day, sitting in a beam of sunlight, a tasty meal or a good book. If I take pause to think of all the injustices, missed opportunities and past hurts; it only sets me on the way to feeling melancholy or sad.
  13. Lynn, the one true benefit of aging that I see, is that every birthday brings us closer to retirement. I dream every day of getting off the merry-go-around of work and being free of the constant stress and worry. I love the idea of getting my life back and living for a change instead of just existing from day to day!
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