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jkd_sd last won the day on September 18 2020

jkd_sd had the most liked content!

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  1. It is currently over 80F now and there are thundershowers in the area. Forecast high temperature for tomorrow is 53F. Spring! Gotta love it.
  2. Today the high temperature was 80F (26.7C), mostly sunny, with a wind of 36 mph (58 km/h) gusting to 48 mph (77km/h). Forecast high for tomorrow is 37F (2.8C), sunny, with a wind of 25 mph (40 km/h) to 35 mph (56 km/h). Mother Nature wants to be sure we understand that she is in charge!
  3. Yes! Unfortunately, I understand exactly what both of you are describing. This is what has been looming ever larger for me lately. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to absolute 'collapse'. Have been frantically keeping up appearances, etc. all by myself. Soon (very soon!) I will no longer be able to keep up the charade. I am already 'hollow' (nothing of substance left inside), and soon what is left of the outer shell will become so weak and brittle that it will just shatter to dust. I very much appreciate the support and encouragement here ... I really mean that. But, on the other hand, it does nothing to directly help what is going on in my life. It all falls on just me! ... and that paralyzes me. OMG, what a relief it would be to have another real person irl to physically help with things. BTW -- forms, paperwork, and payments are horrible! <*whew*> Well, at least venting helps a little. I wish you all peace.
  4. Hollow ... that is mostly how I feel. I have no other way to describe it. I have felt like this for a while. Somehow I am rushing toward a major change (soon!), but I do not know what it is going to be. Either I will crumple because of being hollow, or I will start getting filled again (for good or bad). This sounds strange, even to me, but I have no other words to use to explain the feeling. <*sigh*> Take care everyone. You all deserve it.
  5. Yeah, I had a kinda similar situation. Give yourself permission to feel all kinds of strange stuff for a while. It is just your mind sifting through the debris. It will sort out, but it could take some time. All the best to you ... and everyone else.
  6. In my very humble opinion, I think the urge to move and find a 'better place' is fueled partly because change is easier when the 'view outside the window' changes, too. It certainly might help to move and 'start over'. Unfortunately, it is also possible that, when the 'newness' wears off, all the same old issues will return. Do whatever seems best for you.
  7. Oh yeah! Going through that now. Am trying to use the change in my mood (or attitude or whatever) to push forward. Even if it feels kinda like sleepwalking.
  8. Feel free to 'repurpose' the day ... "Freedom From Narc-Mothers Day"!
  9. All we can do is our best at the time. Sometimes 'best' is only limiting the amount of damage we do at that time. Not trying to be a smart @$$, just stating fact.
  10. Replace the word 'anxiety' with something else (depression, apathy, incompetence, ... I dunno what) and put these two excerpts together, and this is exactly me right now. I have limited my time on this site lately, because it is way too easy for me to get lost here and use this as a kinda 'substitute life'. Some things seem better, but other things seem worse because they have not changed one little bit. As an extreme push to progress, I am taking the following steps: 1. Repeatedly remind myself that what I feel are 'just' feelings -- not reality, truth, etc. (Thanks for giving me the words for this thought.) 2. Continue to limit my time on this site. You are all helpful (and Thank you!), but I need to be careful not to get stuck or make things worse by hiding here from life. 3. Do something (anything!) in the 'real world'. I know I can do it and I do enjoy it when I succeed. But, too often I make excuses to avoid even what I enjoy. 4. Actually make progress in the 'real world' by cultivating and using a 'secret weapon'. The 'secret weapon'? Playing a part when "I" am unable or uncomfortable dealing with something. I hereby give myself permission to 'play a role' in order to move forward while still protecting myself whenever I am scared or feel threatened or feel incapable of handling a situation in 'real life'. When I have gotten past a couple of key milestones, I will think about and decide on the next steps. I wish all of you the very best. I will be around some.
  11. I understand the fear of failure feeling. Please remember that you are more than the sum of your 'successes' and 'failures' (or actions in general). I sincerely hope you find a safe outlet (here, anonymous call in phone line, dedicated counselor, friend, pastor, etc.) where you can express your feelings and become comfortable with yourself, the world, and your place in the world. Lots of people have failed multiple times before finding what they succeed at. That does not make any of them (or you!) a failure. Search on the internet for "success after failure stories" for many examples. (FYI -- I used the search engine DuckDuckGo.) Best of luck ... sic 'em!
  12. Cause and effect may be getting jumbled up here. Depression can make us more emotionally suggestible. Both getting tired and the mood dip could be symptoms of the same depressive reaction. Emotionally, depression makes the 'chicken or egg' discussion even tougher.
  13. Many thanks for putting that into words. What a wonderful example of feelings which do not lend themselves easily to expression. Yup, sometimes 'DAMN' is all that can be said. But it is amazing how much fits into those four letters. Peace to all!
  14. That is not a pointless post at all. One of the characteristics of depression is the tendency to 'look inside' more than most. That can be bad if we do way too much of it and use the experience to beat ourself up. It can also be good if we use the experience to learn about ourself and be more comfortable with who we are. It sounds like you are gaining insight. Good for you!
  15. Have you had your blood pressure checked lately? All the stress, etc. lately may have it too high or low. FYI -- I have been away from this site for a few days, and it may happen again.
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