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About IHaveNoName

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  • Birthday 08/10/1978

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    Legos, sculpture, permaculture, mycology, druidism, video games of course, my animals, distractions

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  1. hah! Thank you... although I have to admit I was reflecting on your own good attitude and the way I should look at things, no matter how bad they may seem :)
  2. Hey Mileage, I haven't been here long so I just read all of your story, I wish I had joined earlier and seen this, I can relate so much to how you feel, suffering through the side effects and all the fears that act like a snowball rolling down a hill. In the past, I would have posted that while your psychiatrist is a total (censored for your protection), for your own sake do what you can to find another doctor, this guy sounds unhealthy. I also see things the same way others have mentioned, Ina and Tiffany's advice is dead on. When I first started having problems with anxiety, I also felt kind of ashamed that I was taking these man-made drugs. I read the warning labels extensively and bothered my local pharmacist after my own "doctor"reacted to my own calls in the way yours did. In the beginning when I knew next to nothing, I did not know what to expect. I felt all kinds of things (not just imagined, some of them from different drugs I tried), although I tended to hype myself up and worry too much over something that was not actually true, I had just scared/talked myself into it. I hated that I took them, but when I found the right ones they really made a huge difference, like you said- magic. One of the reasons people will recommend you either stay on a medication or keep off of it is because the initial side effects will be felt more strongly with this ebb and flow of varying dosages. Your body is going to try and compensate for the change and unfortunately you may end up feeling uncomfortable over something that may just be a small muscle spasm because you were subconsciously flexing a muscle in your leg from feeling anxious, or felt dizzy and as if you couldn't catch your breath, but really it was just hyperventilating. I do not say this as a snide remark towards you, but I used to sabotage myself a LOT worrying about worrying. If you are depressed and anxious, you're likely a more sensitive person, so don't forget to give yourself credit. It's healthy for people in your situation to make a big deal of the good things and put down the bad ones. Ah right something along those lines and worries- if you are taking a medication like Lexapro or Clonazepam, it would be completely normal for you to have dilated pupils at times. I freaked myself out so many times staring at my eyes, hoping they would just go back to normal and stop making things look so sharp. Our eyes dilate and contract based on light or neuroactivity, it doesn't necessarily mean anything bad is going on with you. Also, if you are prone to anxiety attacks, it's like your subconscious is tricking your body into thinking you are in a fight or flight response. Our minds and imagination are fascinating things, though they can make something that isn't a big deal feel like a life-threatening situation. If you are feeling anxious please feel free to send me a private message, I know how much it can mean to have someone who understands, or at least someone who is listening, not babbling or judging Best wishes!
  3. I did a ton of reading (somewhat productive) and carved the heck out of a log, which is now an oval and one day will grow into a box.
  4. Welcome Ues***a, it's good to blow off steam, if you keep it in it eats you up from the inside out. I learned the hard way <--- steps back a moment to consider why it would have been censored I don't get wh... oh.. Opps >_<
  5. Welcome Ues***a, it's good to blow off steam, if you keep it in it eats you up from the inside out. I learned the hard way
  6. Good for you!! I know some people hate new year's resolutions, but sometimes I wonder if they set themselves up by trying to make too big of a step. Last year I stuck to the resolutions I made for once and was very happy with what I achieved. One of my new goals for this year is to cut down on caffeine too. I'm not going to say "QUIT, NOW!!!" and have some imposing challenge stop me, I'm going to do what I did last year- think positive and make the best out of what I end up with. I think you have a very positive frame of mind Jman, I hope it serves you well
  7. I loved reading this, it really did my heart good to see some updated, nicer news :D
  8. ah my quote slightly butchered this out of context, sorry! I'm pretty sure PTSD is firmly entrenched in me, despite how much I wish it weren't I have done some behavioral cognitive therapy, some of it focused on processing anger or re-learning how to cry. I had a lot of progress with one therapist in particular, but of course she moved! ah well I have tried a punching bag at times when I feel I need to get something out, forcefully. I think the best I have done recently at turning myself off (heh, so to speak) was shortly after writing this post, when I went outside in the cold rain with my dog who has a very demanding bladder/personality Although I haven't really considered it for much else, I find that in my darkest hours when I am troubled with anxiety and irrational fears the most, doodling helps a lot, just disappearing into creating random cartoons Beyond that, nothing healthy or lasting. I've had a lot of help from taking Klonopin (1mg 3x a day), though I am trying to focus more on willpower than drugs (or at least a compromise)
  9. Having just read and replied to your own sound wisdom on my own post, thank you again for keeping it real :) I find humidity hideous, some people might not- to them I offer it free and will ship overnight, bless your hearts!
  10. Thank you, it does help to hear your constructive opinion. I honestly did not expect a reply, though you seem to have great insight into anger. The worst part of expressing this kind of thing (or admitting to it) is how sometimes people will only see anger and not understand the reason or appreciate the (twisted) sense of righteousness in it. It's great to get some thoughtful ideas about the topic, thank you for your ideas. Something that comes to mind is a somewhat paranoid idea that someone might read my words and misinterpret them in a way where they might not appreciate anything I have to say or offer, simply from that experience. I think a lot of people could vent these words on any given social network site, maybe relating to work ;) I understand that transferring that kind of negativity to another is not a victim-less crime (online or IRL), I do not want to help any vicious cycles continue, I don't want to have that guilt or blame so I try not to be like all the angry, hateful people I grew up around. I've seen the cycle you mention, it's not helpful Thank you for sharing, it's very nice to have someone understand without reacting in shock or fear, I will consider your words
  11. Thank you Lauryn, that's very nice of you! Thank you for hearing what I was saying, if you feel I wrote something inappropriate please let me know? I'm not lashing out, and you're right what bothers me is a frustration born from many things, not something I would put on any one person. Honestly I've had some great experience in my short time here, that's probably why I felt comfortable enough to write my feelings
  12. Anxious, too many thoughts I keep reading the name Arby and thought I should have said something kind when I first read it :/ I love animals (my sympathies)
  13. My breath is coming unevenly, I feel my muscles tighten up and I realize I'm gritting my teeth- ow I was just writing something, so many thoughts of bullies and the injustices I've seen first-hand in life fly through my mind far too fast. Weakness drips down my cheek, a grown man with tears... but I'm not crying, whining... I'm overwhelmed. I have SO much pent up right now, it's coming out physically, just like how a life of stress led me to dealing with things poorly through a panic attack... I never really learned how to process my feelings like others, all because of bullies, weak people who victimized others... I see that in the messages I've received from a particular person. I clinch my fist, feel a wave of heat rush over me and for a fleeting moment the knot of anxiety in my stomach is gone and I see red. I came looking for help and instead I didn't just feel attacked, I WAS attacked. Now here I am, first thing in the morning when I wake up I have an email waiting for me, ready to just set me off. I'm reading other posts, I don't respond because I have so much anger flowing through me and I don't want to write something that isn't sincere. I'm trying to calm down, I am trying not to be angry or have a panic attack, but here's this thing, this ugly idea that I can't get out of my head so I feel like there is constantly this pressure on me. Again, I reached out and my words went unheard while another cried wolf and now here I am, feeling as if I did something wrong when I absolutely know, I didn't. No one deserves to be talked down to like that or approached with such venom. All I can think of are things I shouldn't, how no one would ever dare talk that way to me in person, what I would do to them mixed with memories of bullies on the ground, bleeding, apologizing and begging for mercy. If none of this makes sense, I'm sorry, I don't mean for it to sound like an unintelligible rant but... ARGH!! SO much built up inside of me... so much anger, and once again it may as well be a phantom I am angry about. I am letting someone else bother me, when they themselves seem to lack a basic idea of tact or etiquette... why do I do this to myself? I don't even think about fairness or resolution or positive things, I'm just so angry that once again some peon has abused a system and acted like a bully. I'm seething, I want to be put in a cage with no exit with someone who misused the justice system or bullied someone so much it affected them for life. I want to take everything I have inside of me and give it to them, with extreme prejudice. It's not that I'm a bad guy, I'm not a hair-trigger like that usually, but I see someone try to dupe the system, try to abuse their position and all of that bothers me just as much as their own insensitive words. I feel incredibly angry and want an outlet, not because I am a bad person, but because someone said the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time... and the only way they'll ever get away with it is online. Cowardice... it makes my blood boil even more. The moral of the rant here is- be careful with your words. I know I'm trying and it's bringing me nothing but anger, anxiety and a familiar feeling that somehow, unjustly *I* am to blame for a situation that is obviously someone else's lack of intelligent thought. Be kind to one another, you may not like what you receive if you offer only ugliness- as I write that, I take a breath myself and try not to be a hypocrite. So then I delete all the things I only half mean, try to clean it up and post it. I'm still gritting my teeth, still feeling adrenaline rushing into my system, I don't want to have to be angry
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