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Everything posted by Razzamatazz

  1. Physical beauty these days is fake, photoshopped, bulls*** that doesn't even truly exist in reality, in way too many cases. Do you ever read comments on news articles or celebrity articles? Women who are completely normal in weight or even on the thin side are called "fat *****" if they aren't the vision of photoshopped beauty that the media has convinced us is how we should all look. Yep, that's shallow. Don't care how you try to spin it. We're not talking about natural beauty here. That's fabricated beauty and it's so damaging to humanity. So, getting back to the topic at hand, I've never been considered beautiful as far as I'm concerned, but I'm not hideous even now that I'm older. But on dating sites so many times I've been talking to people, having a nice conversation, and they ask for a picture and then disappear. Of course that makes me feel ugly and horrible about myself, but it really says more about them. I've spent some time on dating sites and few men (can't speak for women because I don't talk to them) there are looking for "romance" unless by romance you mean sex. So, while I agree that men who never ask for a photo are suspect, I find it sad that I feel that way, because maybe they're just nice guys, maybe they've been kicked around a little too (I believe you refer to them as "desperately codependent," which is a really cruel label), and maybe they're just sick of the shallow bs they've found. On the other hand, if the first thing a guy says to me is "send a pic" I can't even be bothered to respond because he's nobody I want anything to do with anyway.
  2. Seems I'm reminded almost daily of why it's dangerous to trust people. Fizzle probably is onto something though when she says small breaches of trust are human. I have a lot of trouble with tolerating that, though.
  3. Thanks for your input lonesoul. The "physical attraction" thing really bothers me, and we've discussed it in another thread. I just can't stand to think that someone could be absolutely perfect for me in every way, but I would toss him aside because he doesn't have characteristics of some "physical attractiveness" that I have in my head. I think that's very sad, I find it shallow (and actually quite stupid for me to do something like that) on every level, and I don't want to be that person. Anyway, I've been thinking today, I've been on the internet for around 175 years or something now, and way back in the day I spent tons of time on IRC (internet relay chat), met tons of people, many of them eventually in real life. Pictures weren't as easy back then, digital photography didn't exist as it does today, scanners for regular photos were hundreds of dollars, and you didn't just snap a pic and send it off without a thought like you do now. By the time I actually saw photos of a lot of those people (which in some cases I got by snail mail) I had already developed a deep attachment to them, and really what they looked like was completely irrelevant in the end. Some of them are still friends of mine to this day. I wish for a world that didn't care so much about physical attractiveness, because how can that be a world that is anything less than shallow?
  4. It's really frustrating to know things on an intellectual level but not know how to put them into practice. I wish I knew how to change that, for you and for me.
  5. I don't feel that was a personal attack. I merely pointed out that what you've been doing isn't working for you. You can spin it to make it something else, and you can say your health is the reason you don't date, but do you know that for sure? Is your illness something that people can look at you and see? Do you feel compelled to tell potential dates that you have health issues? For me there has to be a reason to divulge personal information, and a first date isn't a reason. Unless it's something obvious, or it's debilitating you in a way that you can't go out to dinner and a movie, why would you even bring it up?
  6. I think it's an immature picture of a relationship, or maybe hyper-romanticised picture. Mature relationships don't rely on that stuff. Sure people do it, but in real life it's way less important than you seem to think. I don't think I have ever told anyone I dated that I thought they were handsome. The fact I'm with them says I find them to be attractive. I did kinda take a shot, but you started this thread ranting about women who have preferences, and you are guilty of the same thing, and are unapologetic about it. In spite of the fact that it has never, not once, ever worked for you, you still think it's normal and fine. I'm just saying maybe you should consider rethinking your stance. To say that you would not consider dating a perfect woman if she did not meet your idea of physical attractiveness sounds a little crazy to me. Anyway, like I said, for me this topic is over. I swear I'm done now.
  7. Wait, did someone say donuts?
  8. The vast majority of people are like that, and that's why the world sucks. People are shallow. They buy into the media idea of "beautiful" which tosses most people aside. So, I know this has been asked, but seriously...if there was a woman who was perfect in every respect, but did not have the qualities that you feel are "attractive" you would not date her? I'm actually very offended by your post to me about how it would be unfair to date someone, and he deserves someone who finds him attractive or whatever it was you said. I'm blown away that you feel "beautiful" and "handsome" are words that are even necessary to have a loving, long lasting relationship. Don't you think the world is full of people who don't consider themselves beautiful or handsome on that shallow level that "most" people buy into, and that those people don't even care? I know tons of really happy, successful, well adjusted people who are not beautiful or handsome in looks, but are certainly beautiful in other ways. I'm pretty much done with this topic. I think I've said everything I have to say, and y'all know that saying about beating a dead horse. Your decisions are up to you, and since what you've been doing works well for you then carry on, right? Oh wait...
  9. But I don't understand that. I mean if the person you're with has all the qualities you want in a man, except he's not physically attractive to you, what would you do, lie to him & still tell him he's handsome? I just feel that he'd deserve better than that personally & would be better with someone who actually does love him as a person & loves the way he looks. Do you know how bad the guy would feel if deep down you don't find him attractive? I think most guys would be destroyed by it. I know I would be, if I was with a woman who loved my personality but didn't find me attractive at all. That would hurt a lot. Whaaa? Where did I say I would lie? Honestly, how many mature adults have relationships where they talk to each other about being beautiful or handsome? I'm 60. It would be ridiculous for someone to tell me I'm beautiful because I am not. You can certainly love someone who isn't "handsome" or "beautiful" and not lie about it. You don't really seem to understand what I'm saying in the least.
  10. That's great news! So glad you're feeling better.
  11. If it becomes a mainstream treatment insurance will start to cover it. Taking an ibuprofen almost gives me a panic attack. I won't be doing Ketamine anytime soon.
  12. I post a lot but I always have fears that my ideas will be rejected. I try to look at everything I do as therapy, and learning how to react to life. I'm stunted in that way, and don't feel I have "normal" reactions to things and I often find myself looking to others to see how they react so I can decide how I'm supposed to react. It's easier to plan a reaction here than in real life. In real life things happen and must be dealt with. Here I can read it, think over the different ways it could have been intended, then respond. I posted a question on a thread once and the person who had started the thread had a really unexpected response. After thinking about it, I realized it was a response very much like I might have made. It was a misunderstanding, an overreaction and it was very eye opening watching that happen from the other side. I learned a lot from it. I know I tend to be very blunt. I can't seem to learn to temper my statements. I feel really ridiculous being my age and not knowing how to have normal conversations. Sometimes it seems like so much work and trouble that I don't even want to bother.
  13. I had a good friend I walked with daily, and now that I've moved I have no one. Yesterday when the dog and I were out walking I was wondering about posting a craigslist ad just to find someone to walk with. I know that's truly the home of the crazy people, but I don't know how to meet people here. I also don't go to bars. Most times I would be just as happy with a good female friend to do things with as I would a man and all the anxiety and expectations that come with that.
  14. Yep, I agree with others. This isn't your business. If you were my friend I'd trade you in for a cupcake.
  15. That's not what I meant. You don't have to put a picture if you don't want to. But if you do want to find a good partner, the more information you put about yourself as well as pictures will make your journey faster. I understand not everyone wants to have pictures on these type of sites, but online dating takes a long time, I'm still on some sites. I believe maybe 1 out of a few zillion people are going to find anyone worth finding on a dating site, regardless of what your profile is like. I actually get far more responses to a profile that is just funny and says nothing about me than one that just tells about me. And then the responses are mostly from the same people over and over. If you've been around awhile you see that all the same people are there. Nothing much is going on at a dating site if you're looking for anything other than a quick hookup. I prefer not to put a picture because I'm from a very small community and I know all they have to do is plug in a zip code and there I'll be. I'm not comfortable with that. I've moved recently so it's not quite so bad now.
  16. I gotta go with bluetree here. It's what I've been trying to say in my online dating thread. If a person is perfect for you in every way but you turn her down because she's not "attractive" then you're a very shallow guy. And I agree with you that most of us are like that, but instead of defending it in myself, I prefer to try to change it because judging someone by their looks is wrong, and that's what you're doing. It's no different than those women you are so mad at who like tall guys, judging you by your looks.
  17. I think the key would be to allow yourself flexibility. Have a schedule, stick to it as much as possible, but be willing to change what doesn't work for you, and don't beat yourself up if you don't follow it exactly.
  18. I do actually function better when I'm on a more rigid schedule than when I'm just left on my own. Because of what I'm doing for work right now I'm not required to be really rigid about certain things. I can skip a shower if I can't make myself get up and in the shower. I can grab some breakfast and take it with me, so I don't have to get up in time for that, either. If I forget something I can run home so I'm not forced to be organized. It's nice but I'm not functioning as well as I can if more is expected of me.
  19. I agree that people do that. But I believe there are people out there who lack that shallow gene that most of us are afflicted with. And think what we may be missing because we are judging a book by its cover. But on topic to the original question, I too find it weird when men don't ask for a picture, but are interested in meeting. I feel like they must be pathetic, willing to settle for anything, or they have evil on their mind and it doesn't matter what the person looks like for an attempted rape/robbery/whatever. Anyway, online dating is a weird place for sure, and I have such trust issues that basically nobody there is going to be "right" for me I suppose. That's why I asked for other opinions. I know mine are very skewed, so it helps to hear what others think.
  20. These aren't real guys, like one guy did each thing. I've had numerous guys over the course of different profiles over a few years' time do both of these things. Some demand a picture right away, some talk awhile then ask for a picture, and some I've talked to for quite awhile, and they've asked to meet a few times over that course of time, and never asked for a picture. I find both things to be a little off-putting for various reasons. As far as not being physically attracted, don't you think that's something that can develop, or can be overlooked? That kinda goes back to your thinking about women who prefer tall guys. It's all or nothing. You're saying no matter what she's like, if she doesn't fit your definition of attractive you could never love her. She could be perfect in every other way, but you would throw her away. To me that seems so shallow. I know people who have been married for many years to men that I find completely unattractive, and are unattractive by today's standards of 'beauty" and they have wonderful relationships. I would hate to think I would pass a chance at something like that because I was too shallow to see beyond the first look.
  21. I get a ton of messages without posting a picture. The question is, is it shallow when they demand a picture without even talking, and is it odd to talk to someone quite a bit and never ask for a picture. The question seems really clear to me the way I wrote it. We are assuming a profile with no picture, and then how two different guys might respond to that profile. I've talked to guys who have pictures who I don't find physically attractive at all because they might be the greatest guy on earth. While I understand we all have a look we're interested in, what if we're passing up someone really great who isn't exactly our cup of tea in the looks department? But again, that's not really the question.
  22. So do you feel it's dishonest to not put a picture? I'm confused by your answer, because you seem to be implying I'm not honest and up front and didn't respond to the question at all.
  23. Chocolate. My kingdom for some chocolate.
  24. That's a perfect reason to get a cat. You sound like you've put way more thought into it than lots of people who own cats (including myself) and I think you would be a great cat owner. Cats are pretty easy, too. They can be left alone for periods of time when necessary, unlike a dog which requires lots of attention, needs to go out, etc.
  25. I drove to a nice trail and the dog and I took a long walk. It's an unseasonably warm December day and I'm happy I took advantage of it.
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