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SkippyMono

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  1. I deal with this every day. And my girlfriend of two years and friend of 9 actually makes my life more difficult. I stay because she is my best friend. And I am in love with her. But she calls me names and drags me down then tells me to not tell other people we are having trouble, and then puts blame for majority of the stuff on me. Its sad, its hard, it affect my job, my family, my friends. And I am uninsured and can not go to couples therapy.
  2. So, my girlfriend looked through my cell phone one day when I left it at home one day when I went to work. She saw messages between me and another girl she did not know (it was my friends gf). I recently friended this girl on fb, and was just chatting nicely, but I guess I may have been too nice. Basically, I wanted to share a bit of the conversation. And get peoples take on it. She has depression, and when she gets mad at me she REALLY gets mad and says hurtful things that basically makes me completely shut down and start questioning whether or not she loves me. We have been together for two years, and sure have had our ups and downs. Conversation between me (me) and my friends gf (gf) from over 5 months ago: We were talking about how I knew her father (I saw a pic of him)... later to find out I do know him form Boy Scouts. gf: Go feed the cat before it dies lol me: I gotta do sumtin first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gf: Here's a random question but do you ever go to church me: why? before I answer gf: bc as kids we lived in 'town' and went to church u could have seen him there. like my dad me: i went as a child, but i was from a different town gf: right me: i no longer attend gf: me either, we only went as kids because we lived with my grandmother at the time who always goes me: yes, i am not religious gf: me either, not my bag me: no offense to all who are (the girl i live with currently) but i feel it is crazy and irational to believe gf: lol nine taken i agree gf: none* me: u german? gf: my bfn is somewhat religious too and he is the supposedly logical one haha. no lmao me: well i could go on for ages about religion gf: yes thats a heavy topic me: but my gf took it as far as it may actually cause problems in the relationship and she gets angry when the topic is brought up gf: oh man my bf is not that religious. Of course i dont debate it often with him since its not worth debating over gf: how long have you two been together me: meh... since 2014 but friends for 8 years gf: i see, why meh? me: nothing, u two? continues... nothing more that is really worse than what was already said. Now what bothered my gf to me is simple little things. #1 she thinks I am flirting with this girl behind her back. Personally I think I am just being nice, and apparently this is how I talk to girls/people #2 She dislikes how I said "girl I live with" rather than my girlfriend, and also "meh" The reasons I said meh was because at the time she was mad at me for something else and we were arguing. I said girl I live with just because, i dont know why. I later call her my girlfriend. #3 insults her religion talking about her behind her back. I have never been religious, she knows this, I have strong points against it, but respect that she is and just never talk about it with her. I do however with other people at times. Now I apologize for all the detail and sounding like I am anal, but I personally have social anxiety, and I over think things and this is freaking me out. I understand that reading a conversation like this can be a bit scary for her, however I never acted on anything, and honestly, I reread the conversation in full, and think it is innocent, and if anyone disagrees, let me know. My girlfriend thinks it is very sketchy and I was being a pig hitting on her. The night (two nights ago) she found out she flipped her and start physically attacking my by scratching and hitting. Kept us up kinda late. I eventually got her to calm the f down. A day goes by where we are fine, she says lets move on. She then works the next day, after work sees me, we are good, then she goes on vacation with her friend. Apparently they proceeded to discuss this in great detail which got her worked up. So she calls me last night at midnight, she was hanging with a friend on vacation, I work weekends, and was working in my shop with friends hanging out with me. She starts asking me questions, as well as her friend asking me questions. They are interrogating me. I am unaware of how serious she is being. Thy later need to leave because their friend arrived. I begin to go home. And she begins blowing up my phone with texts. Threatening to message my friend and his gf screen shots of the convo. She did. I freak out cuz of social anxiety. I don't want to be put in a position where I need to explain, " No I was just taking to your gf, she seems like a cool girl, sorry if you got the wrong impression. I ams orry if you are religious at all and me not being religious and calling being religious crazy offends you. But it did offend my gf and I apologize for her overreaction and bringing you into this." So I get all anxious over this. She begins to text me a ton. I ignore. She calls me, I pick up. Then she goes through the trouble of tearing me apart and putting me down making me feel like to the point where at home i punched a glass picture frame out of anger because she was making me feel so low. It is now 4:30am and I go to bed and wake up at 8am only to deal with her more. I offered to talk to her regarding all of this in person. Calmly, but she gets so angry and makes me feel so low I have trouble operating (working, sleeping, eating, etc). So now I am an abusive controlling a****** who she loves but loves the wrong guy and I am a pig who flirts with girls any time that we have relationship issues. I don't know what to do, I feel like she causes more drama than necessary. Bringing other people into it. So much anger and hate towards me and others. And I feel a lot of this stems from her own insecurities and depression. How does the conversation sound? Bad? I asked her to explain to me in detail exactly which parts sound inappropriate to her as I feel it was not bad. I see how I may have seemed super nice towards another girl, but I never said anything inappropriate. I dont know how to proceed. I love this girl and want to stay with her, there are a lot of ups and downs, but when we are doing fine I have so much fun with her. And I love her. How should I deal with my friend? I dont want to draw attention to this yet I feel bad she dragged him in and dont want him to think poorly of me. Honestly he is not my friend, more of my friends brother, but I know him. Just not well.
  3. So, Things are not working out. We both agree we need space. But I feel that she is not treating me right, but I still feel guilty for not wanting to be with her. She hangs out with another guy, lies where she is, abuses drugs sometimes, and blames me. Yet I still feel bad. She is back in therapy, and is on meds. And acts nice to me. But she tells her friends I am her Ex and just a roommate, then she tells me there is more to it. She wants to move out, but still be close friends, and although we are not together, nothing is set in stone. But this two face lying is driving me insane, and makes me resent her. But then I feel bad. At the end of the day, she doesn't treat me well, but EVERYTHING stems from her not being in a good enough place with her depression to date yet. And I am concerned for her. I don't know, I do love her, but it drives me insane. How can I deal with guilt? I feel like if it wast for depression, and being friends for 8 years, I would simply just cut ties and move on and never talk again. But this is not the case, as much as she is screwing up my already fragile mind. PS, we are not together, but we act like we do when in private. But she is hanging out with me less and less. But we still live together for another month.
  4. But what about all of this and how it pertains / relates to depression. I feel guilty leaving if this is somehow related to her depression as I feel I would like to help her. I feel being by her may help her. I don't know.
  5. After further reading, I am now wondering if her depression is making her abusive for sure. Or possibly she is a borderline. Now the thing is, she is convinced, or at least tells me, that she things I show traits of bi-polar or being a borderline. And she calls em controlling and abusive. I found this list online of 30 things that can make someone abusive. Some do infact apply to me. But at this point, I don't know what to think, its been months of this. 1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people. She sometimes ignores me, or seems to pay more attention to her friends when I am hanging with her and her friends. 2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs. ​I often feel like she doesn't care to do anything I want to do to make me happy. If I suggest something we will only do it if she agrees 100%. Never do I feel like she goes out of her way to help out. And if she does, she does and it seems to inconvenience her. I help her all the time. 3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. She claims I make small jabs at her and always put her down. But in fact I'm just trying to say I feel that she disrespects me. She often makes me feel "down" as if it is my fault or I'm just not as experienced in life as she is. 4. They accuse you of being "too sensitive" in order to deflect their abusive remarks. ​Hell yeah! She says all the time I am just being too emotional and she can't handle it. 5. They try to control you and treat you like a child. She doesn't really try to control me directly, maybe indirectly, but she calls me a child all the time. So I don't think this one applies. In fact, I may sometimes try to take care of her a little more than necessary. Sometimes I do it because I am nice, other times it is because I feel I care about her and want to help. I may monitor her too much with things like drinking or whatever. 6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior. We both do this to each other, she tells me to stop doing this, or why don't I do this, like take a shower, put the blanket down on the beach so I don't get sandy. Heck, I'm 26. But I tell her to maybe not drink so much. Make sure you are eating, take care of yourself. 7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere. No, I can do whatever, she actually doesn't care that much, maybe a little too little. 8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money. Not really. 9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams. She seems relatively supportive of my dreams. 10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong. Yes, she is always right... I just don't know according to her. 11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language. Cold shoulder, rolling of her eyes, etc. etc. Yet if I do that, I get yelled at. 12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. We both do this to each other 13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true. Rarely. So not really. However, if I do notice something sketchy, she will deny it and just say I am crazy. 14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them. Not really. She can laugh of simple stuff. 15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect. She seems to disrespect me often. 16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing. Yes yes and yes 17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests. We both do according to both of us. But according to her, I do it all the time and need to learn boundary skills. According to me, we both do it. 18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness. Recently, I have been driving her crazy 19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath. She calls me crazy, phsycho, ****ed up, dumb, immature, abusive, controlling. I said out of anger once I didn't like her, and she dwells on that saying that that is a very very hurtful thing to say and do. 20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time. She HATES talking about our relationship. This has gotten ten fold worse! She says we talk, but the talk usually lasts about 30 seconds before she is sighing, and moaning, and telling me to just stop dragging it on! I ALWAYS want to talk about it according to her, and we do NON STOP. Yet I feel like we never actually have. 21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want. She withdraws. I pout, often. Recently, I have been very very bummed out. And feel very sad, I do not do it intentionally, but feel I may be seeking attention. She often will be home alone instead of hang with me because she is blue. Doesn't want to tell me what is bothering her. 22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion. Maybe 10% of the time she does, she is fine just acknowledging it and going on with her daily life when I feel like . 23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility. According to her, she has depression, but I overreact and she can not handle that and that is the cause for problems. 24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you. She threatens she can not be with me, moves out to a friends house for three weeks when mad (We live together). Or will not come home until I "calm down" 25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings. She seems to always just think I am overreacting 26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual. Don't think this one applies 27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control. No, but sex sometimes goes through its slow points then we may have it a lot 28. They share personal information about you with others. I do this about her. I tell other people stories about what happened between us. Because I feel I need to talk to someone, and I have no health insurance for a counselor, and my girlfriend will not talk to me, that is why I am on here too. 29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted. Yup! 30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you. I have heard "I will **** you", I have been pushed and hit because I didn't leave her a lone before. I have never laid a hand on her in a threatening way except for when she was hitting me. I confronted her about the hitting, saying that is not ok, she said I disrespected her and did not leave her a lone. She was having a bad depressive funk being a bit suicidal and I felt it better for me to be next to her. In fact once all over, she thanked me for putting up with her. She also stays in touch with two and her only ex boyfriends. Yet she hates me talking too much to other girls. She calls me paranoid and phsycho if I bring up the fact that I am uncomfortable with staying in touch with ex's. So what are peoples thoughts, anyone have any experience with emotionally abusive relationships? Its all funny because my gf is a therapist herself. Also, she recently said we should just be friends and no relationship since we drive each other crazy. But knowing her, she will try to have sex with me tonight and be fine sleeping together at home. Or she will do something drastic and stay at a friends house for a week. She is unpredictable, but seems to want to control things and keep everything as if nothing happens bad between us, even when I tell her I am uncomfortable with her going out to dinner with her ex bf. Always turns it around on me.
  6. We have been going out for about 11 months. We are both 26. Living together for nine months. Friends for 8 years. My girlfriend has depression. She is on meds, and sees a counselor. She has recently stopped seeing the counselor due to no health insurance. She has abused hard drugs before for about 4 months while together (I had posted on here before about that). She has always had a struggle with alcohol. She does not lie often to my knowledge, but did regarding drugs. Recently, she has started talking to her ex boyfriend of 6 years. I was sort of aware of this. She claimed she was no longer mad and wrapping up loose ends and trying to be nice. She also, over the past 4 - 5 months, has been getting more and more mad at me more easily. She blames me for being controlling, acting like a baby, and ALWAYS wanting to talk about the relationship and she never does. I do drag things on, I am a bit clingy and needy, but her attitude makes me get a bit crazy at times and anxious. There are many stories. I will touch upon some below. But my main question I am battling is how much do I put up with. I have not really approached her regarding the specific reason for me still being with her is because I feel many problems simply stem from her depression which is not her fault. Most recently, She blew me off on a Friday. We were suppose to stay in and cook dinner and watch a movie. She instead went out with friends. I proceeded to get a little frustrated and mad, but when I do, and I have been getting worse I think due to how I get treated, I send a million texts complaining. She does not react well to this. She then proceeded to be wicked p***** all weekend and treat me very poorly, basically abusive towards me, ignoring me, anger, shoving me. We kinda got over it a little, and then we were suppose to go out to a movie with our friends on Sunday night, last second, she told me to go without her. I let it slide because she was mad at me. But then Monday night, she went out with a girlfriend of hers to dinner. At least so she says. I noticed a text, confronted her, and she admitted to going out with her ex and he kissed her. So I broke up with her. I stayed at a friends for four nights, then returned home. We sorta made up. But I am still in limbo. never feeling comfortable. And she thinks all I ever want to talk about is the relationship. So two weeks later, we hang out on July 4th. We had an alright day. And then the next morning, sitting next to her as she uses her phone, I see a picture of a contact, it is her ex. Yet the name under him is a different person. I am not stupid. And he popped up under recent contacts. I mention it instantly all casually, and she starts looking at me like i'm crazy. She calls me phsycho and fixated on her ex when there is nothing to worry about. I grabbed her phone to show her what I saw, and now he is deleted as if she just deleted him. She continues to call me crazy and has no idea what I am talking about. Yet I am very observant and know what I saw. She just ****s with my head avoiding it. She just blames me for being too crazy and jealous. And paranoid. She says she can not deal with my emotions any more and can not be with me. She says when I freak out and get all bummed out I am simply seeking attention. And she is enabling it. So she ignores me. Other stories are she read my facebook messages because she was afraid I was talking s*** about her to my family. I told my brother what happened and she read messages. Now she is all worried that my family hates her. She also read messages with a friend of mine, a girl, and got super jealous and blocked her on my fb. And yet she calls me controlling. I looked up online relationships with depression and found this MODERATOR EDIT She makes me feel like I am at fault and crazy, and she does not see that. I sometimes freak out, but she triggers me. It is driving me nuts, I feel bummed out often. But I love her so much and want to see if things can work out, but they feel like a roller coaster of good times and bad. I don't know how to proceed or approach her, well, I don't know how to talk to her about this. She has bad responses to me expressing myself. She calls me names, phsycho, ****ed up, bi-polar, abusive, controlling, crazy, and ignores me and threatens that she can not be with me, all to gain control of a situation. Yet it is so hard to leave her because I thoroughly enjoy my time with her when we are in a good mood. And I have been her friend for so long, and she does have depression and I feel guilty in leaving. I don't want to leave. But she is right about one thing, I am fixated on this relationship, and it plagues me all the time. This has been my second and longest relationship. So I don't have a ton of experience. Let alone dealing with depression. She tells me to leave other people out of it, so I can't talk to anyone. She told me to talk to a therapist which I use to see (until I lost health insurance at 26) for social anxiety myself and low self esteem. I see little lies here and there, and it is becoming harder to trust her, but it is as if she does not see the fact that she is causing half the problems based off of her reactions and way she treats me. I feel stuck, sad, and look to her for support but never get it. But I want to help her, I love her, we are friends, and I think she is not well and is abusing me emotionally. She is suicidal at times, and covers up sadness with anger. She doesn't think she is made for relationships. Yet when she is mad at me or angry, she tells me I am not ready for relationships. Should we consider couples therapy or is this ridiculous? I feel bad for her and want BOTH of us to be happy.
  7. New problem here: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/106602-girlfriend-now-has-admitted-to-messing-with-oxycodone/
  8. She has been better recently. Much better, And she has been more loving and affectionate, happier, and no depression problems. Well, at least no major ones. I have another issue that has come up. I will post a link to the new thread here.
  9. Well, she has been better since I brought up the issue, but only has been a few days. She has hung out with other friends more and had more time off from work, which has caused her to talk more to me, feel happier, talk about what we are doing Thanksgiving day together. She seems happier. We learned she probably has Hashimoto's thyroiditis and most of the symptoms (depression, tired, aches, pains) are things she experiences. Does anyone have any information or insight to how Hashimoto's thyroiditis may affect or possibly make depression worse? Especially when the person is under both physical and mental stresses from work and their life?
  10. Ok, it does make sense. Would there be any reason to end the relationship now? Or is there a chance for it to work out and I should try to be patient and just give everything more time? Things are hard enough with relationships with my social anxiety and other stuff. But at the same time, when she is happy, or we are just hanging out, she is very grateful to have me in her life. We did move in together quickly, at the time, reasoning was that we felt so comfortable with each other, and we still do. She just is at times unsure of herself and being in a relationship. We continue to be very close, and we never get mad at each other. Just at times I am questioning whether or not a relationship may be bad for either of us mental health wise. We are spending the day together on Thanksgiving, she was much better last night and this morning. A bit more normal. She has called me more on her way to and from work just talking casually which is always a sign she is feeling better. Thank you, and I understand the biggest thing I must work on is giving her space when she asks for it if I want things to work out. One time though, she was crying, and she asked me to leave and I had work too, so I was about to leave, but she then told me to stay, she said she didn't trust herself, and with a past suicidal attempt, I stayed. I then just listened to her talk, and was able to gently convince her to go for a walk outside. She ended up having a great time and was glad I stayed home. However the reason I stayed was because she felt unsafe to be a lone. This also concerns me, she has so much insight, yet when she is at her worst, she make spoor judgement. Would people recommend I try to convince her to get more help then she does currently? She is currently not seeing anyone for therapy. And regarding backing off, I read online here that it is important to be there for them as well. How do I know where the line is between backing off and giving her appropriate space versus making it seem like I am pulling away from her?
  11. Thank you. I hear everything you are saying. One thing that comes to mind however is her saying she is not comfortable being in a relationship, yet a few months back she said otherwise. And she flips back and forth. We are currently living together and are in a relationship now. So it is hard to just not be in one with her since we already are. Basically, she is questioning whether or not she is ready. Yet we already moved forward with the relationship. I don't want to end a relationship prematurely and crush her as well as ruin something special as we both do cherish each other. I do not bring up this topic much with her at all. However sometimes (out of habit) I try to ask whats wrong, or if she is ok, or just how are you, or I try to hug her or something and if I catch her in a bad mood, she may react very negatively by this. She is aware she does this, and I told her it bothers me and makes me afraid to ever talk or touch her. This came up when I asked her if she wanted to have sex rather than just going for it. And then I told her why I asked instead. I do agree that I think I may need to focus more on myself and learn to actually leave her alone more often then I do. It is hard because I am use to hugging someone or being there for them if they are in a bad mood. I am less concerned about depression myself as I am my own self -esteem. I have always battled my own thought with regards to not having a true girlfriend until age 25. And I am glad it is Brittney. She has been a long time friend and we have always had fun together when we hang out and hung out in the past. I do have a few other friends, but hanging with them is hard as some are not local, and others are in relationships and often busy with that. My girlfriend has MANY other friends, and although she says I am the best listener of her friends, she always likes to stay in touch with her other friends. I get mixed feelings from Brittney regarding "lets continue this relationship and I just need to tough it out and be there for her as that is what she needs" and then also "maybe she is not ready for one". I don't know. Is it ever possible that maybe no relationship would better her more than being in one? She tells me that I am the first guy to ever show compassion, care, and actually be there for her when she needs someone. But she is not use to that, she is use to being ignored. I also have mixed feelings of whether or not I am strong enough to be around such negativity. Part of me is, and part of me feels a little insecure, depends on the day for me. I have put up with her in a bad mood (except 2 nights) for the past two weeks then brought it up today. She never seems mad at me, just in a bad mood in general.
  12. I don't know how to edit: But to add to this, she recently text me from work saying she felt ok now. She is up, showered, and feels better. I cooked her breakfast, but she got out of bed this morning ate, then went back to bed. Now that she is at work, she admitted that she wants to give this relationship a try, she does love me, but she needs baby steps and time to think things through by going slow. I guess my big question is, I keep reading other people's stories of how depression has brought them closer, but it often results from them being able to talk things through and be supportive. How can I continue to be supportive for someone who has always been a good friend and I love so much? How can we talk about it without her blowing up or me making her feel more uncomfortable? She sometimes bring sit up herself, but I just need to sit an listen, if I start talking she often ends the conversation. I need to be too careful around her to carry on an honest conversation with her.
  13. I am not depressed, my girlfriend is. However I have much insight on depression and am trying to learn yet more about it. Specifically with regards to relationships. So Brittney (not her real name) is my girlfriend. We are both 25. I have known Brittney for eight years. She has been in two long term relationships prior to ours currently. Both ended not well. We have been somewhat close friends. Hanging out for periods of time lasting a year or so then not seeing or talking too much. We began to like each other more than just friends. However it took a while, and getting back then breaking up with her second boyfriend, before we got together. She broke up after her second boyfriend cheated on her, and then six months later started talking to me. It was fun hanging out with her. Me personally, at age 25, I was a virgin, and had never been in an actual long term relationship. I had one thing that lasted two months. I am a bit shy, low self-esteem, and I have social anxiety. I feel that Brittney is out of my league, too pretty for me, and all of that. But I was hanging out with her, and she kissed me. Things didn't go well as with social anxiety, I pull away and kind of try to push her away. However in my head, I liked it, I didn't want her to stop. This kind of threw her off. I continued to sleep over with her that night, nothing happened. But after that, we continued to hang out. She said though, she was not ready for a relationship. And at this time, I didn't know how bad her depression was. We hung out a lot, and began to really get close. I began to kiss her, hold hands, and hug, but then she began to pull away. And we hung out less and less. We talked on the phone one day, and she said that she wanted to just stay friends. However we had already planned a vacation trip for 3 nights. So we decided to just go anyways. This allowed us to clear our heads and we fell in love (and I lost my virginity). After that, we went to a wedding together, went on another vacation, and started telling each other we love each other. It has been 2 months of "being together" since the first vacation together, and 4 months hanging out. We were both in a situation where we wanted to move out of our parents house, so we moved in together. She started a new job, I work a lot, and we both work basically 6-7 days a week, solid 7-10 hour shifts. We were doing fine living together for over a month. She would come tell me midday she couldn't wait to see me, come home, and hug me and kiss me. We would eat dinner together. We loved it. At this point, her depression has come up. And her new job seemed to be causing some stress. But I didn't know the extent of it. But recently, the past three weeks have been bad. She has begun to become extremely aggravated with me easily. She comes home, says hi, and might give me a quick weak hug or peck on the cheek. She is more tired, sleeps more, less sex, less touching, less affection, less watching movies together. We will be mid conversation when she just gets aggravated and tells me to go do my own thing. She gets annoyed by me looking at her, touching her, she says she needs her space. She blames it on her depression, and the fact that she doesn't feel comfortable in a relation ship anymore. She will midday say she wants to see me and have sex, but by the time we get home, she is cranky, ready for bed, I cook her dinner, and she goes to sleep. I am afraid to talk to her out of fear of her just being in a bad mood. I hate it. I have tried to learn more about depression, and relationships recently. And everything says it is not my fault, yet it doesn't feel like it isn't. She says she still cares about me. And I do believe her. I brought it up to her today, knowing it would cause her some discomfort. But she said that she now thinks we rushed in moving together, she still loves me, but doesn't feel comfortable in a relationship. She feels comfortable with me. She said she doesn't know what to do. She wants to enjoy her time with me and be happy and care free, but the whole "relationship" thing is causing her grief and stress on top of other stressful situations in her life. I am not dealing with this good. I have social anxiety, never been in a true relationship before. She is the first girl I loved, and I do love her, I have for many years. She is an amazing wonderful friend! And she is my best friend. I have low self-esteem, I over think things, and seem to be needy and over sensitive. I have seen a therapist for this, but am in the process of looking for a new better one that I feel more comfortable with closer to where I live as well. But the problems we have from time to time, and recently (past three weeks), it has gotten much worse. It is hard to even just talk to her at times. Personally, I am in the relationship, and am willing to try to figure things out, which is why I come here. I don't know who else to talk to about this. She takes depression meds, but does not currently see a therapist (I think she should), and she is my best friend. I also don't want to go around sharing the fact she has depression, something personal to her. She often sits at home, not thinking of anything (she hates thinking about stressful things, or relationship things) just crying, thinking it is not worth living. She has attempted suicide once. She is on meds now and has since then saw someone. She says she doesn't feel that way anymore ever though. She often also feels she can never truly love anyone as much as normal people can. She feels pressured from "expectations" in the relationship, however I am a very laid back, easy going, nice guy. I respect her, and want to make things work. I personally need to work on not being so needy, but I am genuinely a nice guy, and she has expressed that many many times before. I am looking for advice. It feels like she is leaning (currently, and her feelings change often) towards not being in a relationship, however this is after we have moved in together after 4 months together. I don't know who to get help from, but it seems that both of us want guidance. We want to be happy. But it is hard. Her depression and my low self-esteem does not work well together, and we both need to work on our own problems, especially me, however I feel the relationship is a joint project that we must work on. I asked her (literally while I was typing this) what she wants to do with regards to our relationship, (ie. work on it and try to figure out how to make things more comfortable, or does she not feel comfortable continuing it)? And she said she doesn't have an answer, and she is not in a good place right now, and she seems to get defensive and says she told me what is stressing her out and making her depression worse, and that she doesn't want to keep repeating herself. But I still feel very confused as to what the right move is? Am I being over sensitive, and should I just let her wallow in her depression and continue to try to be there for her? Is it bad to continue a relationship with someone with depression that says she doesn't feel comfortable in a relationship? Every time I bring this up, it makes her mood worse. Is it bad that I bring it up? I honestly believe we love each other. I love her and care for her so much, she seems to care for me back. When she is in a good mood (which is often), I can see she cares about me a lot. She is happy to be with me. She has said she feels blessed. But then when she starts to get in a bad mood, she begins to get agitated when I tell her she looks pretty, or I hold her hand, or I even just sit down next to her. She seems to just want to be left a lone. This is hard for me, someone who seems to be over sensitive, a bit needy, and when she is my best friend. She has many other close friends, she is outgoing, I am not, and have much less friends. Any advice?
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