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TwentyTwo

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About TwentyTwo

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    Junior Member

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    Female

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  1. I haven't felt good for several days now since getting on a new brand of 150 mg buproprion. I'm working on getting my stuff changed to a new pharmacy that's more consistent with pills. I started on 300 mg and it worked great. Could that be it? There's other stuff going on with me (period could be starting soon, Valentine's Day is coming up and I always feel like an unlovable, unwanted loser that day, not thrilled about new job) but I think that the meds could be a bigger part of it
  2. Hey everybody, can you do me a favor and read this? I haven't posted here in a while. I'm TwentyTwo and I'm recovering pretty good from my depression and suicidal ideation. To the point that I'm back in school and studying clinical mental health counseling (extremely ironic considering a year ago my mental health was barely stable enough to do anything). I have a bit of a problem and was hoping some people here could help me out. I'm working on a paper about suicidal minorities and reasons to live/will to live. Mostly because I'm a minority (African-American) and even though minority suicide rates are lower than the average, I thought it would be an interesting topic. Does anyone out there who is a minority, has attempted or seriously thought about attempting, want to share their thoughts on reasons to live? Did your race or culture have any impact on your decision to live? What has your struggle been like with depression and suicidal ideation? Is there hope? Are there good reasons to choose life over death? I don't need names or anything, just stories. Thanks guys
  3. I don't think the single life has a lot of perks. But I appreciate the comments. Everyone has interesting thoughts here.
  4. How do I stop believing that I'll be alone for the rest of my life?
  5. In June 30 I'll have been on bupropion for a year. There have been so many changes in my life since then. I'm not in crisis anymore, most days I feel stable, and I do feel better. So much better that I haven't posted here in months! I want to decrease my dose to 150mg since I don't feel suicidal everyday like I used to. But I'm hesitant to bring it up to a doctor because what if the 300mg I've been taking is the reason why I feel good? Going to 150mg could take some of the positive benefits away and I really don't want that. If anyone out there has ever lowered their dose for a while after taking 300mg or higher I would love to hear your story
  6. Thank you! I know of 1 I want to try out already and if that doesn't appear to be a good one I'll look up Emotions Anonymous
  7. Anyone have good experiences with a depression or mental illness support group?
  8. God knows what I think of him lol. I try not to vocalize that a lot cause people just don't get it
  9. Thank you. This was the right thing to say. More people should say this!
  10. I feel much better. I'm still a little bitter over my situation but at least I'm still alive. I don't appreciate what God allowed to happen to me this year, but the year is almost over. 1 thing I'm thankful for
  11. Thanks. It's the end of the year and everyone's all reflective. I don't think they mean any harm but normal people can't even begin to wrap their heads around severe mental illness. Christians especially like to make it seem like 'praising him in the valley' or whatever is what you have to do and I literally cannot
  12. I'm visiting different churches. At a new church yesterday the message was about being thankful for 2015. There was a part where he mentioned we should be thankful for the chaos of this year but acknowledged that a lot of people wouldn't be and that was fine with God. Well, I'm 1 of those people. I almost killed myself multiple times this year because I was so depressed and miserable. I'm on meds for the 1st time with no idea if I'll ever go off of them. Currently unemployed and back at my parents house. Trying to get into grad school but I have NO idea what I'll do if I don't get in. I'm not thankful for this year long mess. I lost so much this year. I have fewer friends, fewer job prospects, no money coming in, single af, book dreams stagnant, and meanwhile Christians say I should be grateful cause at least I'm still here. Cause God brought me out of _____. I've had nothing but struggles with my mental health all year long. I think there were only 5 weeks this year when I didn't cry. I was crying on NYE and on my birthday. I'm not thankful. And I'm starting to resent this idea that I should be at some point.
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