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cutepuppies

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Everything posted by cutepuppies

  1. I feel so emotionally worn out and tired.

  2. Thank you for the suggestions! I'll look into that. I've also found that visiting 7 Cups of Tea, a site that provides listeners to live IM with, was super, super helpful. I wen through two rough days, but talking it out with a "listener" really helped. Cutepuppies.
  3. Hey guys, So I actually really like my therapist and find talking to her really helpful. At least in boosting self esteem and confidence in the short run. This has been my first week since September to not see my therapist. I'm also going to have two weeks of not seeing my therapist when Christmas come around. Do you have any advice for getting through those therapy free times? Thanks, Cutepuppies
  4. I feel guilty because I feel like a horrible person when I think about how I wish I wasn't at home for Thanksgiving break. I would much rather be with my boyfriend who knows I have depression than my family who I actively have to hide my depression and meds from. I try to think to myself that I could have a lot worse family, but I'm still not happy.
  5. I feel sad, lonely, and empty even when there are people I know who care about me.
  6. Hey Licito, Have you seen a doctor? It might be something to look into. Not saying that you do have depression, but it might be a possibility. Even with moderate depression, I still have moments when I feel a-okay and things are looking bright. Depression is not always feeling sad all the time. It comes in many different forms. Even people with perfectly good lives can get depression, sometimes it's chemistry that causes it, sometimes it's something else. To sum it up, my advice is to see a doctor. Make yourself at home here and welcome to the forum. :) Warm wishes, Cutepuppies
  7. Great point Thimble! My therapist once had me do that. I was working on anger and spiral thoughts at the time so she had me write down what was going through my head in the moment. Her seeing the deep, hard pencil lines in the paper when I was mad and the thoughts of hopelessness showed her things I couldn't always express. Sometimes it's also hard to remember how you were feeling in a particular moment, especially when it happened awhile ago, writing it down closer to the moment can help you remember. So after writing the things down, I gave the paper to my therapist, and she read over it silently, asking questions when she wanted clarification. Give it a try. If you find it helpful, that's great! If you're like me and finding writing about stuff kinda traumatizing, that's okay too. Experiment and find out what works best for you. There's no right or wrong way. Warm wishes, Cutepuppies
  8. Hey guys, So I've been diagnosed with depression for 3 months now. It started out as extreme anger, then changed to anxiety, then changed to sadness, then changed back to occasional anxiety attacks. I can go days feeling "normal", then something happens, and BOOM! I go downhill for a few hours until the meds kick in. Here lately it's been extreme feelings of stress that hit me light a train and leaving me curled up on the couch feeling completely overwhelmed and anxious. It's always saddening because I went for days with no problems and thought I was getting better, when in truth, it was just hiding. Do any of you have days of feeling great and thinking everything is okay, then turn into a stress ball in just a matter of minutes? How do you cope with the extreme change in moods? How do you cope from feeling okay to then being reminded that you really aren't okay? Thanks, Cutepuppies
  9. Hey Girl, When I first started therapy, I had similar feelings. I hadn't talked to anyone in great detail about some of the topics that came up. At first it was a little scary. Why I held back is because I felt guilty for doing what I did or feeling the way I did, like somehow I had put myself in that situation. Talking it out with my therapist really helped by self esteem because I came to realize that what happened in the past is not always my fault and I don't have to be ashamed of it and blame myself. Your therapist is not there to judge. Their goal is to listen to what you have to say and possibly change your mind set about those events that happened in the past. Try to remind yourself that when you go in. Even if it is scary at first to open up and be really honest. Warm wishes, Cutepuppies
  10. Hey DStar, My best suggestion is to see a doctor about this. Only a doctor can really diagnose. Just knowing what you may have can give you some relief. I know that when I was first diagnosed with depression, I was extremely relieved. All I knew is that something wasn't right and I needed some way to make it better. Please seek help and maybe then you can get some answers. Warm wishes, Cutepuppies
  11. Hey guys, One last update. After talking to my brother who went through some similar stuff with my mother, I decided to keep my mental illness to myself. Not sure if it's the greatest idea, but I don't see anything good coming out of telling her anything. You can't change a person. However, though this process, I have identified other people who can help be my support. What I have told her is that I have made the decision to work Winter break and not come home as early as planned. When the time comes, I will also tell her point blank that I plan to work at college this summer and not come home. So things are still rough, but as long as I get to make my own decisions about what I'm going to do, I don't see how it's her business in what I do. Thank you for your support along the way. It hasn't been easy, but I'm getting there. -cutepuppies
  12. Thank you, that actually may help. I always do my trig homework in the math tutoring lab even if I don't need help. I also always do it at a certain time because I love routines and it makes me confortable. I'll see what I can do about finding a good place to always go at a certain time. Thanks Caelum!
  13. Captain, I think it's great that you're trying out ways that may help you understand yourself better. Way to go! For an assignment, my therapist told me to keep a journal of your feelings and things that go on. However, at that time, it was difficult to write about stuff that had happened that day because I was so upset about it. My therapist decided that we wouldn't do that again so I wouldn't have to relive the feelings again when I wrote down things that happened during the day. For some people with depression, writing helps them. For others like me, writing just brings up emotions again for a second time. If writing makes you feel better, go for it! If not, then maybe look into other options such as volunteering, listening to music, or exercising. Warm wishes, Cutepuppies
  14. Hey guys, I'm having problems with my university homework in Chemistry. Chemistry is not my best subject. I find it really hard to start doing the chapter's homework because I have this overwhelming anxiety and I'm scared that I'm going to see the questions and have no idea how to do them. I get a tightness in my chest, then start thinking, "omg I can't do this, omg, I don't understand the material, omg, I'm going to fail the class! My GPA will drop and I will lose all my scholarships and end up back at home!" So making the anxiety worse, I just avoid the homework and online quizzes until the last minute. I always work though the problems and have way to seek help with them when I need to. But I can't shake this overwhelming feeling that I'm going to fail before I even start. Do any of you have a similar feelings and what do you do to cope? Thanks, Cutepuppies
  15. Hey guys, I just wanted to give you an update on my therapy session. I've decided that I wanted to work at the university some of holiday break, not all of it but some. And I also want to work a summer job at school instead of going home like I promised my mom. I'm ready to be an adult and am taking the steps there just like I've been doing since high school. I just need to get my mother to see that I am. I talked with my therapist about my concerns about telling my mother about me taking depression meds, seeing a therapist, and working the break and summer. My therapist helped normalize it for me that it's perfectly okay to want to branch out and set boundaries with my parents. I'm 20, this is my second year of college, and I've done everything for myself besides car insurance since high school. I even took care of my first a speeding ticket by myself without my parents knowledge. I've also taken myself to the emergency room, seen a doctor about medical concerns, seen a doctor for birth control, and have gotten my summer and school jobs by myself with out any help from my parents. I shouldn't have to be asking my parents for permission to do anything. So now my plan is to tell my mother, "hey you may not like it, but this is what I'm doing and these are my plans". Then be prepared for her to not agree and be upset with me. Then use positive self talk to reassure myself that the plans I have is normal and seeking medical help for myself is normal and that I am doing the right thing even if my mom believes otherwise. You guys have been great in giving me the confidence that I am doing the right thing and that telling my mother the truth is okay even if she doesn't like the truth. Wish me luck! -cutepuppies
  16. Writefullyhere, I'm not a doctor, but I suggest that you contact your practitioner and tell them about the negative side effects you are having. They may lower your dose. Once my dose was lowered, I had a huge improvement in just a week. Prozac can cause really horrible side effects which can include a higher chance of suicide. Please see help. -Cutepuppies
  17. the funny thing is my parents have no idea about my mental health struggles. their attitudes towards mental health is completely backwards and also I just cant bear the constant recommendations for improvement that would surely follow so I tell them virtually nothing. Wrenn84, Same thing for me. I told my mom about the good grades I had just made on a test in college. She replied, "See, you're doing fine. You were worrying for nothing. I know you, it's just a phase. You just need to have more trust in yourself. You don't need to see a therapist because I really know you and know that it was just a phase. Remember that one time...." As in, you don't really have a problem, you were just worried about that one test. So now, I avoid talking about grades or anything that's related to my depression. As far as she knows, my depression magically disappeared on it's own.
  18. I can believe that. I am 20 years old and have recently started taking Prozac. I started with two weeks of 10mg then was bumped up to 20mg. After the second week of having 20mg, I had to be moved back down to the 10mg because my depression became worse. I felt more sad than usual, cried more than usual, and started having the urge to restrict food. One week after the using 10mg instead of 20mg, and taking a new higher dose of anti-anxiety medicine, I feel back to my normal. If you are in the range of being a child/young adult, please be careful with antidepressants.
  19. Hi LadyCinephile, I understand your feeling of something is wrong, I don't like it, but I don't know what it is. That's how I felt before I was diagnosed with depression. I knew something was wrong, I couldn't control my emotions at all and was always super stressed. It was scary and I had no idea what the doctor would tell me. I was also worried that he would think that it was nothing that bad. So just know that you're not alone in that feeling. I hope your appointment goes well and you get some answers. Warm wishes, Cutepuppies
  20. Hi TeeshaLyn, It's hard when you don't have a therapist available to work with you. I sympathise with you. I'm also concerned about what I'm going to do when my free sessions at the University end and I won't have any way of paying for more therapy sessions. My therapist told me that there were places that had patients pay on a sliding scale based on need. I obviously don't know what your situation is. But maybe it's worth looking in to? Warm wishes, Cutepuppies
  21. Hi Stressedmum, I think part of her problem was that she is ignorant about what depression really is. When she heard I had depression, so automatically thought major depression and me not functioning. I tried to explain to her that at the time my depression was caused by stress and was mostly shown in anger. That I could still function and didn't have to go home. Still, she doesn't understand that depression is more than me worrying too much. She thought she could fix my worries with simple reassurances and me trusting her. Since that awful phone call and two very stressful weeks of have a helicopter mom, I haven't broached the subject again out of fear of her reaction. I believe that her problem with medications is the fear of negative side effects mixed with her misunderstanding. My family has always taken the approach that you can't always trust modern medicine. She didn't understand that at the point when if first started taking my medication. I was desperate and willing to try almost anything to help me function normally. I couldn't take an off semester. If I skip one semester or my GPA goes below a 3.25, I will lose all my scholarships and no longer have a way to pay for school. School was the only thing that kept me away from home and made me hopeful that I wouldn't end up one day in my mom's situation in life. Thank you Stressedmum for your time and support. It's good to hear from another mother.
  22. Reason to Belive, Role playing conversations and switching of roles with my therapist is a great idea. If I do ever decide to have that conversation with my mom, I will practice it first. Thank you.
  23. Hey Fizzle, Thank you for your suggestion. This is exactly why I wanted to ask the community what they thought. I wanted different ideas to help me and my therapist decide what to do. Everyone has a deferent approach and should choose what's best for them.
  24. Hey Duck, Yeah, my mother is against counseling because she thinks that she can solve all my problems and she knows best. But there are things I don't want to tell my mother, and she is one of my problems. My mother is also against meds. My family is the all natural milk your own cow type of family. Literally, they have a cow to milk. I had to promise her that I wouldn't see the RN for a prescription just so I could get her to stop freaking out on me. And yes, the RN and my therapist work together to make sure that I am on the right medicines and that they are not giving me negative side effects. There's a point in your life when you have to make all of your medical decisions for yourself, and I guess I am to that point. I am just having a hard time coming out to her and explaining what I'm doing. For one reason, she blew up when I told her I had seen a psychologist. For another, I did specifically what I promised I wouldn't do, just because I was desperate and needed some sort of help. Thirdly, I am my mother's golden child, the smart one, the one who has her back, the one she can complain to about my father. I am sick and tired of it, but I don't want to completely shut her out. I am one of her only friends and I am afraid that she couldn't cope without me. It's kinda scary when for once your family doesn't have your back when you're going through some tough times.
  25. Thanks John. I've been wanting to break away for awhile. Just haven't gotten up the courage. I'm not one for confrontation and I don't like having my mom upset with me. But breaking the news to hear before the break might be a good idea.
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