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About Hoitytoity

  • Birthday October 10

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  1. Add me to the list of people with inflammatory issues. From psoriasis, Rosecea, sebhorric dermatitis to my toe joints staying bent... Yup inflammation sucks. I suspect it aggravates my heart as well.
  2. I've experience the majority of the poll, but hallucinations and speaking only. My anxiety usually has me talking too fast.
  3. You don't sound heartless at all, but respectful of yourself and her. I think just tell her a version of what you wrote here. Good luck. I'm sure it won't be easy.
  4. I understand the sick feeling that goes along with a new "love interest". It's a roller coaster. But... Have you ruled out the possibility you are looking for something to fill the void? An affair sounds like an excuse to self destruct as much as new love is a powerful emotion to silence other ones.
  5. I'm a jumble of different emotions. The good - my last acting class was fun! I get to write an introduction from the perspective of my character. My brother is engaged. They are happy with a daughter and it seems totally for the right reasons. I'm happy for them. The bad- work stress. Guilt over *being* stressed that I can't honour a commitment. Frustration with dealing with people who take advantage of me. :/ Some people can't understand anxiety.
  6. One of my worst depressive episodes was 11 years ago, when I accidently stepped on my pet bird. He didn't recover from the shock of the surgery. My older sister made me feel so guilty when it was an accident. He'd gotten underneath a blanket that fell on the couch. Two years later she lets my bird outside, but didn't want to apologize for how she treated me over the other incident. So she was going to replace my bird with a similar one. My twin didn't let her deceive me. The possible replacement was male and unfriendly. Birds are very fragile. It's heartbreaking to lose a loved one. I know how you feel. :/
  7. You don't need to give up the things that make you happy. Unless it is an unhealthy addiction. Channel those things to obtain goals or as a reward. I think this idea is holding you back. Do you feel you are unworthy to get help? Because you are worthy. It's so hard when you start holding non accomplishments against yourself. Stop looking around you (TV is the worst offender) and saying I'm such and such age. It's hard, but it's not something you can change. You are what you are. The smallest things are accomplishments because *you* did it. If you have a primary doctor ask them to recommend a therapist for you. I love the idea of starting online. I think if replace the term "your comfort zone" with realising you deserve help more people would ask for it. I have almost destroyed myself thinking you deserved hell based on your accomplishments. That's backwards. You sometimes need help to accomplish.
  8. I work 12 hour days. It can be challenging when my anxiety is high, but I think not working would lead to anxiety in itself. It's better for me to focus on a task and push through it. It's hard when my anxiety causes my heart to beat prematurely though. Once that happens I just have to lie down. I've started a thread on this problem in the anxiety forum. Someone made a good point it was a circular problem. Anxiety and pvcs make each other worse. My depression has interfered with my education. I can't focus and talk myself into believing I'm too stupid to go back.
  9. I've been feeling pretty blah physically. I've got to get some blood work done tomorrow. I'm constantly dehydrated, but can't manage to drink enough water.
  10. It sucks. I'd suggest pulling away yourself. For whatever reason he's made his male social life his priority right now. He may be feeling he can take you for granted because he *does* know you are there for him. Is he making you feel like he'd be there for you though? He may feel less pressure in a group than an intimate one on one thing. Do you hang with him in group settings? Our actions speak louder than words. Actually giving people space sometimes is all we can do. I've been there with others with depression issues. Anytime I tried to force others to talk when they weren't ready made them back away more. It's hard to realise sometimes that we don't want the same things as those close to us. I want to open up about what is bothering me and my identical sis does not.
  11. I was pretty depressed last night after my acting class. The teacher supposedly hand picked scenes for everyone to do based on their personalities. I got grouped in as "the rest of you". I have to figure out how to play either spinster, Matron or old woman. Last night before bed I decided not to worry about it. I was always overlooked in drama in school. I had to prove myself each time. if there was one thing I was good at it was scene stealing my tiny parts.
  12. This thread really moved me. I can understand feeling worried, then temporarily relieved by a text. It's hard even knowing its depression that pulls people away from you. I hope you are doing okay.
  13. Gosh I'm not sure the list wouldn't be replaced with other things... 1) to fix my teeth. I never got braces, wisdom teeth grew in. If I could magically fix that like Hermione did in Harry Potter... 2) to exude more calmness, to be calmer in general. I included exude calmness because my general demeanor is a bit intense even when I'm feeling a lower scale annoyance or appropriate anger. I don't want to put people off. 3) no debt & have that sense of ease people who don't have to worry about money have. 4) to finish my education 5) discover any talent I might have untapped might make me have a sense of my true self. 6) to be able to fix problems for others and let go/accept when I cant. My anxiety def affects my twins depression. I don't want to be the cause of anyone's misery. 7) no more pvcs. This makes my anxiety much worse. 8) no psoriasis. There is no cure so I truly would need a magic solution. But going back and taking away all that shame and embarrassment from this and the next on my list.. 9) a breast reduction. I really struggled being large chested growing up. 10) to find true love, but also be able to recognize it. I think my depression would cloud me from knowing I'm loved. It doesn't cloud me from loving others, but I hold myself back.
  14. I've been doing better. My primary dr sucks. He sent me to my cardiologist after taking me off bystolic. He didn't look for any other cause of my black outs. That didn't work in my favour. My cardiologist said I was dehydrated and whenever I'm feeling nauseous not to take my blood pressure meds, not altogether and watch my heart rate spike back up. So now I'm not blacking out and I feel so much better. My acting workshop is a ton of fun. I've had two classes so far. That's the highlight in my life. I had a talk with the guy I wrote about last week. He says he wasn't hinting for a friends with benefits thing. He freaked because I might pick my job over him when he gets moved somewhere else in December. That's a bit early to worry about that in my opinion. He says it was issues over his ex. I've got issues of own regarding being used as a until someone better comes along. i didn't chew him out, but the day after I last wrote here I texted him that his behaviour was confusing and misleading. He doesn't think we can just be friends because he's too sexually attracted to me. he says he got scared, but we'll see what happens and go out again. We haven't made any plans to go out as of yet. We did text a bit this week, but nothing broaching the topic of dating, sex or just being friends. Just regular chit chat.
  15. I feel pretty terrible on both my anxiety and depression issues. I had my first acting workshop last night, it is going to be a challenge speaking in front of people, even a class of nine. We have an odd number so unsurprising when it was time to pair with a partner I was left out. I'll stick it out. It is only seven classes, but being out of my comfort zone is hard. Then a guy I was seeing texted me Sunday about being friends. I hadn't expected to hear from him again. I said sure that'd be great as I stayed friends with the other guy I met on the dating site at the same time. He's been a really good friend to me. This guy asks me if he can ask a question, only for it to be how I felt about him before. I said I had been falling for him. He asked if it was wrong that he wasn't. I had to say I already accepted we werent going to go out again. Was that necessary? He just had to text later that be really missed me, had a dream about me that made him see me in a new light only to ask if it's be too bold to say he still missed having sex with me. I told him I couldn't go there. I won't do friends with benefits. He then said he was scared of that and didn't know. My other friend says he's probably confused, that I don't need to be his test dummy to explore his . I feel very sad that this guy had to open a wound only two weeks old. Is he thinking I'm just easy and he can use me? That's happened to me before, and the guy ended up engaged with someone else. I take offers of friendship seriously. If you don't really mean you want to be friends, and said girl admitted to feeling emotions from sex then leave her alone. It's cruel to mess with someone's emotions like that. My twin says this doesn't say anything about me as a person, it says something about the guys who do that. But it still freaking hard to believe that it isn't me.
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