advayd

I like it when I make new discoveries. I like it whenever I think about my work being published. But these are such rare moments, at least for me, that I wonder if it is really worth it. I have considered being something like a career post-doc, but that too can be miserable. It is not as stressful as being a PI, but just as uncertain. I'm tired of the uncertainty. So as of now, I am losing my passion for being a scientist gradually. That makes me even more depressed. I worry what my peers, friends and family will think. I worry about how happy I will be if I leave science. Most of all, it is going to hurt like hell knowing that I couldn't prove myself. That is the worst part, I think.

I'm a senior grad student. After years of toiling away in the lab with little luck and an uncertain future, I feel burnt out. I am training to become an independent scientist but my lack of any significant achievement and the overwhelming stress, not to mention the dwindling job market, has made me realize I can't become what I have been training for. This also makes not want to become what I'm training for. There are other less lucrative careers but it won't feel the same to pursue any of those careers. Of late I have been wondering what the point to all of this life really is. I didn't miss life before I was born and I will not miss it when I am dead. I have had it and just want to sleep. Has anyone else felt that way?