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Kdhurd11

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  1. Dear ID 50223, I want to change my attitude. I really really do, but I'm In the habit of thinking negative about most everything. It's been 8 years since my separation and I cannot move on. I'm 52 and I feel like I'm 100. I am terrified of my future because I have nothing....no money, no credit, no retirement, 401k....nothing. Once my car goes; I have no means of getting another one. I cannot live in the moment. I am always thinking about the future and what I am going to do. I feel like I never have peace of mind and I'm aching for it. My Mom died of breast cancer in March and she was my best friend. She fought It for 9 years. I have not gotten a mammo or gone to the Doctor because I just don't care. I wouldn't hurt myself.....on purpose, but If something happens to me; I wouldn't care. I go on FB and I see that 98% of my friends from High School are still married, traveling, their children have graduated from great colleges and their biggest worries are how to redo their bathrooms. I'm not jealous and I wish them the best, but I am envious. I'm crying. I'm scared. I don't want to feel this way, and I have tried to change the way I think, but It lasts for 5 minutes and then I start thinking again. I'm sorry If I have made anyone feel bad. It's not my intention.
  2. Hey All, Happy Thanksgiving. I hope It's a good one. Money is a huge issue Suzz...you are right. It's so hard to get up every day to go to work, make barely enough to meet your bills, then go to sleep. When the weekends come....there isn't any money to do anything fun and that includes gas. It really bothers me that people think that depression is not an illness. If one more person tells me to "snap out of it," I'm going to scream. Be well, Kd
  3. Hey All, I did finally get a decent job. How I'm going to drag myself out of bed at 6am should be interesting. I don't have a choice. I feel like I always sound so negative. I just keep thinking of my future and It feels hopeless....nothing good there. I'm very lonely and I think that's why.
  4. Thank you everyone who responded. I can't stand to see others going through this, but I am comforted that others understand. How do people that are responsible for taking care of everything get out of bed in the morning? My baby, my dog is 17 and can't walk anymore. I need to put her to sleep. I feel like I'm living outside my body. I do try hard to make my life better but it's 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. I hate it.
  5. I'm new here and looking for support. I have been suffering from depression since 2005 when my husband left. He's the love of my life and I just cannot move on. I live with my best friend and my daughter....she's 24. No one wants to hear about my depression anymore. My therapist doesn't know what to say to me anymore....everyone tells me at this point,I need to learn to live with it. I'm 50 years old and I feel like I'm 90. I never go out because I'm always broke. I work 2 jobs, ten hours a day just to make ends meet. I need to have work done on my teeth, glasses and I cannot afford any of these things. I've trie every combo of anti depressents. This sounds so sick, but because I'm afraid to take my own life, I often wish I would get diagnosed with terminal cancer. I have no future. Just dragging myself out of bed and working day in and day out to pay the bills....rent, car....has anyone ever felt this way?
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