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About Maxx55

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  • Birthday 12/13/1975

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  1. Maxx55

    Am I Broken??

    Thank you MLG. I hope this is allowed, I’m going to try to post a picture of my now fur angel.
  2. Maxx55

    Am I Broken??

    So for a little update... I've been reassigned to a different shift...I was working 7 am to 3:30 pm, but now I am working 1:30 pm to 10:00 pm.....and now my social life...what little I had....is completely shot. I hate it....I'm looking for new work elsewhere. Also, part of my therapy was talking, petting, and appreciating the presence of my pet kitty, Tiger. Unfortunately Tiger passed away on Thursday. She hadn't been eating since last Thursday, took her in to the Vet...they did some blood work that came back fine...she was brought in again for additional tests when her body temperature started to drop, her breathing became labored, and her pulse became weak. I had her for 13 years....she comforted me through a divorce and my mom's passing...curling up in my lap and purring....and a few mews as if to say "I'm here if you need me".
  3. Maxx55

    Am I Broken??

    I currently have a job, but as of late it has become very stressful for me. I'm having panic attacks and feelings of dread. I looked up on a medical hospital website because they have a position that is open that I am interested in but while there, I saw that they had "10 Sings that you or a loved one need mental help"..... 1. You’re having sleep problems. Research estimates up to 80 of people with depression report struggling with insomnia, or have early morning awakening, which is an often-overlooked but highly correlated sign, but highly correlated. If you’re having recurring nightmares or any other sleep disruptions—this one is a biggie that might point to anxiety or post-traumatic stress. 2. You experience a spontaneous change in appetite. Check in with yourself: Have you lost your appetite? Or are you eating much more than you usually do? Changes in appetite can be a sign of coping with excess stress. 3. Your moods have changed, change often, or not often enough. You could be experiencing lower mood than usual, or feeling blah more days than not. Be aware of swings in the other direction, too: There’s nothing wrong with being in a good mood, but if your moods are fueling any problematic decisions, or swinging drastically, it could be signs of a disorder. 4. You’re struggling with excessive fear. This can take the form of thoughts, worries, panic, and physiological body sensations of anxiety and fear. Ask yourself: Does your anxiety cause more stress than it helps cope with it? There’s a good sweet spot in managing anxiety, as the right amount of anxiety can motivate you, but benefits need to outweigh the costs. 5. You’re struggling with physical signs of stress. These clusters of symptoms vary from person to person. Stress can include general muscle tension, headaches, and upset stomach and GI distress. It can also worsen existing chronic medical conditions. Sometimes we communicate emotions and mental well-being through the body—this can be especially common in kids, but adults do it, too. 6. Your relationships are fraying. You might withdraw from social activities. You may feel disconnected. You may be finding yourself avoiding people and relationships that you normally value. You may feel guilty or ashamed about the disconnection, a sense of missing out, sadness, or loss. 7. You’re easily irritated. Irritability is commonly overlooked. You might be short with loved ones or have a hard time finding compassion. If you normally like helping people, but your reserves are tapped out, or you’re chronically cranky, argumentative, blaming, or unsympathetic to others—all point to a need for more support. 8. Your behavior is changing considerably. While it’s normal and fine to do things that bring you relief or pleasure—a glass of wine, shopping, surfing the web—too much of a good thing can impact you negatively. If it crosses the line from fun and leisure to escape of reality or stress, it’s time to talk to someone. 9. You’re struggling with your identity and purpose. This might also manifest as self-esteem issues, negative self-talk or self-image, or issues of body image. 10. You’re having trouble bouncing back. In general, humans are pretty resilient, but when we are having a hard time getting back up, or we are really worn down from having to get back up, that’s a sign that seeking help might be worthwhile. Out of these 10 signs - I think I have 8 of them...Only #'s 2 and #8 are absent..... I've been dealing with depression since high school....back then you didn't have "say no to bullying" as much as you do today....Back then it was "suck it up buttercup". I guess if you live long enough to be called a loser and worthless....you start to believe it.
  4. Hello everyone. Last week I had a health scare that seriously freaked me out. I’m 42 years old, divorced, no kids, only child, and the first anniversary of my mom’s passing is coming up next week. While I’ve been depressed about my job, my lack of female companionship, lack of offspring, I have been as of late....completely terrified of dying. I know that every one dies and I eventually will too but it doesn’t help. The thought of it gives me a full blown panic attack. I don’t know what do. Am I weird?? Am I strange? Who can I talk to about this??
  5. Maxx55

    A song that might help:

    Thank you for suggesting this. Not to hijack the thread, but when I am feeling very stressed and just need to zone out for a while, I play Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings from the Homeworld Soundtrack. When I listen to it, I feel like my stress is slowly leaving me...and I just feel a little bit better. Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings from the Homeworld Soundtrack
  6. So it's been a couple of days. So my manager sort of likes me and he asked me to create a new position based off an idea I had for him about a year ago. That's fine and good, but he knows I want to be a manager. I know I could do it too, I've been in management positions before at other companies....did pretty well since I was given bonuses when I worked at those other companies. They don't hand out bonuses (not talking about a 100 bucks or and a steak dinner....no it was a check between $2,500.00 and $5k and a $300.00 voucher to redeem one or more gift cards). Anyway, the position that has yet to be posted and I've talked to a few other managers in the company asking for their advice. They said that since it is open to only internal candidates (those who already work for Best Buy) that I should apply anyway for two reasons. 1 - I have to be interviewed (company policy) and 2 - to gain experience and to be comfortable interviewing again. So when it posts, I will be ready to go. I have also applied to several other firms in my geographical area that have open positions in my area of expertise.
  7. Hello everyone, I'm having some anxiety issues surrounding work and in life in general. I'm 42 years old man and I feel I am having a midlife crisis and I don't know what to do or how to act or what....... 7 months ago, I lost my mom to a stroke.....I MISS MY MOM!!!!!! At first when it happened, I was greeted with nice messages of condolences and "if there is anything you need, let me know" messages. Well some of those well wishes seemed to have dried up and people aren't as "open" as they were. Work life is more complex. I've worked in the same job for the last 10 years and I guess with every job, there are parts I love and parts I despise. The parts I despise could easily be corrected, but management won't for some odd reason. For my job reviews and performance, I've gotten high marks....in a 1 - 5 rating system (1 being low, 5 being high), I have received "satisfactory" or a 3's, "excellent" 4's, and "beyond expectations" 5's consistently for the last 5 years. This week, my manager sent out an email to me and co-workers that he's going to be opening up a new manager position. Department rumor mill is full swing and it is generally believed that the newest person our team was hired specifically for this position. Which I am trying not to believe, but it is concerning.....if it is true....my thoughts turn to me and ask the questions - "why am I constantly going way beyond what is needed when there is no payoff?". I don't know if true but and maybe it's just my nerves.... What is really annoying is that our manager came from a different department that was completely different. We have to have certain certifications and prerequisites, which any normal person would say that the manager should too. He doesn't....no experience in our line of work at all. Was hired because he was friends with the person who posted the position. I am afraid that this new management position will handled the same way. A position that I am more than qualified for. I've thought about finding a new job elsewhere, maybe a place that will treat me with respect and actually give a hoot about my future. Ugh. I've given myself migraines over this... Finally, let's talk about my love life....or lack there of. I don't have a wife (wife left me 11 years ago), I don't have a girlfriend....last girlfriend I had was my wife before I proposed to her....I have a profile on 4 dating sites.....nothing sleazy....just dating sites like POF and Match. In the 6 months of looking at and reviewing....and waiting....results...1 date. I have one lady friend that I have any form of physical contact beyond a hug, but she isn't really interested in a long term relationship. Ugh....if anyone has advice...I'd love to hear it, otherwise, thanks for letting me vent.
  8. Maxx55

    Merry Xmas

    Merry Xmas. It’s a double whammy for me. First Xmas without my mom who passed away in August so I’ve been bummed out about that. Its was my birthday on December 13th. Turned 42. This is my 11th year alone for Xmas as far as zero romantic partners go (I’m straight) so no ladies to hug, kiss, or cuddle with. I’m on two dating sites and so far.....zero dates.....I feel like both Frankenstein’s monster and the Humpback of Notre Dame will get dates before me. I have a feeling that all my Xmases will be like this going forward. Me going to my cousins house (until I’m no longer invited) having dinner...exchange a “white elephant gift” and pretend that all is ok. I guess I get through it because I don’t put up a tree anymore. I don’t really watch Xmas movies like It’s a Wonderful Life or White Christmas. I have no brothers or sisters so it’s just my dad and I.
  9. It’s been 3 months since my mom passed away unexpectedly due to a severe stroke. Ive done my best to go on but as things progress I find myself both equally sad and downright petrified of my own mortality. I am seriously freaking out. I’m giving myself panic attacks and I know that there is nothing....nothing I can do to stop the inevitable. I was raised in a Lutheran household and even though I don’t attend church regularly it has been my belief of an afterlife. However the scientific non religious side of my mind says “give me proof, not fairytales”. Am I acting normal here?? Have I gone crazy?? Help....
  10. Maxx55

    I'm a "bleeping" mess

    Thanks,,,just taking things day by day...all I can do.
  11. Maxx55

    I'm a "bleeping" mess

    Hi everyone.....having a rough time. I lost my mom on August 14th due to a stroke (it was her 2nd) which has left only my dad and I. Mom was 77 years old. I have no other siblings...it's just me and my dad. My dad is 75 and recently had a physical and was given a clean bill of health (thank goodness). I'm having panic attacks since my mom's passing. Panic attacks due to fear of losing my dad....being alone.....having no wife or girlfriend to be there at my side.....last night I couldn't even sleep until I took an Xanax. People think being an only child is awesome, great, wonderful.....you don't have any siblings to compete with or get into fights with......while that may be appealing to some..... it also means that you have little to no support during difficult times.
  12. Maxx55

    Just trying to hold it together

    It's been a while since I last posted and there's been a real shake up at work and my personal life One - I didn't move to a different shift as "suggested". In the last two months, three co-workers have left. One took a job working closer to his chosen career path....although he was one of the higher performing co-workers in the job....real enthusiasm, always cheerful. A second co-worker was working two jobs...and asked for a full time at their other job and the third was let go. Two - My mom had a stroke. She fell while leaving church, at first they thought it was heat related and so they transported her to the hospital where they began treating her for for blurred vision, headache, and some tingling. Bad things, those symptoms can occur with both people having heat exhaustion and also people having strokes. They did a CT scan and found that she was having a intracerebral hemorrhage. They got her stabilized and she spent a week in the stroke care facility of the hospital that we were at. I took a week off from work and was at her bed side for about 8-10 hours each day. I bought an coloring book and colored pencils, a new fidget spinner, a fidget cube. I brought my ipad with movies and headphones so that when she was sleeping, I had something to do. it's been a couple of weeks and she is now in rehab learning how to stand up, balance, and trying to learn to walk again. It's been a trying few weeks. Three - because of my mom and what is going on at work, I thought it would be interesting to see if there is something better. I applied for a manager job in a medical facility and thought nothing of it. I applied...got a rejection email....not surprised. At the suggestion from a co-worker, they said that I should contact the HR department and ask some clarifying questions but be respectful like "thank you for your response. Out of curiousity, could you explain in more detail what characteristics you were looking for in a candidate for this position?" I received an email reply last week, then the HR dept. called me and set up a phone interview. Now they invited me to do an face-to-face interview. Of course now I am having anxiety about it.
  13. Maxx55

    Just trying to hold it together

    morecoffee - that is the feeling that I am getting. I've asked a friend who works in HR for another company to review my resume and assist me with updating it and seeing how it can be improved.
  14. Maxx55

    Just trying to hold it together

    So....after signing off on Wednesday, I had a complete emotional breakdown.....shaking, crying, hyperventilating, and even throwing up a little....yes I know it was a panic attack and I was out Xanax and didn't get anymore because it was midnight.....I woke up the in the morning and serious contemplated not going into work and just take a sick day.....but I didn't....I went back in and made it through Thursday and Friday fine.....a little jittery and on edge, but I put my first foot forward. It's the weekend now and I have time to collect my thoughts and relax....or at least try too.
  15. Maxx55

    Just trying to hold it together

    Thank you Mayzee....I'll try my best....