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JW OLDBUSA

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About JW OLDBUSA

  • Birthday 03/25/1946

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    FLORIDA
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    AA ART MECHANICS BODY AND PAINT MOTORCYCLE SPORTBIKES

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  1. Untouchable, I feel the same way still after many years of treatment and meds. Don't wish to discourage you. Everybody has their level of sensitivity. I have PTSD from my family that started at about 5 years old. My thrps. said the longer you have it the harder it is to treat. I also have some from the Army that cleared up reasonably and doesn't bother me. I didn't get any positive support from family and was abused badly by some that just doesn't go away. Please get professional help somewhere. There places that take in low income. I went to one several years ago, United Way, I think? After trying to do myself in at 17, I stayed alive and could be around others by drinking! At 50 I hit bottom, stopped drinking and was alcoholic. Went to AA out of desperation and recovered right back into depression and all the phobias. (Had to go to AA meetings with people I didn't know!) I have been trying to evolve to a better life for 17 years. Still trapped in the same feeling and haven't grown much. Therapy is helping me change because I trust my therapist that she knows all about PTSD and what it does. No one in AA talked about it as it's not their program. They say go get outside help, I can only work at this without drinking so I stay in AA also. I still get triggered there and work, neighbors, and people anywhere. I'm learning to set boundries and defend them. I'm always full of fear about everything. There are anti depressants that help and others I take for bi-polar2. I hope yours is simpler and more manageable. I just want you to know there is someone else that understands that your feelings are real and understood.
  2. It sounds like you have some ptsd symptoms. I am no expert, but I've had it for 60 years. I believe the docs qualify it on how many symptoms you have. The frequency and for how long. I may be wrong. That sounds like your experience that was very life threatening. I also drank to cover it for over 30 years and became alcoholic. Although fairly functional, my ptsd popped out when I stopped drinking and went to AA. I have been struggling with ptsd now for 17 years sober now. Only diagnosed ptsd 6 years ago. Upgraded to severe this year.
  3. Tonight I have panic, shaking and am unfunctional. I have ptsd and always worked hard to try to please those around me. I've always worked hard at doing the impossible, to get recognism or acceptance. Working's my fantasy world. I'm zoned out when working. When others do give me positive input, it never registers in my brain. I'm still a worthless human that should just vanish. When I stop working on whatever I'm doing, I need to eat shower and sleep. I have new neighbors that freak me out: foreign, noisey and too many. Terrified, I had to confront them not to park in my yard, Turn down their loud music and too afraid to tell them to be quieter with 20 of them drinking, outside next to my mobile home that it sounds like they're in my house,'til late at night. This week I tried to find a solution with my therapist, that sounded good but not accomplished. Today I projected every minute today and tonight and couldn't even stay in my dream/work world. Tonight I just sat through a few hours of terror for me with them outside and noise. Afraid they'll do me some harm. I took a few extra meds and tried to work but was frozen. I came here to write it out. It's getting quieter now so I'll maybe sleep. I'll likely feel depressed as I missed work I could have done on the weekend. Even right this moment I should be finishing a task. I'm sorry if I disturbed this thread.
  4. I use Paxil with Lamotrigine, Buspirone and propranolol that help. Paxil is a must! I still have severe anxiety and depression with certain triggers. Only therapy has helped with these. I have only had some relief with all for the past 17 years. I'm a recovered alcoholic, so I can only use certain meds.
  5. Welcome to the forum. I hope you get better soon. You seem to be showing progress. I started paxil 15 years ago and it did take some time to be effective. We all are different responding to meds. Mine took about a month and I didn't notice it much, but like you I noticed a little less depression in the mornings. Those were always terrible. My boss told me I was much better at work, being social. Then I knew something was working. Let them have time to work in. Sometimes at first, I felt like a roller coaster of emotions. They settled with time. I had some deep rooted traumas in childhood buried in my memories that I unknowingly masked with alcohol until I stopped drinking at 50. It'sbeen a slow process for me. 6 years ago I hit another bottom with experiences that took me back to therapy and some new doctors and meds as well. I'm not saying yours will take this long, but paxil has kept me from the dark side for many years so I can still work on evolving from old issues. I take mood stabilizers for other illness and more for stress and emotional problems Mornings to me were always the hardest part of the day, barring anyone who triggered me through the day. By afternoon I started to feel better. Evenings I wondered why I felt bad in the a.m. You're not alone
  6. Your situation doesn't sound very good for you both. I had a close friend that was depressed like me and also PTSD. After a few years I had to stay away from her because we just brought each other down when together. I really liked her, but we weren't healthy enough to be together too much. As an adult I need to set boundries for my own well being. I'm still trying to learn that. I stay away from my Son because he doesn't like me. I stay away from others who are not good for me to be near. Especially those who want to manipulate me. I always attract them to me, but must learn to say that hardest word...."NO". Even to Relatives. There's no guilt in that, but it feels that way. My Son is grown and I need to love him enough to let him go on his journey and love my self enough to stay on whatever my journey is. I'm trudging along that with help from my therapist. No advise, Just my thoughts.
  7. You're not alone here. My son (in his 20s) cut me out of his life 15 years ago for reasons unknown to me. To not make more damage, I only could pray for him to find what he needs in life and for myself as well. He lives about a thousand miles away. I sent letters, tried calling, but gradually stopped that, and surrendered to it. If and when it's time for him to make contact, I'll hear from him. His Mom told me he has anger issues and I'm sure there are many ways he can want to reject me. Until then I need to work on me and my issues. My therapist helped a lot for that, as well as a spiritual program I have for other problems.
  8. Nova84, Grateful you're here sharing this. We are here to listen and have similar experiences. My depression and anxiety go with each other. The depression is what makes me want to give up and call it quits. Those feelings are terrible and they will pass. Please don't give up. Keep posting on here and we can help each other. It helps me to know that someone feels the same way I do. Traumas can certainly start this. You're not alone
  9. Good topic ImaDesho, I've been on the worse one for about 15 years. Paxil. I had docs along the way that told me I could try some other ones, but I was afraid to try and lose what the paxil does for me. I get that urge, but the physical doesn't work. (part of my PTSD also) I still think about it, but I know I'm incapable and just forget it. I try to replace it by just being nice to the oposite sex and let it go. I've had my share of marraiges and though a girlfriend would be wonderful. I'm 68 and too busy just trying to take care of myself.
  10. Yes, I can identify how stress can cause anxiety. For me anxiety is also part of depression from ptsd and bi polar depression. Most of my life I drank to cover it up. After stopping drinking 17 years ago, anxiety went obsessive. Being a recovered alcoholic, I can't take benzos or the like. I started paxil 14 years ago and therapy. through the years, I learned and used some techniques learned in aa. They help for me to be honest with my thinking, only if my meds are working. My thinking dictates what my life will be and I use some tools I learned to help them go positive. Now I'm also taking lamotrigine for mood swing stabilization and propranolol for some emotional stabilization. I'm still in therapy for ptsd and can still be triggered very easy. The paxil still works excellent for an ssri. If I miss a dose I go to that panic horror place very fast and can't stop it.
  11. RyaninOC, Years ago, I had that problem. Now it seems it only happens when I'm triggered from people or an event. Normally my meds and all the changes I've practiced in my life allow me to sleep ok. Now I look forward to it in my life. Last weekend I was triggered from neighbors, that brought a tornado of thoughts in my head from my ptsd past. I didn't sleep or feel comfortable in my home. I needed to practice if "I did all the right things I could do today" then let it go! If I "expect bad to happen in the future because of it", I'm powerless over that and let that go! If it was "something in the past that was wrong", That was gone and I had to let that go! I need to stay right in this minute and think good thoughts and go to sleep that I'm missing by just my thoughts. Most nights I don't need to use all that. Some nights my triggers won't ease at all. For a long time now I've been doing what I can do to fight these problems and we have that power if we practice them. Let the meds do what they can and if we can be honest with ourselves, we can do a lot. It's just not easy. Keep searching a solution and you're not alone in this!
  12. Hi, Everyone seems to have different reactions to these meds. Mine were similar and seemed to lighten after a few months. I still had some physical problems (nothing serious) from anxiety and depression as the meds didn't work on them all the time. I have been at 40 mg Paxil for 13 years and 6 years of Lamotrigine added for mood stabilizer. I take as minimum a dose as I can to be able to function at work better, but still my thinking is clouded and my short term memory is bad most days and I just don't feel very alert. I try to take less dosage sometimes and don't make it through the day before I start to panic. I have declined to change meds as the Doc said I could process a switch of meds to try to rid some of the side effects. I'm terrified that the meds would quit working and don't want to go there again. Just my experiences. Talk to your Doc if you have any problems or questions.
  13. Don't know about zoloft, I guess it's an ssri? I've been on paxil for 13 years now (an ssri). It took me 2 months to feel different and I didn't even know it until my boss told me I was changing. Then I realized how much more life was becoming manageable. It had been a roller coaster of emotions the first 2 months. Years later it still works extremely well. Other meds have been added for bi polar and other disorders. You should be able to think more honest with your life and those anxious thoughts. I found to just keep in today really helps. If I think about yesterday or what will happen tomorrow I get feeling bad, anxious or depressed. I wish you success with your meds and hope you feel better.
  14. After my trip to the Miami hospital Friday, (harassed again by another human) I isolated until Monday when I had therapy, I confessed to being triggered to planning a self destruct episode a week ago from other events of that week, so my P Doc. is monitoring me with some calls. I just can't deal with mean inconsiderate people.
  15. Florida gets crazier with snowbirds this time of year. Watching the weather up north, I understand why. I sometimes miss the seasons. Here it's pleasant or hot and humid. (My a/c is still cycling on these past few weeks.) I think they all just like to drive around, rush hours or not. They're not as noticeable now as it's crowded all year long. Snowbirds mostly moved here, I think. The roads have expanded only half enough, as time has passed. I don't go anywhere without plenty of cd's and a cup of coffee! If I can drive to work and back without anger, guilt or major depression, I know my meds are working well.
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