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MS83

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Everything posted by MS83

  1. Sad, very, very stressed and very, very worried.
  2. Hopeless. Everything I was counting on to help me financially has gone by the wayside due to the coronavirus and I have no way of making money. All the resources I find about working from home are either scams or something that I am not qualified to do. I am disabled because of my depression and anxiety and had an SSI court date set for late March but it was delayed because of the current situation. I'm not eligible for any financial help or aid I know of. I am so sad and devastated and don't know what to do.
  3. I've used a CPAP for seven years and have had two sleep studies. It does help me during the day but not as much as I was told it would.
  4. I have been denied for SSI three times. I received a letter from my attorney stating that she could no longer represent me because she does not handle cases at the next level of appeal which is the United States District Court. I am searching for a new attorney in my area but am having a difficult time doing so. Can anyone please tell me about the United States District Court and what it entails? I am unable to work because of anxiety, depression and sleep apnea. If I were able to work, I would. It would be easier than going through what this whole process has been. I am feeling the worst I've ever felt the past few days. Any information would be appreciated.
  5. Do you mean dreams while awake or asleep? Both really but mostly when I sleep. Is it the dreams that make you feel like you will be single for the rest of your life? I feel that way in general but my dreams just aggravate and add to how I feel. When you speak of "tips", do you mean tips for becoming free of the dreams or tips for becoming free of the feeling that you will be alone for the rest of your life or both or something else? Both. I've tried doing things that put me in a good frame of mind before going to sleep hoping that would help but it hasn't.
  6. For the past several weeks, I have been having a lot of dreams about being back with my ex-girlfriend that I'd rather not be having. It's driving me crazy for several reasons. Mostly it bothers me because I am single and feel like it's the way I will be for the rest of my life. Has anyone else dealt with this and/or do you have any tips? I don't know how much longer my heart and my sanity can take this.
  7. I don't know why being single has been such a bother to me lately but for whatever reason I've been very desperate in wanting to be with someone. I realize that there are a lot of benefits to being single but it is impossible for those reasons to outweigh what I feel in my heart. I terribly miss having someone to cuddle with, hold, etc. and my depression and anxiety only fuel my worries that I will never have that in my life again.
  8. Same thing happens to me. Needless to say it destroys what little confidence I have when trying to meet someone and adds to my worry about being alone for the rest of my life.
  9. I wish I had some helpful words of advice or some wisdom I could pass on to you but unfortunately I don't. The one thing that does help me somewhat is knowing that I'm not the only one who deals with depression and anxiety.
  10. Geeze, i wish I lived near you. It would be nice to meet/hangout with someone who understands my situation.
  11. Another month plus of dealing with this nonsense... it sucks. I wish I had someone to be close to. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to hug me.
  12. I've really been struggling the past several weeks and months and today was really a breaking point for me. I was out and about today and there were three occurrences that upset me emotionally. First, I saw someone who I had spoke to online a while back and was hoping to meet/date them but that never ended up happening. Second, I saw a client that my most-recent ex-girlfriend used to care for when she worked in a care home. Third, I saw another person whom I had spoke to online and met and hoped that things would work out in regards to a serious relationship but that ended suddenly and painfully. It seriously felt like this day was something set up by forces beyond my control for the sole purpose of someone else's amusement of my pain. Today just added to the frustration I've been enduring the for the past three months are so. I have been so unhappy and in so much pain. This is as bad as I have ever felt in my entire life and that's saying a lot. I feel absolutely worthless, useless and hopeless. I get so frustrated with myself because I'm unable to provide for myself. I am unable to get a job because my anxiety and depression is such a huge hurdle for me. Because of that, I'm in the process of trying to get on SSI which is a constant worry for me. I beat myself up every single day for being the way that I am because I don't have my own home or my own car and it feels like I will never have either. I'm 32 freaking years old and live with my grandmother. I also constantly worry about being alone for the rest of my life. I've been single for over two years and though I have tried to meet people as I mentioned above, nothing has worked out. I cannot even get people to actually meet me in person. It just adds to the cycle of internal grief and worry and wondering what is so wrong with me. I have pretty much given up hope that things will be better for me in any facet of my life. The more I've tried to help myself, the worse I feel. I've been on various medications the past several years and nothing has helped me. I've been to counseling but that hasn't helped me at all. I'm unable to lose weight partly because I have little energy all day. I've seen my doctor about my sleep apnea and have had two sleep studies done but I still have issues getting sleep. I'm having panic attacks on an almost nightly basis because I am so worried about how I will be able to take care of myself when the time comes and my grandmother is no longer around. I am so tired of people telling me that things will get better for me when they're only getting worse. I'm resigned to the fact that this is how things will be for me for the rest of my life, however long it is. Suicide isn't an option for me since I don't have the courage to do it but I'm at the point now where I'm pretty much just waiting my turn for when I die.
  13. Hopeless, helpless, very, very sad and alone.
  14. In past years I've been excited for the holiday season. This year I was dreading it because I knew it was going to be rough and it's been worse than I expected. I felt terrible yesterday and today has been exceptionally tough. I've been crying on and off all day and have felt very alone. So yeah... it hasn't been a very good Christmas for me.
  15. Single, unsatisfied with my current status and worried that it's always going to be this way for me for the rest of my life.
  16. I am. I'm starting to play WatchDogs on the PS3 but haven't got into it too much. I've been wanting to get a PS4 but haven't been able to do so yet.
  17. The small doughnut shop where I live has fantastic donut holes... which I'm craving right now... with some chocolate milk...
  18. Oh goodness have you ever had coca-cola out of a glass bottle? Here they only have them in cans, but when I went overseas several years ago the hotel we were at had glass bottled coca-cola... it was amaaazing. I've also heard Mexican coca-cola is great, because they use real sugar instead of processed stuff. Never had it, but I'd like to try sometime. And I don't even care for soda! I have had coca-cola out of a glass bottle. We used to have it here but hardly ever now though. I love coca-cola in a glass with ice. Caramel Fraps from Starbucks and all kinds of teas. I tend to drink only diet drinks most of the time now but I allow myself one coca-cola a week and one fancy coffee drink a week. I love coffee and I used to have an espresso machine but it broke. I miss it so! I'm buying a couple bottled Cokes for Christmas for myself as a special treat. For whatever reason, they just taste better.
  19. Up until yesterday, I listened to every song on every CD I owned. I ended up trading in a bunch that I didn't listen to regularly anymore.
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