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About estrauss

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  1. Here's a strange one for you. I am very grateful that my scrotum is expandable. I have a testicular hydrocele (basically giant testicle) and I am very glad that my scrotum can expand to accommodate it. Ethan
  2. estrauss

    Ridiculous exhaustion and oversleeping

    Long ago, when I first stored on Prozac, I felt more or less as you describe. Exhaustion is my typical response to any sort of stress and it is also one of the main symptoms of my depression. Anyhow, I slept for a day or two and then it got better. What you have described certainly sounds unpleasant, but I would not give up immediately. I would recommend taking tonight's dose and talking to your doctor tomorrow. If it is still knocking you out tomorrow this badly, I would probably stop. Exhaustion is not good for you, mentally or physically, either. I would also consider going back on the Venlafaxine if that works for your depression. I would much rather live without depression, but with high blood pressure and possible heart attack etc than have a longer depressed life. Ethan
  3. Hi, My wife wants a Service Dog for similar purposes. Note that a Service Dog is quite different from a pet and has way more extensive training. If you want that I would suggest you work with a professional to get the dog. If you want a pet to comfort you, I suggest a Golden Retriever. A Golden will always love you and want to snuggle and be petted at all times. They are a lot of work, need exercise and attention, and shed a lot, but they are the loviest dogs I know. Similar, but not needing quite as much attention and shedding a bit less are all types of retrievers. Good luck with it. Ethan
  4. Hi, I have had dysthymia for at least 30 years and nothing has really helped much. About a year ago I tried acupuncture and it seems to have helped in subtle ways. It is quite expensive (about $100 a session, 1 session a week), so I stopped going about 3 weeks ago. I have been feeling considerably worse since then. It is hard to say if the lack of acupuncture is the cause as there has been a lot of stressful stuff going on. I am going to try a different, cheaper, acupuncturist and see what happens. The changes I noticed with acupuncture were strange, but definitely good. I didn't really feel any change in surface level happiness/depression, but I felt like there was deep change in my outlook on life. I no longer felt like suicide was the right answer for everything. I no longer felt the deep deep dread of everything I feel right now. Still unhappy, but kinda shallower unhappy. Anyway, the deeper badness seems to be back now. As I mentioned I am going to try more acupuncture and I will probably go back to the expensive Dr. if the cheaper one doesn't do it. My experience was different from many described here in that I also got Tui Na (sometimes described as Chinese Medical Massage) which involved the Dr. pummeling me. He was also very lax about things like making sure I was comfortable with what was going on. I liked him, but his manner is not going to work for everyone! Ethan
  5. estrauss

    What replaces depression?

    Thank you all. I do think I need to develop new habits & outlooks. I am not sure how, but I will work on it. Ethan
  6. I think my depression is easing, but I don't know if I like that! It is really weird. I think one way to describe it is that I used to feel "I am depressed", but now I feel like I am person with depression. I am still really unhappy, but it no longer feels like an so integral a part of me. This sounds good. I think it is good. But I feel like I have lost an integral part of me. Where there was depression, there is now a hole. Where I used to be numb, I now have pain. It is not comfortable. When I feel bad my go-to internal response has long been "Oh well, life sucks. Hopefully I'll die soon." and then I pushed on with a dull ache. Now, when I feel bad my internal response is more like "Oww! Owww! Owww!" and I don't know what to do with that. On the other hand, the dull ache is eased and the "Owww" does not last forever. This change started about a month ago when I started getting acupuncture for depression. I never would have thought acupuncture would help depression, but it certainly seems to be doing something. The new feelings seem very tentative & fragile, but I think they are real. I think that the change might be "all in my head", but that's where depression lives, so I guess that's OK. I have officially had disthymia for about 20 years and unofficially at least 10 years longer than that, so the depression has long settled in and made itself at home. I don't think it wants to leave and I am not even sure I want it to. Thanks for listening. Ethan
  7. estrauss


    Thank you all for your responses. I basically agree with everything and I know there are things I could/should do, but I can't bring myself to do them. Ethan
  8. estrauss

    Can a massage therapy help to overcome depression?

    Hi, I have been depressed for many years now. I go to therapy pretty regularly and take drugs for depression. That helps, but I am still depressed. Just recently (3 weeks ago) I started getting acupuncture & massage for depression. It does seem to help a little, but I have not been doing it long enough to really know. Even if it is not helping my depression, it is certainly helping my bad shoulder! If you can afford it, I would recommend you give it a try. What do you have to lose? But it is quite expensive.... Ethan
  9. estrauss


    Of course I'm broken! Don't mean to be rude, but brokenness has become a central part of my self image. (knee jerk response. I don't mean it 100% seriously)
  10. estrauss

    People have it worse than me

    I am the same. Decent parents. Decent childhood. Good education. Good job. Lovely wife. Good kids (about to graduate college even!) Enough money. Etc etc etc and always sad. Always always..And then I feel bad for feeling bad which makes me feel bad.Repeat Depression is a real Biotch regardless of your background or situation. Ethan
  11. estrauss


    I am lonely. I have never had many friends, but now my wife seems really distant. I feel really lonely and needy and try to get affection from her, but I think I am too needy & she pulls away., Then I get lonelier & needier and she pulls further away. Or maybe that is me projecting what I think she is doing because I don't like myself. I don't know. I have opportunities to hang out with other people. Things like eating with people at lunch at work, but I actively avoid it and then feel lonely. I don't know if I am sabotaging myself and why. It seems to be getting worse as I get older (I am 52...) Ethan
  12. estrauss

    Should I Be Concerned About This?

    Or, if you can't / don't want to talk to the doc, talk to your pharmacist. I have found them to be very helpful and kind.
  13. estrauss

    Must I take care of myself?

    So, I had some blood tests the other day & just got the following from my Doctor: Your blood sugar is quite high, in the diabetic range. I would like to get a hemoglobin A1C with your next blood test in a few weeks. I will get back to you when those tests are back. Let me know if you have questions in the mean time. So, I may have diabetes (I have a lot of risk factors. It's not a surprise). Now what. I guess the same question as above. Ethan
  14. estrauss

    Must I take care of myself?

    I think you are collectively correct. I really should take the drugs if only to avoid a non-lethal stroke or other medical disaster. I do want to avoid bad outcomes and there are absolutely outcomes worse than death! I would like to be able to take care of myself because it feels inherently worthwhile, but I don't think that's gonna happen :-( Thanks for all the replies. Ethan
  15. Hi, I am depressed (officially hypothymia). I am not suicidal. Well, not really. I have lots of suicidal ideation, but no intention of actively ******* myself. So, now my issue. My Dr. says I should take routine Blood Pressure and Cholesterol drugs. Assuming that the drugs will, in fact, improve my health, should I take them? My initial thought is "Why would I want to make myself healthier. That'd only make me live longer!". But I don't know. On the whole, I don't see being alive as being a good thing for me. My family wants me alive. Do I have an obligation to conform to standard self care for them? Do I have an obligation for myself? Anything else? Should I take the drugs because they will prevent problems (like stroke or heart attack, but not death), which I really don't want? This issue has me really unsure of what I think. Society's very strong assumption that life is to retained at all cost make thinking about it hard for me. I would be interested in any discussion. Thanks, Ethan