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About IanHulett

  • Birthday 04/13/1994

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  1. I take 800 mg of Seroquel per day for my bipolar disorder. Recently, I've been dealing with muscle spasms above my eyes, in the corner of my right eye, in my forehead, and in my arms, legs and soles of my feet. I spoke to a doctor, he had a blood test done, and said there was nothing wrong. He said it might be a side effect of one of my meds, possibly my seroquel. Can this be true? I have also been switched from Vyvanse to Concerta a few months back, right about when I first remember having them. Could it be one or both of these meds? Or could there be other causes? Thanks a bunch.
  2. One of the many forms of bullying I had to repeatedly suffer through happened during class when I would ask questions. I would ask about science subjects, and other subjects that interested me, and try to gather as much information I could, in order to make the best of my curriculum. Two of my teachers were bullied every day by the students. Because I could relate due to suffering myself, I decided to sympathize and be literally the ONLY student willing to learn, because I knew that they believed that if they could teach just one student, their job would be worth it. Nobody else was willing to learn. In fact, some days literally ended up as a 1 on 1 lesson, where it was just me and the teacher, because everybody else would either leave the class or get kicked out for being disruptive. Unfortunately, I tend to lose focus every now and then, because of my ADHD, so I ended up asking questions that were already answered, and it resulted in me being ridiculed, and made fun of and treated like dirt by my classmates. It happened every day, and caused a lot of stress. It stopped after I graduated highschool. But then I went to a forum and asked if a certain order/style/combination of notes played on a musical instrument, could trigger a person who was already struggling with depression, and they saw the question as a joke, and an insult, so I ended up getting bullied instead of getting a real answer, then I asked how I delete my account and I was told I was throwing a tantrum, and next thing I know, I've been triggered. I can't post a question on a forum, or a comment anywhere online without fear of people attacking and making fun of me, and after I post the comment or question, I begin suffering from anxiety, because all that's going through my head is people are going to bully and laugh at me, and worse, it's hard to talk about my feelings without worrying people will accuse me of telling a "sob story" or being told I'm just looking for attention.
  3. I explain some issues I've had in the past regarding bullying, physical assault, sexual harassment/sexual bullying, being abandoned by my biological father at age 4, surviving a house fire that killed 4 of my cats, I mention being humiliated for finding the same sex romantically attractive, and for not finding either sex sexually attractive, why should I mention anything in my past if people are just going to say I'm just an attention *****? They say talking about troubling things with people and opening up is the first step to recovery. That's not the case with me evidently. People assume I'm spouting a sob story and say my depression is a joke. Come out as a bully, everybody hates you. Come out as a victim of bullying, nobody believes you, and everybody ridicules you. What's the point of any of this?
  4. I've always believed that when speaking of bipolar disoder, that depression was a phase, because in bipolar disorder, it's a constant fluctuation from depression to mania and back, but now I'm not so sure. I know that clinical depression isn't a phase, I know that, I lack knowledge of other areas of the topic, I'll admit that, and even though I have bipolar disorder, I'm willing to admit I don't know everything about it. So, is it accurate to say when discussing bipolar disorder that depression is a phase in bipolar disorder? Or is that incorrect? Thx. The reason I'm asking is because Bipolar disorder and Clinical Depression are two separate mood disorders, and as a skeptic, I don't like to assume something about another topic I lack knowledge of just because I know something about a related topic.
  5. Unfortunately, because my insurance was canceled a month ago (Thanks a lot dad) and they refuse to restart my coverage again until the first, of DECEMBER, I'm all out of every stinking pill. So, I'm feeling incredibly miserable and suffering from moderate withdrawal soon to be major I'll bet casino money that that's true. It's very likely, I may even lose the ability to feel empathy at some point. I have psychopathic tendencies (when on meds, they need to be triggered, but when off them, it's only a matter of time) which is why I'm on meds in the first place, so please don't hate me for those psychopathic tendencies. I ask because Psychopaths are treated like animals even by other mentally ill people who are supposed to understand and treating me like that because of this will only make things worse for me and may trigger that sooner just like harassing a depressed person could cause that person to become even more depressed. I'm on anti-psychotic drugs which make it that much easier to feel if only my insurance wasn't rejected. So, I'm hoping by decreasing the stress, I can push that MAJOR issue past december 1st. So, do you have ANY tips on reducing withdrawal so I can get through this period of misery before it's too late? Thanks a bunch.
  6. Sadly, I'm dealing with a pervert on a Q&A website, and it's causing me to have multiple feelings at once. Every time we finally get rid of him, he signs up with a different account and sexually harasses me and a few other users there. Everybody else he just trolls with no sexual remarks. If he's not in the same state as me, it may cost money I don't have in order to press charges and get him out of my life forever. The admins for the website are lazy as hell and thus anybody can join the site. How do you deal with online sexual harassment if you can't do anything to stop it? Thanks a bunch.
  7. Not sure where this post goes so I apologize if it's in the wrong place. On June 11th, my aunt audrey died of a stroke. I was in tears at the funeral, they were playing Be Not Afraid, and that was one of my favorite hymns. After about a week or two, I stopped crying over her loss. Now, when I thought I was over it, I played Be Not Afraid, just because I haven't heard it in a while and evidently it's a trigger, because I cannot stop crying. Can someone tell me how I can get over the loss of a loved one? How do I take the trigger out of a song so I can enjoy it again? It's one of my favorite hymns and I don't want to have to avoid it the rest of my life. Thanks a bunch.
  8. I think I'm going in to talk to my psychiatrist about this on monday, because I had another one last night and it was so bad, I went beyond willingness to fight. I was willing to beat any person who approached me literally until they stopped screaming, breathing and moving. I also experienced sweating, and my limbs became weak and almost numb, along with constantly checking my surroundings (Those with everything else I listed above). I literally became a danger to myself and those around me, so that means anybody who would've approached me to see if I was okay was in danger. I wanted to ask the police for help, because there were two police cars but then I panicked when the same thought that drove the panic attack occurred in my head, so I never asked for help. It's the first time I was truly afraid of the ones who could've helped me. I've never had this problem before. I'm very worried. And one more thing: I just checked my pulse, but my problem is I don't think I'm having a panic attack currently. I'm not exhibiting any symptoms, but my pulse is 93 bpm. I woke up about an hour ago and just ate breakfast, so that probably affected my pulse. Do you have any tips for determining what pulse symbolizes a panic attack that way I can check my pulse next time and know?
  9. I have been miserable before, but not like this. I don't react very much to physical pain anymore. For example, if a hammer gets knocked over accidentally and slams my foot, the pain is there, but I'm so emotionally and physically drained, that I don't worry about relaxing the pain. Instead, all that goes on in my mind is "Do I really care that I'm in physical pain? I've got bigger issues to worry about." So, I'm worried that the next step is self harm, in fact, I'm BEYOND worried. I'm terrified. Can you please tell me if I'm not far from becoming a danger to myself and those around me?
  10. I have recently learned that I am an Asexual, meaning I don't experience sexual attraction to people. When I accepted it, I was only uninterested in a sexual relationship. Then people online kept telling me I was full of crap, and over the past 2 weeks, I've started becoming afraid and repulsed. So, now, not only do I lack sexual attraction and interest in a sexual relationship, but I was told that my reactions are symptoms of a panic attack. Things I experience are: a tightness in my chesta harder and faster heartbeatdiscomfort and dreadtremorsirregular and louder breathingthe feeling of physical danger and readiness to fightAlso, sexual activity is on my mind a lot, not as something I long for, but as something I'm afraid of... deeply. Everything sounds sexual and every movement makes me fear that unwanted sexual activity is imminent. Can someone confirm that these are panic attacks? If they are, could these panic attacks be a symptom of Erotophobia? Or am I just terrified as part of my depression? I don't want this to ruin my entire life. I don't want this fear from keeping me from getting married, or even ruin my relationship with my girlfriend.
  11. Hey. My name is Ian Hulett. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder w/Psychotic Features 16 years ago. I didn't realize how serious it was until yesterday when I found out I began the WORST depression phase I've ever experienced in my life. This morning when I went to see my psychiatrist, as I was in the waiting room, I've realized that the off and on periods of sadness I felt went deeper than sadness, that it was actual depression. My phases can last for months. Yesterday, I woke up to the thought of wanting to **** myself followed by the urge to attempt it. Other things I was feeling at the time include a feeling of worthlessnessFeeling like I let my family downFeeling like nobody in my family loves or cares about meCrying off and onNot wanting to get out of bedSomeone can tell me a joke, I'd force a smile, and if it was really good, I'd probably chuckle for a few seconds, but then return to my miserable stateI went to the hospital after researching what type of depression I could be dealing with. They examined me and made sure I was okay, then they sent me home. For the first time ever in my life, I envied the happiness of the people around me. As of today, I've begun starting to feel slightly sluggish as if moving my arm to grab my computer mouse is a real workout. Three days ago, the song "Jesus, Take The Wheel" was one of the least depressing songs on my Christian playlist, however listening to that song today, I've discovered it now makes me cry. I'd love to say this is my final day of feeling miserable, but #1, that's not how Manic Depression works, and #2, my life is just as miserable today as it was yesterday, maybe worse. The only difference is today, I'm not feeling suicidal. However, considering what happened yesterday, I've put the national suicide prevention hotline number on my contact list of my cellphone in case I end up feeling so suicidal that I've mapped out a plan. Then hopefully I'd be sane enough to at least try and go there to make an attempt to be talked out of it. What's worse is I've been prescribed Effexor XR for this phase of depression and I cannot take it yet because it's addictive and addiction runs in my family. So, now I have to remain miserable for an entire week before I can talk to my psychiatrist on monday. How do we go on feeling so miserable, knowing that death is inevitable? How do we get over the fact that no matter what we do, we'll eventually lay on our final bed waiting to leave this world? How can we even wake up every day, knowing that we live in a world that is filled with pain and suffering?
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