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Everything posted by FallenStar

  1. Specifically speaking as a woman, all I can say is you really need one piece of advice: cherish her. And for men, I'd say support goes a long way with them. Many don't get enough of it or any at all. On a different note: As an observer one thing I notice regularly is so many people take their partners for granted. They don't really understand how lucky they are to have someone that loves and wants them. Some of us never had the experience. So please, man or woman, cherish, love, and support your partner 100%.
  2. Depression is a symptom as you stated and I have log suspected an autoimmune illness as the cause. I've had two doctors recommend testing for it due to a host of other symptoms. True, my psychiatrist knows best so you'd think the doctor would at least give me advice for at home treatment. How can they really know? I also get sick a lot with no explanation which has thankfully been narrowed down to two things. My encounters with no treatment have been tied to depression due to this. So when I did catch something, they wouldn't treat. Time will tell if it truly is depression or not.
  3. Hopefully I'm not alone here but it seems whenever I become sick, doctors tell me one thing every single time. It's the depression. How is it possible that every cold, flu, or infection is strictly due to my depression? Im not receiving medical care anymore or even being looked over to see if I am sick. I explain my symptoms and am told right away it's my depression. I haven't had medical care in almost a year now. Every cold, strep throat, or whatever infection I catch goes untreated. Does anyone else have this problem? This isn't limited to a certain Doctor. It's every doctor I've encountered since my diagnosis. Why don't we have any rights to be legitimately treated for common illnesses? Maybe it's due to my location, I don't know anymore. It just doesn't seem humaine. Whenever I have a concern I'm not sure if I can find a doctor who will believe me.
  4. I also wanted to add how doctors won't even treat me for a simple cold. They see I have been diagnosed with depression and I'm told it must be the depression Even when I've had to visit the ER for a possible stroke, that's what I was told. Yes, it's the depression.
  5. Yes, people don't get it. In my opinion, it's because they don't want our depression to rub off on them. I'm always told I ruin someone's day when I rant. It's not like a daily thing or even over the top. But, since I have depression, im always "overreacting". Funny how they don't think of themselves in the same light when they complain more than me!
  6. This is mostly a rant but I've noticed a very common thing amongst those not depressed. Whenever I try to talk to anyone I know, friend or family, they are only concerned about how they feel. No one wants to listen to me vent or let off some steam about things that bother me because it "dampens their mood" or "ruins their day". I'm so sick of this answer when I feel down and I rarely vent to begin with. Whenever anyone I care for needs a vent, I listen, show empathy, and try to make them feel happy. When it's me, they could care less since it doesn't involve them or how they feel. It's not a me, me, me conversation. It involves someone other than themselves, therefore, it isn't something they want to be involved in. i have a hard time understanding this crazy selfishness. No wonder those of us with depression feel the way we do. I finally get it and now feel like a burden to the world. They'd all be much happier without depressed people to "ruin their day". From this day on, it might benefit me to not have feelings toward anyone. At the end of the day, it's all about them. Even after you've offered your kindness. Maybe I should finally make everything all about me. Maybe I'd feel better that way.
  7. When I was young, I was the target for the school bullies. One thing I can tell you is you are someone they decided to focus on for one reason or another. I can almost promise you that they didn't pick you for personal reasons. I say this because from grades 6-9, I was bullied and very badly. There was one girl who made fun of me everyday throughout the duration of my middle school years. After starting high school, I ran into an old friend who was friends with this girl. I tried to avoid being introduced but I went with it anyway. Turns out, she had no idea who I was. Keep in mind, she bullied me nearly every day for three years straight. That's when I realized these bullies only wanted a form of entertainment and that actually made me feel a little better. It was never me, never my personality, or interests. So, I would not take this bullying to heart. Your best defense in the meantime, is becoming assertive. You'd be surprised how quickly people will back off if you show them you don't want to be bothered. And by the way, I ended up being one of the only successful people from my high school. Keep your head up high and remember they are only trying to get a reaction out of you. They say success if the best revenge so why not do your best to show them you are better than that. Show them you don't need to use other people to get that feeling of superiority. You are superior and need to do nothing to prove it.
  8. For the past few years, I have been praying regularly for God to take away my loneliness and pain. The heartbreak I experience from my depression and bring rejected by everyone has really weighed down on my soul. I strongly believe that God hears ours prayers as many of my prayers (and others') have been answered. But this time, God won't even point me in the right direction. Now I've become angry, resentful, and feeling even more rejected. All I will ever have is a sad, lonely life. The loneliness for human contact has become so overpowering that in the past 6 months alone, I've attempted suicide numerous times. Still, God just won't answer my prayers. It has come to the point where I am really questioning my belief. I really don't understand why God wants me to hurt so much? It's as if he's doing it just so he can laugh at me. I have reached the point where I feel completely defeated. Does he want me to die? Does he want me to have a miserable life? I don't understand any of this anymore.
  9. Recently, I've experienced what I believe are hallucinations. My depression or anxiety has caused me to believe I'm sick to the point of needing a doctor. The doctor was puzzled by my symptoms and every test was normal. There is nothing wrong yet I feel physically ill. I'm sure this isn't the first time this happened since I didn't see a doctor the last few times I was sick. I understand both of my illnesses can cause my mind to believe this. Is this something to mention to my psychiatrist or are hallucinations best kept quiet?
  10. I hate wanting to go out and do something fun only to become more depressed by seeing so many happy people. They just seem so happy and are actually having fun. My energy is always low so going out is a challenge in itself. That's when I come home surrounded by people who tell me they hate living with me. I only wish I made a significant salary to move.
  11. I've been on 400mg for a month which started out great. Suddenly I've become very suicidal to the point where I have to stop myself from commiting the act. I'm planning to tell the psyc. it helps then go off and just stop treating my depression for good.
  12. Thanks for your encouraging words. It is appreciated when others offer support. I've actually been divorced for years now and tried dating for about 2.5 years. I gave up completely about a month ago. All I could find were more abusive men, those who wanted to use me, and the good guys wanted someone extremely attractive/outgoing with an enriched, adventurous life. I'm the epitome of the girl next door so it's always an instant rejection. Anyway, these are the specifics that led to this point. And sometimes I too just need a hug so thank you for your above emoticon.
  13. Many of us know how you feel, exact. I am religious and believe I'm being punished for some reason. I think because I divorced someone who turned out to be a dangerous person. Whenever something improves, it's destroyed not long after starting. I honestly do believe there is something unexplainable in existence that determines our luck.
  14. Feel more miserable than I ever have; like I'm reaching the end of my rope. Just realized the holidays are in full force. All I see are masses of happy couples/families which destroys what's left of my broken heart. Also occurred to me that I believe I am being punished, perhaps karma, for leaving someone that abused me. This means never being able to have another partner. I've already killed everyone's happiness today because of my depression. Yep, I ruined he holidays like many other things . So, I took it upon myself to take a sleeping pill so I will lay somewhere quietly and sleep the whole day. That way, I won't be a burden to everyone.
  15. For me, it's not having someone to share a deep, loving bond with. I have no one and those who are interested end up being bad people or just thoughtless. Everyday, my heart breaks a little more as I accept that I may always be alone. Every time I come remotely close to having a relationship, it's nothing more than a mirage or an imminent rejection. Then the pain of loneliness covers me like a dark winters night and my tears can no longer be contained. Standing alone in the midst of a world filled with happy couples has carved a hole in my heart. Most people can go out into the cold world then come home to their love. They get comfort, hugs, reassurance, and best of all: they mean something to someone. This is something I'll never know; something I can only dream of while others have likely thought nothing of it. I have no one to talk to, no one to share things with, and no one to treat well to offer my faithful love to. Oh well. Back to staying busy so I can pretend it's not painful.
  16. Taking joy in my collecting hobby which takes my mind off things. The pieces are like puzzles I work to complete.
  17. Meds I've taken in the past (Pristique, Effexor) left me feeling that way. Now I'm on bupropion which makes me feel more human.
  18. Dating can be overwhelming, especially if you've had so many unpleasant experiences. There really isn't anything I can suggest for feeling overwhelmed other than to look at it as not a big deal. I agree with going slow but know that many people are in a rush to get started. Don't let them dictate how you proceed and don't be afraid to walk away from those people. I would also suggest reminding yourself that dating is getting to know another person. Just like with our friends, it takes time and effort to reach a comfortable place with another.
  19. Recently, I also switched from Celexa to bupropion. I recall the brain zaps to be the hardest to overcome. Once that passed, the unnatural joy Celexa caused faded and I began to have other emotions. After being on bupropion for almost 6 months, my dosage has increased to 300mg/day. This is to better help my symptoms as I was on the baby dose. I found your post to be helpful so please keep sharing your experience.
  20. The past few days, I've been so tired. It feels like I haven't rested or slept when I've had plenty of both. Sometimes I just want to sit at home in the silence. Depression just sucks away my energy. Even with medication and vitamins I'm still so exhausted! Not to mention my entire body aches like I have the flu (yet I'm perfectly healthy).
  21. It's understandable what you're going through. I'm in my early thirties and single. I wonder too if I'll find someone but I've got many years left as do you. They say women over 30 have it worse since we're aging. I've got no worries in the end since life offers me so much. Try focusing on hobbies or goals you may have. In time, you'll find that your mind may shift to other things. That's not a promise but it's worth a shot.
  22. If you think about it, everyone is expendable. What sets you apart from others is how well you carry yourself. Take pride in what you do and it will show. Like others have said, it may not be your title or duties that is the issue but the employer. I've had my fair share of terrible workplaces where my work quality suffered due to this. There is nothing wrong with what you do, however. I used to work the lowest positions in retail and would have given anything to have a position like yours. It is still respectable in many work environments and envied by many.
  23. It seems it's easy for others to categorize us in order to elevate themselves. There is no such thing as normal, only what the majority see as acceptable. While I've never had anyone insult me directly, I've heard enough ill discussions in general. There's nothing we can do to stop it but having one more person who understands can make a difference.
  24. Over the past few years, I've taken the time to learn more about depression and how to cope with it. I've always had anxiety so I handle it well. One thing I've noticed is how people often described those with mental illnesses as bad or abnormal. It's like they see us as a burden on society. It's sad that this seems to be the majority of people's opinions. I take medication and do therapy for my illness. No one outside immediate family realizes I have depression/anxiety. So am I still a bad person? Why do people act like we have some contagious disease? Some people will not be friends with you or not want to begin any relationship because they assume you'll be too dramatic. It just makes me angry to know many still see us as unstable, irresponsible burdens. Sadly, I don't believe the ridicule will ever stop.
  25. Today I feel terrible. I've basically spent the past 2 days in bed. Haven't been able to stop crying since last night. The only that made me feel better was going to work because it requires so much focus.
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