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About angeleswings

  • Birthday 11/15/1983

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  • Gender
  • Location
    United States
  • Interests
    Music, Sewing, Painting, Drawing, Physics

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  1. I totally get the not trying in order to protect myself. I do a little too much of that in my life. I can't wait to see my psych doctor and get the results of my DNA test. I'm not sure what information I will get from it, but I'm excited either way. That will be Nov. 10th. Close to my birthday!
  2. I don't know if I will go back to Physics. Just trying to live one day at a time right now.
  3. I'm in a similar situation, not at work, but in my own home. Some times it's nice to know I'm not alone in what I struggle with.
  4. Scienceguy, I was majoring in Physics, and at the school I attended we studied a little bit about a lot of different types of Physics, but not a lot about any of them. I really liked quantum mechanics. I would have liked to study thermodynamics more in depth, but the class for that didn't count towards the major, and I was doing a double major. In the end I minored in Physics and majored in Music... mostly because of the depression, I couldn't keep up with the massive amount of studying for Physics.
  5. Also, not sure about the simple-mindedness of others. Since I studied physics I have plenty of intelligent people to talk to.
  6. This... so this. The first half I can't say much about. I can't seem to space out or empty my head ever. I would like to be able to. But this last part. Yes. and it's sad.
  7. This is very scary to hear. I too hope there is some sort of resolution to your problems, Flizzle.
  8. I normally don't give advice, but if I could... I would say, study boundaries and what it means to set them. I've noticed for me this helps with those who want to heap crap on me. I live with someone who is very difficult and emotionally damaged, so I have to figure out how to make a safe place for myself in spite of the obstacles. I'm so sorry that things are becoming hard for you. I am approaching the end of my own respite from the "real" world. I have to leave my safety of healing and support groups and go back to work. I won't stop my support groups but it's going to be a major change.
  9. Fizzle, that reminds me, I was going to tell Dark Nights that here in the USA there are stores (usually called game and hobby stores) where people get together for the purpose of playing board game, especially the kind that you like to play. Maybe they have something like that in Norway!
  10. Went to an interview and turned it down, on purpose! Kind of proud of myself for that. I've never turned down a job before, I've always just said yes to everything.
  11. I'm going to try to respond, but be aware I took cold medicine and I'm tired and out of it. It sounds like you are human, and that's a good thing. It just sounds like you are scared to share that humanness with another person. That's okay for now. I have noticed with my recovery it's just about doing it. Every day committing to the process of healing. That process is different for each person. For me it's support groups, this forum, and therapy. For you it seems to be this forum (for now) and that coming here and writing is keeping you accountable to trying to keep going. That's good. That's a good place to be. I'm 6 months in to my committed healing. In celebrate recovery they give out chips (like they do with Alcoholics Anonymous). They give these chips for being abstinent in whatever way a person defines being abstinent. For me being abstinent from the negativity in my life only means that I show-up. I show up to my support groups and I show up to the challenges that are laid before me. I'm 6 months into that process so I got a 6 month chip this week. It was supposed to be a celebration, but I didn't feel like celebrating. I cried most of the night (which was awkward because I sing in front of people at these support meetings). I had to force myself to stop crying long enough to sing. I felt like I wasn't making progress and that I wanted to give up. I was so sad because all of these people love me at these meetings and I felt like I was letting them down. I realize now that I was being codependent. It doesn't matter if I'm letting them down. I'm not doing my recovery for them. I'm doing it for me. Where I am at is where I am at. As long as I stay "abstinent" which just means show up, then I am doing all that I am supposed to do. So you have this forum. Maybe you can use it for healing for the time being. Then you would know if you were slipping away from healing if you "quit" the forum. Anyway, it's just an idea. Moving on from depression or working through it (or in spite of it) is really tough. As the forum says, non of us should go through this alone. You being here helps us too. Okay, so I hope all of that made sense. I'll probably come back and edit my grammar when I'm not on cold medicine and super tired. Please pardon my spelling and grammar until then.
  12. The dress thing is something I found on the internet. I just kept seeing articles about not wearing them. I was starting to think about temping. It's easier to get into jobs you didn't know existed that way. I may look into that. My husband works so we aren't horribly off financially, but we aren't well off. I definitely agree that I need to make sure I'm building my health and sanity day by day and continue to work towards stability. The "career" will slowly come into being. This has been quite a learning experience for sure. I don't think it would be wise for me to follow (pursue) retail because of the fluctuating schedule. I'm starting to realize that the instability contributes to my depression. I think I'm learning that the reason I'm changing my mind so much is that such a big part of me is trying to be something or someone I'm not, to impress the people in my life. Whenever I'm true to myself I stop changing my mind. I have a leaning towards self-employment, whenever I fight that I start to feel crazy. I need to learn some confidence and go into tutoring and still do my art. The tutoring can become stable and the art I believe I can turn into a career. I know it sounds crazy, but people have been telling me I have the talent to make it with my art my whole life. However, I know that I need another source of income before I get to making money with my art. I did once sell a portrait for 70$. I know I'm capable if I can get over my insecurities and self-doubt. The depression for me is debilitating. I can't wait to meet my new psychiatrist. I was looking for one for about a year.
  13. Well, the good news is that it's hiring season for retail. If you can let go of having a "nice" job they are hiring in droves now. I feel the same way though. I don't mind retail but I can't sell a store credit card. I guess I should say I refuse to. When I think about how far I've fallen from being that over-achiever in school, I cringe too. I realize now that I want to stay mindful. In this present moment I am not being berated by anyone. Actually most hours I'm not being berated by people. So, I am working towards using the hours where I am not being belittled and I'm attempting to use them towards getting out of this massive hole I have dug myself. It's a slow process and it's embarrassing when I do have to explain myself to someone, but since I am putting forth effort, I believe there will come a day when I do not feel so ashamed. I do think having any job does help move a person towards a dream job. If there are no jobs in a person's recent work history then it looks like the person has too much pride for a lessor job, or that they just aren't a nice employable person. Some times it takes doing a crap job to move up to a non-crap job. I don't know anyone who didn't do it this way, except my genius brother. He's a freaking genius though. Wait, I take that back. Even my genius brother worked several years as a stocker at Walmart.
  14. As far as I know we don't have programs like that in the USA, so much luck.
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